Rose's POV:
Shivers run down my spine as I wrap the large white scarf around my neck, attempting to get warmer, even though I'm already wearing a coat.
That's what I hate about Canada. It's not winter yet but it's still really cold and windy. Letting out a puff trough my nose I stroll down the sidewalk of the small street until I come to a stop at the little coffee shop I used to go to.
I haven't been here in like over a year so I don't know if you can consider it my favorite but I'm surprised that he still knows. I push open the door, the bell jingling above it as a waitress sends me a friendly smile. I just ignore it.
I'm not really in the mood to smile today. The smell of coffee fills my nose, which I don't really like but I remember why I loved to be here. Almost no people sit here during the week, so it was the perfect place to study or read a book.
My eyes wander over the chairs and the red leathered booths until they land on the back of a blonde haired head. My stomach turns and I suddenly get the urge to leave this place as fast as possible but it's too late. Nathan's head moves around.
He sees me and weakly smiles as he waves me over. I hesitate and just stare at him for a few moments till I decide to just bring it over with. Do I want to let him leave again? After all the searching?
No, I don't want that. I bite the inner sides of my cheek as I slowly approach him while he stands up. Once only a few meters separate us I could see him reaching forwards to hug me but automatically I dodge it. I couldn't even control it.
His expression saddens as we take a seat opposite of each other. "Hey." Nathan says, smiling at me. "Hi." I mumble, nodding my head slightly. "I hope you still like chocolate milk. I ordered earlier so it could get cold because they only make hot chocolate." He explains, letting out a chuckle at the end of his sentence.
I just nod again, examining his features. He definitely changed but looks still like my long sixteen year old brother I thought I would never see again. "I really didn't think you could get any prettier but look at you. You finally decided to leave the bangs huh?" He laughs.
„You never told me how horrible it looked you jerk." I say, cracking a smile at the thought. "It looked adorable. Also since it made you look way younger the older boys stayed away from you much to my liking." Nathan says, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Guess, that changed now." He mutters the last sentence thinking I overheard it but I know that he meant Shawn. My chest immediately tightens at the thought of him but I try to swallow it with the chocolate milk.
"I see you also decided to leave your longer hair." I note amused that he liked his almost shoulder long hair back then.
Groaning he rolls his eyes, glaring at me playfully for bringing that up. "It was a phase. I thought we agreed not to talk about it."
"You told me to forget it but how can I forgot when I have those pictures of the vacation in Spain in my room." I giggle, watching as his nose crunches up and his eyes narrow. "You promised to get rid of them." Nathan mutters, rubbing his temples in embarrassment.
„Nope. Also how could I? Mom looks so beautiful in them. Not everything is always about you." I mock, crossing my arms jokingly. "Don't give me that attitude, young lady." Nathan chuckles, leaning closer to flick his fingers against my forehead which I absolutely hate but he still used to do that.
For the next hour, it felt like we are the ten year old Rose and her one year older brother who love to annoy and tease each other but still make up after every fight of the end of the day.
I finally felt secure and home again after such a long time. All the bad thoughts were locked deep in my mind as we talked and jokes about stories of our childhood but I knew the light mood would come to an end eventually.
"I think that's the only song I know how to play on the piano." Nathan says, laughing lightly. "Dad showed you like a thousand times. He would be disappointed if you didn't know!" I huff, raising mu eyebrow.
"Hey, I do know how to play it so don't give me that look." He sasses, mimicking my posture.
I stick my tongue out before taking the last sip of my water, setting the empty glass next to the cup. "You always did that when you didn't know what to say anymore." He grins.
"I do know what to say I'm just not going too hard on you yet." "Of course." He chuckles, resting his elbows on the table between us. As fast as our seemingly endless conversation started it also stopped again.
The suffocating tension lingering in the air and coating us again. "I missed you, Rosie-" "Oh really? I totally noticed since you gave me so many signs." I snap, the held back anger immediately building up in me.
Nathan eyes close for a moment, covering his green-brown orbs before a sigh escapes his lips. "So you don't understand?"
"Understand what? That it was so hard to leave on single meet where you are or why you left? To let me know that you are okey once in a while? No, I f*cking don't understand! I thought you were death Nathan.
So many times I gave up hope and believes I lost you just like Mom and Dad. Do you know how that felt?" I ask, my voice almost inaudible at the end of my rant.
He just opens his mouth, no words coming out while his eyebrows crunch together. "No you don't. Because you weren't the one who was left behind. All I hoped for was one single call or message Nathan. I need you more than anything at that time.
The thought of you being also... dead, was driving me crazy. You don't know how many times I wanted to finally give everything up." I add, a single tear running down my cheek as I avert my eyes out of the window. I quickly wipe it away, feeling his eyes on me the whole time we remain silent.
"Rose?" He asks quietly after a while. I feel his warm hand resting on top if mine which I laying on the table. "Please listen. I get it okey? I get that it was f*cked up of me to disappear like that but back then I was so stressed and worried about something also happening to you that I had to get away as fast as possible.
I didn't think of hurting you with that for one second and I hate myself so much for that. I just knew that I had to bring distance between me an you. I'm sorry.
I know damn well that a sorry doesn't bring back two years but I had to. As I realized what I did, it was too late. Every move of mine got observed Rose.
If I only dialed your number they would have started searching for you and god know what would have happened. I did all that so I could someday get back to you and never leave again." He explains, running his thumb in patters over the back of my hand.
I just stare onto the table, taking in the words that have left his mouth. "And I do know..." he sighs, moving the sleeve of my shirt up my arm, revealing almost healed cuts along with fresh wounds. "I had a nightmare last night." I murmur as I notice him look at me worriedly.
Closing his eyes he nods, cupping my hand with his others one too. I have been there all the time, just not in person. "Ava right?" I ask.
"Yeah, I thought you would get along with her well." I nod, tracing the top of the cup with my finger as I think about what to say. "Is there a way without that?" Nathan points to wrist.
"To get the nightmares away, I mean." I nod, avoiding his gaze as he probably waits for me to tell him what it is but I keep my mouth shut.
„What is it? Why don't you try to focus on that instead, if it works?" "Because I don't want to at the moment." I reply, shrugging. "But why... oh." Nathan responds, remaining silent for a few moments until he speaks up again.
"Damn it. I still hoped that it wouldn't be that serious with him." He grumbles, running a hand trough his hair. I chuckle lightly, my eyes meeting his as he sighs. "He is leaving for tour again today." I state, examining the tattoo on his forearm which reaches under his shirt to his shoulder.
I smile as I see lilies between all the other ones. He nods and I could see that he doesn't like the idea of being with him at all. Typical brother. It's things like these that makes me feel like a normal teenager without any difficulties but highschool until reality hits me.
"You are going with him?"
Shrugging I trace the small owl tattoo which consists only of the outlines of the animals. "Remember when we promised to get one together? I remembered that you said you like tiny tattoos."
"Yeah, it's beautiful." "Great, now you just have to get it too." Nathan smiles. I raise my eyebrows while crossing my arms, leaning against the leather seat.
"Who knows." I say. Sighing, I rub my hand over the side of my face. "I don't know what to do. Can I have your non overprotective brother opinion? Please." "I'll try." Nathan says, watching me intently. "Also pretend like you weren't involved in any of this okey"
"Okey." "So like you can guess he means a lot me." He nods, biting his lips to probably not interrupt me. "Like... no forget it." I shake my head, grasping onto strand of my hair. "No, no tell me."
"How can I ask you if I should forgive him, if I haven't even thought about forgiving you?" I ask, my voice raised as I start to get frustrated with the whole situation again. "Rosie." He sighs, standing up to walk over to my side.
His arm wrap around me and I immediately hug back. I actually wanted to do that since I walked in here. I bury my head into his shoulder, taking in his familiar scent which seems to relax me instantly.
"I missed you, little one." He whispers, kissing the top of my head. "I missed you too, asshole." I reply, a smile creeping onto my lips as he lets out a deep chuckle.
„Listen, I'm not in the position to tell you what's right and what's the wrong thing to do. And as you know I would probably tell you to stay home and find someone who is less of an idiot that him, so I'm not gonna say anything but that.
Yes, I made him promise not to tell you because I knew your stubborn head would look for me at all costs. He really seems to want to protect you Rose.
If you need a break though I'm sure he will understand. Maybe you should-" "I know what I'm gonna do." I sigh, pulling back from the hug. "And what is that?"
"You'll see. But I have to talk to him in person first. I shouldn't do that over text."