I pulled off most of my clothes until I was in my underwear, twisted as much water as I could manage out of them, and spread them out in the sun to dry. And after a minute of, not so discreet ogling from the Mexican, he did the same. From what it looked like, we were about a mile from the sea shore, but it seemed like the current made us drift sideways, instead of towards land.
"We gotta find something to paddle with," I stated, and nudged Joe to move to the edge of the basket.
"You start searching the sea for drift wood, and I see if I can find something else. Now, where did you put that handle I gave you?"
I was wondering if I could manage to cut loose one of the small beams of the basket frame, but my thoughts got interrupted when he kept sitting there, staring at me.
"Earth to Joe! Over?!"
I waved my hand in front of his face, and he finally managed to tear his eyes away from my mid section to look at my face.
"You are not gonna pull another 'Gail told me to shut up', are we clear?! You..." I pulled him up from his seating position, and pushed my pointing finger to his chest to emphasize my words.
"...are...gon'...be...speaking...when... spoken...to...ya...hear...me?!"
Joe swallowed and nodded, with cheeks flaming red, and I finally noticed what his problem was. A humongous boner, that was threatening to break through his slacks. I rolled my eyes, nodding to his problem area.
"Now is not a good time to point around with things like that, Joe, unless you're planning to use it for paddling."
I chuckled lightly and watched him desperately trying to hide himself, and in the corner of my eye, I could see the shaking shoulders of the Mexican, telling me that he was laughing silently too. The charm of body language,'eigh?
"I-I... am so s-sorry, Missy... But I just wasn't expecting you to... Uhm. Take off... I... It's... Look you're smoking hot, okay? It's distracting!"
"Yeah? And you are drooling, now snap out of it! Use your eyes to find a suitable oar so we can get dry land under our feet."
Joe started to dry his mouth, and squinted a little when he found out I was just messing with him. But when I expected him to get to work, he just kept standing there, with satellite dish eyes, open mouth and a slightly tortured look in his face.
"Did you forget how to human, boy?!Move!" I yelled, and slapped his shoulder.
"Alright, alright! But Missy... Your..."
He raised his eyebrows, while discreetly eyeballed my chest area. Then he coughed and continued whispering.
"...nipples...are showing."
I placed my hands on my hips and scowled at him.
"Look how I care! Can you just..."
My eyes went large, when I felt a bile rising in my throat, and two seconds later, I was on my hands and knees, hollering into the sea like a mating walrus. I immediately felt Joe's hand stroking my back, cooing silently. And I heard the Mexican say something that Joe obviously didn't understand.
"Aaah. Tu novia esta embarazada. ¡Felicitaciones!"
I suppressed my need to rinse my mouth, when I remembered how bad salt water tasted. I just spat out as much of the ugly taste as possible, and dried my mouth with my hand, slowly getting up to wash it on the other side of the frustratingly useless floating device. Just how useless it was, occurred to me barely a minute after, when I noticed that the basket was floating heavier in the sea than earlier.
"JOE?!"
"MISSY?!" we screamed simultaneously.
"WE'RE SINKING!!"
"YOU ARE PREGNANT?!?"
We stared at each other, barely taking in what the other had said. Then Joe repeated himself.
"A-are you p-pregnant...?"
I scoffed loudly.
"What?! Nooo! Of course not! Where did you get that idea?"
"The man says... Well, he says a lot of things I don't understand, but he's patting his belly and points at you. I-is th...."
I cut him off with annoyance written all over my face.
"Listen, mister! The only one pregnant here is the man who suggested it. And frankly, I don't give a rat's ass to try to explain to him, that..."
I turned to the Mexican with an angry glare, and saw him cower a little.
"...I'm notos preggos, assholos! Capish?! Do I look fat to you?!"
Then I turned back to Joe and repeated myself.
"Do I look fat to you?!"
"Of course not, Missy! But you have been sick several times the last hour, and..."
"BECAUSE I WAS AIRSICK, JACKASS! OKAY?!"
"But we're not up..."
"The only thing you need to wrap your head around, is that this birds nest we're sitting on, is fucking sinking! Do you hear me?! SINK-ING!"
Joe blinked a few times, and finally managed to tear his eyes away from me. He glanced quickly back to the Mexican, who looked like he wished he was on a different planet. And honest to God, I didn't blame him. I mean, I wouldn't mind... Then Joe's eyes caught sight of where I was pointing.
"That... Wasn't under water...earlier," he mumbled.
"Exactly! Now, if you don't mind, I would appreciate if you came up with a clever idea of what to do. What? Nothing? Yeah, I thought so..."
I tried to comb my fingers through my hair, but gave up because it was so wet and tangled, so I stomped my foot in frustration instead.
"W-we can swim...?"
Joe's incredibly stupid suggestion made me roll my eyes so hard, that I thought I'd never be able to see straight again.
"Really... Swim? Did you by any chance grow fins and gils, and a friggin balcony on your back for me and the foreigner to stand on, while you swim us to safety?! No? Darn... You just got my hopes up!"
"Uhm... Per definition, the Mexican is less of a foreigner than we are, so I don't..."
"Will you shut up?! We need to get our asses to shore!"
"I know! And I suggest that we swim, bec..."
"We! Are! Not! Swimming!" I screamed at him.
"There really is no limit to your idiocy, is there?"
I sighed and tried to calm myself.
"If we swim, Joe, we're gonna die. Twice!"
"What?! No! And how ar..."
"First of all, it's too far to swim! And second..."
I waved my arms dramatically around in the air in front of him.
"...SHARKS!!! They eat people!"
"But, Missy... I'm sure..."
"Don't Missy me, powderbutt! If I could, I would fucking beat the puberty out of you, and force you to be a man, because I've never met someone as useless and retarded as..."
The Mexican cut in between us, and my eyes snapped up at him. I hadn't noticed his body odour before, but I most certainly did now. And this was after he had taken off his clothes and bathed in the sea....! Needless to say; I puked...
He jolted aside, and barely got out of the way for my sudden outburst, figuratively speaking. But truth to be told, I was too angry to really get embarrassed. And Joe knew how agitated I was, so he didn't dare to rub my back this time. Instead he kept his distance, while resting his hands on his hips and a slight pout on his face.
"Alli viene un bote."
Both of us looked at the Mexican and discovered that he was pointing at something in the distance. Joe saw it before me.
"A boat! Missy! We're saved!"
Spontaneously, and totally without thinking, he jumped over to me, wrapped his arms around me and picked me up in the air. And then... He kissed me.
"Nooooooooooo!" I yelled, and he groaned loudly.
"I just puked!!!"
I pushed him away, and saw him blushing and smiling like an idiot. But then he kissed me again, and groaned for the second time.
"Stop kissing me! I taste bad! It's disgusting!"
I tried to get away from him, but he had framed me like an octopus. And the intensity in his kiss made me lose all focus for a moment, only able to process the feeling of his soft, hungry lips on mine, and his tongue that teased my teeth. And I'm pretty sure that the hefty makeout session would've escalated fairly quick, if it weren't for the half naked, smelling man next to us. He didn't say anything. And I swear, that embarrassed me more than if he'd interrupted us, either verbally or physically.
"You are a bundle of beautiful when you're mad, Missy. And I don't mind becoming a father at all!"
He dug his face into the crook of my neck, and sighed like a fool.
He really believes that? He thinks you're pregnant? ARE you pregnant? When was your last period? When did you get your last shot at the doctor's office? Gail...? Gail! FUCK! You might be pregnant!!!