I hope you'll have fun reading this chapter as much as I had fun writing it 😆😉😝
Btw I love the deeper insight into Lukas' mind in this version ... do you? 🤔😉
🔥🔥🔥
LUKAS
"Flowers?" Corinne scoffed in my ear as I entered the building. "You bought her flowers?"
"Yeah, isn't that a universal apology?" I glanced at the bunch of white orchids in my left hand.
"Only if you're a cheater." My best friend laughed mockingly, making me regret I ever called her to ask for advice.
Normally, I love her ruthless sarcasm, but this day has been one of the worst of my life, especially after Tara said we were done, I wasn't really in the mood for mockery. I rolled my eyes just as the elevator doors opened. "Well, the florist said white orchids are ideal for an apology when heavy words were thrown around and-"
"Flowers do nothing." Corinne scoffed. "Flowers are like, the most ridiculous apology ever, Luke. Who are you, some cheating husband from the '50s?" She mocked. "Besides, have you seen a single flower or plant in the apartment ever since you moved in?"
"Well, no, but-"
"What does that tell you?"
Sighing, I headed to the trashcan near the elevator, and threw the white orchids into it. "She hates flowers."
"Bingo." Corinne laughed. "Seriously, you're so smooth with women, yet with this girl you keep on making one mistake after the other."
"Well, it's different," I admitted, dropping back against the wall beside the trashcan, "I've never needed to work this hard to get a girl."
"Because it was bang-wham-goodbye." My friend laughed way too hard at my dilemmas. "Getting girls for one night or ... in your case a few weeks, is super easy for someone with your looks, babe. But love? That's a whole different animal."
"I never said-"
"Oh, shush, you're in love with her, stop denying it." Corinne scoffed. "And I mean, it's not the revelation of the century, you know." She claimed. "Based on what you told me, you legit stalked this girl in high school, then you moved in with her with some bullshit excuse ... there's actually a fine line between love and obsession, babe, and you almost crossed it."
"Hey, that's not fair." I complained. "I'm not obsessed, I just ..."
"Love her." Corinne laughed mockingly. "Love, love, love ..." she sang, "Lukey is in love, love, love ..."
"I hate you sometimes."
She guffawed. "You know you love me way too much to mean that." She paused strategically. "But I bet even I would come only after your precious Tara."
"It's a different kind of love."
"Ah-ha! You admit it's love, then!"
I rolled my eyes, sighing. "Fine ... yes, I love her. As in, I'm deeply, madly, foolishly in love with her." I'll admit it felt good to say it out loud to someone instead of letting the words roam in my head endlessly.
"Well, so, go get her." Corinne suggested simply. "But not with flowers, Jesus, no ... and probably not jewels either. She doesn't sound like the jewels type."
"You don't even know her."
"Well, you don't either if you bought her flowers."
"I was desperate, okay?" I whined, feeling sick to my gut. "I've been an absolute jackass and I hurt her so bad. Sorry just doesn't cut it. Hell, she didn't even want to hear it. So, I thought ... I don't know, maybe a gift would help."
"Yeah, but flowers." Corinne repeated mockingly and at the same time disgustedly. "Flowers, babe ..." she laughed, "come on, you're not cheap like that. Flowers are for cheap-ass men who don't even feel like making an effort. If you love her, you'll fight for her."
"It's not like I haven't." I argued, frustrated. "I mean, hello? I've been worse than friendzoned, I've been ... roommate-zoned, fuck-buddy-zoned." I sighed heavily. "There's only so much rejection even I can take."
"Don't take it as rejection," Corinne argued, getting serious for a moment, "take it as proof that she might be in it for the long haul."
"How? She keeps on rejecting every effort I make at getting closer."
"Do I need to remind you your misdeeds?"
I rolled my eyes as I got out of the building, needing to find some other token of apology, something better, something ... more specific for Tara. "I didn't even kiss Sheila back, I told you. I hesitated for like, one or two seconds."
"Well, that was one or two seconds too many." Corinne scoffed. "Luke, this girl is traumatized. Do you get that?" She paused, and I somewhat sensed where she was going. "I know something about that kind of issue."
"Cor ..."
"When you spend your early life being told you're not enough, you start believing it. Especially when it comes from high sources."
"Like your own mother ..." I murmured, recalling the words Tara let slip about the things her mom tells her. If I were to ever meet this woman, I'd give her a piece of my mind.
"Exactly." My friend agreed. "Pretty much all the people she's let in have hurt her, humiliated her, made her feel worthless. A few compliments from a hot guy won't change that, babe." I nodded to myself, agreeing with Corinne, but also feeling desperate for anything I could do to break the cycle. "She's not me, Luke," my friend continued, "her insecurities are way more deeply rooted."
"Body dysmorphia?" I wondered out loud.
"Bitch mother, more like." Corinne scoffed. "When your own mom says you're worth nothing, especially from a young age, you don't have the means to disagree. Cos, I mean, it's your mom, she made you, if even she thinks you're a waste of oxygen, how can you believe the opposite?"
"Yeah," I sighed, "I don't even know the details, but seems that woman really did a number on her own daughter." I mentioned, talking to myself more than my friend. "Why have kids if you're gonna traumatize them like that?" I had the privilege of knowing, feeling, being immersed in the love of a mother, I could never understand how Tara's mom could say the things she says to her daughter.
"A mother isn't necessarily a mom." Corinne mused, and I knew she was also talking about her own case. "The point is, and I know it's going to be hard but it's extremely important ... you need to be patient with this girl. If you really love her, if you really want to be with her, you need to make peace with the fact that it's not going to be easy."
"I know that, I-"
"You don't, Luke." Corinne sighed, serious as ever. "You don't understand what it's like to feel worthless. I mean, I love you, babe, but have you seen yourself? Sure, sure, looks aren't everything, but they certainly help. A lot. Especially when you're charming and funny and everybody immediately likes you. Not all of us have that privilege."
"That's not true." I argued. "I liked you as soon as we started talking. You've always been a force to reckon with and I love that."
"That's very sweet, but what others see isn't what we see, babe." Corinne mentioned. "Try walking in your Tara's shoes for a moment. Her mom says she's not worth it, her bitch of a friend deceived her for years and ghosted her, the first guy she loved used her, belittled her, made her feel like dirt under his shoes. Then here comes this guy, a notorious player, flaunting an interest in mere sex." She paused, probably to let me process her words. "Do you see why she can't quite grasp your reasons for wanting to stick around after the deed?"
"You mean she thinks I'm playing her."
"Worse," my friend sighed, "she cannot believe you could possibly fall for her. And as a coping response, she's shutting down her own heart, in fear of falling for you instead."
"But-"
"Let me spell this out for you, babe, so you can hammer it in your head: she's terrified of loving you." Corinne stated, dead serious. "She keeps pushing and pulling because she wants you close but having you close might mean falling in love with you. And she can't afford that, because in her head, no matter how many times you reassure her you care, in her head she's convinced you don't mean any of it."
"But I do!"
"You don't know what you're talking about." Corinne cut me off. "That's what she believes. You only think you want more, but you're probably getting carried away because the sex if fantastic, because you two live together, spend a lot of time together ... whichever explanation her insecurities feed her. In her head, you could not possibly love her, no matter what, and subsequently, falling for you would mean atrocious pain. She's loved unrequitedly before, Luke, that kind of thing marks your heart deeply and it's hard to take that leap of faith again even in regular conditions, imagine when the idea that you're unlovable has been ingrained in your head since childhood."
I didn't reply, her words spun around in my mind. I don't think I've ever seen it that way. I've always known Tara was difficult, she's way too insecure for her own good, and I've heard with my own ears the self-deprecating jokes she makes. I just don't think I've ever fully grasped how deeply rooted her issues with herself are. "You're saying she hates herself," I murmured, mostly to savor the words, "she hates herself for not being what her mother or anybody else wanted her to be."
"She might have even come as far as accepting herself for who she is," Corinne contradicted me, "but accepting she can be loved without deceit, that's the bigger problem."
"I've done nothing but make sure she knew I want her, I want all of her." I argued, thinking of everything that's happened the past two months.
"No, babe, you've made sure she knew you want her body." My friend corrected me once again. "And it's not even far from what that moron – what's his name? Jacob? Jeremy?"
"Jason."
Corinne scoffed. "Jason? Really? That name is a red flag by itself." She grumbled. "But anyway, that moron used her for the sex, can you really say you've done anything different?"
"Now, wait a minute, I'm nothing like Jason." I argued, actually feeling insulted. I always got the reputation, while he was the real bastard.
"You're probably worse, though." Corinne pointed out, as if she weren't tearing apart all my certainties in one single call. I was so deep into it that I didn't even know where I was walking, I just blindly followed the crowd on the sidewalk. "I mean, as much of a bastard he was – and I sincerely hope his dick falls off –, he was clear about what he wanted ... but were you?"
"I was, I said it many times, she just ignores it."
"Because you make it sexual. I told you since day one, babe, don't mess with her head like that, you might not be able to get back from it. Case in point, now she doesn't believe you want more than sex."
I sighed, dropping against a random wall, my head spinning too fast to keep walking. "I made everything worse, didn't I?"
"Not necessarily. I do believe you built up her confidence ... but then you tore it down with one single quarrel last night."
"I don't know what to do." I raked a hand over my face, exhausted and sleep deprived. "Everything sounds useless. I didn't mean those things, Cor, none of it. But she was there with her ex and he's clearly still in love with her, I ..." I heaved a deep sigh. "Seeing them hug like that, her smile as she looked at him, it drove me crazy. I shouldn't have said all that crap, I didn't even think it, but I kept seeing her with him and I couldn't handle it."
"It's your first love, babe." My friend said in a sweeter tone. "You're freaking out, it's normal."
"I'm supposed to be in control."
"Says who?" She scoffed. "What, cos you're a man, you need to keep the reins of the relationship?" She laughed wryly. "Come on, Luke, you know better than that."
"Yeah, but-"
"Don't lose sight of your own feelings, Luke. Don't get so lost in her issues that you forget your own. Let me remind you, you have a lot to unpack as well." She chuckled for a moment. "I haven't met her, but I'm sure you two are made for each other even only because you're both repressed in your own ways. And I kinda feel like you are for each other the only chance at ... letting go, finally forgetting your traumas."
I sighed so heavily that people around me looked at me funny. "Why do you have to be so wise, Cor?"
"Well, first of all, I'm older than you." She joked.
"By five months."
"Well, I put those five months to good use." She laughed, causing me to smile endearingly. I could have never found a better best friend if I tried, she's really the sister I never had. "Now, think seriously about a gift for your cutie and don't go home before you have it."
"I thought you said gifts were pointless." I frowned, restarting to walk, mostly because I spotted a pawn shop on the other side of the road.
"I said flowers were useless. A gift with a deep meaning always serves the purpose."
"Well, like what? What do girls like?"
"Ok, first of all," Corinne mocked, "as the leading expert on how to woo a girl, you should already know."
"I've never needed to buy anything for girls," I mentioned a bit cockily, "I was the gift."
"Bleurgh. When you talk like that, I suddenly have an urge to barf."
I laughed for a moment. "There's something I might get for her." I mentioned, sobering up, then glanced at my watch. "It might take me a while and I might have to drive around the whole city, but I'm sure she'll appreciate it."
"You're not going to buy something at Victoria's Secret, are you?"
"Of course, not." I laughed. "It's way more personal." I smiled to myself, thinking of how Tara might react. "But thanks for the free therapy, Cor."
"I'll start charging you for these sessions soon enough. You're just lucky I don't have my license as psychologist yet."