Three months have gone by since Corey and I lost Calia, and needless to say, they haven't been easy. We're still here though, and we've helped each other through it.
We weren't given much time to grieve. Corey was back to baseball by the next week, and I was back to my classes a couple of days after that.
The season ended a month ago, and the boys made it all the way to the World Series. It ended with a rough loss in game 7, but seeing the joy on Corey's face the whole time made me happier than I had been in a while.
Corey and I spent the first month of the offseason in North Carolina with his family, and we're in LA with Cody right now for a few months before heading to Arizona to stay with my dad until Spring Training.
It's been weird with everyone split up, but we're finally going to get to see them later today. Cody and Joc planned a celebration of life for Calia, and with the help of Ellen and Kelsey, Joc's new girlfriend, the whole thing looks gorgeous.
I was sitting at one of the picnic tables, coloring with Cali and watching while Corey, Clayton, Joc, and Cody play cornhole.
I look down at my hand, the ring Corey had given me the night before postseason started gleaming up at me. It wasn't an engagement ring, instead a thin silver band with small sapphires embedded around it.
Calia was born in September, meaning that sapphire was her birthstone.
"What are you drawing Aunty Cloe?"
I turn and look at the small blond girl. She had little pink bows on each of her pigtails and dirt across her cheeks from playing in the mud by the lake.
She moves her head in front of me and looks down at my paper. "Oh my gosh! Are you drawing a puppy?"
I smile and nod. "It's Henry."
She drops her jaw and puts her hands on her cheeks. "I want a puppy so bad!"
I laugh at how cute she is.
"No puppy for you anytime soon little miss," Clayton breaks in, picking up his daughter and slinging her onto his shoulders.
The rest of the guys are close behind. Corey sits next to me while Cody and Joc sit across.
"Everyone else should be here soon," Ellen says, joining us. She wraps her arm around Clayton's waist, and Kelsey slides past Cody and sits next to Joc.
"How have you been holding up Cloe?" Kelsey asks, her hand reaching across the table and latching onto my forearm.
I smile at her, and for today, it wasn't a fake one. My emotions are so on and off all the time. I have a lot of moments where I feel great, but then there are also times where I can't help but sulk over Calia.
"I'm doing okay. It gets easier every day."
"How was North Carolina? Did Corey's southern boy roots come out strong?" Kersh asks, and I giggle.
Corey laughs too and wraps his arms around me. I lean back onto his chest and reply, "It was really fun, and we're going back for Christmas I think. I finally got to meet Corey's brothers and his nieces and nephew too."
Clayton nods and smiles at me. I could tell everyone was trying to be cautious and contemplating what they wanted to say next, but that really stresses me out. I love that they care and that they're scared to say the wrong thing, but it makes me even more tense when I see how hesitant they all are.
"Ooh Mariana and Kike are here," Ellen announces, looking up from her phone.
I follow her, leaving my boyfriend behind and walking towards the parking lot to see two of my favorite people.
"Cloe!" I hear a voice shout, and before I can look up, Mariana is running straight towards me.
I open my arms, and she leaps into them. "I missed you girly!" She squeals, pulling away from the hug and squeezing both of my hands.
"I missed you too," I reply, pulling my hands away so I can greet Kike hello.
"How have you and Corey been doing, Cloe?" Kike asks. Mariana grabs his arm and looks up at me, waiting for my answer too.
"It's been getting more and more easy to handle. Hopefully today we get our final bit of closure, and we'll emotionally be able to move on."
They both nod, and Kike reaches forward to squeeze my shoulder. "We love you, Clo," he says to me.
I smile, "I love you guys too."
With my words, Kike takes off in a full sprint towards the table of boys ahead of us. I could them greet him with screams from all the way across the grass.
"He's been excited to see his teammates since the day we got back to Puerto Rico," Mariana says with a small laugh.
Ellen nods and tells her Clayton felt the same, and then we walk back to the picnic tables.
"My girl's back!" Corey says once he sees us walking towards them. He takes my hand and pulls me onto his lap.
I smile and kiss his lips.
I stay like this for a few minutes, listening to everyone else's conversations, when my phone buzzes with a text. I grab it and use my thumbprint to unlock the screen, and Cody's text message pops onto my screen.
I'll take you on in PIG; loser buys dinner tomorrow.
I look up at him from across the table, "You're on," I say out loud, getting up and racing Cody to the small concrete basketball court.
He beats me there and grabs the basketball sitting on the free throw line.
Yankee Stadium had a basketball court in their gym, so this was how Cody and I use to settle stuff when we were kids. Neither of us are any good at basketball, but that makes the game even more fun.
Cody's still waiting on Cami to come. She's not due for another two weeks, and Cody finally has the nursery all put together. He kept Calia's stuff in the room because none of us had the heart to move any of it.
My brother was the easiest person to talk to after Calia. Corey made it his mission not to be around while he was heavily grieving; he thought it would make it harder on me.
He spent a lot of time at the cages the first month; it took a while for him to be around more. I understood though; we mourned differently.
Corey didn't carry the baby with him throughout the pregnancy. He didn't feel her move or kick; he couldn't. So he wasn't able to grieve her in that way, I was alone for that part.
But Corey was there to hold her before she died, and he would cry out of happiness every time we had an ultrasound done. He spent nights with his head perched on my belly, covering it with kisses and whispering things that we had no idea whether or not the baby could even hear.
He was just as heartbroken but in different ways.
I snap my attention back to the game, watching as Cody's shot spins around the rim and down the net, giving me my third letter of the game.
I look at him and roll my eyes, shaking my head at the stupid smirk he gives me.
"Looks like you've got dinner tomorrow," Cody mocks.
I laugh and chuck the basketball at him.
We walk back over to the rest of the group, and I'm happy to see that the rest of the gang had shown up while Cody and I were playing.
We spent the day enjoying each other's company. I was able to catch up with all the girls and Corey got to mess around with his friends.
It was a somber mood, but we didn't spend it being sad, though I'm sure everyone felt a small pang when they saw the pictures we had laying around or the small wood engravings of Calia's name that Ellen had made.
Alex barbequed, and we all sat around and fished in the lake.
Right now, Corey and I were standing in the middle of a big circle everyone else had formed around us.
Suzanna and Ellen were walking around and handing everyone pink balloons with golden lettering on them.
They read Calia Drew Seager and under her name was the date we lost her on. September 1st, 2018.
It was a mutual agreement that Austin would be the only one to film it. We wanted to experience it in the moment, but we also did want something to be able to remember it forever.
"Are you ready?" Corey asks me, resting his free hand on my hip.
I nod and look around to make sure everyone else was. He takes his hand off of my hip and snakes his arm around my waist.
I lean into his chest, and with Cody's countdown, we let go of the balloons.
I feel a small tear roll down my cheek, and I look up at Corey. With watery eyes, he leans down and kisses my forehead, and we both look up at the sky.
No one spoke as the balloons got smaller and smaller in the perfect blue sky.
Corey looks down at me, kissing my lips before moving my head so he could whisper in my ear. "Don't cry baby, Calia's safe up there, and she's loved down here. We'll see her again one day, I promise."
Date Published: 9/2/18
Word Count: 1608