"Doesn't it all sound utterly perfect?" Jasper asked.
He'd just finished explaining to Eli the whole plan he and Darcy had in mind. Needless to say, Eli, although attentive and understanding throughout the explanation, didn't look too convinced about the idea.
"Don't get me wrong," Eli said, he was on his hands and knees trying to get all the mud he'd tracked in off the floor. "I am all for getting away from everything in this wretched region, but you can't forget that we are still here. I identify with your anticipations, see how your smile grows merely speaking of this arrangement, I understand all of that, but your quick merriment makes me nervous."
Jasper, dressed regally and seated on the bed watching Eli, huffed. "But it can work, Elijah, I just know it can. Sure, Lady Darcy will have the 'rightful' title as my lover, but once all of us are on our own, everything will fall into place. I just know it'll work, Elijah."
Bringing himself from the floor, Eli strolled to the bathroom to rinse the soiled cloth he'd been using in a water basin. "I just don't know," he admitted, sluggishly.
Jasper hopped off the large bed and started after Eli, "What happened to what you said the night my father purposed I marry? Huh?" When Eli leaned back against the sink and folded his arms, Jasper continued, "You said you like to be hopeful, essentially that no matter what, you have hope that we can make it in this world. Where on Earth has your hope gone, because I'm beginning to think I am the only one who has it right now?"
Eli didn't respond.
He stared down at the white tiles of the floor, his thoughts consuming him as they've been doing so for the past two days. Sure he liked to be hopeful in the idea that he and Jasper could get away, could simply travel whatever distance was necessary to become invisible to this blind and cruel world, but now he wasn't sure if even distance could assist.
Thinking of how Silas' father thought distance would help, corrupted how Eli saw the outcome of this secret affair. Maybe he'd have jumped at the pitch a couple days ago, but his stance on everything was promptly changing. Who's to say no one would find out about a house miles away lived in by...what had Silas said...sodomites? And then what happens next? A raid on the house, him being dragged to the rope, and not only him, but even timorous and cautious Juliette would suffer something given her relationship with Darcy.
Eli would die for Jasper in a heartbeat, would string his neck himself if he had too, but for as long as possible he wanted to stray from that. He would prolong meeting his maker until Death came knocking.
"Elijah," Jasper's voice brought him back to focus, "You look terribly bothered. Does this plan sound that irrational? Am I a fool to think we could do this?"
"No, no, of course not. It's just," he sighed, this was a good a time as any he guessed, and one way or another Jasper needed to know. After guiding them back to the bed, they sat down. "There is something I need to tell you as well," Eli sounded as though struggling with the topic he was bringing up.
Sitting patiently, Jasper couldn't help but be nervous about what Eli seemed too frightened to say. "Aren't you going to tell me?" Jasper questioned when a second passed into a minute.
"I love someone else..."
Jasper sprang to his feet, "What!?" he hissed in a whisper.
At the blonde boy's fierce reaction, Eli caught what he'd said, and cursed. "I should've worded that differently."
"Elijah," Jasper was already shaking, his voice and hands evenly tense, eyes wide in distress, "You have one second to tell me you're lying."
Alright, sitting down was a bad idea. Eli now stood, gesturing as though he were surrendering to something. "I am," he shook his head, "I mean, no, I'm not. Dammit, I'm not saying this right–."
"I can't believe this!" Jasper growled.
Eli rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "Wait, and just listen to me. I didn't mean it like that."
Jasper laughed, almost evilly, "Oh, I can't wait to hear this. How the bloody hell are you going to explain you didn't mean to say you're in love with someone else?"
Eli tried to piece things together.
"Elijah, please tell me why you'd say something like that."
Again, here Eli stood in front of a wrathful Jasper Lancechester, and just like the first time, it felt awful and frightening. The first time was completely understandable, but this time, Eli could only hope hearing about Silas didn't draw out the fullest extent of Jasper's fury.
Raising his hand again, fire in his eyes, just before Jasper could bring it down, Eli grabbed his wrist, "The authorities are looking for Silas."
Jasper quirked his brow, taking his hand back, "Authorities? Who – who is Silas?"
Here goes nothing.
"I met him when I was a young teenager." Eli was speaking quickly now, so fast he wasn't giving himself room to breathe. "I had fallen for him long before I loved you. He was the first person to ever enter my heart. When I was sixteen, he disappeared and I told myself I hated him for leaving me behind, alone and heartbroken. I thought I hated him for leaving me with myself after we'd finally found something in one another. Only, come to find out the other day, he's come back with the authorities hunting him, because they found out about his desire for men rather than women, and if they find him..." Eli sucked in a chest of air, letting it out slowly and shakily, "...I don't know what will happen to him when they come."
Jasper was speechless when Eli finished. He didn't know what to say either, so he stood there, running everything that'd been said through his mind. Silas, whoever this boy was, Eli had loved him, and just knowing that pushed a pin needle into Jasper's chest. To think there was someone else out there that made Eli's heart race, bones quake in possible desire, and made him susceptible to this kind of vulnerability, felt...well, it didn't feel good.
Obviously from the manner in which the red haired boy had spoken, quickly and indicating distress, this Silas still meant something to him; a great deal, too, from how Eli's voice had shaken.
Jasper seethed within himself, shrouding his anger to the best he could. He wasn't sure if it would be selfish of him to hate this Silas boy, and not feel pity the way Eli was probably hoping he did. The authorities were after him, too? Good riddance, the devil on Jasper's shoulder said, but the other side of him leaned more towards, how terrible...
Eli took Jasper's hands, pressing them to his lips, "If you hate me, I understand."
"I do not hate you," Jasper said, dully, "I just...despise the notion of you wielding feelings for another."
"But, please, you must understand I do not love him the way I love you. I fell for him long ago, but right now, at this very moment, and for many years to come, I will be in love with only you." Eli sighed, his breath warming Jasper's knuckles, "It is awfully difficult for me to simply dispose of all the love I did have for him, especially knowing there are people out there who may want his head."
Jasper took his hands back, making sure not to come off as upset, "I understand, Elijah," he said.
"Do you, honestly?"
He nodded once, "This Silas was your first love. Who knows, maybe I'd feel the way you do if I were in your position." Moving to the other side of the bed, Jasper fiddled with the pillows, fixing them, and asked, "What's going to happen now?"
Eli looked calmer with the impression that Jasper wasn't fuming anymore. "I don't know," he answered, "I tried talking him into running from the authorities, but he won't listen to me. So for the mean time, he's staying with my family and I until they come."
"He's staying with you?" Jasper asked, "For how long?"
Eli slumped down in the forest green gents chair beside the window. "Until the authorities come."
"But what if they don't come when it's time for you to return to me?"
At the way Eli rubbed his temples, Jasper turned and opened his wardrobe when hot tears glossed his eyes. He desperately tried to blink them away.
Eli said, "I tell myself I'll be back no matter what, but as time grows nearer for me to take my position as your butler again, I find myself at war with decisions."
So there was a chance Eli wouldn't come back? That's all Jasper needed to know for his world to crumble down. This wasn't supposed to happen. Eli was supposed to visit his family and then come back. In addition to that, he and Eli were supposed to run away with Darcy and Juliette. That's what was supposed to happen. But here was this Silas, coming into the picture at the exact moment everything was lining up to a perfect life.
In secret, Jasper dried his tear stained cheeks and closed the wardrobe. He looked out the window and saw it'd stopped storming, but the sky remained dreary and grey. "You should probably start home, now, before the rainfall begins again."
Eli glanced out the window as well, "Perhaps I should." He approached Jasper, not noticing the puffiness of the blonde boy's eyes, and kissed his lips once, twice, three times before opening the window. There was a secure metal trellis bolted to the side of the house, and it went down to the vacant veranda. "I will come back to you, Jasper," he assured, "I promise you this."
Jasper gave an understanding nod, "Goodbye, I love you."
"And I love you."
Then Eli disappeared out of the window. He climbed down the trellis without dilemma and hopped off once close enough to the ground. Quickly he jogged through the soggy yard toward the woods closing off the property, vanishing into the dark shadows of the trees.
The rain picked up again after he finally arrived home. His boots were caked in mud, hair was frizzing a bit from the humidity, but luckily, he'd made it inside before getting caught up in the downpour. Despite the humidity, he was freezing from the iciness of his clothing, which were still damp from the rain he'd run through going to see Jasper.
Coming to the front door of his family's home, Eli pressed his hands to either side of the frame and sighed heavily. Remembering back to Jasper still wrenched his conscience. He'd seen the look in Jasper's eyes when he explained Silas, the hurt he was sure the boy had thought he was veiling behind quiet eyes. He just hoped that since they'd known each other for a good time now, and they loved one another, that Jasper was able to trust in him with whatever decisions he ended up making, hold back his resentment until all of this blew over.
Please...he thought to himself...Trust me, Jasper.
The front door opened then, and Eli was faced with his mother. She was holding Ava at her side with a look of concern on her face. "Eli," she said, "Where in God's name have you been? I was worried sick when Silas came back alone."
When she stepped aside to let him in, he entered the small house, sure to keep the stress from his face. "Just out," he said, "Got caught in the rain earlier, and decided to wait it out somewhere."
She huffed a laugh, "Well, doesn't look like you did very well, your clothes are all soaking wet." Closing the door, Ella Goode set Ava on the floor to crawl around. "Come on and give me your clothes for a wash. You'll fall ill if you stay in them any longer."
"Alright," Eli nodded, "Just let me change first."
He trekked to his bedroom down the narrow hall and opened the creaky door. The small space held a single bed placed under a rectangular window, and a naked dresser was nearby. To Eli's surprise, Silas was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, and he looked up the moment the door opened.
"Oh–um," Eli scratched the back of his head. Not that he'd completely forgotten about Silas, but seeing him after ditching the guy to see Jasper felt a tad awkward. "Hey," he said, sounding even more awkward.
Silas said nothing, however, he just pulled his knees closer to his chest and let out a shaggy breath.
Eli bit the inside of his cheek, and turned for the dresser and opened the drawer. Before he pulled out anything to wear, he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his bitter shirt. He tossed it on the foot of his bed and rummaged for another when Silas said, "I'd ask where you got all those scratches, but they look awfully familiar."
Raising a brow, Eli turned to Silas, "What are you making at?" he asked.
Silas rose from the floor, taking a seat on the bed in its place. "All those scratches on your back...I see he even bit your shoulder."
Red immediately flushed into Eli's face at the mention of Jasper's intimate inflictions. When he glanced at his right shoulder, clear as day, a bite mark could be seen sunk into his skin. And he could only imagine what his back looked like since he hadn't a mirror. Jasper's nails were sharp, and whenever he dug and dragged them down Eli's back, it stung with aggressive pleasure, so the markings were most likely lengthy, red streaks clawed all over him.
And the way Silas had referred to them as...familiar...made Eli wince on the inside, trying to block out images from his mind from when he and Silas used to make love. Those were intimate and treasured times, yes, but he didn't want to dwell on that time, especially not right now, not after he'd at last been able to rid Silas from his mind.
Slipping his arms through the sleeves of his shirt, Eli shrugged it on and buttoned it up. "It is what it is, yeah?"
Silas leaned back on his hands, "Whatever you say."
Eli didn't like the way Silas said that. It was as if he could see through his words, like they were a window to his actual thoughts. But he wouldn't confess to his real reason for having to see Jasper today, even if Silas figured he knew why. No one needed to know the truth...
_
A long while passed before Samuel began to worry for the Young Master. He was aware Jasper had ordered for no disturbances, but hours have passed, and still there was no sign of him. He hadn't even had his supper.
Taking it upon himself, then, Samuel dried his hands with a towel in the kitchen and started for his Master's chamber. When there, he put his ear to the door, expecting to hear nothing, but caught the weak sound of weeping. Concern washed over him and he opened the door, instantly taken aback by the sight before him.
Jasper was on his knees in the center of the room, palms pressed to the floor, and his head was down, shoulders shaking as single shimmering teardrops fell from his eyes. And his chamber...it was a mess. The sheets had been pulled off the bed, lying scrappily on the floor, the skeleton clock was broken, the clothing from his wardrobe thrown about, lamps doused and busted, chairs lying on their sides across the room.
"Young Master..." Samuel said, his voice flushed in worry. He approached Jasper after closing the chamber door behind him, stopping before Jasper and knelt down to his level. "What is the matter?"
Jasper's voice was trembling, "I t-told you, not t-to disturb me."
Samuel shook his head, reaching for his Master's arm. "Come, let's get you up."
Jasper flinched away, "Don't touch me," he commanded, voice still shaking in anger coupled with grief. "I told you I wanted to be left alone."
Standing instead, Samuel didn't heed Jasper's words, and began tidying up the room.
As Samuel did so, Jasper tried to pull himself together. After Eli had left back home again, he'd lost it, released his anger in knowing there was someone else out there that could possibly embrace Eli's heart. He thought he was the only one, the only one who could enter the red haired boy's world in such a way. But there was...Silas...and whoever this human being was, he also had the capabilities of capturing Eli's love.
So he'd taken his rage out on anything he could get his hands on, and now his bedroom was in total shambles. Jasper felt guilty for feeling so bruised, so furious even with knowing the probable fate of this Silas.
The authorities were after him.
Jasper wished he could say he felt sorry for the lad, pull back his emotions and feel some amount of grief that the guy was practically being hunted, but no! Jasper felt none of that, and it made him feel like a horrible person. He didn't care about this Silas, bluntly put, Jasper didn't give a shit about him in any which way, even though he knew he should.
But this Silas was going to hurt what Jasper had. Eli, he was going to hurt Eli even if it was unintentional harm. When the authorities came to take him away to do whatever it is they were going to, Eli would get caught up in the middle, Jasper just knew it, and it frightened him to think of what decisions Eli would make when that time arrived.
And it would all be this Silas' fault. Why couldn't he have just stayed away!?
Sitting upright, Jasper pushed his blonde tresses out of his face, and looked around the room. Samuel was steady fixing his bed when he stood and dried his face. With Eli gone, Jasper hadn't a way to take control of this situation. He'd have no choice but to trust in whatever choices Eli made over in Brimonhive, and with all his heart, Jasper hoped he made the right one.
Besides, he was a fool to think after finding love with his savior, with Elijah Goode, that this road they were taking together would be without twists and turns, dark tunnels and bridges. And they'd already gotten through a dark tunnel, but a sharp turn was quickly approaching, and Eli was taking it alone.