DEAR JACK,
Losing a fight is only half the battle.
Everything that follows that loss
Takes away pieces of you.
Go ahead and lose that part of you.
Over time, those missing pieces are what makes you, you.
❂
BOBBY HAD MARY HELP KEEP THE CAMP IN CHECK WHEN HE HAD OFTEN LEFT WITH JACK TO SAVE SURVIVORS TO BRING BACK. Camp life had been simple enough to handle but on the other hand, had felt that Mary had often found herself struggling more with her personal life.
When Jack had arrived back home, she made quick work of finding him to find a sense of peace, or at the minimum, some help. She had followed closely behind him as they made their way through the trees, listening to the story of Balthazar's army coming for an attack and how they had stopped it.
Jack had never felt more right with the world as he spoke. This is what he had always wanted-- saving people just as Sam and Dean had. However, he couldn't help but notice the opposite reaction from Mary. "You're not happy? This is the third battle in a row that we've won."
"Jack, I know. I..." her voice had trailed off as she had motioned around her with a defeated sigh. "We're running out of space and supplies. And now with all those new people... I just don't know how we're gonna take care of everybody. I can barely... I can barely take care of Rose." She took in a deep breath. "And Constance, I can't keep her off Rose and now they talk... Are you sure about what happened out there?"
"I know what I saw. She killed her and she didn't seem to mind." Jack's eyes fell to the ground. "I can stay at camp, be a distraction. She'd want to be with me."
Mary reached out and took Jack's hand in hers. She gave a gentle squeeze that allowed for him to look back up towards her. "I know you like her... but this is different now. If we can make her better... Take that woman away from her..."
"Sam and Dean would do the same," Jack reassured. It had felt wrong asking Rose to leave Constance after she had already lost so much family, but everything about this had felt wrong. "We're her family."
Mary dropped his hand. "Jack, if Sam and Dean come... when they come... One of us has to tell them what really happened. We don't know what stories Constance has been putting into her head but everyday, they just seem to get closer. Rose seems annoyed but she's like that with everyone now." Her eyes quickly shifted to the pair of soldiers making their way over towards them and she grabbed Jack by the wrist and gently guided him in a new direction, out of ear shot. "She's hurt people, Jack. They're not accidents anymore. If she sticks to this path..."
"I can talk to her," he stated, not needing to hear much more. He had heard plenty from the stories that had begun to drift around camp. She hadn't been allowed on trips to save people causing her anger to only grow, constantly feeling excluded and pulled further into isolation.
"No, no. I should for now," Mary whispered. "I'll... I'll find her, talk to her and see if she'll talk to me. Sam and Dean are my boys and they'd expect me to look after you two. What kind of mom am I if I can't do this?"
Jack had looked to her, seeing as she had waited for him to respond. He had nothing to say. Jack had seen Mary as a perfectly fine mother even if he had not known her long. All he knew is that none of this had been her fault, she had tried to bring Rose with her and away from Constance and sent him to safety. She was doing what she could with a world that was only continued to crumble around them.
❂
MARY HAD SENT FOR CONSTANCE TO TEND TO THE WOUNDED PEOPLE OF THE CAMP IN ORDER TO SPARE SOME TIME WITH ROSE. She had crept through the forest, hoping to find Rose soon but another part of her wishing to have some time to consider what to say. No matter what she had came up with, it felt as if nothing was good enough. Even she knew she wouldn't want to listen to her speak.
Rose had sat up against a tree by her lonesome and Mary had knew this was it and there was no choice in turning back. Whatever had came to mind to say was what had to be good enough. All she could tell herself was that she was trying.
"We need to talk, Rose," she spoke up as she made her way over. Rose barely looked up to Mary with a frown. "It's been a while since we got to speak alone and I feel like we're drifting apart."
"It's not because we're barely talking. You can barely look at me now." When Mary had stood before her, she rested the back of her head against the tree, looking to the woman before her. "When we met, I wasn't like this. You're just not used to it. Sam and Dean, they knew me more as this... a demon. They didn't like it either but they put up with it."
"I just need to understand what happened. Constance... she seems to be getting all your time now. I miss you."
Rose scrunched up her face in what look like disgust. "Constance," she whispered. "She doesn't like you. She doesn't like a lot of people so I wasn't surprised. But she's helping, you know, with these powers. I mean, they're a lot stronger than before so I'm not really used to it."
Mary wasn't sure what to say. All she knew was that she had missed the way Rose used to be. "How do you... how do you feel about all this that's happening? What happened to you."
Rose pursed her lips together as she got up to her feet. She had looked directly into Mary's eyes, waiting for anything to come to mind. That was the thing-- there was nothing. "I feel empty," she admitted. Suddenly, a small smile came to her face. "I don't eat, I don't feel much pain... not as much as being human, I don't sleep. It's kind of nice."
"What about us?"
Rose decided to ignore her question. "Why do you want to talk to me now? Do you think you could help me? Save me? Because before, I already tried saving myself. I injected so much purified blood into me, I became a junkie for it. I can't do that again... Go through that kind of thing again... Only for it to not go away. This is how I am. So why now?"
"I care about you," she said gently, reaching out, only for Rose to slightly pull away. "And I think somewhere in you, you care too. This thing that you are... it doesn't define you. It doesn't make you evil."
"This thing," she repeated back as the anger in her voice rose. "This thing inside of me is me. You don't think I'm angry? After what she did to me? I died. I broke promises. But now, I don't feel anything. Because Constance, she's my mom. She's helping me through this while you play camp counselor and Jack is saving this world because I'm not allowed to help."
"A woman that would do that to her daughter, is not a mother," she stated sternly. "No one that loves you would ever wish for this to happen to you."
Every word that Mary had spoke had struck Rose in the wrong way. Everyday that Constance had pushed Mary further away from Rose, the closer they had become. And once she had gotten in her ear, being the only one to be there for her, she had become the one Rose had trusted. But that never stopped Mary from pushing to fight for it. The wind had picked up as her anger rose and Mary had ignored it, telling herself there was good in her.
"I love you, Rose, and I would never hurt you," she said softly. This had caused the wind to pick up more, whipping their hair around as the emotion inside her had grown. "You are my family and I told Sam and Dean how much it meant to me that they took care of you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you and we can get through this."
"No," Rose whispered but the words of Mary Winchester had started to get to her.
"There is a part of you that does care, that isn't empty. How you feel about Jack... that shows you are still human inside." Mary words became more clear as the wind began to slowly die down. "I won't let you think you should feel nothing because of what happened. If you can feel something for him, you are allowed to feel that way for anyone." Pausing, she reached out and gently held Rose's arms. "You're my girl and I love you."
Rose broke tension as she looked to Mary for any sense of a lie. All she had seen was Mary looking back to her, pain filling her eyes from everything they had been through. "I can't stop."
"Just let it go," she whispered. Pulling in Rose to her arms, she kept her eyes up on the sky that had soon settled back to it's peaceful nature. She held onto Rose tightly, wishing nothing more for Sam and Dean to hurry to them because she knew they had the answers. They always had searched for a way to make things right, no matter the cost. She knew it was going to be difficult to do this with only Jack as help, but she'd do it until her time on Earth was over.