Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
I woke up early this morning.
I had a dream of my father last night. I was alone in my room and it was dark. I woke up and saw him slowly open the door and creep his head through the crack. He slid through the crack and closed the door behind him. He started to approach my bed, but I woke up before anything else happened. I woke up and started to look for him all over my room and my personal bathroom. I got back in bed and sat in it, with my arms hugging my knees. It was still dark outside, but I didn’t go to sleep for the rest of the night.
Once the sun shone through the lavender curtains, I got up and brushed my teeth and washed my face. I looked in the mirror in the bathroom and examined myself. Tomorrow is my birthday. I’m spending my birthday in a mental hospital. I went over what happened over the last year in my mind. I’m turning 16 tomorrow and unlike all of the other normal girls, I won’t be having a Sweet 16 or getting a car. I am, however, that I’m here than at home. Anything’s better than home, I guess.
I walked out of the bathroom and opened my door to enter the same white hallway. I walked up to the nurses’ station where Chris, Mijo and Trey were having a conversation. I stood in front of Sharon as she sat doing computer work. I stayed there until she finally realized I was there.
“Yes?” Sharon asked, not bothering to look up at me.
“Morning to you too, ma’am.” I said sarcastically.
“Why are you up so early? What do you want?” She asked, a bit stunned that I’d wake up early.
“Nothing, I’m just bored in my room.” I said.
“Well, go sit down. We’re about to serve meds in a half an hour.” She said.
I just shook my head.
“Guess who’s birthday is tomorrow?” Mijo said with his hands over my eyes.
“I don’t know and I don’t care.” I said, shrugging off my own birthday.
He took his hands off of my eyes and turned me around to him where Chris and Trey looked at me.
“Don’t tell me all of the medication made you forget your birthday?” Mijo asked, jokingly.
“No, I didn’t forget. I just don’t care.” I shrugged with my arms crossed on my chest.
“You’re the first person I ever knew who isn’t excited for their 16th birthday.” Mijo said.
“I’m also the first person who you can have an actual conversation in this dump.” I said.
“Then, I guess I should take back my gift.” Mijo said.
“Fine.” I shrugged which only made him laugh.
“Fine, you win.” He said.
“What do you want for your birthday, Mike?” Chris asked.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to get out of this place. You know, shit like that.” I said, snapping on him a bit.
“What’s your problem?” He asked me.
“It’s been almost a year and I’m still in this place. THAT’S MY PROBLEM!” I said before storming down the hallways.
I walked into my room and slammed the door. These people just don’t fucking get it. I shook my head and got laid back into my bed. I stayed in the room until I heard one of the nurses shout, “MORNING PILLS!” I placed my feet on the floor and left the room, once again. I walked out in the front, not seeing Trey, Chris, or Mijo, but I see Sharon. I waited in line until it got to my turn once again. Nurse Rosa handed me two paper cups of the usual: water and pills. I swallowed down all of my pills with the water and walked up to Sharon to show her.
“Ah.” I said, showing her my tongue and under my tongue.
“Very good.” She said.
“How many points do I have?”
“15,” She said, “15 more points if you’re asking.”
“Thanks.” I said.
I walked down the hallway and into my room. I closed the door and walked into my bathroom. I took off my clothes and entered the shower. I opened the warm water and let it expose to my body. I’m turning 16. I’m turning 16 with no friends by my side. No family to even call. I have no one, I thought.
“Check?” A female nurse said.
I slid the door to expose my face.
“Check.” I said. She nodded.
I sighed. I hate that every once in awhile they check up on us in our bathrooms. It’s the only piece of privacy I have. The only reason why they check up on us in the bathroom was because many idiots have killed themselves in the shower, so they made sure to check up on us when we shower. I really do hate this place. I got out of the shower and walked into my room to change into my clothes. I slipped on a red sweater and plain old jeans with socks and slippers. I would’ve worn sneakers, but shoe laces aren’t allowed. Many people have tried to kill themselves with them. I went back into the bathroom and fixed my curls. Tomorrow is my birthday, try to be happy.
I walked out of my room and into the TV room, skipping breakfast as usual. I sat down at the usual table with Hilary and Kate. I took a cigarette from them and lit it up. I blew out the smoke and closed my eyes. Just another boring ass routine here. Kate’s bitching about her gaining weight and Hilary is just mocking her and laughing at her. I listened, thinking of ways I could avoid them tomorrow.
“Kate, breakfast time.” Sharon said, walking over to our table.
“NO!” Kate refused, putting her head down.
I got up from the table. As fun as it’d be to watch Kate being manhandled and forced on an IV, I’ll pass. I walked over to Trey, Mijo, and Chris at their usual table. I sat down at my usual position on the table and listened.
“Hey, Mike.” Mijo said,
“Hi.” I said.
“Why do you always interrupt our conversations?” Trey asked.
“Why do you always whine?” I rebutted, mocking the same tone as him.
“Why do y’all always argue?” Mijo asked, mocking the both of us.
“Because…she’s rude.” Trey said.
“Because I can.” I said.
“See this is why I don’t like you.” Trey said.
“Enough already.” Mijo said. I sighed, glaring at Trey.
“So, Mike, what are you doing for your birthday?” Chris asked. I turned my glare to him.
“Are you serious?” I asked,
“Yeah.” He said.
“Well, let’s see. I plan on staying in a mental hospital, forced against my will, eating shitty food, and taking medication all day. You know, that stuff.” I said sarcastically. He just giggled.
“You know, why don’t you do something special?” He asked.
“Like?” I asked.
“I don’t know. Tomorrow is Halloween and your birthday, so you should have something Halloween themed.”
“Been there, done that. Also, with some of these patients here, it’s always Halloween.”
“Michael, it’s time for monthly checkups.” An annoying nurse called for me.
“I’ll be there.” I said.
I turned to the guys, all looking at me. I sighed, thinking of what is about to happen. I looked into Mijo’s eyes, mentally pleading for him to save me. I looked down and turned on my heels to Dr. Morgan’s office. I waved them goodbye with a swift motion of my hand. I slowly, walked out into the halls and into Dr. Morgan’s office. I opened the door and glared at him, closing it and taking position on the table.
“Hello, Michael.” Dr. Morgan said. I ignored him, wanting to get this over with.
He locked the door and walked up to me. He moved my curls out of my face and kissed me. I pulled away.
“Your birthday is tomorrow, so I want to give you an early gift.” He said.
“Don’t bother.” I said, coldly. He chuckled.
“Don’t worry, this time I’ll be gentle.” He said.
He kissed up my neck and used his two hands to unbutton my jeans. I sat back, preparing to mentally numb myself. He pulled down my jeans and removed my white underwear. He stuck his two, gloved fingers in me, moving in and out of me. My body, betraying me, became wet around his fingers. He forced kisses on me and eventually, took out his fingers from me and went away to quickly unfasten his slacks. I listened to his belt drop onto the floor along with his pants. He broke away from his kiss and put his hand on his penis, trying to find a way to enter me. He moved in closer, thrusting himself into me. In and out, I listened to him pound me. The smashing noises I can only hear. He forced kisses on me again, groping my covered breasts with his gloved hands. He quickened his pace, making me hit my head on the wall. I felt him came in me, the warm liquid in my thighs. He kissed me, then my neck, softly nudging me with his head. He looked up at me, smiling, He removed his gloves, putting his hand on my chin, moving my head up.
“You know, you look like your mother everyday.” He said, kissing me. I glared at him.
“Can we start this checkup now?” I said, impatiently. I hate my mother. It’s the biggest insult to tell me that I look like her.
He put up his pants, tying up his belt and zipping his fly. He walked over to the sink, wetted a large paper towel and a bunch of dry ones. He walked over to me, wiping his seed out of me. Once he was done, he slid back up my underwear and jeans. I was caught up in another daydream to see him complete my monthly physical or draw blood for blood work.
“Alright, you’re done.” He said with a smile.
I jumped off the table, unlocking the door, then opening it and slamming. I swiftly walked into my room, never coming out until nightly pills. I walked out of my room, into the hallways, and to the nurses’ station to get my nightly meds. I quickly swallowed them down and briskly walked back into my room. I sat in bed, going over what happened. I stared at the blank ceiling until I heard the creak of the door open. I quickly sat up, only to see Mijo closing the door behind him. It was time for our nightly talks, something we made together when he was first assigned to me as my personal nurse/PT. I scooted over so he could sit by me.
“Hey, Mike. What happened to you all day?” He asked.
“I wanted to stay in my room.” I said, coldly.
“Why?” He asked.
“Just….to think.” I said.
“I hope you have a wonderful birthday.” He said.
“I’ll try, but why are you wishing me this? Aren’t you gonna be here?” I asked, looking in his light brown eyes.
“No.” He shook his head, trying to not look into my eyes.
“Why not?” I asked.
“I have to go through training as a way to het up to date with medications and stuff.” He said.
“For how long?” I asked.
“A month.” He said, rather quickly I must add.
“A month?!” I asked, incrediously.
“Yes.” He said.
‘Then, who’ll be my PT? Who will I have nightly talks with? Who will I talk to?” I asked.
“Chris will.” He said.
“The new guy?” I asked, unbelievably.
“C’mon, Mike. He’s a nice guy, plus I’ll be sure to give him your birthday present so he can bring it to you tomorrow.” He said, trying to cheer me up. I shook my head, then sighed.
“Fine,’ I said, “but if he’s anything like Trey, I promise that I’ll revert back to my old ways and make both of your lives hell here.” I warned him.
‘Fine.” He said.
We continued our nightly talk, going over old birthday parties I had and our favorite holidays. I hugged Mijo and he kissed me on the forehead, getting up from my bed and walking to the door. He closed the light and opened the door, revealing the halls’ bright light and stood by the doorway.
“Night, Mike.”
“Night, Mijo.” I said.
He closed the door and left me in the dark.