"Liyah, no...that's not it..." He whispered. He stared at me for a long moment then sighed and grabbed my hand."Liyah, I'm sorry."
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. "Ugh..." I was so sick of hearing that it disgusted me. I looked towards the wall, breaking eye contact.
"Look at me," his fingers curled under my chin. Pushing my head back towards his face. "I know you're tired of hearing that, but Liyah I really am sorry."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, hesitantly. " I tell you everything. Everything about my childhood, all my deepest secrets, and you do the same. Why was this any different?"
His eyes fell unto the carpet.
"Be honest."
"I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. I'm just...so embarrassed by the whole thing. You wouldn't understand..."
I jerked my head back. "Whether or not I understand doesn't give you the right to hide it from me. I don't care, you should trust me enough to come to me, but instead you hide it from me. As close as we are? You still hid it from me." He always blushed when I mentioned our sex life. He was so provocative, so manly when it came to pleasuring me. He knew exactly what turned me on and what didn't. On the other hand, anytime I called him sexy or tell him something dirty beyond belief, he would shut down and become embarrassed, vise versa. When someone else mentioned it we both would. "If you want to marry me you can't keep anything from me..."
He shook his head from side to side and let go of my hand, rubbing his face with both in frustration.
"How long has this been going on?" I finally asked with a sigh.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know...sometime last year is when I noticed it. I...haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, but Joseph and Randy say they think it's something called Vitiligo."
Vitiligo?" I've heard of that before..." I said mostly to myself.
"You have?" He said. As if he was surprised. "Where?"
"Sasha," I was still speaking dryly. "I used to read her nursing books when I was little. I don't remember what it said though."
"Is there any treatment for it?"
I glanced up at him. "I don't know, I can't remember. Not a lot of people know about it anyway."
He groaned and laid back in the chair. Cursing under his breath.
It hurt me to see him this way. I could tell it was hurting him to have to deal with this. He sat there with eyes shut tightly. I grabbed his hand wrapped both my hands around it. "Can I see it?'
His eyes shot open, growing wide as if he had seen a ghost. He shook his head from side to side. "No, Liyah..."
"No?"
"No, I don't want you to see...it's too embarrassing."
I moved myself closer to him. "Baby, please?" I plead.
"No,"
"Why not...?"
"I'm afraid..."
"Of what?"
He sighed, and leaned toward, staring at the wall."What you will think. You've already flipped out on me about it. I don't want you to leave me because of this."
I was stuck and stunned. My mouth dropped to the floor as I began to shake. I couldn't believe him. I couldn't believe he would think that. What would make him think that? I shook my head slowly as I continued to stare. What was I suppose to say?
He looked at me when we felt my stare."What?"
All of sudden, out of no where tears just came falling from my eyes. I immediately covered my face to hide them. Why was I doing this? What as wrong with me? Never had I ever done this before. Just crying out of the blue like this. I was crying like something had hurt me to the depths of my soul. I could feel his confusion in the air, falling on my shoulders. I just kept my face covered while they soaked my hand.
"Liyah?" I shifted my body the opposite so I wouldn't have to cry harder. I tried to stop my tears from falling but they just wouldn't stop. I didn't know why I was becoming so emotional all of a sudden.
"Don't cry...Liyah...please.." he said as he stood up and walked around to the other side of the sofa where I was facing.
"You don't trust me anymore.." the words slipped from my mouth like water.
"What? I do."
I shook my head. " No you don't...if you did you would've told me, and if you did you wouldn't be saying that I would leave you."
"Why would anyone want to be with someone who's starting to look like a leopard?"
"Love," I answered.
He snickered at that answer, as if it's the worst answer I could possibly give someone.
"I told you before...I'm not with you because of your looks, or your name. I'm with you because I love you. I may as well have that condition too because there is nothing you or anyone else could do that will take you away from me!" I shook my head, frowning my eyebrows. " I mean what makes you think I would leave you for this? What kind of a person do you think I am?"
"You broke my heart once before, Liyah."
"And I promise I won't ever do that again." I said softly, feeling another tear roll down my face.
"You promise?"
" Yes, I promise." I reassured him...nodding my head. "Can I please just see?"
He sighed and stood up from the couch pulling me up with him. He began dragging me all the way to his room where he kicked the door close. He stood in the middle of it and staring at me with nervous eyes. I dropped my hands to the side and walked up to him. I rubbed my hands on his sleeve and allowed them to trail up his color bone. I touched his warm neck, letting him know he could trust me, and began unbuttoning each button of his red shirt while I watched his expression.
When I pulled it off his arms I tossed it on his bed and pulled up his t-shirt he wore underneath. I gasped softly when I saw it. It hadn't quite reached his chest bit if was spreading up his right arm. I could also see it on his neck. Little spots that looked like chocolate on splattered peanut butter. "Have they given you anything for it?"
"Yeah. Something to stop the spreading."
I shook my head. "I'm so sorry."
"For what?"
"Being so insensitive...I feel so bad..." This was just another thing to add into the list of insecurities that he had. One thing was his nose, his brothers and Joseph teased him so badly about his nose. It hurt him worst coming from Joseph. He was the main reason why he got a nose job in the first place. Michael didn't even like looking at himself in the mirror.
He shook his head up and down and sat on the bed.
"I should've known..." I said.
"Don't blame yourself, Li."
"I know I frustrate you. Why do you keep giving me chance after chance?"
He gave me a look that said, Really Liyah, really? "What part of I love you, don't you understand?"
"I know, but...you should at least....tell me when I'm hurting you. Or when your frustrated with me." I sat on the bed with right leg folded underneath me. "I need to know what exactly I do to push your buttons."
He took the hem of my shirt and started playing with it. " Your insensitivity hurts me sometimes, Li. I need you to comfort me, not flip out like you just did."
"Okay...but the only reason why I flipped out that way was because you didn't tell me."
"I understand that, but you always jump to conclusions. Thinkin' I'm doing something you know I would never do." He said. "I feel like you just...look for a reason to be mad at me so you can walk away. Like just now...you literally just jumped in my back about this and was ready to throw fit because you wanted to go home. It's like..." he looked away pressing his lips together."I don't know how to describe it, but I noticed it with you a long time ago. Wevqould get into a fight and then you'd tell me to leave. But when I try to you will just break down and start cryin' because you don't want me too. It confuses me. And when you get mad...it's like you're a different person and that scares me. I'm always trying to figure what is wrong with you, because you take everything so personal that I don't even think it's normal. Sometime, think you have something...goin' on in your head." His words fell into a piercing whisper. I blinked away some tears as I glanced down at my fingers. Guilt came over at me once. It was silent and he was just staring at the floor. I guess thinking of what to say next. "I want you know that I love you, and I am sorry for not telling you. I just...I didn't want you to look at me differently, you know?"
I hated it when he got all psychological with me, but at the same time, it amazed me how well he knew me. He knew me more than I knew myself and for some reason it scared me. I sat there playing with my nails trying to figure out how I could change my ways for him. Lose all my fears and insecurities. At that moment I cursed my mother for doing what she did to me. She made me that way. He had been trying for years to show me how much he loved me, and I knew he did. It just scared me that this man loved me. It always did. I never knew what love was. I never knew how that felt like and now that I did....I felt like it couldn't be right. Sometimes I wondered if I was dreaming. It couldn't be real. It was too beautiful to be real. I was constantly expecting him to hurt me one way or another because that's what I was used to...but he never did.
"I just didn't want you to leave me. And I know that you won't, but..." he shrugged his shoulders with a heavy sigh.
"I'm here as long as you want me," I whispered when I felt it was safe to reply.
That's when he looked at me. "I'll always want you," he whispered back. "One of the reasons why I can't let you go is because I already have it in my mind that you're mine. It's just not official yet."
"Official?" I questioned, clueless.
"You haven't agreed to marry me yet."he pulled me into his naked arms. " When you become a Jackson then it'll be official."
I rolled my eyes. "Why are you so quick to make a commitment?"
"I knew I wanted to marry you the first day we met. Now that you're twenty...I'm getting impatient."
My face became quizzical as I stared at the black television screen. "Why?"
He laid his head against mine. " You know the answer to that already. I love you, and I mean I really love you. To the point that it hurts. People are constantly asking me when I'm gonna get married and have a family of my own. I never really had an answer because I hadn't found the right one yet. Now that I have you, and I know you're the one for me I can answer that question."
"But shouldn't you wait until you're ready, not when the world thinks that you're ready?"
"I do want to marry you because I feel I'm ready."
"But this ain't nothing that you can just play over, Michael. Marriage is a big step." I protested.
"And after everything that we've been through I think we deserve it."
My eyebrow began to curl. "Uh...how do we deserve it?"
"Think about it, Li. We both think we were the two most loneliest people in the world. Our childhoods were very different, but in many ways...they were the same. You can't tell me you don't think we belong together."
"I do, but..." I closed my eyes and sighed. Cringing at how corny his words sounded to me.
"But what?"
I shook my head. "I don't know....maybe I'm just...scared..."
"Liyah, have I given you any reason to be scared of me."
I thought for a moment. "No...actually... you haven't."
"Exactly." Another sigh escaped my lips. "The only time you should ever be scared is if a guy try to flirt with you."
"Huh?"
"Do you know I can't stand to see you around another guy?" He asked me. "I gotta tell ya Li. When you told me you slept with that guy, I wanted to hurt him."
"Michael!" I gasped. I couldn't see him hurting anybody.
"I know we weren't together, but in my mind you'll always be my girl. And I don't like to see you running around with anyone but me."
I looked at him with a smile spreading. " You were jealous!"
"Hell yeah I was jealous!" He said. "What do you expect? For me to just be okay with that?" He shook his head viciously. "No."
For some reason I became tickled by the way he was acting. It was actually kinda cute. " Believe me...you are the only guy I run around with."
"Good, because if I'm not I need to know now."
"You're the only one for me, you remember that." I said as I laid back in his arms. He tightened them around me as we fell back on the mattress.
" It really doesn't bother you?" he asked after a quick moment of silence.
I felt my eyebrow furrow. "What?"
"This?" he held out his arm in front of me and ran his finger up and down his arm.
I shook my head, "No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I'm more curious about it than I am worried that you have it. If it's the fact that you say it makes you look like a leopard, I could care less about what you look like. I mean you shouldn't judge a person based on their looks or what they have. It's the inside that counts."
He smiled at me and placed his hand over my cheek. "Why can't the whole world be like you?"
I snickered. "I don't think you'd be able to handle that."
He laughed." No, you're one in a million." He whispered as he kissed my forehead. His lips fell to my nose then eventually my lips where they stayed there. Slowly I began to sit up from the bed to allow our kiss to become deeper but he wrapped his hand around my waist and held me halfway. His other hand was rubbing my thighs softly. I felt them trail all the way up to my buttons where he slowly began unzipping and unbuttoning up my pants. "Babe?" I breathed. He was kissing my neck now, the sensation was building up. " What about mother?"
"She won't hear you....she's on the other side of the house."He began pulling off my tight jeans revealing my red laced underwear. He stopped when he saw them, his widening as if he had been completely and utterly surprised. "You look so good in that." He breathed. Biting his bottom lip.
I smiled at him and closed my eyes, he was so sexy when he did that. His lips was back on my neck, this time more aggressively. I let my head fall back when I felt his warm tongue on my skin. He pushed my leg up on the bed and pushed the other on out farther where he began rubbing my inner thighs while he continued to make me hot by using his tongue and lips. His lips slowly trailed to my color bone where he slowly pressed his lips against, causing me to jump as the sensation shot through my bones. He giggled to my reaction and began to suck on the little skin that was there. I my head fell back as I gasped for air. I began clutching onto his shoulder and the bed sheets while he continued. When I felt his tongue there I let out a soft moan. I was going crazy. My underwear was becoming soaked as the wetness began to form beneath me.
His hands ran from underneath my thigh to my underwear. He slipped his fingers down them. He paused for a moment to allow his lips to kiss mine again, leaving my color bone burning with sensation; screaming for him to come back. Our lips broke apart and our tongues began wrestling each other, while his finger suddenly began rubbing me. Going slowly on me. I erupted in moans, sighing into his mouth.
His finger slipped further down to capture the wetness that was there. He began rubbing it on my lips and on my tip. My body began to shake as I rose into the heat of ecstasy. When his hips broke away from mine only my moans came out. Then when he went back to my collar bone my moans rose to a higher volume level. His it was then that his finger slipped inside of me. My head fell back again and I fell back on the mattress with him falling on the side of me, his lips still on my color bone.
He had never done this before. Never touched me that way before. I couldn't believe he was actually doing this. It seemed like ever since we had gotten together back sex had gotten better and better. It was like his had learned some new tricks while we were apart. I losing my mind while he continued to work me. I thought I was going to cry because he felt so damn good.
"Liyah..." he said softly, his breath was hot against my skin.
"Hmm?" I opened my eyes to see him staring up at me.
"You want me to stop?'
"Oh, God no!" He smiled and kissed my lips again as he set his hand to work. This time going a way faster than he was before sliding his finger in and out causing my body to tingle as a reaction to the pleasure. I clutched his shoulders, digging my nails into his back as I was set over edge. It was hard for me to understand how someone so shy could do such amazing things to me in bed. Not many people would expect something like this from someone like him. Yet, here he is, his finger going a million miles per minute, making my legs shake. God it felt so damn good!
My moans began accelerating getting louder by the second. I muffled the sound by covering my mouth with his shoulder blade. It kept me quiet but then as I found myself sucking and biting on his skin he started moaning along with me. I let my hand trail down to his jeans where I could feel his manhood, he was hard as a rock. I began to feel around for the button and when my finger caught the metal I yanked it off; quickly unzipping them. I shoved my hand down his underwear until I found the flesh there. When I grabbed it he let out a moan and started pumping his finger inside of me harder and faster. Causing me to moan even harder I pumped my hand, squeezing it lightly while going as fast as I possibly could. His moans and groans told me how much he liked it
I pulled him of his pants to have more room to work my magic on him. Our lips found each other again while our bodies moved closer to on another. They were like magnets...begging to connect together. We were kissing each other passionately as our hands moved on one another in a hard fast motion. My head fell back and his teeth got stuck between my bottom lip. He pulled on it before letting it go and taking a dive for my collarbone. "Shit!!" I breathed loudly when his tongue began running across it back and forth. I wanted to say his name but it only came out as,"Mmm-mhmmm...."
He parted his mouth and sucked in my skin again. He began sucking on it hard causing me to rise from the mattress trying to fight back my screams. I don't want anyone to hear us. Even if they were on the other side of the house, that didn't mean they couldn't walk in his side either. My legs began to jerk while my stomach muscles grew tighter. I bite my lips hard trying to fight it, but his finger was still going deep inside of me and he was still sucking on my color bone. I was was past my high. I was in a whole different universe! "Fuck!" the word slipped out against my will. "Please...." I cried. "don't stop..." My voice was shaky and it sounded like I was dying.
His lips trailed softly off up my neck and to my lips where the began to slightly brush against each other. Then all of a sudden he stopped, but his finger remained in its place. He smiled widely at me," Stop cursing..." his other hand fell softly over my mouth.
He was teasing me, knowing how much I hated that. I closed my eyes tightly trying to comprehend everything. "Baby....please...." I pleaded sounding like a little girl.
He jerked his finger a little inside of me causing me to gasp and jump all at the same time.
"Oh, my God..." I thought I was gonna die.
He did it again, this time harder and what sounded like a painful moan escaped my lips." Will you stop?" he asked.
I shook my head up and down viciously. "Yes!"
He pulled out his soaked finger and began rubbing against my lips and my tip again. A burst of moans erupted from my mouth filling the room. I liked the warmness that I felt. He let his finger rub me fast and hard until my legs automatically pushed me away from it. I collapsed on the bed catching my breath while he immediately started pulling off his jeans. When he was fully naked he laid on top of me, rubbing his erection against me. I moaned even harder. He pulled my shirt over my head and threw it the side with my underwear and my jeans. Then took off my bra tossing it along with the rest.
With both our bodies naked and underneath sheets we both became determined that night. Determined that we would show each other how much he love each other. No matter how long, or how loud we got we were gonna show each other.