A/N: This is long asf. Sorry the epilogue is up a little late, but enjoy reading the last chapter <3
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MACKENZIE'S POV:
I comfortably laid on the ever-so-familiar queen-sized bed. It was now winter. Despite the cold, I prefer t-shirts over sweaters. So I never wear hoodies. It's stupid, really, but my love for fashion returned around two months ago. I was scrolling through magazines and was mesmerized by the new styles people modeled every day.
I was in a large t-shirt, the huge blanket kindly wrapped around me, giving me a sense of warmth. The only time I feel that in the winter is in Johnny's arms. If you're wondering, yes. We're still together. He's managed to not cheat on me once more, and we've been happy overall.
He hangs out with Lauren more now. If we're going to be honest, I've been the one slacking off the most with the babysitting. I've been so depressed these days, I just simply don't have the energy to chase Lauren around the house for an hour.
Johnny and Annie have resolved whatever issues they had before, and returned to being friends. I've gotten closer with Hayden as well. I realized that having a guy best friend can really help you with your marriage issues. Even better in this scenario, considering Hayden is best friends with Johnny. Johnny tells Hayden everything, and Hayden may or may not drop a few hints while we're talking.
Johnny and I have been taking care of Lauren full-time now. Usually, we'd deliver her to the babysitter. But Lexi has just recently gotten engaged. She wasn't quite interested in men, and found love in a girl. I think her girlfriend's name was Faith...
Annie's babies are now due. She gave birth a few months ago, her and Hayden prepared tremendously beforehand. They had girls; a set of twins. Lauren has gotten quite attracted to the babies, and now considers them her best friends. Lauren is now 4, she's gotten a little taller, but not really that much noticeable in the height difference.
Lauren is currently at Hayden's house. Johnny is too, that's why I'm alone in the house. I decided to sleep in, just to relieve my mind of all the stress that's been on me lately. Its been over a year since Johnny and I got back together, and it still somehow feels like it was yesterday.
Even worse, the unforgettable memory replays on a loop while I'm sleeping. I only feel safe in Johnny's arms, but he spends around two days a week sleeping over at Hayden's house. The guest bedroom is no longer a guest bedroom, the two Hannie babies sleep there as of now.
It's always the same cycle. Johnny falls asleep on Hayden's couch. Then I'm forced to go home and leave him there. I always sit back and admire his face when he's sleeping for a few minutes before leaving. (A/N: Haha me). He just looks so relaxed, it really is cute. The only downside of this is that his eyes are closed, covering his green orbs.
I never tell him about this, he really doesn't need to know. Anyway, sleeping next to him is always peaceful. But when he's not there, depression hits me quickly. I spend the whole night grieving over the past, wondering if Johnny would ever hurt me like that again. I'm hoping this will fade eventually, but I'm not really sure at this point.
It's not like Annie and Hayden are my only friends, I actually made a few this past year. I decided to reach out to Carson after all. It took a lot of thinking, but I was curious as to how he was holding up with the whole Brynn situation.
It's been over a year since the park incident, and Brynn still remains undetected. The police have given up on the investigation at this point, she was labeled an unresolved case. I can't even imagine how Carson took the news, it's his wife after all.
I contacted Carson. He seemed very depressed and moody at first, but he's been improving. His perception of life is no longer positive, he doesn't see a point to live happily anymore. I guess I can relate on some levels, I went through a similar experience. Except his is more serious, we're talking possible death here.
Carson and I have come out to be great friends. I talk to him every once and a while, we usually sit at a cafe and chat about our issues and what not. Johnny didn't like Carson at first, due to some sort of jealousy. I talked it out with him, and Johnny decided to finally give Carson a chance.
Johnny and Carson became super close, causing Hayden to join in on the bromance as well. Carson isn't that close to me and Annie, but we all definitely consider him part of our inside circle.
Netherless, I don't like to think of Brynn much. It'll just give me sad vibes and put me in an even more depressed mood. Keeping her out of my mind is best. I still think of her from time to time, but keeping the grieving to a minimum is for the best.
I tug onto the edge of the blanket, quietly groaning and shutting my eyes because of the bright light coming out of the large window that caused my eyes to burn. I sleepily shrug off the blanket, letting my whole body be exposed to the cold weather. I shivered, whimpering out of my bed, bearly even half awake.
I shuffled to the bathroom mirror, staring at my appearance in the mirror. My hair was a mess. Everything else was too.
I sighed, picking up my hairbrush and fixing myself. I combed my hair until my hairline was evened out, lightly stroking it for a while longer so I can be somewhat happy with my hair. I eventually gave up, placing the hairbrush on the bathroom counter and wandering my feet back to my bedroom.
Despite the sun outside, my body was freezing. Wearing a t-shirt really isn't the best fashion choice at the moment. I shrugged carelessly, screw fashion. I'll wear a hoodie if I want to wear a hoodie. I effortlessly picked up the first hoodie I saw, not paying much attention to the patterns on the hoodie and throwing it over my head.
I jogged down the stairs, not even caring to eat breakfast. Eating is overrated. Because of instinct, I walked to the fridge. Sadly, I was too short to see the top of the fridge. My vitamin E bottle is placed there. I randomly wander my hand across the ceiling of the fridge.
My hand hit the familiar-shaped bottle. My face dinged, as I grabbed it and brought it down to my level. Opening the bottle cover, I pushed my hoodie sleeves up the least bit to avoid any cream reaching it.
I softly rubbed a little amount of cream to the palms of hand, screwing the top of the container on once more and throwing the whole bottle on top of the fridge.
This had a become a routine for me. I've done it so many times that it's basically a habit. I don't even have to think, I just do it and get on with my life once it's over. I've put Vitamin E on my hand every day for the past year.
Johnny bought me a cream pack a while back, and I've been forced to use them ever since. I didn't want to at first, Johnny would always have to convince me to. But then I realized that it's for my own benefit, it doesn't really take much effort to put cream on your hand anyway.
The red scars I got over a year ago have faded for the most part. They've actually almost completely disappeared. Unless you focus on my hand for a while, you won't really realize there are pink short lines left there.
I'm more than thankful that the red marks are gone. I no longer have a walking reminder that Johnny kissed another girl. I rarely even think of that anymore, but instead remind myself of all of life Johnny and I have faced over the years.
I let my sleeves down, my routine of the day finally ending. I really only woke up this early in the morning to see Johnny. I would usually wake up much later on weekends, but I haven't seen him in a while. Both Lauren and Johnny are over at Hayden's house, I might as well visit them.
My phone laid on the table I left it on last night. I lifted it up effortlessly with my healed hands, dialing Annie's number. I was planning to tell her that I was coming over, I might as well give her a little warning beforehand.
I waited for two dials before setting the phone up to my ear. Annie answered the call on the last dial, her voice shaky and worn out. "H-Hey, Kenzie." I furrowed my eyebrows, curious as to why she sounds so rushed.
"Hi..." I trail off. "I just called to let you know that I'm coming over?" My statement came out sounding more like a question, not that that was intended. She remained silent, which added on to my suspicion. I slowly and hesitantly hung up, thoughts filling with my brain very quickly.
What if Johnny and Annie are kissing?
Just think about it. Johnny slept over at Hayden's, and Annie just happened to be there. It's not like it's the first time Johnny cheated on me. He did it once, I don't know for sure that he won't do it again.
You might think I'm just being paranoid, but everything adds up. This is almost exactly the same scenario that happened over a year ago. I was mostly right then, and I'm sure I'm right now.
I angrily grunted, wanting nothing more than to wish my belief wasn't true. Well, there's only one way to find out. I bolt up the stairs, and onto my bedroom, scattering to the bottom drawer of my counter with all my papers. I searched it with both my eyes and my hands.
I was looking for a specific pair of papers, one of great value to me. My eyes landed on the divorce papers. I could tell they were what they were because the top contained colorful letters. I quickly snatched it and violently slammed the counter door shut.
I might as well bring the papers with me. If they really are doing what I think they're doing, I don't even want to waste one more second of my time glancing at me– the same goes for Annie. I'll hand him the papers, say my goodbye to Hayden, and walk away.
I felt numb– a feeling I felt a lot in those devastating two months. I knew I wanted to cry, I knew it. But my tears refused to fall, they were just stuck there. I was actually quite glad, I don't want to show any sign of weakness once I'm there.
Huffing, I furiously ran to the living room closet. I picked the first coat I saw– a short black one that I got a few years back. My actions remained sharp, as well as my mind. I've already done this once, and I didn't want to do it again.
At least this time I'll be doing it differently. I won't spend time chatting with Hayden. I won't burst into tears and run to the bathroom. I won't scream at him, because, frankly, he doesn't even deserve to hear my voice anymore. And I definitely won't make the same mistake of digging my fingernails into my skin anymore.
To think forgiving him would help me. I felt so stiff, all my body parts scrunched so tightly and forcefully. I attempted to let loose a little bit, shaking my body lightly. But it was no use. I ignored my stiff movements, shaking my head and moving to the door to put on my shoes.
Once I was done, I pushed out the door with the divorce papers in my hand. I began my walk to Hayden's house. I stared at my feet and tried to pay attention to how they easily swayed. But it didn't really distract me the least bit. My thoughts poured in.
Johnny promised me he wouldn't cheat again. I thought he'd changed, and that things can finally go back to how they used to be. Maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself, but maybe I'm not. My trust in him never fully gained back. Every day that would go by, my trust for him returned slowly. I believed that he wouldn't do that to me again.
Going through the pain of being cheated on once again is the part I feared the most. Because I know I'll want to run back into his arms. But I won't be able to. Because then I know for sure that he'll do it for the third time. Doing it once is a mistake, but twice is a choice.
And out of Annie of all people. He'd cut off contact with Nadia completely, we all have. I haven't spoken to her in over a year, nor do I want to. But having to cut off communication Annie as well is going to be a challenge. It's not like I don't have other friends, because I do. But she's my best and longest friend.
I was very close to digging my fingernails in the palms of my hands, but I contained myself and reminded myself that I don't deserve to be in pain. Yes, I'm not amazing. But I sure as hell don't deserve to go through this again. To feel alone and empty again, looking yourself in the mirror and feeling unhappy. It sucks, I want nothing more than to overcome that.
I coldly chuckled to myself. The Deja Vu is laughable, this scenario is almost exactly the same. Maybe Johnny is kissing Hayden, and not Annie. Who knows? The possibilities are endless at this point. I speed up my walking, wanting nothing more than to get away from my thoughts and reach Hayden's to prove my assumptions aren't just assumptions.
My feet were freezing to the point where they hurt me. I had just noticed that I went outside– in the winter– without any pants whatsoever. My hoodie was long enough to cover everything, but my dressing choice really isn't the smartest. I pushed the sleeves of my coat further down, hoping it'll warm my hands.
(A/N: Winters in Canada suck. So cold ughhhhhh it's winter soon fml).
I caught a glimpse of Hayden's house, making my face light up and causing me to run even faster towards the house. It really does suck to have to throw a whole marriage down the trash just because the man can't stay committing and keep their hands to their selves.
My face remained numb. I wanted more than anything to cry and pour my feelings all out at this point, but I'm going to be strong. I sprinted like an idiot to Hayden's doorstep, knocking on it aggressively too many times to count.
Hayden confusingly opens the door, flinching once he realized it was me. "Kenzie, come down."
I ignored him. "Where's Johnny," I croaked out. I was accidentally glaring at him, making Hayden ever more confused.
"Upstairs. Why?" I ignored him once more, entering the house and shoving Hayden out of the way. I wasn't intending on being rude, but I was no longer interested in making small talk. I didn't want to waste one more second, I just wanted to ensure myself that Johnny really is cheating on me.
I stomped up the stairs, my nose puffy from the cold weather outside. I rubbed my nose with my coat, taking off the black coat and without much thinking, shoving it down the stairs. I rolled my eyes out of annoyance and continuing my stomping up the stairs.
Hayden's plain door was in front of me. I took a deep breath, twisting the doorknob slowly and hesitantly. I grunted at how much of a coward I am, finally pushing the door open.
There sat Johnny and Annie.
I let my breath out, relieved.
Johnny was on his phone, laying at the corner of the room. Annie was playing some sort of game with Lauren, and her two babies. Lauren and Annie were across from each other, each one baby in their lap. Annie was guiding Lauren, whose body was too weak and tiny to hold a baby properly.
I let out a loud whimper, prompting everyone's attention to revert to me. I fell to my knee's, my breath heavy and unsteady. I was wrong, they weren't doing anything. Johnny came running to me, worried. I let my hands loose, the divorce papers falling to the ground.
I immediately fell into his arms, grasping onto his jacket like my life depended on it. I broke down. The numbness feeling disappeared, my tears rolled out and I began sobbing into his shoulder.
I caught a glimpse of Lauren and Annie staring at me with awe. The twins, of course, don't understand what's going on. I let out my shaky breaths, attempting to calm myself down. They were muffled due to the fact that I was pressed against Johnny's chest.
Johnny stroked my back, repeatedly asking me what's wrong. I lightly pulled myself away from him, rubbing my eyes. "I thought–" I cut myself short, sighing again and pushing myself into his chest.
I can't believe I'd ever think he'd ever do that to me again. He's been nothing but kind and supportive the past year, he doesn't deserve me. He's too good for me. I had such little trust in him that I suspected he'd cheat on me again. It was selfish of me, and I owe him an explanation.
But, for now, I just want to feel his comforting hold. Johnny slowly pulled me away, grabbing ahold my hand and bending down to pick up a specific pair of papers. He scanned them with his eyes, turning to me once he realized what they were. "Why do you have these?"
I opened my mouth, but closed it right after. How am I supposed to tell him that I thought he'd cheat on me and I brought them with me for extra measure? I could make up some excuse. But there really isn't a reasonable explanation as to why I brought divorce papers with me.
Johnny gazed at me sympathetically, as I stared down at my wet and soggy shoes. "Do you... want to get a divorce? Is that why you came here?"
I shut him up immediately. "No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. I thought–" I discontinued myself once again, shutting my eyes out of embarrassment.
"You thought what?" Johnny demanded, eyeing the papers. I covered my face with my hands, beginning to cry again. Johnny soothed my sides. "No, don't cry. Please." I uncovered my hands from my face, letting them down.
"I thought you were going to cheat on me again," I admitted. Johnny's stiff and worried face dropped, converting to a soft unknown expression. I didn't want him to feel this way, or feel guilty. I remember telling him that I rarely even think of the whole cheating fiasco anymore. He didn't show it, but was obviously more than happy. He'd known he'd messed up then, and wanted nothing more than to wish that mistake had never happened.
Johnny quickly licked his lips, grabbing ahold of the sides of my face. "Kenzie, I told you. That was a mistake, that's never going to happen again." I broke out into my cry for the third time, wrapping my arms around him and hiding my face in his shoulder.
I didn't want to lose him. He's the only thing I truly care about in this world. Of course, there's Lauren, Hayden, and Annie. But none of them could ever beat him. He's always there for me. Even in moments when we're fighting, he still thinks to get me something. I'm more than lucky to have him.
"I love you," Johnny pecked my forehead, a sigh audible. When I was divorced, not having him in my arms was the hardest part. Not just the idea that I was single, or that my husband cheated on me, but the fact that I couldn't wake up in the morning and have him next to me. He is and always will be the best thing in my life.
My trust in Johnny is irreparably broken, and he knows that. He'll have to gain my trust back over time, one year isn't going to fix things completely. He's willing to wait, because he loves me. And I love him too. And it's my job to remind him that every day.
"I love you too," I sobbed. It's stupid how scared I was to find out whether or not Johnny really did cheat on me. I guess love makes you do stupid things. Being divorced was mentally painful. It was hard, most likely the toughest time in my life. But the thing is, I'm no longer Divorced.
T H E E N D !
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A/N: Yo yo yo I was crying while writing this. This SUCKS but I took so long writing it and it's long asf so no WAYYY am I re-writing it. Eh, it's not that bad.
Okay, Ik some people wanted a sad epilogue. I did want to do both, but that would easily confuse people. Happy votes won, I really wanted to write a sad epilogue tho to make u all mad but I decided against it bc I'm nice. Sry stopovereacting :(
Next is the Thank You chapter, which I hope you read.
-3665 Words.