❝Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ❞
~CJ Duggan
• • •
It'd been a good while since I'd last received a letter from my secret despiser. Following the disappearance of the letters was the disappearance of my anxiety.
I no longer felt nervous every time I walked through the hallways. I didn't feel as if I was being closely watched every time I had cheer practice. I knew judgement lingered all over the school, irrespective of who the person was or what they had done, but that didn't seem to bother me anymore. I was free from everyone else, and most importantly, from self-consciousness.
It was half past six when Will and I left school and boarded the bus back home. He was stuck tutoring some freshmen, while I was practising for the big game Saturday night. I was quite disappointed that Cassandra put me all the way in the back, but she'd justified herself saying that I wasn't showing up for practice enough anymore.
I thought that was unfair of her to say, since I'd only missed one practice in the past week, and that was owing to my date with Will. Perhaps that was what she was bitter about. Cassandra's number one rule was to prioritise cheerleading over everything when a game was nearby. Especially boys. I had to work my way back into her good books.
"What are you thinking about?" Will asked, eyeing me curiously. I couldn't help but smile when I looked into his eyes. This boy had an effect on me without even trying. Something about that both scared and excited me at the same time.
"You," I lied. Well, it wasn't entirely a lie. I was thinking about how spending time with him had caused me to miss cheer practice, so yes, I was thinking about him.
Will smiled back at me and slipped his hand into mine. "Why are they so cold?" I hissed, yanking my hand back in shock. I wrapped it in my scarf to warm it up, then looked up to see Will's cheeks tinged scarlet. "I'm sorry," he muttered sheepishly.
I couldn't help but swoon. "You are so adorable," I gushed, swooping in to give him a kiss on the cheek. I didn't think it was possible for his cheeks to turn redder than they were, but he proved me wrong. "You're adorabler," he said, then smiled so cutely I had to make sure I was breathing.
Before I could embarrass myself by saying anything more, he swiftly grabbed a pair of earphones out of his bag and shuffled through the playlist on his phone. I grimaced when I saw the name of the song.
"Killshot? No way," I said, losing all respect for him. Rap? Um, no. Just no. "Yes, yes, yes!" he gushed, then offered me an earphone. I threw him a disgusted look.
"How am I dating you?" I said, and his mouth dropped open dramatically. "You did not just insult Eminem. I will murder you,"he threatened, lifting a hand up. Before I knew it, I was choking with laughter.
"Stop!" I shrieked, trying to inch away from him on the narrow two-seater. "Please, this is torture!" I begged, squirming all over, tears forming in my eyes. I was so incredibly ticklish it wasn't fair. Why did the world hate me?
There were only a few more people who took the late evening bus, but the high seats obstructed us from view. It was just him and I. Slowly, Will wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, his touch biting cold, yet fiery with passion.
I'd never been held like this before, and nervous was an understatement to describe what I was feeling. "Is this okay?" he whispered, and I nodded, leaning into him.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Will asked sweetly, his eyes large and innocent. I wanted to fangirl out loud again, but something in his expression told me not to ruin the moment.
I nodded, and he brought his lips close to my ear, then made his way down, pausing at my cheek, leaving a kiss. I couldn't stop smiling. My brain wasn't functioning.
Did he just kiss my cheek? No one had ever kissed my cheek before! Was it supposed to feel so wonderful and affectionate? Was I allowed to feel this fluttery and magical?
"Can I tell you a secret?" I whispered back, biting back a smile. He nodded, matching my enthusiasm. I left a kiss on his cheek, and something snapped inside of me. There was a shift in atmosphere. Just like that, his lips were pressed against mine.
I couldn't process what was happening. Were we kissing? No, we couldn't be kissing. I couldn't be having my first kiss on a school bus! No, nothing was happening. Nothing, nothing at all. OH MY GOD, HE WAS KISSING ME.
"Stop!" I shouted, much louder than I'd intended to. Thankfully, no one turned back to look at us, saving the both of us from embarrassment. Will pulled away immediately, a look of hurt plastered across his handsome features.
"I'm sorry," he stuttered, and I wanted to crumble to ashes. Why was this happening to me? I really, really liked Will. So what if he just kissed me? Isn't that what couples do? It's normal, right?
"N-no, don't apologise," I said shakily, trying to draw in a deep breath. "It's not your fault. I just wasn't ready and that was my first kiss and I freaked out and-"
"It's okay," he whispered. He held out his hand and was about to place it on my shoulder, but suddenly pulled it back, afraid of scaring me. My sudden reaction twisted everything. We weren't ever going to be the same again. That's it. Relationship dead.
"Seriously. I really like you and I didn't mean to back away like that, but WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS, YOU DOOFUS," I said louder, starting to get angrier. I knew I was being a little dramatic but ahem, this was MY first kiss. I got to choose how I wanted it to be. He was supposed to make it special!
"So you're saying you didn't like it?" he sounded genuinely hurt by my words, and that made me even more flustered.
"You don't get it! Obviously I liked it. It's you. I'd like anything related to you. But that was my first kiss, Will. My first. The last thing I wanted was to have it on some stupid smelly bus."
Okay, so I was aware that I made a Junie B. Jones reference. And okay, so maybe I was a little proud of it too.
"Daisy, I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't know that was your first kiss and for some reason, I didn't really think it through. You just looked so pretty and-"
"Woah, don't pull the compliment card on me. I'm supposed to be mad at you," I said, and couldn't help but grin. Slowly, a smile spread across his face too and I knew that we were cool again.
I was still annoyed that he stole my first kiss so rashly like that without thinking it through. My first kiss was something I'd hyped up the whole seventeen years of my life and although I knew I wanted to have it with Will, I definitely didn't dream for it to be like this. Not even close.
We sunk into silence for a while, as Will listened to his so-called music and I stuck to absent-mindedly staring out the window. It wasn't a comfortable silence, exactly. It was evident that neither of us had let go of what had just happened and that he was still beating himself up for making a move so quickly.
It wasn't like I was frightened about the pace at which our relationship was running. I was more than one hundred percent sure that from then on Will would ask for my confirmation twice before doing anything. In fact, I was starting to regret my outburst. So what if the kiss wasn't what I'd expected? It was still a wonderful two seconds.
Besides, I liked anything even remotely related to Will.
As the sky shifted to navy blue, I leaned in towards Will and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He was too invested in his "music" to acknowledge me, so I proceeded to kiss his other cheek, his forehead, and then finally made it to his lips, catching him completely off-guard.
He popped his earphones out and gave me a bewildered look. Slowly, he cocked his head to the side as if to ask whether I truly wanted this. I gave him a confirmatory nod, then waited for him to kiss me back.
It felt as though the lights had dimmed and all the other voices had faded away. It was just him and I in there. I ran a hand through his hair and he pulled me in closer by wrapping his arm around my waist. I smiled against his lips, losing myself entirely in the moment.
With each kiss, we grew more passionate, intensifying every touch and every breath. I clung onto his neck and let him mess with my hair. I normally hated PDA, but in that moment, I forgot about everyone else. They didn't matter to us. Once we'd pulled apart for air, I realised we were nearing my stop.
It didn't take me long to work it all out. It didn't matter where I had my first kiss and whether or not it was a swoon-worthy scene from a movie. It was with the boy I was starting to love and that was all that mattered.
I'd never had a more all-encompassing moment in my entire life.
. . .
A/N Okay, wow. That was intense. Look at me writing romance scenes! This was sooo not my cup of tea, but it was one of the most interesting chapters to write. Let me know what you guys think!