I couldn't let him go. It had been so awkward. I wanted to see him, yes. But to do what? To talk about my passion for children and cars? Definitely not.
I grabbed him by the wrist and span him around. He raised an eyebrow playfully. He was so enjoying this.
"Ace-"
"Yeah?" I let go off him and he stepped closer.
"What happened on Monday-"
"Yes?" He cut me off again. He came even closer. His face mere inches away from mine, his eyes searching my lips.
"You can't do that again." I whispered out of breath.
"Why?" He cocked his head, his eyes lingering on my face.
"Because it was wrong. Someone could have seen us."
He nodded slowly. "Hmh. But that's the thing, Martina. The... adrenaline." He said that last word faster than the others. He raised a hand to my cheek and began to stroke it gently. He raised an eyebrow. "You fucking loved it. Admit it." His eyes searched mine for a response.
I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to say, he was right, I loved it. And I would do it again, no matter how risky it was.
He smiled slightly as his eyes stared down at my lips. He came closer, his hand stopped caressing my cheek and cupped it instead. He brushed his lips against mine. He pulled apart slowly, opened his eyes and looked back at me.
He loved teasing me. I grabbed him by the back of his head and crushed my lips against his. We started kissing fiercely. His other hand came down my stomach and then down my skirt and started stroking the length of my panties slowly. I gasped and moaned lowly, opening my mouth against his, breathing heavily. He moved his head and put his mouth near my ear.
"You loved it just as much as I did." He began to rub faster. "Say it." He whispered.
"I-" I was having a hard time to breathe, my chest rising in a fast speed. "I loved it."
His mouth came to mine again and he stroked my lips with his tongue. "Good." He said staring at my eyes, pulling apart. His hand never leaving my inner thigh.
I opened my car door behind me with my hand. "Get in." I whispered into his ear. He obeyed and got into the car. He sat down on the driver seat and I sat down on his lap, straddling him as I closed the door. We looked at eachother for a moment and I laughed. He put his hands around my waist and kissed me. I couldn't stop smiling while he did so.
I stroked his still damp hair, while his hand travelled down my body, finally resting his hands on my butt. He squeezed it with his two hands and I breathed hard through my nose, my lips against his. That turned me on like crazy.
He pulled apart and whispered. "You can't wear those skirts and expect me to keep my hands to myself." I kissed him again and started moving my hips on top on him. In a circle motion, I began to rub myself against his crotch.
He pulled apart from my lips but I kept on moving.
"Martina." He whispered in a raspy voice. He closed his eyes and opened them again. "Do you have condoms?"
I stopped and stared at him, searching his eyes. My lips parting slightly and my hands leaving the back of his head to rest on his cheeks. I shook my head.
"Fuck." He groaned.
"You know-" I looked away from his gaze. "Mhm... I'm on the pill."
Since my period stopped when I began having problems with food, I got them under prescription and it came again eventually.
"I'm clean." He said opening his eyes wider.
"How do you know?" I asked looking at him again, my hands still on his face.
"Coach makes us take tests every month. Not only STD tests, also drugs and alcohol ones."
"But you drink." I added confused.
"Yes, but if you stop drinking four days before the test it won't come out."
I nodded understanding.
"Are you sure you want to do it?" He asked stroking the low of my back with this thumbs. "We could do other thi-"
"I'm sure." I nodded staring at his lips. He let his eyes linger on me for a few seconds, not wanting to make the first move.
Cute.
I smiled and pressed my lips against his. I drove my hands that were on his cheeks back to his hair, running my fingers through it and pulling it, bringing him closer. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I returned to the previous movement of my hips. His hands roaming below my shirt, touching my bare skin. He pulled apart and began to trace kisses down my jaw, my neck and my ear, biting it gently.
"You're so soft." He whispered.
I took off my jacket and threw it to the backseats. I ran my fingers down the hem of his hoodie and stroke his stomach, lingering on his perfect abs. I took the hem and tugged it over his arms and his head, his torso still covered with a t-shirt that was underneath. He did the same with my shirt, slowly, his eyes on my body as he did so. I glanced out the window, the last thing I wanted was to see that there was somebody watching us, or even worst, recording or taking pictures. I bit my bottom lip nervously. He grabbed my cheeks between his fingers, forcing me to look at him.
"Relax. It's just the two of us here."
And he was right. The surroundings of the field were empty, and everyone on campus was at home or at the dorms.
I nodded and he brought my face closer to his, crushing our lips again. He lowered his head down my neck and down my chest, moving aside my bra and licked my breasts, stopping at the nipples. I grabbed the back of his head pressing him closer to my chest. He came up again and slid up my skirt, letting it rest on my waist. He put his palms on my butt and began caressing it slowly. I took the waistband of his sweatpants and started to slid them down, along with his boxers. He lifted his hips a little to let me do it and I grabbed his length, and dabbed it slowly. It was big, probably one of the biggest I've ever seen, and to think that we were doing it without a condom, I was a little bit nervous. I stared at him biting my bottom lip.
"I've never done this." I whispered.
He brushed his lips with mine. "Me neither." He mumbled against my lips. He kissed me again, this time slowly, breathing heavily, driving his hand to my underwear stroking me. With his other hand he took my hand, removed it from his erection and put it on his chest. "Touch me." He whispered on my ear. I did as I was told and traced lines with my fingers along his chest, shoulders and neck. He shivered underneath me and took a deep breath. He put my underwear aside and I moved closer to him, placing myself in the right spot. He sank into me and I thought for a moment he had set me on fire.
"Oh, God."
What a difference. I began to move up and down, in slow motions as he grabbed my butt, guiding me through every movement. He spanked it multiple times as we were doing it, and I loved it. It was so hot. My mouth was now on his neck, sucking and biting it. I drove kisses along his jaw and bit his other ear, making him shift. I kissed his mouth, my tongue stroking his without control. I pulled apart and put my forehead against his. He moved one of his hands away from my butt and raised it to my mouth, putting two fingers inside my mouth. I began to suck on them, and licked them driving my tongue along them.
"So fucking hot." He muttered staring at my mouth as I did so. He took the fingers out of my mouth and ran them down the low of my stomach, stopping at my sweet spot, rubbing it and giving me chills. I moaned, my brow furrowing as I did so. He kissed my forehead and I relaxed those muscles. I realized he was talking more tonight, what could only mean he was more comfortable around me and that made my heart warm up a little.
"I've been thinking about you since I touched you at the library." He groaned, our movements becoming faster.
"And I've been thinking about you since you gave me one of the best orgasms of my life." I muttered out of breath. At my words he began to rub my clit faster, making my legs shake a little.
"Dios." I closed my eyes and let the shivers grow up on my body.
"I love when you talk in spanish."
"Ace, I can't hold it anymore."
"Then don't." He whispered against my lips.
I began to shake, the muscles inside me contracting against him.
"God, that feels so good." He moaned.
My chest raising rapidly. He was still moving his hips against mine, so I couldn't stop. I put a hand on the window as I began fastening the tempo of my movements and went in a circular motion.
I kissed him and whispered staring at his eyes. "Now you have to come inside me."
He grabbed my face and kissed my lips with passion, devouring my mouth as he fastened his moves, his hips hitting my inner thighs with force. I pulled away and drove my mouth to his ear.
"Vamos, sólo un poco más."
Right after hearing my words he began to tremble, spams controlling his hips as he groaned loudly. I felt the hot liquid running through my insides and it felt incredibly good. I rested my head on the crook of his neck as our breathing decreased their rate. I kissed his neck and then his jaw and pulled away to look at him.
My eyes searched his face. His eyes staring at mine quietly.
"Was it good for the first time?"
"It was amazing." I replied.
One of the corners of his mouth stretched up and he brushed his lips against mine. When he pulled apart my eyes rested on his neck, finding something that was not there before. I widened my eyes and drove my hand to my mouth.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" I said.
"What?" He asked worried.
"I gave you a hickey, I swear I haven't noticed, I haven't done it on purpose-"
"Martina, it's okay." He chuckled.
"Yeah, but it's in the neck, everyone could see it."
"Then, let them watch."
I furrowed my brow and pouted my lips involuntarily. He pinched my bottom lip with two fingers and kissed my cheek.
"I'll just use some make up from my mom," he shrugged, "stop freaking out."
I moved away from his lap and took a tissue from my bag to clean us up.
He slid up his pants and I put on my shirt and put down my skirt.
"So," I sighed as I leaned my back down the steering wheel "I guess this is when we say goodbye."
He held me by my waist, driving me closer. "We don't have to, you know. You can come to my house, you can slee-"
"No, I can't." I said quickly.
"Why?"
"I told you. It's better if we keep it like this." I said looking out the window.
"No strings attached, I get it. I just don't understand what is wrong with sleeping together. Morning sex is great, you know." He arched an eyebrow.
I giggled. "I just think it complicates things, okay?"
"Fine." He opened the door and I got out, stiffening by the sudden cold. He stepped out of the car after me and put on his hoodie. His bag was outside the car and he seemed to remember it at that moment, as he picked it up from the floor mumbling "shit."
He stood up, looked at me and smiled. I will never get used to that smile. That messy hair and those amber eyes, that were almost closed because of the grin.
"Ciao, Bella." He said and turned around towards his car hands in his pockets, before I could reply.
I smiled to myself and got into the car, starting the engine.
When I arrived home I saw Sarah sleeping in her bedroom. I went to mine and changed clothes. I jumped on the bed and took my phone. I had a few texts, but one that picked my interest the most. It was from Ace and I wondered what could he want, having just seen each other fifteen minutes ago.
thanks
for what?
for making me forget about the game
I grinned like an idiot.
anytime
sleep well martina
you'd sleep better with me, though
haha good night ace
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I stared at myself in my car's mirror. My eyes were red and swollen. I took a tissue from my bag and tried to wipe the make up from my eyes.
I skipped some classes because I had an appointment with my therapist. It had been a long time since I last went, so today was a difficult session. I wasn't very receptive and not quite willing to talk. He said usually people that had eating disorders shut down their feelings wether it was fear, sadness or affection, and ended up hiding them behind a crappy mood, or just the opposite, behind a smile. He said that was what happened to me, that I became numb and avoidant, trying to please everyone and not really letting anyone to know me.
I had to understand that disapproval wasn't the end of everything and I had to stop seeing my body as a explicit part of myself. He explained to me the difference between acceptance and approval and he tried to talk about what I felt, what concerned me and what excited me. What I felt for the people around me, and the way I opened about my feelings with other people. He wasn't very successful though, he wasn't pressuring me, but I pressed myself to talk about things I didn't want to and I couldn't even comprehend myself so I got frustrated and stuck, and began to cry.
He told me to practice something. Write everything that came to my mind when I was feeling sad, angry, or even happy. He said eventually I would accept my feelings and I won't have that many problems talking about them. I'd have to go and buy a nice notebook.
I had to go to college and pick up a book from the library. I closed the mirror and started the engine. I had two more hours of classes today but I wasn't going to go. I just couldn't be there mentally. I wasn't used to cry, I barely did it, but when I did, I felt exhausted. I drove in silence, I needed peace, it was enough with my mind screaming already.
I made it to the library and parked outside. I stepped out of the car and looked around. I didn't want to talk to anybody. There didn't seem to be much people around. I saw a couple at a bench not too far away and realized I knew them. She had her legs on his lap and he had one of his hands on her knee. She was laughing at something he was telling and he was gesturing a lot with his other hand. Even though they were sitting up, my friend Matt was one or two heads taller than Keya. They looked oblivious at everything that was happening around them. Today was not a very sunny day, it was rather a cloudy one, menacing to rain eventually, but they didn't seem to care. They were happy and carefree.
I wondered how many couples had been formed this last year. Nick and Sarah, my brother and his girlfriend, Nathan and Daniel, Matt and Keya. Even Meghan and that stupid boyfriend of hers. And I witnessed all of them. Everyone around me was in a relationship now. Was it a fever or something? Was there a vaccine for that?
I made my way to the door before they could see me. I doubted it though. They were too focused on one another. I opened the door slowly and went towards the librarian.
"Hi, I was looking for a chemistry book. It's called Engineering chemistry III, by Ranjit Baskar."
"Wait a second." She went through her computer looking for it. "Yes, here it is. Third corridor on the left, shelf number five."
"Thank you."
I began to walk, trying to forget the thoughts about last time I came here. I went through the shelf looking for the book, but I couldn't find it.
"Martina?" Someone whispered. I turned around and saw who it was. I saw a pale girl, very straight and blonde hair, looking at me with big blue eyes. She was Lilly, a friend of Nathan. She was a year older just like him. I had talked with her several times when she was with Nathan. "Long time no see."
"Yeah." I tried to put on my best smile. "How are you?"
"Crazy busy. Last year is just insane." She chuckled. She looked through the shelves with an annoyed expression. "I was just looking for a book and I can't find it. I'm doing this chemistry project with this guy from my class and we can't keep going if we don't have it."
"I'll help you if you help me, I'm looking for a book too."
"Deal."
We exchanged the titles of our books and began to look for them. I had to crouch to search for the ones that were on the lower shelves. I saw her book and I picked it up quickly as if someone was about to take it from me.
"Lilly! I found it." I stood up and when I was about to turn around someone grabbed the book from my hands.
"Thanks." Ace looked at me with amused eyes, book in hands.
"Actually, it is for-"
"Lilly. Yes. I'm doing the project with her." He stared at me furrowing his brow. "Are you okay? Your eyes-"
Lilly appeared beside us.
"Hey, I found your book!" She glanced at the both of us and the book in his hands. "Oh Ace, you found ours?"
"Actually, Martina found it." He turned again to face me and bit the corner of his mouth.
"Do you know each other?" She gestured between the both of us.
"Yeah, we are-" Ace began but I cut him off as fast as I could. I didn't know what the hell could come out of that mouth.
"Friends. We're good friends." I said smiling to her.
"Yeah, something like that." He chuckled. I turned my head to him and threw him a 'what the fuck are you doing' look.
"Well, here is your book Martina." She handed it to me and I took it.
"Thank you, I gotta go. Nice seeing you Lilly." I said quickly and she smiled widely at me.
"Nice seeing you too." I was going to turn around when Ace spoke.
"No goodbye for your good friend?" He pouted.
I rolled my eyes and took a few steps backwards waving at the both of them. "Bye, Ace." I turned around, went to check the book and got out of there.
Why did I always find him in the most inconvenient situations? He noticed something was wrong with me. He always does and I didn't know what I would have told him.
I didn't know he knew Lilly. Damn, I didn't even know he was a year older than me. Did I know something about this guy? I knew him in a different way, I knew how he liked certain things, specially referring to sex, I knew most of his tics and facial expressions, I knew his genuine smile and his caring side. But I knew nothing about his life. I didn't know where he lived, how was his family, what he liked to do, or what were his thoughts about certain topics.
But then again, wouldn't knowing all of that complicate things? Maybe if I did, I would not like him, just like Zach when I discovered how he really was. And I had to finish what we had, and it was great actually.
Or, in the other case, I maybe would like him more. And then I would be so attached to him that it would be difficult to keep things casual. And I didn't want anything but that.
And just when I got out of the building, it began to rain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vamos, solo un poco más: come on, just a little bit more
Thanks for reading, hope you like it! Don't forget to comment and vote, it keeps me motivated!
If you have any questions or suggestions please don't hesitate to tell me.
Also, letting you know that english is not my first language, so make all the corrections you want, it'd help me a lot, I promise I won't get mad 😂
By the way thanks for 137 reads! It might not seem like a big deal, but it is for me💕