Harry's perspective.
By the time I arrive at the arena the following afternoon for soundcheck, the remnants of my hangover have finally faded, and I'm not feeling too bad all in all.
Considering what a late-night I ended up having, by all rights, I should be feeling a lot worse. The quiet dinner with Delta and Jeff turned into a bit of a longer affair than I'd anticipated. Especially when Jeff insisted on coming back to my suite after we got back to the hotel. We polished off a couple of bottles of wine on top of what we'd already consumed in the restaurant. Safe to say I paid for that this morning, I don't think my head stopped banging until sometime after lunch.
I'm fairly sure Jeff guessed something was up with me after my sudden change of plans and behaviour at the restaurant. I don't usually drink much when I'm touring, but I knocked back a fair few glasses of wine with dinner, and I think his main reason for wanting to come back with me was mostly just to keep me company and make sure I was OK.
He was completely confused by the cloche covered plates littering the dining table. Still, even in my inebriated state, I knew it wasn't a great idea to tell him about Maddie. It's not that I don't want to tell him, as well as being my manager, Jeff is one of my closest friends. But I can't see him being too happy about me getting involved with a member of the crew, and as I still have no idea if there is anything to tell, it seems too early to risk rocking the boat.
In the end, I made some lame excuse about not being able to decide what I wanted for dinner and having ordered before I decided to go and meet him and Delta to explain the excessive amounts of food, and quickly called room service to clear the mess away. I'm pretty sure he knew I was talking out of my arse, but he didn't question me on it at least.
As soon as I climb on stage to start the soundcheck, I find myself scanning the room. My eyes are darting around the arena, looking for any sign of her soft chocolate hair tumbling down her back or her bright blue eyes shining out against the dark backdrop of the stands. Several crew members are milling around setting up, but there's no sign of Maddie.
Dammit. I opened and closed the message I received from her so many times last night that I'm surprised my phone battery didn't die, but not once did I find the words to reply, and I have to admit, I'm feeling like quite a dick about that now really. What if she really did only cancel because Sammy needed her?
And I'm just the arsehole who ignored her text because I thought she was making excuses when really, she was just being a good friend? Shit. I hope I haven't fucked this up.
"Sammy!" I call too loudly across the arena as I spot her pink and blonde head bobbing past me carrying a section of railing.
"Harry." She replies shortly, stopping begrudgingly by the side of the stage and looking up at me.
Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and there's not a trace of her usual good humour. She looks tired and upset, crap, that settles it then, I've been a total dickhead.
It's obvious from her appearance that what Maddie told me was nothing but the truth, and I instantly feel a pang of regret. I should have offered for Sammy to come up to my suite too, or sent down some dinner for them or... something. Not ignored Maddie's text and gone out and got drunk. Shit.
"Have you seen Maddie?" I ask her quietly, crouching down to speak to her so that the rest of the band don't catch our conversation.
"I think she's backstage somewhere. But I also think you should just leave her alone, you've done enough damage already." Sammy snaps back.
Ouch. Not sure I deserve that level of animosity really.
"I know, I should have texted her back last night, and I'm sorry for that, which is why I wanted to see her, to apologise," I say defensively, trying to keep my voice level.
"Seriously are all you men complete idiots?" Sammy asks, raising her eyebrows at me. I really don't get the hostility so I opt for silence in the hope that it'll coax her to explain herself further, and thankfully it does.
"She's not avoiding you because you didn't bother to text her back, Harry. Why don't you try cracking open a newspaper? Or better yet, just open up a news app on your phone." She snaps again, looking utterly exhausted, whether, by me or just my sex in general, I'm not sure.
"Huh? Why should I read a newspaper? What Happened?" I ask dumbly, completely confused by her suggestion.
"I need to get on. You figure it out." Sammy says, and with that, she picks up the section of railing that she had leant against the stage whilst talking to me, or more accurately, whilst telling me off, and walks away. Her ponytail swishing from side to side behind her.
Taking my phone from my pocket, I quickly open a news app and skim the headlines, but nothing immediately jumps out at me. I'll try one of the tabloids, you can practically guarantee that if there's trouble, they'll be the ones behind it.
MORE THAN PALS? Harry Styles, 24 and Delta Goodrem, 33, 'Spotted leaving dinner date in Sydney' Proclaims the headline of The Sun newspaper.
Fuck.
I skim through the article quickly, of course, there's no mention of the fact that Jeff was there with us, they always seem to conveniently leave out little details like that, ones that might spoil their damn headlines. Great. So not only was I a dick for not texting Maddie back last night but as far as she's aware, I then pissed off out on a date with another woman. Wonderful.
The minute soundcheck is over I hurry backstage hoping to find Maddie, but there's no sign of her anywhere. I run into Paul eventually, who tells me that most of the crew have left already and headed back to the hotel. Of course, they have. Seems that everything is determined to go wrong for me today. Agitated I make my way out to the car park and spot Stuart leaning casually against the side of one of the rental cars we have for this leg of the tour, smoking a cigarette.
"Hey Stuart, any chance of a ride back to the hotel?" I ask him, trying my best to sound casual. I know that Jeff will have a car coming to pick me up shortly, but I can't wait that long.
"H, Sure, of course." He says, hurrying to dispose of his cigarette and straightening up quickly as I approach him.
"Thanks," I mumble as I hop into the back seat of the range rover, grateful for the tinted windows. There are a fair few fans camped out around the front of the arena already waiting eagerly for tomorrow nights show, and, as much as I love them, I'm not really in the mood to pose for photos right now.
Walking down the hallway towards Maddie's room, I can hear the faint sounds of rock music, which gets louder with every step I take. I strain my ears to try and figure out what song is playing, nope not rock. Metal. Not really a genre I'm that familiar with. Finally, as I reach the door, the lyrics become clearer, I can hear Maddie singing along with the track and I finally recognise it.
"It seems you're having some trouble, in dealing with these changes, living with these changes. The world is a scary place, now that you've woken up the demon in me.
Get up, come on, get down with the sickness, get up come on get down with the sickness, get up come on, get down with the sickness.
Open up your hate and let it flow into me."
Isn't that just what every guy wants to hear a woman singing as he goes to apologise to her? I think to myself unhappily and run my fingers through my hair. I have a feeling this isn't going to go so well.
Just as I am debating leaving Maddie to work out some of her anger with the help of Disturbed, the band who's song she is clearly very much enjoying right now, and heading back to my suite, the door to her hotel room swings open and Sammy appears.
"I was wondering if you'd show up here. She's inside." Sammy says loudly over the heavy guitars and shouting on the track. A scowl marring her usually pretty features as she brushes past me into the hallway, leaving the door open behind her.
Well, as the song says, there's no turning back now.
"Maddie?" I call out as I step into the room, knowing full well that chances of her actually hearing me over the deafening volume of the track are slim to none.
She has her back to me as I enter, standing in the middle of the room digging through her suitcase. She's wearing a tiny pair of denim shorts and a tank top that hugs her curves in all the right places, and for a second I am tempted to just sneak up behind her and take her in my arms, but that's probably not the best idea.
"Maddie?" I shout again when she doesn't seem to notice me, a little louder this time. Of course, the song comes to an end at that exact moment and I basically just end up shouting her name into a quiet room and make her jump half out of her skin. Great start, Styles.
"Shit Harry! What the hell?" She cries, understandably startled, a bra that was clearly in her hands just a second ago tumbles to the floor and lands across her foot, but she doesn't seem to notice.
"I'm sorry I tried to get your attention... Sammy let me in, or, erm, she left the door open for me to come in when she left at any rate." I explain quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you," I add, moving slowly towards her when I'm close enough, I start to bend down to pick up the black lace bra languishing on top of her barefoot, at the exact same time that she does.
Crack! Our heads bang together harshly mid-air.
"Fuck!" Maddie exclaims, straightening up quickly and rubbing her forehead. I find myself mirroring her actions as I anxiously feel for a bump on my own. Jeff might kill me if I have to go on stage tomorrow night with a lump protruding from my forehead and I bruise like a peach.
"Sorry!" I say dejectedly, backing away slightly with my hands raised in surrender.
"No, I'm sorry. God, I'm always so clumsy around you. Are you OK?" Maddie asks, looking at me with concern in her eyes.
OK, concern is good, concern is better than anger. This is progress.
"I'm going to pick up the bra now, OK? Please don't try and help me." She adds, and I almost see a glimmer of a smirk trying to make it's way past her pursed lips.
"OK." I agree and flash her a small smile as I wait patiently for her to retrieve her underwear and try not to think about what she'd look like wearing it. Not the time.
Maddie stuffs the bra quickly into a corner of her suitcase, making sure it's no longer in sight and takes a seat on the bed. After a couple of moments of silence, she finally speaks again.
"What are you doing here, Harry?"
"I, erm, I came to apologise. Firstly, I'm really sorry I didn't text you back last night, I was being a dick. I thought maybe you were just making excuses to not have to come because, erm, you didn't seem all that eager in the first place really, and I, well I should have replied. I'm sorry." I say humbly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed opposite hers.
The beds in these rooms are so close together that our knees are almost touching if I leant forward just a few inches, I'd be able to feel her warm breath on my skin, but I don't. I won't push her.
"That's OK, I understand. You got distracted after all. Tell me, do you always have two dates lined up on the same night just in case one falls through? Or was that a special exception you made just for me?" She fires back, every word dripping with sarcasm.
Ouch. That hurt.
"I didn't go on a date with Delta! Trouble, it was just business, like a networking thing. Jeff met her at some function and set it up ages ago before we even left Europe. I cancelled it when you agreed to have dinner with me, but when I got your text, I just figured it was better than sitting in my room alone all night that's all."
"Don't 'Trouble' me right now, Harry, it's not the time for cute pet names." Maddie snaps back "Tell me, is Jeff in the habit of setting up your dates for you? Should I go to him next time I want to spend some time with you?" She asks, folding her arms across her chest and looking at me... well... the same way I'd look at some idiot who I thought had gone out on a date a couple of days after kissing me most probably.
"No, no! Honestly, the tabloids always do this shit, they blow things out of proportion to sell newspapers! Jeff was there with us the entire night, he and I actually ended up back in my suite together drinking wine till the early hours. So if anything, I went on a date with him! NOT Delta." I tell her defensively, I make sure to keep eye contact with her as I speak, willing her to believe me.
"Although to be honest, it might be better to let Jeff set up my dates in future, I seem to be making quite the fucking mess of my own love life don't I?" I complain, getting exasperated now.
I know being photographed and having stories written about me is just a part of my job. God knows I've been dealing with it for years now, but it never gets any easier when someone I care about gets hurt by the shit that gets printed about me.
I've lost count of the number of conversations like this I've had with women in my life, or my friends and family. Trying to explain that they can't trust what they've read, or even the photo's they've seen. That they're all manipulated to make the story as juicy as possible. Still, it's hard for people who aren't in the business to completely understand.
Maddie sits quietly for a minute, staring deeply back into my eyes, clearly trying to read me and work out if I am telling her the truth or not. I hold her gaze, determined not to be the first to look away, I don't want to give her any more reasons to doubt me.
"If Jeff was with you, how comes there aren't any photos of him? Or any mention of him in any of the articles I read?" She questions.
Photos! That's it!
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I quickly hold my thumb to the touchpad to unlock it and scroll through to find my photos app, flicking through the photos. Where is it? Where is it? Ah-ha!
"If you're trying to find an article to prove me wrong Harry you're wasting your time. Believe me, I wanted them to be wrong about this, so I looked, and I looked, and THEN I looked again. I even had Sammy have a look for me to make sure I wasn't going mad. But there's NO mention of Jeff or anyone else in ANY of them." She snaps, clearly getting impatient with me now, she rises from the soft off-white bedspread and starts to make her way towards the door, she's going to tell me to leave.
"Wait, hang on! Maddie, will you just look please?" I say holding out my phone to her having finally found what I was looking for. On the screen is one of many pictures that I took last night of the view over the harbour from the restaurant. In this particular one, though, clearly visible, are Jeff and Delta, happily sipping their wine whilst I was busy enjoying the scenery and snapping pictures.
My heart is beating frantically in my chest as I watch Maddie lean closer to my phone to get a good look at the picture. I watch as her furrowed eyebrows slide apart, returning to their normal positions, as a soft flush of embarrassment colours her cheeks. I watch as her shoulders relax and she exhales a long-held breath slowly into the air between us until I can't just stand here any longer. Fuck it.
Without another word, I toss my phone onto the bed behind me and grab her around the waist, roughly pulling her towards me and propel my lips onto hers.
She responds almost instantly, her un-bandaged hand making its way into my hair as she kisses me back furiously. I can almost taste her need for me on her frantic tongue. I press my whole body up against hers, forcing her back against the wall of her small hotel room and she emits a small puff of air from the sudden movement as she crashes against it with a dull thud.
Desperate to feel more of her, to somehow get even closer despite there being just millimetres between us, I slide a hand under the hem of her T-shirt and feel the silky skin of her lower back beneath my fingers.
Gripping the soft flesh a little harder than I probably should as our lips crash against one and other roughly. Heat is coursing through my veins, and I can feel my excitement growing, my body aching for more. With an almighty effort, I make myself pull away from her and watch as she leans back against the wall.
As much as I don't want to let her go, this isn't the time or place to be taking things further, we still have a lot to talk about. I take a step backwards and focus on trying to calm my breathing and think of anything other than her body pressed against mine in the hope that the uncomfortable tightness in my trousers will dissipate.
"What do you want from me, Harry?" Maddie asks her darkened, lust-filled eyes which I know must mirror my own gaze up at me from beneath her eyelashes as she bites her lower lip, and I feel myself twitch with desire for her. I take a moment to consider her question, and a line from one of my favourite poems springs to mind.
"I want to be with you. It's as simple and as complicated as that." I answer her truthfully, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest as the corners of her mouth raised in a shy smile.
"More poetry? That's another Bukowski line, isn't it? So unoriginal for a songwriter Mr Styles."
"Ahh, and there was me thinking poetry was meant to be romantic." I banter back, thankful that the tension between us has been broken at last. I've told her what I want, shown her how I feel, the balls in her court now.
"Well, Mr Styles. If our relationship up until now is any indication, complicated is exactly what you're going to get." She teases me.