008. | FEELS LIKE HOME
I was curled up in bed a few hours later, trying my best to remember that night. But I couldn't remember it at all. It was just a blank space in my mind-a space that I desperately wanted to fill.
Sighing softly, I got up, picking up my book bag and reaching inside. After fishing around for a moment I found it: a small black leather journal with a green-eyed cat silhouette imprinted on the front. It was my songbook, and my most prized possession. No one knew I had one - not even my mom or Mal. And no one even knew I wrote songs to begin with. My plan was to keep it that way, so I only wrote when I was sure that I was alone.
I opened it up, flipping to my most recent song; one I had started writing right before we had gone to Auradon. I hadn't given it a title yet, but it was pretty much finished, and I wanted to have it sound right. So I began humming to myself, coming up with the melody and rhythm in my head as I edited the lyrics on the faded yellow paper.
That's when the door opened, and I quickly shut the book as Mal and Evie came in, talking and laughing. But they instantly fell silent when they saw me on the bed.
"I'm gonna go find Doug," Evie said to Mal, sensing the tension between us.
Once she was gone, Mal looked at me. I saw she was all dressed up, but soaking wet at the same time, and it made me wonder what had happened to her during the course of the day.
"You look nice," I said.
"Thanks," Mal said, then added, "You look cute."
I snorted. I had my hair in a low, sloppy ponytail, and I had no makeup on whatsoever. Plus, I wearing a large gray T-shirt and baggy emerald green sweatpants. I was far from looking cute.
"No, I mean it," Mal said, taking off her jacket and hanging it up. "I like it when you're like this. No makeup, no facade. Just you."
I just stared at her before looking down at my hands. "Thanks, I guess." After a pause, I added, "Why'd you get all dressed up?"
"I was on a date with Ben."
I felt my heart wrench at her words, but I still said coldly, "I bet you had a blast."
Mal snorted. "Hardly. I'd much rather be hanging out with you."
I felt a dip in the bed, and I knew that Mal had sat down next to me. But I still refused to look at her.
"Freddy, I know you're upset," Mal said. "But the least you can do is look at me when I explain why you can't remember what happened."
I looked at her in surprise. "So you will tell me?" When she nodded, I said, "Then please, do."
"You stayed at my house for two full nights," Mal began. "On the third night, we were just laying on my bed, talking and laughing about random stuff..." She trailed off. "Then my mom came in, and she saw the two of us, and she just lost it. She grabbed you and brought you back to your house, explained to your mom that you were with me, and your mom lost it, too. Then she forced me to help her make a forgetfulness potion. So you'd forget all about it." Mal sighed. "You didn't want to take it. None of us wanted you to take it, either. We all tried to convince our parents to stop, but they didn't listen. Your mom forced it into your mouth, and that's when you forgot."
I looked down at my songbook, a million questions running through my head. But only one genuinely stood out in my mind.
"Why did your mom lose it, Mal?" I asked.
Mal looked away. "She thought I was in love with you."
I could tell by her tone that there was something that she wanted to tell me, but was either too afraid or too embarrassed to say it. I had a feeling I knew what it was, but I just wanted to make sure. "Well, are you?"
Mal looked at me. "What do you mean?"
"Are you still in love with me, Mal?" I asked.
Mal was silent for way too long. I figured that she wasn't going to answer, so I shrugged. "Whatever, forget I ever asked."
I opened my songbook and returned to writing, no longer caring that Mal was there. After a few minutes she scooted closer to me and looked over my shoulder. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Writing a song," I said to her.
Mal made a weird noise with her mouth. "I had no idea you wrote songs."
I nodded. "I know. No one does."
"Can I hear it?"
I hesitated. I never let anyone read my songs, and I certainly didn't sing them for anyone. But when I looked at my friend, I let out a sigh and nodded. "Fine. But it's not finished yet, I still need a title."
"I don't care. I've never heard you sing before, so I want to hear whatever you've got."
I nodded again, then took a deep breath before I began to sing.
"Funny how it turns out
that everything can change
What I feel right now
is not the same as yesterday
Theres more than I imagined
deep inside my heart
Emotions that I never knew
and this is just the start
So many things I've been missin', not
watchin' but, that was all in the past
Now I realize
There's so much more to learn,
I'm ready for the world
Not scared of letting go
Now I realize
There's so much more to feel
And my heart knows it's real
The part of me, so long forgotten,
Is calling, and this feels like home
Home, home, feels just like home
Learning how to smile again
Free to show my heart
Knowing I can face the things
That used to seem too hard
I look inside your eyes and see
A different part of me
What I didn't know I wanted
Might be everything I need
So many things I've been missin',
not watchin' but, that was all in the past
Now I realize
There's so much more to learn,
I'm ready for the world
Not scared of letting go
Now I realize
There's so much more to feel
And my heart knows it's real
The part of me, so long forgotten,
Is calling, and this feels like home
Home, home, it feels just like home
Right from the start, been friends forever
But somehow we're meant to be together
I feel like you show me
How to find my way home
Now I realize, it feels just like home
Feels just like home
Feels just like home
Feels just like home
Feels like home
Now I realize
There's so much more to learn,
I'm ready for the world
Not scared of letting go
Now I realize
There's so much more to feel
And my heart knows it's real
The part of me, so long forgotten,
Is calling, and this feels like home
This feels like home, home, home
Feels just like home
Feels just like home."
I looked at my friend, sighing at her unreadable expression. "It's awful, I know-"
"What are you talking about?" Mal cut me off. "Fred, that's an amazing song. And you sound beautiful."
I shook my head. "You're just saying that."
"No, Freddy, I mean it. I love that song."
I couldn't hide my smile. "Thanks."
"So... are we good?" Mal asked after a moment.
I nodded. "Yeah. We're good."
I looked down at the song, but I could still feel Mal watching me. I felt myself growing increasingly more nervous, just like I had in the library, along with a weird feeling that I couldn't quite explain, and both of those feelings combined made it hard for me to focus. So I shut the book and looked at Mal, who quickly looked away.
"Why do you keep staring at me like that?" I asked as I got up, walking over to my bag and shoving the book inside. But when I turned back around, Mal was right in front of me, and I jumped in surprise.
I took deep breath to calm myself. "Mal, what the heck?" When she didn't respond, I frowned. "Mal? You okay?"
She nodded, laughing quietly. "Never better."
She walked over to my bed and sat down, then looked at me and said, "You know the love spell with Ben is only till we get the wand."
I nodded. "Yeah."
"So I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to keep an open mind about it, okay?"
I nodded again and sat down beside her.
"There's this girl here at Auradon that I... I have a bit of a crush on," Mal said. "She's really pretty, but she's different from the others. She's got a mean streak, you know? And I want to tell her, but I have no idea if she feels the same way or if she'll even tolerate me after all the stuff I've put her through since we got here."
Now, I was a very smart girl; it was probably the only thing I inherited from my mother that I was grateful for. But I didn't have to be a genius to know that she was talking about me.
I shook my head, going along with her vagueness. "Just be honest. You know how these kids here value honesty."
Mal sighed. "That's the thing, though. She's not from Auradon." She took my chin in her hand and tilted my head up so I could look at her. Then, very slowly, she leaned forward until our foreheads were touching, and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"Then who is it?" I asked quietly, even though I already knew the answer.
Mal laughed softly, drawing her thumb over my cheek. "It's you."
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A/N: This is about as slow burn as I'm gonna get right now, which is honestly just sad but it's a process and I'm learning.
The song Freddy sings is an actual song, it's called "Feels Like Home" by Melissa Etheridge and Josh Kelley, and it's off the Brother Bear 2 Soundtrack. I felt like the lyrics just fit the whole mood of the book, so that's why I picked it, and I attached the official audio at the top so you can listen to it if you like.
Hope you enjoyed this somewhat fluffy chapter, and hopefully it'll only get better from here.