Excuse any mistakes or grammatical errors.
Chastity
I think one of the funniest things is having someone think they have it all figured out, when in actuality, you're always one step ahead of them. When I first got back to campus, I thought I was going crazy because I could have sworn that I saw AJ. I told myself that I was just being paranoid because I couldn't stop thinking about her.
I might have down played my summer experience with her when I was telling Nadia about it. What AJ and I had wasn't just some summer fling to me. I really started to like her, but when I suggested keeping in touch after the summer was over, AJ had every excuse in the book on why we couldn't.
Now that I look back, I realized that what this summer was for me wasn't necessarily what it was for AJ. I was just some curious girl that she took advantage of. I'm not saying that she forced me into anything. I was a willing participant in everything we did, but while I was starting to get in too deep, she didn't feel anything. She just wanted sex, but as time went on, I was dumb enough to want more.
How do you catch feelings for someone so quickly? I don't know, but it happened and I still feel stupid for it because here we are, well into the school year and she's still hiding from me and doing a shitty job of it at that. I figured out that AJ was actually a student here because I have an online class with her. Originally, I didn't know her name, but we had to do an introduction and give a short summary of what we did over the summer for the first day and she started off by saying, "My name is Amelia Johnson, but I go by "AJ"." At first I thought it was a coincidence, but on the part that we were supposed to talk about our summer, AJ talked about how she was forced to go to summer camp for reasons she can't disclosed. I immediately knew it was her after that.
And to top it all off, a few weeks ago, I was heading to one of my classes and I saw her in the lobby. I guess she thought hiding behind a plant would be successful. She's such an idiot and I'm an idiot for liking her.
What I don't understand is why she's hiding from me. How hard is it to say you don't want anything serious with me? I'm a big girl. I can handle it.
I was going to wait for her to stop running, but I'm getting sick of her childishness. Something else that puts me ahead of AJ is the fact that I know she's roommates with Aniya. How do I know that? Well, I know that because of Jayla.
Jayla used to come and check on Nadia back when she and Dani were broken up and Nadia got frustrated with Jayla one day and asked her why she was never with her girlfriend and Jayla said it was because Aniya was spending a lot of time with her roommate because she's been trying to lay low from some girl. I just put two and two and it all adds up to AJ being an idiot.
So now, I'm about to pay the idiot a little visit.
Aniya lived on the same floor as me so I just had to go to the other side of our hall to get to her room. This is gonna be fun.
I went to Aniya's door and knocked,
but I stood to the side so she couldn't see me through the peep hole. One of them could easily see me and pretend that no one is there, so I wasn't about to make it that easy.
The door opened and Aniya looked to her left and then to her right and that's when I smiled at her.
"Um, what's up, Chastity?" Aniya asked trying to play it cool.
"I'm here to talk to AJ." I said making her eyes go wide for a second and then she tried to play it cool again.
"I don't know who that is." Aniya lied and I rolled my eyes.
"Look, I get that you're trying to be a good friend, but this is between me and her. I'm not sure why she's hiding from me, but I just want to figure everything out." I said putting on my best hurt face.
"Please don't put me in this position." Aniya whispered and I rolled my eyes.
"AJ, I know you're in there!" I yelled past Aniya and I heard a sigh come from inside of the room.
"Just let her in." I heard AJ's voice and I felt all weird inside. I was nervous.
"Um, come on in." Aniya said opening the door all the way. "I'm gonna go see what Jayla's up to."
Aniya held the door open for me and then left. I walked inside the room and AJ was leaning up against the wall with her arms folded.
"Did Jayla tell you I was here? She's the only person that knows about me other than Aniya." AJ asked and I frowned.
"No, Amelia. I have an online class with you, dumbass."
"Don't call me that shit." AJ said screwing her face up at me.
"Whatever, Amelia." I said just to get under her skin.
"You're childish as hell." AJ said laughing at me despite her obvious irritation.
"Says the girl that has been playing hide n' seek with me for nearly a month. Were you that afraid of having to address what we talked about during the summer?" I asked and AJ sighed.
"I'm not good for you, Chastity."
"What does that even mean, Amelia?" I asked and AJ straight faced me.
"Please stop calling me that."
"Fine." I rolled my eyes. "What does that even mean, AJ?"
"It means exactly what I said. I'm not good for you." She reiterated.
"Shouldn't I get to decide that?"
I don't know why people had this idea that I was this innocent little girl. I mean, I don't get into trouble, but I don't feel like I'm too good for anyone. I wouldn't let a person's past determine my future with them. I couldn't think of anything AJ could tell me that would make me any less interested in her.
"Let's be real for a second." AJ spoke. "We don't even know each other. All we did was have sex all summer. Whatever you think you feel for me isn't even real. You don't like me. You like how I made you feel. You might feel connected to me because I'm the first girl you ever had sex with, but that's it. There's no actual connection. No chemistry. No genuine interest whatsoever."
Ouch.
"Maybe not on your part, but-"
"But nothing. You don't know me. You can't like me because you don't fucking know me. You have no fucking idea what comes with liking me." AJ cut me off.
"Then why not let me get to know you?" I asked.
"Because I don't like you like that, Chastity. I wanted to fuck you. That's it."
Double ouch.
I wouldn't let AJ see, but that really hurt my feelings. Like damn, a simple 'I'm not interested.' would have sufficed.
"Okay." I shrugged before walking towards the door.
Before my hand could even touch the handle, AJ grabbed me.
"What?" I asked when she turned me around and backed me into the door.
"I missed you." She said before trying to kiss me, but I pushed her away.
"You're kidding right?" I said looking at her like she was crazy.
How do you just reject the hell out of me and then try to kiss me?
"Just because I don't have feelings for you, that doesn't mean we can't relive our summer days." AJ tried coming towards me again, but I pushed her.
"I'm not having sex with you." I said screwing up my face.
"That's the same thing you said at camp, but after that you were letting me get it every night." AJ said making me feel like the easiest girl on the planet.
"Fuck you." I glared at her.
"Good, so we're on the same page." She smiled and I internally slapped myself for walking right in to that.
I didn't understand why AJ was being such an asshole. This was normal AJ behavior, but it didn't hurt this bad during the summer. I guess because she had an off switch then.
"I'm not interested in having sex with you if that's all it's going to be. It was fun over the summer, but that was only because I was sure I'd never see you again and I guess you felt the same, but for some reason here we are. You don't think there's a reason why we got reunited?" I asked trying to get AJ to be serious.
"Yeah, so we can try more positions. Shit was kinda awkward on that hard ass wood." AJ said making my blood boil. Seriously? This is the kind of person I ended up liking? How did I go from someone as sweet and amazing as Gio to this?
"You're clearly not taking me seriously." I said trying to leave again, but AJ pushed the door closed right after I opened it.
"Why won't you let me leave!" I yelled out of frustration.
"Because I want you to stay!" AJ yelled back confusing me along with making me even more mad.
"What kind of game are you trying to play?" I asked and AJ smirked.
"One that doesn't involve clothes." She said lifting up the hem of my shirt and I slapped her hands off of me.
"You're an asshole." I said pushing AJ away from me and she chuckled.
"Which is exactly why I said I'm not good for you."
"Seriously? You did all that to prove a point?"
"No, but you clearly don't like how I am." She shrugged.
"This isn't how you are though. I know for a fact it isn't. Just tell me the truth. Why are you so afraid to let me in?" I asked hoping AJ wouldn't try to joke her way out of this.
"Because once I let you in, I'm gonna have to let you go and I can't see myself doing that."
AJ's response confused me. What did she mean she was going to have to let me go? And if she can't let me go, why is she trying to push me away?
"I'm confused." I admitted and AJ sighed.
"I like you, Chastity and I know you think you like me, but once you get to know me, you won't like me anymore."
"Why not just let me decide that for myself?" I asked. "I highly doubt there's anything you can tell me that will make me like you less."
"You wanna know why I had to go to that camp? You wanna know why I got expelled from my school and had to graduate a year late?"
I didn't know about AJ getting expelled. I was even more curious now.
"What happened?" I asked ready for whatever AJ was going to say.
"I was a terrible person in high school. I let the people around me turn me into the exact thing I couldn't stand. A bully. When I was growing up I had to change schools three times because I was being bullied so badly. If it wasn't about my skin color or my hair, it was because of my clothes and if it wasn't my clothes, it was my shoes and on top of that I always got picked on for my size. Just anything people could find to pick on. I grew up extremely poor because when my mom was pregnant with me, she had a lot of complications with me and my dad quit his job to care for her." AJ explained.
"My mom ended up having to deliver me early because the doctors felt like the complications she was having would only worsen had she waited her whole term. With me being premature I had a lot of issues with putting on and keeping on weight. I was tiny. I was always the smallest person in all of my classes and I got picked on because of that. I didn't even want to go to school some days because as I got older, I went from simply getting talked about to getting pushed around. I got bullied from elementary all the way to middle school and then out of no where I started to put on healthy weight and I even got taller. It was crazy, but I didn't question it. It was like I hit a growth spurt."
Looking at AJ, I could never picture her as the kid she described.
"The moving started in middle school. I had to suffer through elementary school because they were really strict with kids going to schools outside of their district. When I got to middle school and I started to actually get beaten up, my dad went to the school board and they made an exception. They told me I could try out another school and if that one wasn't a good fit that I could change again. The craziest part is that nothing was ever done about the bullying. I just kept getting moved around."
AJ shook her head like just the thought pissed her off.
"The last middle school I went to was terrible, but I told my dad I wanted to stop running. If the teachers and even the school board weren't going to do anything about me being bullied, I knew going to different schools wasn't doing anything, but bringing me to different bullies. I toughed my eight grade year out and then that summer everything changed. I hit my growth spurt or whatever it was and then when I got to high school I wasn't being bullied anymore. I started playing sports and making a lot of friends and everything was perfect. My dad even ended up getting a really good job and our financial situation changed. That was until I started letting the popularity go to my head."
AJ motioned to her bed before sitting down, so I did the same.
"My bad. I got tired of standing up." She explained and I nodded my head. "But like I said. I let the popularity go to my head. By my sophomore year, I was known all over the school. Not only was I on the basketball, soccer, and track teams. I was one of the first people to come out in my class. I had a lot of guy friends and girls would always come to me trying to experiment and stuff. When I started my junior year, I thought I was the shit." AJ chuckled.
"I think the thing I missed the most about high school is sports. I had colleges looking at me for basketball, soccer, and track, but I fucked it up. Anyway. My junior year, this girl transferred to our school. She was really quiet and she stayed to herself, but for some reason I was drawn to her. I thought she was cute, but all my friends used to clown me because she wasn't one of those people that had all the name brand stuff and she was so to herself that they considered her a "lame"."
I hated people that thought like that. What a person has doesn't have shit to do with how you should treat them and just because a person isn't like you, it doesn't make them lame.
"Despite what my friends said, I started trying to talk to her anyway. She was extremely shy, but after some time she opened up to me. We got pretty close and I started to like her, but she told me she didn't like girls like that. Despite the rejection, I was still friends with her, but the more time I spent with her, the more I started to like her. She was spending the night at my house one night and I was trying my best not be weird, but I wanted to kiss her so bad. She used to like to cuddle and be up under me all the time so it didn't make things easier for me. I wasn't a nice person back then and when I look back I still hate myself for it, but I took advantage of her that night." AJ said and I frowned.
"What do you mean you took advantage of her?" I asked and AJ shook her head.
"I don't want to tell you that part in detail." She said and I frowned.
"I get that, but why not clarify because what I'm thinking you mean might not be what you mean." I said and AJ wouldn't even look at anything, but her hands.
"I did stuff to her and she let me, but afterwards she told me she didn't want to do it at first. She said she wanted to stop me, but she started to like it too much, so she didn't. She'd never done anything sexual before, but I had. I took advantage of her innocence and then I took her innocence without her permission. I never asked if she wanted to. I never asked if what I was doing was okay. I just took her silence and lack of resistance as a yes." AJ clarified and I didn't know how to respond.
"AJ you didn't-"
"I raped her." AJ cut me off and I shook my head.
"That's a huge thing to accuse yourself of. I know that you feel bad because of the way it happened, but-"
"If I was a guy, people would call me a rapist. I should have asked if it was okay. I should have gotten her consent, but I didn't. I will never forgive myself for that. Even if she didn't see it that way and even if you don't. I do." AJ interrupted me again.
"Okay. Let's just agree to disagree. What else happened?" I asked and AJ took a deep breath to calm herself down since she'd gotten worked up.
"I stopped talking to her because I couldn't even look her in the eyes without feeling like shit. I tried avoiding her as much as I could, but she wouldn't leave me alone. One day at school, she was trying to get me to talk to her and I yelled at her to get the fuck away from me and to stop following me. I made a huge scene and I didn't realize it at the time, but I put a huge target on her back." AJ said looking like she was going to cry.
"A few days later, some girls that called themselves my friends cornered her in the bathroom and jumped her on my behalf. Five fucking girls versus one. A sixth girl recorded it and sent it to me and I found her in the bathroom with blood rushing from her head. While they were attacking her, she hit her head on the bathroom sink and they fucking left her there unconscious. She would have fucking died had I not gotten that video."
AJ wiped at her eyes, but it was no use because she wouldn't stop crying, so I went to get her some tissue from the bathroom.
"Thanks." She mumbled as she wiped her eyes and blew her nose.
"What happened after that? Did the girls get in trouble?" I asked and AJ scoffed.
"They got suspended for two weeks. They hospitalized a fucking student and got a two week suspension." AJ let out a bitter laugh. "I visited her in the hospital and I apologized, but she told me it wasn't my fault. I didn't see it that way though. I promised her that I'd get them back and she told me not to. She said that it wouldn't make her any better, but I didn't care. She was so beaten up and it broke my heart because she didn't deserve to be hurt. She especially didn't deserve to be hurt on my behalf. She never did anything to me."
AJ wiped her eyes and blew her nose again before continuing.
"I was so angry. I remember wanting to kill those girls and I know I would have done it if I wouldn't have gotten caught." AJ said and I must have made a face because she chuckled.
"I know I sound crazy right now, but I guess I was back then. A girl I really cared about had gotten hurt really badly and I wanted the people that did it to pay."
"So what did you do?" I asked.
"Some white boy shit." AJ said and I frowned.
"What does that mean?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.
"I stole my dad's gun and brought it to school." AJ admitted and I looked at her like she was crazy.
"So you were gonna shoot your school up?" I asked and she looked at me like I was stupid.
"No, I was gonna kill those five bitches that hospitalized my fucking friend. She was innocent as hell. She didn't bother anyone. She didn't deserve that shit." AJ spoke angrily and I just stayed quiet because I wasn't trying to make her mad. "I made it to second period before I was called into the principle's office and then the school was put on lock down. My dad noticed his gun was missing and he called the school and told them that he suspected that I had it. He knew how angry I was about what happened and I guess he also knew how reckless I was. If my dad wouldn't have called the school, I would have killed them. The five bitches that jump her and the one that recorded it."
I could tell from the look in AJ's eyes that she was serious. She didn't look like she'd kill anyone, but when she talked like this, I thought otherwise.
"Since I got expelled for bringing a weapon on to campus, I was also denied entry to any other school for the remainder of the school year. My family ended up moving again and they tried enrolling me into another school, but once one school received my records from my old school, they didn't want me attending their school because I was seen as a danger to my peers. After I was rejected by four schools, my parents gave up and home schooled me. I repeated my junior year and completed my senior year at home. Me having to go to the camp wasn't actually community service by the way, my parents wanted me to do it so I could be in a "Christian environment" and, so I would stay out of trouble over the summer." AJ explained.
"So that's basically it. That's all my baggage." She said and I was silent for a while. I didn't really know what to say because she'd laid so much on the table.
"I get it if you don't want anything to do with me now." AJ added and I sighed.
"This doesn't change how I feel about you, it's just a lot to take in. A whole lot." I explained and AJ nodded her head in understanding. "Also, I must ask, whatever happened to the girl?"
"After she recovered, her parents pulled her out of that school and they moved. She graduated a year before me like she was supposed to and now she has a boyfriend and is in college. We don't talk anymore, but I follow her on social media. She's happy and that makes me happy." AJ smiled a half smile.
"Did she ever know about what you did, well what you were going to do for her?" I asked and AJ shook her head.
"No. My situation didn't really spread throughout the school because it was handled so easily, so I don't even think the students that were actually there that day know what really happened. I was called into the principle's office and my dad was in there. He asked me if I'd taken his gun and I told him that I did. They asked me were it was and I told them it was in my locker inside of my book bag. I gave them my locker number and the combination and they locked the school down so they could get it without any chaos. The situation was handled pretty smoothly. I was expelled for a major code of conduct violation and that was that."
AJ looked at me as I tried to let everything sink in and I looked down after our little stare off got to be too much for me.
"You got any baggage?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No. I'm pretty boring. The most exciting thing was me figuring out that I like girls and guys. Woo hoo, I'm bisexual. Well, I'd rather not label myself, but yeah." I shrugged and AJ chuckled.
"That's good. I don't think there's anymore room for baggage with the load I'm packing."
"I don't care about your past." I finally said. "I take it you've changed and I want to get to know this version of you."
"What if I haven't changed? What if I'm the same person I was back then?" AJ asked and I shrugged.
"Then we start from here. You can mark today as the day you started the journey of becoming a better version of yourself. Honestly, I think we should try to become better versions of ourselves little by little every day."
"You're such a positive person." AJ chuckled. "I like it."
******************
And we finally have Chastity's point of view. How do you feel about AJ now?
Do you think she and Chastity will end up together? Do you want them to?
I'll write more about them, so you can get a better understanding of their relationship.
I hope you liked this chapter. I know it was short, but I was trying to give you an update in a reasonable amount of time.
Next chapter will be more eventful. 😇