"WHAT DO YOU mean you don't know? That sounds like cowardice to me," My father says sternly.
Trust my father to be so wonderfully blunt about it. I groan and slump further against the the couch. He sighs and turns to me with a softer expression. His probing eyes asked me to elaborate.
"She is the most fascinating woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She's made my heart palpitate in ways that no one else has ever come close. When I'm standing very close to her, despite my confident facade, I can barely breathe. She quite literally takes my breath away whenever I look at her, and I'm always looking at her. I can't help it. She's a beacon that always draws me closer.
"But it's more than how stunning she is. My knees don't become weak just because she's mesmerising, it's just the way she is. The way she cared for me when I gave her absolutely no reason to. She's given me something that I never even knew existed beyond parents and best friends, unconditional love. When I look at her, I see a future. I see the possibility of being happy.
"I also see the potential to break her heart in a million pernicious ways that would have devastating consequences on our relationship. I am not willing to lose her, not at all. She's made me feel things that I never want to stop feeling, I never want that to end. That is why I can never allow myself to get that close to her. I also know that I am inadvertently pushing her away, which I don't want to do. Fuck."
He sits still for a while, silent. He was always dead silent with his eyebrows furrowed when he was carefully analysing something. He was a logical, methodical person.
"Other than teenage hormonal heart palpitations, what other hints are there?" He asks.
"You want to hear about my sex life?" I ask him amusedly. For the first time in my life, I see my father cringe.
"Censor it as well as you can. I don't need any details of the...action." It was an extremely awkward situation, but I wanted it to last forever so that I could relish in my father's awkward body language.
"When I was with Lara, it was physically pleasurable. It was a relief of all the stress that would have been building up throughout the day or week.
"When I'm with Violetta, it's completely different. It's more than just sex, there's passion, emotion and care. It's nothing like I've ever experienced before. At first, I blamed it on the pent-up sexual tension, but as it continued and the thrill never disappeared, I realised it was something different. I also don't feel the need to constantly be in bed with her, I don't mind talking to her. Just being with her."
He processes it again. A smile graces his lips, but instead of giving me plain advice, he asks me how much my mother told me about their relationship.
"That you two were in love. That was all I ever needed to know," I tell him.
He smiles again nostalgically. I knew that it has taken him years to have the courage to smile at mention instead of crying.
"When I met her, I could have sworn I fell in love. It was in university, as you know. She was a music major and I was in telecommunications. We were walking, I was busy rummaging through the papers in my hand trying my best not to drop them and she was humming to music while trying to compose and walk at the same time. We bumped into each other. There was a plethora of apologies from the both of us. Your mother always rambled when she was nervous, and there was something about it that instantly drew me to her. Then, as she looked at me, tucking her hair behind ear, I saw her for all her beauty.
"Everything was so simple after that. We were in love, there was no question. We were quite different, she was soft while I was hot-tempered. But, when I was with her, every single thought vanished and she was the only thing that mattered. I was in love with every single part of her, her kindness, her talent, her beauty and her diverse personality. I will not deny that she was a reserved person, but when it was just the two of us, she would show this other side. It was feisty, stubborn, sarcastic and occasionally rude. But I loved it. I think I loved it even more because she only showed it to me.
"My point, son, is that love is different for everybody. You can't take our experience and apply it to your situation. You know in your heart if this different, if this is eternal. Your mother may not be with us anymore," he takes deep breath, "but she will always be in my heart. Besides, I have you. My son, my heart. It is the idea of you that keeps me strong. You are a symbol of our love. A love like that cannot even be broken by death. You know how you feel about her, even if you don't admit it. All I ask is that you don't let it slip through your fingers. Love can disappear just as quickly as it appeared.
"Violetta is special to you. I can't tell you that you love her. The whole idea of love is that it is different to every other feeling you have ever felt. That is how you know. It is a once in a lifetime chance, so I hope you don't mess it up. You have been given a wonderful opportunity to have everything you have ever wanted. You just have to go out and get it," he says.
He tilts his head up to try and get rid of the threatening tears after speaking about my mother. I wished I could have seen my parents together longer. It felt evil that she was ripped away from him.
"I'm not good enough for her," I say shakily.
"That's not up to you to decide. She knows what she wants and needs. If she thinks you're perfect for her, then that's her truth. Judging from what I know, I'd say she has a pretty good idea of what she wants," he says with a smile.
She wants me.
So, not exactly Dr Dufre, but he still had this long meaningful chat which is what's important about these chapters.
I hope you liked it, especially the little tidbit about his parents. I just love the idea of them. In my head, their love would put DIELETTA to shame. They would be that great.
Also, I know I keep saying how important each chapter is but I am serious. Every single chapter (during which he has spoken to Dr Dufre) you can see his insecurities. It's the Diego that was only shown in C59 during the voicemails. His raw and vulnerable side which is honestly so lovable and attractive. His confidence is a facade. So i hope his doubts really come through in each chapter.
The next one should be an interesting one. There's so much to go through. 3 more!...
Thanks for reading 🙈 Sorry for any errors 💚
~Lexy 😈