Okaaaaaaay. I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING TO THE COMMENTS FOR THE PREVIOUS (2) CHAPTERS. I really am. But I'm just too busy at the moment because I'm preparing the Qualifying Exam of our school paper (I somehow ended up as the editor-in-chief this school year O_O). I REALLY, REALLY am sorry. I just--GAH. SOOOOOOOORRY.
By the way, you will JUST LOVE ME for this chapter. I guarantee it. ;)))) (Please note the sarcasm) (Evil Kierra inside my head: MWAHAHAHAHAHA)
By the way, due to some--err--stuff, I'm changing the title of my next story from The Kissing List to "Kiss and List." Will post it soon! :) WAAAAH, I'm so excited. I don't expect many reads, but I just really, really want to make it fun to read and write. =)))
Okay, I'll stop babbling so you could go ahead and read the chapter now.
-Kierra XX
P.S. Please try not to bang you head against the wall, pull your hair out, or send me death threats upon reading this chapter. =))
Chapter Thirty Five- Falling Out
It happened two days later. For some unknown reason, though, I was sick in bed and I had the cold. I spent most of those two days asleep or feeling like I wanted to sleep. Cam and Sherri visited, but I mostly just shooed them away.
And because of this, I’ve completely forgotten about Night Moon and telling Eadrine about the fact that I want to stop writing about Cam now.
But that really wasn’t the problem here. It was the fact once I got back to school, this was what happened.
The first person I ran into was Cam. I prepared the sweetest smile on my face, just because I’ve been nothing but sick and awfully crank for the past two days. Yeah, not really the type of girlfriend a guy would want. And okay, I’ll admit it: I did miss him. But just a little. So I approached him, with that smile on my face.
We were in the parking lot. I deliberately parked right next to him.
“Cam,” I called him.
His head snapped up and his eyes were unreadable at first. “Are you happy now?” he asked me.
I didn’t get it at first, and then thinking he was probably asking if I wasn’t cranky anymore, I smiled. “A hundred percent happier. Hey, I'm the happiest person on earth right now.”
He heaved a sigh, looking away from me, as if to calm himself. Weird. Then, after a while, he turned to me. “Of course. I should have known. I should have fucking known that you’re nothing but scheming little witch.” Okay, so maybe he didn’t really say witch but something that rhymed with it. I just couldn’t let myself believe that he had called me that.
“You must be oh-so-happy now that you’ve gotten what you wanted. And you know what sucks? It’s not the fact that you achieved more than you wanted. It’s not that fine, I should have known from the moment you told me those words that something was up. No, it’s not those at all—it’s the fact that even now? I still can’t fucking hate you.”
I froze.
“W-what? I don’t get what you—”
“Fuck off. Leave me alone,” he said.
“Cam, I—”
He shook his head and took a step back. “Just—go. Celebrate with Blake and just disappear.”
My mouth dropped open. What’s gotten into him?
“Oh, and by the way? Nice job, Collins. You did a really nice job screwing everything up. Perfect timing as well.” He shook his head and gave me a pained smirk as he tossed me a box and a newspaper. I immediately recognized it as our school paper—Gravity.
The fell near my feet. I reached for them, bending down, and when I looked back up, Cam had already walked away. “Cam!” I called out to his retreating back, willing him to stop walking—to turn back and face me and tell me what was going on, or suddenly shout “Gotcha! Just making fun of you!” while I sulk because I actually believed him.
But he just continued to walk away, without telling me what was really up.
When I opened the school paper, though, I got the answer.
There was an article from Night Moon.
---
This will probably be my last article about Camden Sun, and it’s all I’ve got now. This time, This is what I've done. I’ve broken his heart, just to see how he likes it. Just a taste of his own medicine.
I pretended to break up with my boyfriend, just so I could finally “date” Camden Sun. I told him that I was in love with him. But yeah, right. As if somebody would really fall in love with him—me, no less.
Now I’ve been with him for a week, and I’ve gotten enough details about him in a relationship. And honestly, it doesn’t feel much of a relationship in the first place. Why? He talks about himself all the time. It’s like he can’t stop himself from talking about him, him, him. It gets kind of boring, hearing him say all those things about his athletic skills and good looks.
Like, please—can somebody give this guy a mirror? It’s not like he’s special. He—
I couldn’t continue reading. Every word felt like a tremor gradually breaking up the walls of my life.
Who had written this? It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me. What the hell is this person playing at?
“I'm disappointed in you, Shea.”
The voice made me look up. “Sher.”
She looked sad. Like really sad. “I really thought you loved Camden Sun. I—I never, not once, thought that you were dating him for this.” In her hands, a copy of Gravity was almost crumpled.
“I—I—Sherri, you have to believe me. I'm not the one who wrote this.”
“What do you mean? You’re Night Moon,” she said. “And—”
“Please believe me,” I pleaded, my voice breaking. “I didn’t write this. I could never. I might have, weeks before, but not now. Definitely not now. I'm in love with him, Sher. I really am.” Tears started to well in my eyes.
She approached me and said, “Okay. I believe you,” she said quietly. “I didn’t really think you wrote it, but—it seemed like it. But I somehow knew you wouldn’t just reveal yourself. By saying that you pretended to go out with Cam, it reveals that you’re Night Moon to other people. It’s a risk you wouldn’t take.”
“Yeah, well this Night Moon seems intent on ruining my life,” I said. “I… I don’t know what to do.”
She was quiet. She held my hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure something out.”
It was worse when I entered the school building. Everyone stared at me, sending me looks. Some looked like they despised me, others the exact opposite. I almost couldn’t bear them. Everyone knows I'm Night Moon, and they would never know that I wasn’t the one who wrote this stupid article.
When I got to my locker, Blake was waiting for me.
“Shea,” he said.
Oh, my god. “Blake,” I said. I couldn’t deal with him for now—couldn’t bear what conclusion he could have gotten from this.
“You didn’t write this, did you?” he asked me, much to my surprise.
I shook my head. “I knew it,” he said. “I told everyone that I’ll be damned if this was you. I know you’re not this type of person.”
“Thank you,” I told him quietly. “I'm really thankful.”
His voice softened. “Don’t worry. Everything will be all right, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, but as much I wanted to believe in him—I couldn’t.
I just couldn’t.
“So let me get this straight,” Sherri said. We were by the stinky school fountain with Dexter. “Eadrine says he received the article from an e-mail sent by you?”
I nodded.
“And you can’t open your Yahoo account because somebody seems to have deleted it or something?” she continued.
“I nodded again.”
She and Dexter shared looks.
“I will find who hacked your account, Shea. Don’t worry,” Dexter assured me. “I promise.”
Sherri nodded. “Also, do you think this might be a little connected with your creepy secret admirer?”
My head snapped up. The thought never occurred to me, but now that I think about it, “Possibly.”
“Don’t you worry.” Sherri draped an arm around my shoulders. “We’ll solve this in no time.”
---
Dismissal. I waited for Cam in the parking lot. I was in my car, but I didn’t start the engine. I just sat there, waiting for Cam to get here. In my hands, I held a silver necklace. It was from the box Cam tossed to me earlier. The pendant was a small crystal swan. Inside with it was a folded paper and a note.
Found this while I was digging through my stuff. Don’t laugh at it!
It was a drawing—from way, way back then. From the time he still drew those stick figures with crayons and all. The paper was soft and brown, like it was really, really old. It had a drawing of two stick figures—a girl and a boy—holding hands in front of a tree. It must have been of him and me from way back then.
Of course I laughed. How could I not? But I laughed as tears fell across my cheeks.
I just couldn’t believe how things just fall apart as easily as that.
I heard footsteps. It was Cam. I got out of my car, drying any tears left. What I saw made me stop dead in my tracks, knees trembling and mouth opened as if to say something. But any words I could have said were drowned deep, deep down my throat. I couldn’t even find my voice.
“Collins,” he acknowledged me.
“Or should we say Night Moon?”
I dragged my eyes from Cam’s face and found myself staring into the blue eyes of a girl. It was Kyla Greene, one of the cheerleaders from our pep squad. Cam’s hand was looped around her waist. I could feel my eyes begin to water.
“You’re nothing but a pathetic and disgusting excuse for a girl,” Kyla Greene said. “Come on, Cam. My parents aren’t home.”
Cam smirked at her and led her to the car. “Perfect,” Cam said as he opened his car’s passenger seat door. Kyla made sure to smirk at me as she pulled the door close.
“Cam,” I said. “Listen to me.”
He shrugged. “Like I haven’t had enough of that for years. Always listening to you, trying to figure you out but never really finding out who you truly are. Don’t be sad, Collins. I won’t fail ‘Night Moon’s’ expectations.”
“Cam, I didn’t—”
“Screw this,” he said, cutting me off. “I need time to think of all the positive things I could tell Kyla about me, me, me. Should I start with my athletic skills or my good looks?”
Finally, it struck me. Here he was, confessing that he loved me, and the next second he’s throwing it all away just because of a lie? All of a sudden, he’s just going to fool around with the next girl he sees? If he truly did love me, he would listen to me. He would let me explain.
He wouldn’t have another girl in his passenger seat.
“Oh, I don’t know, Camden Sun. Why don’t you start with how well you can adapt to situations? With how quick you can replace the ‘girl you love’?” I spat at him. “Oh, look, that’s another good point for Night Moon to write!” I said with mock glee.
His jaw hardened.
A small sob escaped from my lips, and I bit my lower lip to stop myself. But even then, I could feel my face twisting into my stupid crying face as the waterworks began. For a second, he almost looked concerned.
“I’m really glad to know that you have so little faith in me, oh mighty Camden Sun,” I said. I took a step back, shaking my head. “And for a moment, I believed you really love me.”
I opened my car door.
“Well, Collins, for a moment you had me believing in you as well.”
I spent the night crying. I just couldn’t stop myself. Mom called me for dinner. I didn’t care. There I was, on my bed, feeling horrible because everything’s just screwed up—and Cam was probably with Kyla. On a bed (I refuse to think of a couch). And he’s probably forgotten all about me.
Jake came into my room without knocking.
Drying my tears, I turned my back to him, rolling over. “Go away.” My voice was muffled by the pillows.
“Sherri told me everything,” he said.
“Great. Now go away,” I told him.
It was quiet for a while. I almost believed he already walked out of the room without shutting the door, but then he said, “Did you talk to Cam yet?”
I didn’t answer.
“Did you?” I heard him sigh. “Shea, you have to tell him about this. He—”
I bolted upright. “Well, Jake, I did! Well, I tried. But you know what I found? Him going home with Kyla Greene! Yeah, so much for that, huh?”
Jake stopped and looked at me. “R-really?”
Sniffing, I sat and hugged my knees together. I nodded. He looked really shocked.
“Now go away, Jake.”
“He was hurt,” Jake said. “He was just hurt. Clear you head, Shea. Have a proper talk with him.”
I shook my head. “Well, first off, I wasn’t the one who hurt him. Second, even if I was, it doesn’t give him a right to hurt me back. Jake, he told me he loves me. H-how can you expect me to still believe him when he found a perfect replacement in less than twenty four hours?” I couldn’t stop my voice from trembling.
Jake shut up.
“Now go away. Close the door,” I said.
“Shea, it’s just him being a dickhead. He was hurt, so he’s trying to boost his ego or something. But you seriously have to talk this through.”
I shook my head. “He can go screw off with his big ego. See if I care.” I pulled my blankets. “Now go away.”
With the way he looked at me, I knew he didn’t want to leave. I knew that he wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to cry all over again. He was sort of a nice brother, once in a while, but I really needed to be alone right now.
“Please,” I said one last time.
Quietly, he said, “Okay,” before leaving.
When I was finally alone in the darkness of my room, I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down all over again. I cried more than I ever did my whole life, so much that I almost thought I would never cry again.
I slept with tears in my eyes.
My life had suddenly turned into this miserable ride. Everyone shot looks at me. Jake seems to pities me, which irritates me more than I show. Cam won’t even talk to me, not that I complain, seeing as I'm trying my best not to look at him either.
At least Sherri was still here for me. Well, Dexter too.
And honestly, I could have gotten through all of it looking okay. I had my head held high. Whatever anyone thinks of me, I don’t give a heck.
“You have to talk to him,” Sher told me one time during lunch. “You seriously have to.”
“Hey, are you eating your mashed potatoes?” I asked her, deliberately changing the topic.
She shot me a disapproving look. “It’s been five days, Shea. Talk this out.”
“Seriously. I'm still hungry after that Physics test. Can I please have your mashed potatoes?”
Sighing, she shook her head. “It’s mine, and unless you march right up to Cam and talk with him, I'm not letting you have it.”
I slumped back in my seat. “Fine. I'm not that hungry anyway.”
“You’re impossible.” She shook her head. “You seriously have to—”
“I have good news and bad news.” Dexter, appearing out of nowhere, cut Sherri off. He set his lunch tray on the table and sat with us. In all seriousness, he said, “Which do you want to come first?”
Sherri and I exchanged looks before saying, “The good news,” in sync.
He sighed. “Well, the good news is I found out who your stalker is, and that it’s the same person who hacked your Yahoo account.”
“You did?” I asked, eyes widening.
Sherri sighed in relief. “Thank goodness. Who is he, Dex?”
“That’s the bad news. The stalker is not a he, but a she. And you know her.”
I blinked. A girl? So, it was all to sabotage my life? Those creepy notes and everything else. And I strongly suspect that she’s also the one who took my cell phone. I didn’t know why anyone would even think of this—why anyone would want to sabotage my life. As far as I know, the only person who has the right to make my life miserable is Ned Stolowitzki, just because I accidentally gave him a black eye during gym freshman year, but he doesn’t seem like the vengeful type, really.
“Who is she?” I asked him.
His answer made my world stop turning.