YOU GUYS!!!!!
100K reads and 7K votes. Im honestly gobsmacked by the support i love you all so much. Im home from canada and my new life goal is now to live there forever. I may have even gotten a maple leaf tattoo... I'm super sorry that it's been weeks since I uploaded, life has been hectic and I had to try and recover from jet leg but I love you all and the support is insane. I can't believe I've been writing this book for 2 months and it's at 100K already. Literally, I cried. You're all so amazing and I don't deserve you guys.
The man above is Nick Bateman who is a stunning man that i have followed on instagram for many years and i have only now realised how similar him and trent (older trent) are. yummy.
Again, sorry about delayed uploads and bad editing within chapter, writing this all up on a broken and very annoying phone so its not going to be the best quality but i hope you guys still enjoy!
Love you all xx
There are these amazing things that happen to people which are past the point of understanding or being able to explain.
There are moments which the person themselves cannot even comprehend, let alone tell another soul about it and I believe that they happen a lot more than anyone realises because everyone is too scared to talk about them.
Someone seeing a car shoot past them or watching as they narrowly escape death when their car veers off a side of the road and it's only a stone that saves them is a small one.
A big one would be a child somehow managing to survive a ten-metre drop because a tree happened to sway into the right place and lower them down at the last second.
Things that happen that you wouldn't believe.
And you can never prepare for.
This was one of those moments.
I'd had a pretty uneventful day at school after the lunchtime fiasco; Cam had walked me to every class and even met me after school, and despite the glares I had been constantly receiving from a six foot something hunk of meat, I had enjoyed myself.
It was as if Cam being back and Matt being away gave me a breath of fresh air, and for a little while, I was able to pretend that everything in life was simple and easy.
After that I got Kristie to give me a lift back to my house and when I'd seen that my fathers car was absent from the front a shot of relief had flown through me- I didn't know if I could deal with Matt and him in the same night.
Kristie had felt bad about not being able to stay because she had to go home and help Linda cook but I understood.
Everyone had their responsibilities.
The house, as usual, was a bit of a mess; bottles were littered across the ground and there were wrappers on almost every countertop, but at least I was alone.
It hadn't taken long to clean everything up, I even had time to clean the shelves lining the walls and it was almost therapeutic, the last little bit of peace I had before I had to be constantly switched on and doing something.
It was at that moment, when I was standing at the window wiping down the glass, that I had seen something that caught my attention out in the backyard.
It wasn't very noticeable at first but as I made my way outside and onto the back porch, it caught more and more sun and the glare was impossible to miss.
I had casually made my way over to it, not thinking it would be anything major and when I reached it I realised that I was wrong.
It was a necklace.
Not a simple and cheap one, this one looked as though it was an old relic, like an heirloom that someone had accidentally left behind and as I bent down to pick it up the wind rushed through my hair and the leaves around me rustled.
In fact, they rustled a little too much.
And this is the moment.
Everything around me feels like it slows down and my breath is knocked from my chest, my hands beginning to feel clammy.
As I look up from my crouched position, my fingers coming into contact with the gorgeous stone hanging from the chain and the trees in front of me move. I swear that I can hear something in the bushes below them.
I freeze.
My heart pounds through my body, the sound echoing in my ears and right as I think that I'm crazy and there is nothing in front of me, the bushes move and a shadow of some sort emerges a little from the green confinements around it.
I can't make out the shape, or what it actually is, but what I do see is the eyes of the creature staring back at me, their golden eyes burning from the hiding spot.
I shoot up straight, snatching the pendant in my hand as I do and as my skin touches it and my legs begin to shake a feeling washes over me.
It's like nothing I've ever experienced before.
There's a moment, a slight pause in the world as if time has come to a stop and I am the only one moving.
Well, me and the creature in front of me.
The fear I had before suddenly evaporates and is replaced by a new kind of emotion, something that feels like comfort but I know that it couldn't possibly be; not when I was standing here so vulnerable.
The animal moves closer to me and my eyes shoot down the ground that the creature walks on, it's paws pressing into the grass as it comes into view, it's fur glistening and shining even from the distance that I was standing.
I had always wanted to see a wolf, and now I was.
Like a knee-jerk reaction, I pull the necklace into my chest and hold it against me, my fingers wrapped tightly around it as I gasp and try to make my breath even out.
Weren't you meant to show no fear in the face of a predator?
Images of Linda's story about her friend flit through my mind but it's as if my body is rejecting any negative thoughts about the animal.
As though I know that I'm safe.
Maybe I am crazy.
The wolf makes its way across the pack of grass, it's eyes never leaving mine and I feel my feet take a cautious step back as I recognise it's stance as one that looks like stalking its prey.
But I immediately stop when a growl flows from its mouth and feels like it shakes the floor beneath my bare feet.
It's like it didn't want me to move.
I would expect my life to flash before my eyes at this moment, or tears to begin falling from my eyes but nothing happens. Instead, my body takes control and I slowly hold out my hand that isn't tightly clasped to breast and reach towards the creature, its eyes regarding my skin like a foreign object.
Blood pounds in my ears and my conscience is screaming at me to turn and run, but my legs must be listening to the other voice inside my head that is telling me to stay because they don't move.
Now that it's closer I realise that the animal is much larger than I first thought and it almost reaches the height of my shoulders, it's broad body dwarfing me.
If it wanted to kill me right now then it could.
My hand that hangs out in front of me shakes constantly and my stomach churns as it continues to come closer, it's snout only a few metres away from me.
What was I doing?
Although I'm terrified, I can't stop being in awe of the amazing animal and its strong features, the dark fur only making it seem more powerful and I wonder how easy it would be for it to snap my neck in two.
When it's only a short distance from me our silent haven is broken by the sound of a car pulling up outside the house and it shatters the bubble surrounding us.
I gasp as I'm knocked out of the haze that my mind had been trapped in and I stumble back, my feet moving towards the door before I can fully register what's happening.
The animal seems to be distracted by the sound because it doesn't notice that I've moved until I am almost up to the steps and back into the house.
Its eyes watch me as I slam the door closed, my heart pounding and I feel like it can still see me perfectly even though I'm hidden by a wall.
I stare at it through the window, hands pressed against the glass and there's this urge inside of me to go back out there, to walk towards the beast, but I don't.
The necklace in my hand feels warm against my skin.
The front door opens with a click and I spin around in panic, realising that Matt has returned and I haven't even begun to make the dinner.
My gaze returns to the garden one last time before I walk away, but there's no animal to be seen.
"Princess, I'm home!"
My stomach clenches as I sprint into the kitchen, my fingers rummaging for a safe place to store the necklace in one of the kitchen drawers, my movements light so that they can't be heard.
"I'm in the kitchen, baby!" I reply, my voice shaking and I quickly close the drawer below me, the wood creating a soft knock sound as it closes carefully.
As I listen for Matts footsteps I open the fridge and pull out the plate of raw chicken and vegetables that are sitting ready made on the shelf.
Grabbing the wok from the rack off the wall I silently pour some oil into it and switch on the job, throwing the uncooked food into it right as Matt walks through the archway and enters the room.
"Hi, baby!" I greet, dropping the utensils in my hands as I walk towards him, a huge grin coating my face in hopes of covering up the fact that my hands are sweating, "how was your trip?"
Matt's eyes glance around the room and zone in on the food before he wraps his arms around me, checking for signs of things wrong.
"The boat was amazing, we basically just partied all weekend. It's what I needed after a stressful week."
What the hell did he have to be stressed about?
"How was your weekend?"
I pull away from him, registering his question and I make my face stay neutral, rolling my eyes as if it had been nothing exciting.
"The usual, saw Mrs Grenway, tidied the house and then today Cameron came back from his holiday so that was about it."
At the mention of Cam, Matt's face drops and I quickly try and recover, my hands returning to their place around him.
"But I missed you so much, I'm just so happy you're home."
The annoyance he had been showing disappears and a smirk coats his lips as his arms snake around my waist and pull me into him, his eyes trailing up and down.
"I missed you too, a lot," he bites his lip and moves in closer to me, his eyes watching my mouth and my heart begins to go crazy in my chest but I'm trying to figure out if it's a good thing or not, "let's pause dinner. We're going upstairs."
I still.
Why wasn't I excited?
"Oh," I mumble, glancing at the food that's beginning to cook, "maybe we should eat first, I mean the food is-"
His grip tightens on me, cutting off my excuses and his mouth covers mine, his lips rough and harsh.
"I've restrained myself all weekend and we haven't had sex in like two weeks; we're going upstairs."
There's a click from behind me and I already know that he's turned off the stove, the smug smile on his lips making my skin crawl.
What did he mean by restrained?
Shouldn't I be happy that nothing happened?
"Why aren't you wanting to go upstairs?" Matt snaps, his charming smile falling away as he glares at me, his body tensing, "are you hiding something?"
Blood pounds in my ears as I rapidly shake my head and cling to him, panic flowing through my veins.
"No of course not!"
His eyes narrow.
"So then it's that you don't want to have sex?"
His question makes me hesitate and he notices it immediately, his nails beginning to dig into my arms.
"You don't? Why not? Do you not find me attractive anymore?"
"No baby, of course I do-"
"Then you don't love me anymore?"
My mouth drops open at his words as he pulls away from me, mocking laughter spilling from his lips.
"Of course I love you-"
"Then prove it."
Before I can answer he is already taking my arm and dragging me out the kitchen and up the stairs, my words left behind me.
"Matt, I don't feel good," I try, my feet stumbling up the steps after him, his pounding ones leading us to the bedroom and the door slams behind us with a bang, "can we not wait until later, I don't want to-"
His hand comes out of nowhere, the palm of it hitting my cheekbone perfectly and my head snaps to the side, the echo of the hit ricocheting around us.
"I'm asking you to do one thing for me, something that's not difficult at all. All you have to do is fucking lay there it's not hard."
His words feel almost physical and the sickening feeling in my stomach worsens, the pit growing deeper and deeper.
Tears blur my vision and I don't make a move to clear them, I don't know what would set him off and I'm terrified to make things worse.
There's a sigh from in front of me and a hand takes hold of my chin, my body automatically flinching at the close proximity that it appears.
Through the haze I can see Matt's sad expression as his fingers lightly graze my no doubt reddened cheek and I swallow the lump in my throat.
"You know I hate doing stuff like that. I didn't mean to snap, I'm just frustrated and it hurt that you're saying no to me."
I remain silent and just stare at him, begging the tears to stop forming and the voice screaming in my head to shut up.
"I love you," he tells me, his voice making it sound like an apology, "I never want to hurt you, I just need you to understand."
I nod along to his words, my body feeling numb.
"It's okay I get it," I answer, ignoring the all of self-hate that was growing inside of me, "and I love you too."
His childlike grin makes it way back onto his lips and I shakily return it, grateful that the tears have stopped pouring.
"Good," he whispers, tender hands caressing my skin,"now go lay down."
The hope that I had in my body shatters at his last words and I try to remain positive but as he bends to pull off his jeans it's like everything around me goes grey and my mind turns blank.
What was wrong with me?
Later that night, after Matt had done everything he wanted to do, I silently tiptoe from my bedroom, leaving him snoring naked and make my way downstairs.
The clock on the microwave flashes a time which illuminated a tiny portion of the room and I use it to move through the kitchen and open the drawer that I had gone to earlier.
Inside it the necklace looks as though it's almost glowing, it's deep purple colour lighting up in the darkness and I'm in awe of its beauty.
Carefully, I pick it up and as my skin comes into contact with it a warmth flows through me, an almost comforting touch and I sink down the counter, my legs softly hitting the ground.
My pain begins to pour out of me, tears rapidly pattering against the tiles beneath me and I curl into myself, clutching onto the jewellery so tightly that it digs into my skin, but I relish the pain. At least for once it was me hurting me and not someone else.
Something has changed within me, I can't exactly describe what it is but there's a feeling in my chest that things aren't what I deserve, and that maybe, just maybe, there is more out there for me.
I know exactly when the feeling started though, the moment I almost fell on the front steps of the school and someone caught me.
Someone that had also managed to break my heart and simultaneously make me miss him without trying.
Trent.
OOOoooOoOoOooOooo are you guys excited??? Cus I know I am!!! Not my favourite chapter and meh but MAYBE THE NEXT ONE MIGHT BE A REALLY GOOD ONE... (wink)
I got a lot of questions asking if Elle was a virgin which is really strange because I don't see why it matters however no she isn't, and I think that past sexual partners/experiences have got nothing to do with a person or their life and if you judge someone on who they have or have not slept with then you need to think again. A lot of books and movies and things nowadays always seem to have the girl a virgin and the boy a player and it just confuses me. (It's also quite unrealistic)
HOWEVER- let's not get into that discussion!!!
Leave your most embarrassing sex stories if you want, that'd be funny, and maybe I'll tell mine who knows xx
I'm currently on a bus to go to a different city and clean my old flat before the new people move in so wish me luck.
I love you guys
Xxxx
(I'm also still not over the fact this has hit 100K)