~When you said your last goodbye.
I died a little bit inside.
I lay in tears in bed all night.
Alone without you by my side~
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These past few days have been nothing but hell. The pain from Andrea's death is still fresh. I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I've lost my soulmate. My best friend. My Andy.
Ryder has been with me through everything. Mike has also forgotten about all of our fights and he's being there for me.
It was clear that Andrea was murdered. The police has been looking into it. They keep searching coming to search for our house.
I haven't told the police about what Andrea said to me about Luke. I could be wrong about Luke. But if it was Luke who did it, I won't let them put him in jail.
I will kill him with my bare hands.
I don't care if that makes me a murderer. I will kill him for what he did. Or didn't.
Chris has left town. The memories of Andrea was too much for him. I can't even imagine how he must be feeling. My heart breaks for him.
The detective that was working on Andrea's case told us there was no murder weapon. If there was no murder weapon, it made their investigation ten times harder.
I spent most of my time sitting in the graveyard, beside Andrea talking to her. What's worse is that I don't see her like I used to see Landon. I stopped seeing him too.
This pain. It just won't go away. It keeps getting worse and worse. I feel like it will swallow me whole. I'm drowning in it. And it's hard to keep my head above water.
And I'm scared shit less that this time, I will give in to the pain. I will drown willingly.
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Luke has been MIA since I tried to kill him. But I can't kill him. I can't become a murderer like him. Instead I'll hurt him. I'll hurt him really, really badly.
He tried to tell me that he didn't do it. But who else could it be? Who else could hate me that much to kill someone I love. For all I know, he could've killed Landon just because he hated to see me happy.
Just like he was trying to kill me and Ryder. But I still remember the intruder in my house who tried to kill me. The intruder was definitely a woman with manicured nails.
I bet it must be Crystal working with him to make our lives hell. Or it must be someone else. I don't know what to think.
My life has a become an episode of Pretty Little Liars. (Wink wink😉)
I'm so clueless. I don't know where to start. I mean I know it is Luke. But maybe Andy was trying to say something else. Ryder doesn't believe that Luke did it.
I want to believe him. I really do. But I have mixed feelings about Luke. I think he did it. But then I also think someone else did it.
God! I should stop thinking so much.
A knock was on my door. I mumbled a 'come in'.
"Hey how you holding up?" Ryder came in through the door.
"My head is going to explode from thinking so much."
"Then stop. I might have something that will take your mind off of everything."
"Oh thank god." I said, running my hands on my face.
He pulled me up by my arms and made me sit on a stool he brought in the room. He then, position a stand in front of me, the one you use to paint.
He put a blank canvas in front of me and handed me some brushes and paint palette.
"You do know I don't know how to paint right?" I said, as he put another behind me and sat down on it.
"I know. Which is why I'll teach you." He said sitting down. His warm breath hit my ears. He put his head on my shoulder tilting his head to look at me.
"Why can't we just go kickboxing? I need to take this frustration out." I groaned.
He just chuckled and made me hold a paint brush. I purposefully dropped the paint brush, not really in the mood for painting. He pinched my waist making me jump.
"Don't knock it till you try it." He said, handing me the brush again. This time I held it and positioned it on the canvas.
"You have to dip it in paint, Rose." He said, his voice holding amusement.
"See. I don't know how to do this. Let's go kickboxing." I said, putting the brush down.
"Okay. Let's make a deal. You will at least try to paint with me. And then we will go kickboxing. Sound good?" He said.
I sighed and nodded my head.
"What should I paint?"
"First thing that pops in your head. Try to paint it. And I'll help you along the way."
The first thing that popped in my head was Andy's grave. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I dipped my brush in grey paint and tried to paint the image in my head.
I started with the tomb stone. It didn't turn out as realistic as it was in my head, but I was no artist. At least people could tell what I was drawing.
Ryder's hands were on my waist while his head was resting on my shoulder.
"Keep going." He said, encouraging me.
I then picked up a brown colour and tried to make it look like the dirt in the graveyard.
Ryder already knew what I was painting. He rubbed my shoulders soothing me.
I tried to paint myself sitting beside the tombstone. But it looked like a stick man character.
But that didn't bother me. I kept painting. Frustration started building up in me.
I started thinking of all the time I spent with Andy. Her laugh. Her smile. Her anger. Her annoying nature. Her advices. Most of all her love.
Why did God take her away from me?
Why does God take everyone away from me?
Am I that bad?
What sin have I committed to deserve this life?
To deserve this never ending pain?
Why doesn't it stop? When will it stop?
How many? How many people are gonna die until it's enough?
I didn't realize the tears falling from my eyes. I became more and more frustrated at the painting. I dipped it in any colour I could find and rubbed it vigorously on the canvas.
The stand swang back and forth from the force I was painting. I was smearing paint everywhere on the canvas, even on my hands.
Ryder didn't try to stop me. I picked up the paint palette snd threw it on the canvas. The paint splashed everywhere on me, on the canvas, on the floor.
I was sobbing all the while. I kicked the stand making tha canvas fall. I fell down on my knees crying.
Ryder sat down behind me on the floor and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He didn't say anything as he just rocked me back forth and let me cry.
"Please make it stop. It's too much." I choked on the words.
"Please. I want to feel anything. Anything but pain. Please. Make it stop."
"Please make it stop." I kept repeating it until I was engulfed in darkness.
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I woke up on the floor. Ryder's arms were still around me as I realized I had passed out on the floor. I was still covered in paint. I got up from the floor with Ryder.
I needed a shower badly. I spent at least half an hour in the shower. I stood frozen under the ice cold water.
It felt good to feel numb. Why can't I be like this all the time?
Why can't I be numb to everything?
After the water ran out, I stepped out of the shower and changed into some sweats.
I cleaned my room. I was too exhausted for kickboxing now, so I just decided to sleep again.
A knock was on my door. Mike's head popped in.
"You haven't eaten anything." He stated.
"I know. I'm not hungry."
"But you have to eat Hailee."
"I know. But I don't want to. Please just leave me alone Mike. I'm not in a mood to fight."
"Neither am I. I just wanted to give you your food and leave."
"Okay put it there and leave." I said, motioning towards the bedside table.
He put the tray on the table and left without another word.
I wasn't in the mood to eat, so I just left it on the bedside table.
My phone buzzed. People have been sending me messages all day about Andrea. I haven't replied to any one of them.
I picked up my phone to see another message from an unknown number.
Unknown No:
Sorry about Andrea. Her death was necessary.
Unknown No:
Stop running after Luke. He will probably kill himself with all the pressure I've been giving him to do my dirty work.
My blood ran cold at the messages. There were more than one people involved. But who could they be?
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The song above makes me cry😭😭
I feel so bad for poor Hailee. Please don't kill me for killing off Andy😭💔
Question of the day!!
Would you rather be drowned or burned alive? (Stupid question😂 I know. Just curious)
I'd rather drown.
Leave your answers in the comments ❤
Until next time.
M.K 💖