I feel like this book is going so fast! I never want to stop writing it. Hope you all enjoy this chapter x
- Jasmine
(I wonder if anyone got the song reference that inspired the title of this chapter! First person to comment it here, gets this chapter dedicated to them!)
Chapter 15:
"CASSIDY, WHAT THE-" Candice's eyes were saucer wide and her face was permanently set in what could only be described as sheer, shock.
With one raised eyebrow short of horror.
Wild and frantic beats against Cassidy's door had announced Candice's unexpected arrival that morning.
Cassidy tunned the screams of her best friend out. She tried to imitate the impressive pancake flip she had seen on the cooking channel the previous night.
It was the first time she had watched Tv in years. Years.
Surrendering her phone to the other side of the house she tried to loosen her anxiousness at having her self-appointed appendage so far away. She tried to let the mindlessness of the experience melt her into relaxation.
She had fallen asleep that night in that same position. Face peaceful and flickering, cast in the wavering blue light.
Despite the tug of tension in the upper left quadrant of her neck, she hadn't felt so free in years.
Every moment her mind drifted to mundane topics, a flash of panic redirected her to all the emails she needed to answer, all the calls she needed to make, all the work she needed to do.
A mere three days ago she was thankful for that acute sense of focus. She loved how in tune her mind was to her work. How task orientated she could be, constantly.
But now, when the feeling came (and it did often come). She had to force herself to open the bars to the prison her mind had put her in. She forced herself to drift... to wonder. It scared her how often she had to do it, how unnecessarily guilty she felt about daydreaming. Guilty that she had conditioned her mind to chastise her for the simple notion of imagining.
True freedom would be hard to be coat herself in after years of the corporate life.
---
"Candice do you want pancakes?" Cassidy smiled and set a plate in front of her.
Now both eyebrows were raised. Definitely horror.
"Pancakes! What is your problem?"
Cassidy pressed lips into a thin smile. "I'll get you a fork and knife."
She passed the utensil to Candice, who snatched them out of her hand. Shooting her a cautious glance, she raised the fork and screamed in pain when she pierced it into her forearm.
"Candy! What are you doing?"
"I am ninety-seven percent sure I am dreaming right now, so I'm stabbing myself with this fork just to make sure."
"And the other three percent?"
Candice put the fork down. "The other three percent is because I've seen the security footage over a hundred times and dream Cassidy could never be as psycho as what I saw real Cassidy do."
Without responding Cassidy dug into her own plate of pancakes. She met Candice's shocked, questioning eyes with slow and careful chews.
"Mmm, they're good." She smiled approvingly at her hard work.
"Are you high?"
Cassidy began to make a pot of coffee.
"I need a few more pairs of jeans.Skinny jeans. Oh, and I also want to go to that belly dancing place down the street. I've always wanted to learn, but never had the time."
Candice looked at her incredulously. "You are so high right now."
After a careful moment of assessing the bright smile on Cassidy's face, she mused,
"Can you give me the number of your guy cause this looks like some good shit."
Cassidy deeply inhaled her coffee, took a sip and became one with its flavour. She loved coffee but rarely took the time to immerse herself in it. Its city-pace effects was why she injected into her system every morning, but the taste of it was why she craved it. It was nice. Tasting it. Letting it coat her tongue and throat. She was experiencing her favouite drink, the same way, in the same mug as she always had, but in such a different light.
"Candy, the only thing I am high on is life. And life is great."
Candice looked at her like Cassidy had just announced she was eloping to Indonesia with Ronald McDonald.
"So are we not going to talk about what happened on Wednesday?"
Cassidy took another life-giving sip of her coffee. "What's there to talk about?"
Candice slapped her hand to her forehead. "Cassidy you effing broke the ceiling fan! And I'm pretty sure you made Trisha cry...Not to mention the broken pot plant in the elevator..."
"Yeah, I should probably pay them back for the pot plant. That one was an accident."
Candice whipped out her phone and began furiously attacking the screen with her acrylic nails.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm calling someone to knock some sense into you."
---
Not even seven minutes later, the sound of an expensive car could be heard screeching up the driveway. A dishevelled and frantic Liam with a mismatched pink button shirt rushed into the house.
She hadn't seen him since that day.
He was out of breath and seemed ready to pass out on the floor, but immediately he ran over to Cassidy and started pressing concerned fingers and kisses onto her face, arms, back.
"Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
Cassidy slapped his wandering fingers away, in distaste. "Are you okay?"
The snickers coming from Candice pushed her into realisation. She pointed an accusatory finger in her direction. "What did you tell him?"
"She said you were attacked by a bear!" Liam answered.
"Oh my God. A bear attack in the middle of suburbia. How original."
"I wouldn't comment if I were you, Cass. I think that's better than what actually happened."
Cassidy gave her a threatening look that screamed, talk and you'll die. She picked up the fork and knife on the counter for good measure.
Liam looked between the two. "Am I missing something?"
Candice, immune to Cassidy's death stares and obviously unafraid of death by fork, began to tell the highly dramatized and sensationalised version of how a deranged (in her words, batshit crazy) Cassidy, unleashed the fury on the unsuspecting office the previous Wednesday.
Needless to say, she was fired and didn't think she would be receiving a highly complementary, flattering reference letter to go along with her resume'.
----
Wednesday
That morning Cassidy was clear headed. She knew if she had even hinted at what she was about to do... Candice would have talked her out of it.
She was doing it for herself. For Marissa.
As a commitment to the gravity of what she was about to do, she had sobered up. Painfully, emptied her five-thousand email inbox and updated her Facebook to fit her major life choice accordingly. There was no backing out after that. If it was on social media it was offical. In keeping with her usual manner of business, she had fully prepared what she was going to say and do. She put on her most power commanding outfit and had her letter of resignation typed and printed in her boss's favourite font.
It was going to be simple and far less dramatic than she had intended. She would go quietly to her window facing office. Say a short and sweet goodbye to the suede swivel chair that had become her second bed over the years, due to the late nights spent working. Give a sentimental salute to the squeaky desk drawers and the familiar, coffee stains that greeted her each morning, peeking at her from under the strategically placed paperweight while she worked.
Then she would collect her things in an efficient Cassidy like fashion. Leave her letter on the boss' desk, thank the sweet receptionist, Matthew and finally the company for what they gave her. And then.... leave.
But plans changed. Just like she had.
As she walked into her office one last time she remembered the first time she had walked into the building. A shy and unsure girl. Not knowing the legacy she would leave. Desperate to prove her worth. The skyscraper had looked so big and intimidating once upon a time. Like one wrong step and the corporate buzz would swallow her whole. Now they barely nipped at her ankles.
It all seemed much smaller now. Currently swimming in the belly of the beast, she knew that she was the real animal, all along.
---
With a glance at her career packed up into one tiny box, she couldn't help but feel at peace with her decision. Somewhere along the way, the love for her work had been replaced by a bitter, stressed taste in her mouth and an unsettled, quivering feeling in her heart, that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard she convinced herself it wasn't there.
Finding out that a far less competent, far more smelly and loud-mouthed man had received the promotion over her was the last straw. At first, she was angry. Infuriated in fact. But... there was no need to be angry. She knew she had put the hours in. It wasn't about the perks of the jobs or the fancy title, it was about proving everyone wrong. Proving to herself that she could do anything. For this was Cassidy's ultimate motivator for all things in life.
It had taken her far too long to confront it, to stare it in the face and make it bend to her will. Self-fulfilment.
But how could one thrive and feel self-fulfilled, spending their days shuttling anxiously back and forth between work, home, coffee shop, work? Over and over and over again, until one final day, she would get her last pay check, a pat on the back. Maybe a feature article in the office newsletter, before a younger sprightlier version of herself booted her out of her own office. She would walk right out of those doors and straight into a coffin. Closing the door shut on a life 'well' lived.
Having never travelled the world, never finding love. Never living.
Is this what Marissa gave her life up for? Was this what Carter scarified his happiness for? She owed it to herself, but most importantly she owed it to her sister.
This chapter in her life was over now.
Now it was time to broaden her horizons. Be selfish with her time. Take the space to heal, to grow in new and exciting ways. The prospect terrified her but it was also liberating. Now she would take time to find herself. To walk, to run, to fly.
---
She had made it across the floor of the building without being bothered. And she could almost taste the victory. Her arms had just begun to ache with the weight of the box and the elevator doors were in sight when she felt a heavy-handed tug on her arm. Halting her.
Of course she couldn't leave the office quietly and unscathed.
"Where ye goin Cass." Harvey elbowed her in the ribs in jest and immediately she wanted to drench her body in hand sanitiser. They weren't friends. Barely colleagues.
He looked at her fake smile and took it as an invitation to slap his pudgy hands to her back three times.
Her mental list of things to do now in the wake of unemployment: Hand sanitiser, six showers and throwing her clothes into a fire pit.
"I'm just collecting my things. I'm resining."
"Ahh I see." He winked at her exaggeratedly. Air quotations framed the insolence that came out of his mouth. "Decided to leave. I see...You know I understand Cassy I do, they're sharks the lot of em."
Cassidy was confused and irritated now. "Excuse me?"
Harvey barked out a laugh that made it sound like Cassidy had just told the funniest joke in all of human history. "I don't blame ya for not being able to handle things. Couldn't keep up with the men, it's understandable. You put up a good fight though girlie."
Cassidy was too momentarily shocked to do anything but stare wide eyed in horror at what the red faced man in front of her just said.
Shocked...but not surprised.
Having the emotional intelligence of the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe, Harvey continued, much to Cassidy's delight.
"Hey, since you don't work here anymore, we don't have to follow the rules. So what do you say love? You me, in my apartment, with a bottle of red wine?"
Placing the carefully packed box at her feet she faced Harvey head on. Her eyes were threatening. Danger glinting like sharp blades in the pools of molten honey. Everyone who had begun to dip their ears into the conversation could sense the change in atmosphere.
Cassidy felt a tingle throughout her body. The hair on her back rising in terrifying fury. The familiar ache of claws emerging in the place of her nails. She looked down momentarily at her fingers and remembered that they were no more. Her hands were one so capable, so strong and unbridled with power. All that was left of those claws was the ghost feeling, the callouses and the memories.
Might as well go out with a bang.
Sometimes Cassidy forgot she was born as a wolf. She had suppressed and blocked out that entire aspect of her being for so long. She could lie and force herself to believe in a much happier story. But in that moment... Everything turned red and she was all wolf.