"I didn't even know it was possible to make spaghetti sauce," Castiel says as he watches Dean mix various tomato products together in his crockpot.
"Welp, now you do," Dean replies. "It's really good. It's like normal sauce but it's thicker and better." He presses a few buttons in the crockpot, then wheels himself over to his fiancé at the kitchen table. "And now, we wait."
"How long do we wait?" Castiel asks.
"Like, three hours or something," Dean says.
Castiel gapes at him. "You're expecting me to wait until past seven to eat?"
"You said you wanted to try my awesome sauce," Dean says, then laughs to himself. "Awesomesauce."
"You are literally a five-year-old," Castiel says.
"Then you're literally a pedophile," Dean replies.
Castiel stares at him blankly. "I genuinely do not know how to respond to that."
"I know you don't," Dean says with a grin. "Anyway, I've been on Twitter a lot, and your fans are getting really bored and they're being weird and stuff, and I just wanted to show you want they've been up to lately."
Castiel taps his fingers against the table patiently as Dean pulls out his phone, getting something set up. He slides it across the table to the boy, who picks it up. All he did was search up the words "Castiel Jack related," and there's a whole thread waiting for him.
"Proof that Castiel and Jack Kline are related: a thread."
The entire thread is just side-by-side pictures of the two, and they look exactly the same. Castiel stares at the screen with wide eyes, awed by how this works. They really do look similar.
"The replies at the end are the best part," Dean adds.
Castiel scrolls through the replies, and he can safely say that Dean is right about that.
"Castiel taking 'daddy' to a whole new level."
"@JackKline we want a paternity test."
"There's no way this is a coincidence. And the fact that they're basically best friends? They must have known."
Castiel's personal favorite is this conversation.
Person A said, "We've never seen Castiel's mom. We've never seen Jack's dad. Coincidence? I think not."
Person B said, "Castiel's mom died and Jack's dad left him. This is common knowledge."
Person A came back with, "That's what they want you to think."
Person C said, "It's really disrespectful to say that. Think about how Castiel and Jack would feel if they heard you say that about their parents."
"Can I reply?" Castiel asks.
"From my account?" Dean asks, confused.
"Yeah, that's why I asked instead of just doing it," Castiel says.
Dean shrugs. "Sure. Just don't make me look bad."
"You make yourself look bad," Castiel replies.
In response to person C, he says, "I can't speak for Jack but honestly I think this is freaking hilarious. —Castiel."
Person A's response to person C was, "Castiel doesn't even use Twitter and I'm pretty sure Jack couldn't care less about his deadbeat dad but go off I guess."
Person D said, "Excuse you but Jack's 'deadbeat dad' was actually Chuck Novak and he's done nothing to deserve this slander -_-"
Person A just said, "SKSLSJDKDKSKS."
Castiel shakes his head in amusement and hands the phone back to Dean.
"So, when are you getting the DNA test?" Dean asks.
"You want to know if you'll have a new brother-in-law once we're married?" Castiel says teasingly.
"Or new nephew," Dean adds. "You never know."
"He's seven years younger than me," Castiel says. "I would have had to have sex when I was six if he was gonna be my kid."
"I'm not judging," Dean says with a smirk.
Castiel smacks him lightly on the head. "You need to not."
"I need to not not," Dean replies.
"No, you need to not," Castiel says.
"But I don't know how to not," Dean says.
Castiel shakes his head at the boy. "You're such a weirdo."
"I won't deny that," Dean says. "Now c'mon, let's go do something fun!"
"Something fun like...?" Castiel prompts.
"I don't know," Dean admits. "Just something fun. We could eat chocolate or something."
Castiel shrugs. "Sounds like a plan."
Dean wheels himself across the room and takes out an unopened bag of Hershey's kisses, bringing them back to the table.
"Where do you keep getting these from?" Castiel asks.
"I bought a bunch of them for Valentine's Day," Dean says.
Castiel raises an eyebrow. "You only gave me, like, 20 of them. This seems like more of a gift for you than for me."
Dean gasps as if he's offended. "Cas, I thought you had more faith in me!" He dumps a few chocolates in his hand and holds them out to his fiancé. "It's the Valentine's gift that never ends."
Castiel chuckles and takes the chocolate. "I still think there were selfish motives behind this, but that was kind of cute, so I'll accept it."
"You'd accept it either way," Dean says. "It's candy. You can't not accept it."
"You sound like Gabriel," Castiel says, amused.
"Oh, god, don't say that," Dean says. "Don't compare me to that monster!"
"Why's Gabriel a monster?" Castiel asks. "Did he do something specific, or is he just a monster in general?"
"Both," Dean says. "But mostly cuz when he found out I broke my leg, he found a picture of me lying on the ground and kinda crying but I have too much pride to actually admit that I was crying, and he texted it to me and just said, 'When you die in Minecraft and realize you forgot to set your spawn point.'"
"He did what?" Castiel asks, confused.
"He turned a picture of me into a Minecraft meme," Dean says.
"Did he at least ask if you were okay first?" Castiel asks.
"Nope," Dean says. "He just made me a shitty Minecraft meme. And that's why I hate him."
"I'm sure he asked someone else if you were okay," Castiel says, just to defend his brother. He wouldn't put it past the guy to just not acknowledge that Dean was in intense pain.
"Yeah, he asked Lucifer," Dean says. "But my problem is that he made me a Minecraft meme. I didn't even get a good meme. I got Minecraft." He shakes his head in disappointment. "That son of a bitch is lucky he lives on the other side of the country."