Epilogue
If there's one thing I've learned from all the bad things that happened to me, that is things happen when it's supposed to happen. I have no control over things. Kahit na patuloy ko mang iwasan ang isang bagay, kapag nakatakdang mangyari ay talagang mangyayari.
I don't want to see Blue again. Simply because I don't want to be reminded of all the pain he caused me. I want to be fully over it. But what can I do? Mukhang pinagtatagpo talaga kami ng tadhana.
"What?!" Keanna exclaimed when I told her about me and Blue and his family meeting. We're currently at a bar, celebrating Keanna's promotion. This is supposed to be just a fun night but I couldn't hold it any longer. Kung wala akong pagsasabihan ay pakiramdam ko puputok na lang ako bigla.
"Ang awkward nga eh," sabi ko habang nakatulala. I tried erasing it in my mind pero patuloy pa ring bumabalik na tila ba ayaw akong lubayan. Ang traydor lang talaga ng memories eh.
"Buti nakaalis ka pa nang buhay," she commented. "So anong nangyari? Did you talk?"
"Hindi. Para akong tangang tumakbo palayo sa kanila," I replied.
When I saw them earlier, my body froze for a while. Pero nang maka-recover ay hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko't bigla na lang tumakbo na parang nasa race. It was stupid, I know. But that's how my body reacted. And it already happened kaya wala na akong magagawa pa.
"Di ka niya hinabol or what?"
"As if naman hahabulin pa ako 'non," I mumbled saka ininom na lang ang natitirang gin sa baso ko. I suddenly want to get drunk tonight. "But you know what?"
"What?"
"I somehow felt relieved that I let him go," I said. Hindi ko na namalayang bahagya akong napangiti. May sakit akong nararamdaman but it was not as painful as it was at first.
"Nakita kong ngumingiti si Blue. It wasn't like the smile he used to give me before. It was different. He's happier," I mumbled as I thought of his face, his smiling face. "And their kid? He's so cute and he's so happy. Kung ipinatuloy ko 'yong kasal, I'd feel guilty. I can't take away the kid's happiness. He's happy he's with his dad." Naramdaman kong lumapit si Keanna and sat beside me. And she began hugging me while I began crying.
"Masaya na siya, Keanna. Masaya 'yong pamilya nila. Masaya sila kasi kompleto sila."
"Magiging masaya ka rin, Kristy. I know you'll find your happiness soon."
"Pwede bang ngayon ko na lang makita 'yang happiness na 'yan? Ang lungkot-lungkot ko. Gusto ko nang sumaya," parang tangang sabi ko.
"Oo, parating na," Keanna whispered just when Raymond arrived.
"Anong nangyari diyan?" Tanong nito nang makita akong umiiyak.
"Nakita niya 'yong tarantado mong kaibigan," Keanna replied. I let go of her hug and tried to wipe my tears with my hands. Napansin iyon ni Raymond so he gave me some tissue.
"I'm so sorry, Kristy," sabi nito. Every chance he gets ay nagso-sorry siya sa akin. It was like he's saying sorry again and again in behalf of Blue.
"CR lang ako," paalam ko saka tumayo na't naglakad papuntang CR.
I went inside the CR and checked if anyone's there. Wala namang tao kaya ibinuhos ko na lahat ng pwede kong ibuhos.
I cried my heart out, like it's going to end my pain. Wala naman akong magagawa eh. I'm just good at crying.
I faced the mirror and saw my tear-stained face. Pulang-pula na ang mga mata ko sa kakaiyak.
"Huling iyak mo na 'yan, please," I said to myself through the mirror. "Mag-move on ka na. It's time for you to be happy again. Please."
I went out of the CR with the determination to keep my life going. I realized nothing will happen if I keep on thinking about him and the past that we have. I need to move to finally move on.
I was on my way back to our place when I saw someone familiar. He was talking to someone. Tinitigan ko pa siya nang ilang minuto before I got the courage to approach him. But he began walking away.
"Gelo!" I called. It's so noisy he probably didn't hear me.
"Gelo!" Tawag ko ulit but still, he didn't hear me. Marami pang taong humaharang sa dinadaanan ko and he's walking so fast. Nahihirapan akong maabutan siya.
Sa sobrang pagmamadali ay nakabangga pa ako. I had to help her get up. Medyo lasing kasi siya. I forgot I was following Gelo. When I looked ahead ay hindi ko na siya natatanaw. But I still tried to look for him.
Isa pa 'tong si Gelo. Di na nga nagpapakita sa akin, pinapahirapan pa ako.
Lumiko ako sa isang hallway because I thought dumaan siya roon but to my surprise, I saw a couple making out. Halos mapasigaw pa ako but I tried not to. Mukhang hindi naman nila napansin ang presensya ko.
"Pakshet!" I whimpered. Nagtago ako sa likod ng isang malaking halaman just a few meters away from the couple making out. "Sa dinami-dami ng pwede kong makita, ito pa," reklamo ko. Aalis na sana ako to mind my own business pero biglang lumakas ang ungol ni Ateng kaya na-curious ako.
Kaya sumilip ako.
"Oh my god!" I mouthed when I saw what's happening. Ipinasok na! Ipinasok na! Pakshet!
"Kristy?"
"Ay pusanggala!" Agad akong napatakip ng bibig. I don't want to interrupt them from what they're doing pero mukhang napalakas ata ang sigaw ko.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
"Gelo?" It's him! "Shocks! Ba't ka bigla-bigla na lang sumusulpot! Naistorbo tuloy natin sila!" Pangaral ko. Hinila ko na siya palayo sa lugar na 'yon para maipagpatuloy na nila Ateng ang ginagawa nila. Hindi madali kapag hindi natuloy. I know the feeling.
I was busy dragging Gelo out of the bar that I didn't realize I was holding his hand. Saka ko lang napansin 'nong nasa labas na kami.
"Sorry," agad na sabi ko saka binitawan ang kamay niya. Naupo kami sa isang bench. We were about a foot away from each other.
Suddenly, it became awkward.
"I heard what happened," he said in a soft voice. "I'm sorry."
"Ganun talaga. Things just happen," I mumbled. I can't look at him in the eyes the same way before. Siguro dahil 'yon sa pag-amin niya sa akin bago nangyari ang lahat.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Wala kang kasalanan, Gelo. You don't have to say sorry for not being there. Kasi alam ko naman kung bakit. It's me who should say sorry," I said. Sinubukan kong tumingin sa kanya. That's when I saw him already staring at me.
"Wala kang dapat ika-sorry, Kristy. Hindi mo rin kasalanan. Alam ko kung sino talaga ang mahal mo at tanggap ko 'yon. Hindi ko ipipilit ang sarili ko sa 'yo. I'm fine being just your friend. Basta alam ko lang na okay ka."
"Alam mo, sana ikaw na lang minahal ko," I suddenly mumbled. He then chuckled saka nailing na iniwas ang tingin sa akin.
"Sana nga, ano?" He mumbled. "Pero 'wag nating ipilit. Kung mamahalin mo man ako, I want it to happen naturally. I don't want to force things to happen," he said. Nginitian niya ako, and I did the same. "For now, let's focus on making you happy again."
"Thank you," I mumbled.
Nawala man si Blue sa akin, I know I'm still blessed because I have my family, Keanna, and Gelo. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para sumaya ulit ako. I shouldn't focus on things that can open up my wounds. I should focus on healing myself.
"Nasa loob si Keanna. She got promoted kaya nagsi-celebrate kami. Tara?" Aya ko kay Gelo.
"I know. Tara."
--
That year was the roughest year for me. Whenever I think about it, I couldn't help but be proud of myself. Hindi madali ang pinagdaanan ko but I was able to get over it and focus on myself. Sa tuwing nagbabalik-tanaw ako, I realized how strong I was back then. And that's what matters for me now. I lost myself, but later found a better version of me.
That was 4 years ago.
Madami na akong napagdaanan but nothing compares to that experience. Sobra akong tinest ni Lord 'nong panahon na 'yon. But I'm glad I stood strong. Those painful happenings made me even stronger.
Right now I'll be facing another brand new chapter of my life. Alam kong pagkatapos nito ay ibang pagsubok na naman ang mapagdadaanan ko. But I'm ready for it.
"Ready ka na?" Keanna asked and I nodded.
Sabay kaming lumabas ng room, wearing our beautiful gowns.
"Pagkatapos nito, iba na ang magiging buhay mo," Keanna said. She sounds sad but I know she's happy for me.
"Alam ko. Pero handa na ako."
We arrived at the venue just as the ceremony was about to begin.
I looked around and saw the girls wearing white or dirty white gowns and the guys wearing tux. Sobrang peaceful tingnan ng paligid. It makes my heart warm.
And the procession began.
The last time I walked on an aisle wasn't a good memory. But right now, I am certain this walk won't be a bad memory.
As I was walking on the aisle, I saw Gelo smiling at me. Kita ko ang kakaibang saya sa mukha niya and I'm glad I'm seeing that now.
Gelo has been a very good friend to me. We were awkward once but we were able to get over it. And I am just so blessed that I have him in my life.
"I am not a perfect guy. Our relationship is not that perfect. We fought, we even broke up a lot of times. But I'm glad I fought for you. Every time I am with you, I couldn't help but think how lucky I am that you chose me," he said. I couldn't help but cry at his words. It's just that I never really imagined I'd be hearing all of these from the playful Gelo. I never imagined him be this serious and romantic.
"Marami tayong pinagdaanan. Nasaktan ako, nasaktan ka. I want to curse at those people who made us miserable, but at the same time I want to thank them. Kung hindi dahil sa kanila, walang 'tayo' ngayon. And I'm glad nilapitan kita and I comforted you. Now, you're mine," he added.
"I don't know what else to say. Ang nasa utak ko lang ngayon ay 'sa wakas, akin ka na at makakasama na kita habang buhay'. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Mahal na mahal kita and that will never change."
Naninikip na ang dibdib ko sa kakaiyak but I had to remain poised. I don't want to look ugly with all the red and puffy eyes.
"You may now kiss the bride," the priest announced and everybody cheered.
Pati ako ay naki-cheer habang itinataas ni Gelo ang belo. He then kissed her and I joined the crowd in giving an applause to the newlywed.
I'm glad my best friend found his the one. Too bad I can't witness them having their own family soon.
I have to leave later. At 12 am ay flight ko na going to New York. I'll be leaving for good. I got a very great job offer there ad who am I to not accept it? It's my dream.
"Hindi ka na talaga magpapapigil? Aalis ka na talaga?" Gelo asked. Nasa reception na kami and everybody's already having fun.
"Gelo, I want to do this. Alam mo namang nag-eexplore ako ngayon diba? I want to try new things."
"Diba okay naman ang shop mo? Should I takeover?" Rainie asked. She's Gelo's wife now. She was my classmate when I was studying photography. Nagkakilala sila because of me and I'm glad it worked out.
"Should you?"
"Sayang di mo makikitang lumabas si baby," sabi naman ni Keanna habang hinahaplos ang medyo malaki-laki nang tiyan ni Rainie. Yep, Gelo knocked her out. Wala namang problema because they're both at the right age na.
"Tell me when and I'll fly back just to see my inaanak," I mumbled.
"Mami-miss ka talaga namin," Rainie said.
"Ako rin naman eh. But I have to do this for my satisfaction."
"Satisfaction ka diyan. Bago kayo magdrama diyan, tara sayaw tayo. Lubus-lubusin na natin 'to habang libre pa," Keanna mumbled.
They went to the center and started taking over the dance floor. Hindi agad ako sumunod. Tiningnan ko muna sila isa-isa. They're so happy. At iyon ang gusto kong maalala kapag umalis na ako- their happy faces. Masaya na akong masaya na ang mga importanteng tao sa buhay ko. 'Yong happiness ko, to follow na lang.
I'm glad everything's working out for the better. I'm glad everything's okay now despite everything that happened.
I'm glad all that's supposed to happen have happened. I want to thank God for everything. Truly, He will never give us any challenges that we can't handle.
So with a genuine smile and contented heart, I went to join them.
--E N D--
Yep. It's the end. Sorry I didn't say anything. Initially talaga I planned na 40 chapters lang. And tadaaaaaa.
This story is not perfect and I'm so sorry for that. Sobrang daming echos nitong story na 'to. I began writing this 2015 pa ata and I was like 17 or 18 yrs old back then. Nasa phase pa ako na nag-eexplore lang. Actually wala talaga akong concrete plot para sa story na 'to eh. Ito 'yong tipo ng story na bawat chapters ay nakadepende sa mood ko (pansin niyo naman siguro ang mga sudden changes of moods?) May bahid rin ng kabaliwan ang story na 'to. And I never really thought na may magbabasa nito. SO kung umabot ka man dito, super thank you. Thank you for patiently waiting for the updates. Thank you for the reads, the votes and the comments. I appreciate you all a lot :)
I hope you learn something from this story and I hope you can find time checking out my other stories too.
Again, thank you, readers. God bless :)
PS. I'm on Twitter @EessaArkisha
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