Before we leave, I find my mom in the crowd to tell her I'm heading out. Tucked in the corner by the bar with a glass of wine in hand, she reminds me to be smart and to not stay out too late, but she doesn't fuss. I spot Lindsey and Ian together as Duke and I walk out, and I wave to my sister from a distance.
I don't see my father.
The two of us are silent on our way to Duke's. I can't vouch for what's going on inside his head, but I know mine's a mess right now. Part of me is still ready to come clean and tell Duke everything, but part of me is still extremely hesitant.
I'm still battling with myself when we arrive at Duke's house.
"Hey." Dukes voice is soft, his touch even softer when he wraps his hand around mine. "You okay?"
It takes me a moment, but I nod, offering a timid smile. "Yeah."
He squeezes my hand. "Let's go inside."
The porch light is on, but so are a number of lights inside. When we step through the front door, Duke leaves me briefly to step into the living room, and I wait quietly for him to return. Even from here, I can hear Duke speak softly to his mom, and although I don't catch every word, I sense that Anne's replies are kind.
"Listen, she could really use....personal....issues....just trying to help," Duke murmurs, his words broken up with the distance and low volume.
I can't make out anything distinctly when his mom speaks, but I immediately pick up the sound of two pairs of feet coming this way. I force myself to plaster on an expression less disturbed than how I feel.
Anne comes into view first, her son just a step or two behind her. She's wearing an old shirt and a pair of sweatpants, obviously dressed for a night in, and suddenly I feel even more uncomfortable and out of place in my bridesmaid's dress. "Hi, hon," she says, and the warmth in her voice makes it seem as if the two of us have been old friends for years.
My smile is small but it's genuine. "Hi, Anne. I'm sorry to disturb you-"
"Nonsense, dear," she cuts me off, waving away my concerns. "Let me just get you set up in the spare room upstairs." She bustles up the steps a moment later.
I don't know what Duke told her, but the fact that Anne has no problems with me being here warms me inside, and I couldn't be more grateful.
I turn to face Duke, who has taken to leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "Thank you," I tell him quietly, honestly.
He cracks that half smile of his and reaches out to me, pulling me in for a solid embrace. "You're welcome." His arms wrap around my back while mine settle around his waist, and for the longest time we stand there just holding each other like this, not speaking. Eventually we pull apart, and Duke guides me up the steps with one hand pressed to my lower back.
Anne is coming out of a room I haven't seen yet when we reach the top of the stairs. She smiles again at me and moves aside, gesturing for me to walk in.
"I put some fresh sheets on the bed for you, and I left an extra throw folded up at the foot of the bed in case you like extra layers," she says gently, interlocking her hands in front of her. "I also left you some clothes of mine, but I'm sure Duke can give you something else if you would prefer that instead. He can also help you out if you'd like to shower before bed."
"I really appreciate it, Anne," I say. "Thank you."
She touches my arm, squeezing it lightly. "Of course, hon." Then she sidles past me and heads back downstairs.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I use my shaky fingers to release my hair from the pins clipping it back. "What did you tell her?" I ask Duke hesitantly.
He watches me from the doorway, face hooded by shadows. "Just that there were some personal things you were dealing with and that you could really use a night away from your issues."
Nodding, I finish with my hair and sigh. "About earlier-"
"If you're just going to apologize again for not being quite ready to tell me about what's been bothering you, don't," Duke interrupts lightly, coming in to sit down next to me. "You'll tell me when you're ready, or you won't tell me at all, and I'll be fine with either way."
"So you telling me your reasons," I start slowly, peering up at him closely, "it's because you wanted to, right?"
Duke touches my chin carefully, tipping my head up to make full eye contact with him. "Right," he confirms.
"Okay," I whisper. "Thank you."
For a moment we simply stare at each other, then Duke breaks the tension and gets up, pulling his fingers from my skin. "You've had a long day, and I'm sure you want to turn in. Want a shower first?"
"Yes, please."
Duke leads me to the bathroom where he helps me get set up, pulling out a fresh towel and other toiletries for me to use. He steps out of the room for a minute, claiming to come back quickly, and I take that moment to try to reach for the zipper on the back of my dress. I fail to undo it and find myself asking Duke to help when he comes back in, a bundle of clothes draped over his arm.
"Sure," he murmurs, stepping in close behind me. I catch myself grasping at the front of my dress, either to hold the fabric close or to hold myself together, as he carefully unzips my dress. Only when the sound of the zipper has stopped do I risk a glance up, and I hold my breath when I see the two of us in the mirror and, more importantly, Duke's eyes on mine over my bare shoulder.
The breath I was holding escapes in a silent exhale when Duke lets go of me, but tingling nerves replace it when his hands settle on my shoulders.
"You know where to find me if you need anything."
With that, Duke releases me and exits the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind him. At his departure, I let my dress puddle at my feet, then I lean against the sink and wonder for the umpteenth time what the hell I'm doing. The question continues to plague my mind as I shower, and it's still there as I dress in the large T-shirt and boxers Duke brought me to wear.
You've had a long night, I reason with myself. You're tired because it's been a long night, and all of this will make more sense in the morning.
But sleep doesn't come easy to me, and I find myself stirring almost every time I'm nearly comfortable. Eventually two hours have passed and still nothing, and I'm getting frustrated.
Scrubbing my hands down my face wearily, I climb out of bed and cautiously poke my head into the hallway. The lights are off up here and downstairs, and I'm sure both Duke and Anne are asleep.
Shame you can't sleep, too, a voice mutters sarcastically in the back of my mind.
I shake off the weariness and trudge to the bathroom, where I wash my face in the hopes it will cool my skin and help me relax. Figuring I still won't have much luck, I head back down the hall but pause outside Duke's room. His light is off, but his door is cracked open, and I find myself pushing it before I can stop myself.
To my surprise, Duke is awake and sitting up in bed, almost as if he was waiting for me. I hesitate just inside the doorway, unsure if I'm welcome or not.
"Couldn't sleep either?" Duke rasps, eyeing my oversized attire leisurely.
I shake my head.
"C'mere," he murmurs, gesturing for me to come close. I do, and I take his hand when he offers it to pull me into bed with him. Without batting an eye, I settle in under the covers beside him, my back tucked against his chest, and I only fully relax once his arm winds around my waist to keep me close.
"Let's try this sleeping thing again, shall we?" Duke rumbles in my ear. I smile at his words, wondering if sleep will come this time.
Eventually it does.
----
Hey, Lace, I'm back and I'm hoping we can meet up. Sorry again about the wedding mix-up.
I woke up this morning to a text from Jesse in Duke's arms. He was still sleeping even as I stirred, breathing softly into my hair, but I was glad for that. After last night, I needed more than a second to collect myself, and being in Duke's arms was only throwing me off even more.
I slept with Duke-- literally only slept with him, and without even having sex first-- and that's something I haven't done with anyone in a long time.
By the time Duke had rolled awake, I'd done a pretty good job of hiding my discomfort, and thankfully Duke was still too groggy to notice. We got up and met his mother downstairs for breakfast, and then after that I convinced Duke to take me home. But before we left, I replied to Jesse saying I'd stop by in an hour, which explains why I'm now exiting my house as soon as Duke leaves.
When I show up on Jesse's porch, two of his friends are on their way out. I see the way they both look at me, the recognition lighting up in their eyes as they undoubtably wonder what I'm doing here, but I pointedly ignore their curiosity. When Jesse all but shoves them out of the way to let me in, a smile on his face, it makes ignoring them even easier.
"It's about time you ended up back here," Jesse jokes, letting the screen door swing shut behind us.
"Well you couldn't keep me away forever," I tease back, leaning against the center island in his kitchen.
Jesse brushes past me to rummage around in the refrigerator. "I'd certainly hope not after these," he states proudly, brandishing a pack of beer.
I cock my head at him. "Why is it that we always end up drinking together?"
Jesse raises one eyebrow. "You got any problems with it?" I shake my head. "Then don't worry about it and just loosen up, have some fun."
"We will," I promise him, propping myself on my elbows against the counter, "but first I want to hear about your fancy trip that cost me my wedding date."
He groans, hanging his head. "Shit, Lace, I swear I didn't mean to ditch you. It's my fault that I completely fucked up the dates."
I wave off his apology. "Don't sweat it that much, Jesse. It wasn't the end of the world."
He pops off the top of two beers and hands me one. "Did you go alone?"
"I managed to find someone else as a stand-in at the last minute," I tell him vaguely, not offering anymore details. The less people know, the better.
He nods, taking a swig of his beer. I swallow a gulp of mine. "Okay, good. That means I don't have to feel as bad now."
I toss my head back, laughing. "Is that how that works?"
Jesse comes closer, beer still in hand. When he stops in front of me, he sets his beer down on the counter by my side, then tugs playfully on the hem of my shirt. "It does, but it doesn't erase the guilt completely." His fingers brush the skin beneath my shirt.
My eyes flicker down to my hips at his touch, my skin oddly enough feeling tingly now. "Is that so?" I gasp when his hand slips completely under my shirt and comes to rest along my ribcage.
"Mhmm." Jesse's eyes are focused on my mouth now. "But I bet I know how to make us both feel better about it."
If it was anyone else making a move right now, I'd slam on the brakes and tell them to get lost. But this is Jesse, and I'm feeling strangely attracted to him in this moment, and it's not like alcohol has had too much of an influence either to sway me.
So when Jesse kisses me, I don't stop him. I don't stop him when both of his hands slip under my shirt, or even when they get to work rolling it up my body. Instead, I kiss him back, and I help him work my shirt over my head. Then I get started pulling on his.
It's not until Jesse is nipping at my collarbone, his fingers undoing the button on my jean shorts, that I realize I'm about to get down and dirty with him in his kitchen. At the thought, I nearly start laughing aloud, but then he drops to his knees and his lips find my navel and I lose all train of thought, my eyes fluttering shut. It's only a moment later when my mind fires up again, but the face I see in my head doesn't match the body I'm with now.
"Ah, fuck." My eyes fly wide open, and I grip Jesse's shoulders in panic. "Shit, Jesse, stop. We gotta stop."
At my words and the pushing from my hands, Jesse rocks back on his heels and looks at me incredulously, breathing hard. "What's wrong?"
I feel like I've seen a ghost with the way the blood has drained from my face. "Shit, Jesse, I'm sorry, but I can't." I fumble with the button on my shorts.
After a heartbeat or two, he stands and rubs a hand over his mouth. "Okay, but I'm not sure I understand what happened."
The guilt filling me inside has me on the verge of tears. "It wasn't you," I confess. "It's me. I know that sounds stupid as hell, but I just can't do this right now." I yank my shirt over my head.
Jesse pulls his back on as well. "Alright, fair," he replies gruffly, clearing his throat.
I pause in my rush to leave so I can look him in the eyes. "I'm really sorry, Jesse." I know I've really screwed up this time.
His smile is tight, but at least he tries. "Hey, we're good. At least we quit before we did something we'd both regret, right?"
I breathe out a sigh of relief, but I'm still uptight. "Yeah, right."
I finish straightening my clothes, then I take off, thinking that maybe this might have been one of the better decisions I've made recently.
And as I go to cross the road, Jesse's house to my back, I pass a car by his driveway that leaves only as I do.
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Hey lovelies, here's another delayed chapter! Things are beginning to draw to a close now, I promise. There is a lot that will unfold in the next few chapters, so brace yourselves in advance. Any questions? Any predictions? Let me know what you're all thinking, and show this chapter a little love if you enjoyed it <3