Chapter 2
"I see and hear you when your not there."
**
Keystone Cemetery
May your love ones Rest In Peace.
I walk toward the back of the cemetery where her grave sits. Sinking my knees in the moist soil I read the headstone.
Here lies Valerie Walker
A loved daughter and sister, who shall be missed.
I can't read the rest because of my sobs. I always talk to her when I feel alone.
"Sis? I miss you so much. You were my other piece, you were my twin. I-I can't even let people know the real me. Y-you always called me V-Valentine and know I won't even let people call me that. I-I'm lost with-without you. I see and hear y-you when your not there."
I break into an uncontrollable flood of tears. I'm sure my makeup looks horrible and it probably looks like I just rose from one of these graves.
My throat is thick with grief and my heart physically hurts. I try to swallow the large lump in my throat.
My twin sister Val or Valerie died three years ago today. She died from a sudden heart attack in her sleep. Most people don't know about this and the ones that do are my mom, J, and... Ace.
Me, Val, J, and Ace used to all be best friends when we were little. We were all in tenth grade and Ace and Val were dating. We had happily just started tenth grade. Me and Val had a great day and after school we went on a double date. I went with a guy named Tony and she went with Ace. Ace was still his bad boy self, but not as risky. Back then we both had a little crush on each other, but I respected my sister and his relationship so I stayed out of it. After the date Ace pulled me aside from our group. He told me he was going to break up with Val and wanted to date me.
Of course I refused to do that to my best friend and sister. He said he was only going to breaking up with her for me, but I didn't want to hurt her, I told him to forget about it and left with Val. That night we were so tired we were both cranky. We broke into a fight and things were said, those words to this day I only know and regret. She left to her go to her room after the harsh argument. Before we fought she complained about having a headache and feeling bad, and that's when I should have known something was wrong., Val was a person that never got sick. The next morning I went to wake her up and she didn't wake up. Mom called 911 and they claimed she had a heart attack in her sleep, they never said what caused the heart attack.
I hear someone whisper a curse and a loud thump. I spin around and look into the thick bushes behind me. I don't notice anyone or any movement. My nerves hum and my heart thumps against my rib cage like a bird in a cage wanting free.
"Who's there!?" My voice is laced with hatred. Who would watch me grief over a lost one? I swear and walk towards the cemetery's gates. Whoever it is, they aren't getting to take pleasure in watching me grieve anymore.
"V wait!"
I spin around to see J come out of the bushes from where I stood seconds ago. Unbelievable, he was watching me!
"What are you!? A stalker!?"
He stops in his tracks looking confused. I roll my eyes and glare him.
"Why were you watching me!?"
He slowly walks towards me with his hands held in front of him, like he is protecting himself from a wild animal.
"I wasn't watching you. I just didn't want to interrupt you, and would have felt horrible if I did."
My anger eases and I huff, he takes that as a sign to walk closer. He throws his arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth. I break into sobs and cry into his shirt, he squeezes me for reassurance and I just cry harder. I'm so thankful he is always there for me, a few years ago I told him what happened the last night I was with her, but not what I said to her. I can't even think about the hateful words I said to Val, I wish I could take them back. J has hated Ace since I told him about our conversation, and we ignored him since then. I turned into this bad girl and Ace now drives me insane. He acts like my sister dying never happened. He didn't even come to her funeral and never felt the need to comfort me.
I finally stop crying and leaned back to look at J. His eyes hold so much pain, I know I'm not the only one who misses her. Sometimes when I visit Val I find J here with her. I usually join him and he gladly lets me.
He looks at me and smiles sadly, "I'm so sorry V. I know how hard this is."
I sniff and nod and I believe him, he knows how hard this is. It's so hard I changed myself, because I didn't feel like me when Val died. I couldn't look in a mirror for at least two years and still can't without flinching. When I did look into a mirror I seen her, sometimes I still do. Some people mistake me for Val and it breaks my heart. My mom didn't talk or look at me for months after Val's death. And our... our father left after Val died. I hate any thoughts about my dad, so I push them away.
I break apart from J's extra long hug to check the time. Shoot! I still have to pick up Shawn.
"J I love ya, but I have to go."
He nods, "go pick up Shawn. I'm just gonna-"
He trails off and points towards Val's grave. I nod and take off in my car. I skip some stop signs when no cars come. I reach Shawn's school on time by seconds. Small kids hop on busses and others hug their parents. My heart swells, Shawn doesn't get to hug his mom and dad when they pick him up. I shake my head and open the visor and look in the mirror. My wings are pretty much gone so I wipe the rest away. I grab wipes out of the console and wipe off the rest of my makeup, I don't want Shawn to know I was crying.
The car door opens and Shawn hops into the back seat. I close the visor and adjust my mirror so I can see the road behind me and Shawn.
"Buckle up."
I watch as he throws his bag into the seat beside him and buckles his seatbelt. Once he finishes he looks up and at me, wearing a grin that spreads ear to ear. I pull away and drive the short cut to our house. I glance back to see Shawn watching the trees pass by out the window. He is close to the window that his nose hits the glass. His breath creates circles of fog on the glass. He pulls away and draws two dots with a curved line in the fog, a smiley face, I smile and go back to watching the road.
Shawn is always so happy. I wish I was always like that. He was so young he doesn't even remember Val and we never talked about her. He only has memories of me and mom, not Val or dad. Which is for the best anyways, he doesn't need to grieve at such a young age.
**
I pull up into the driveway and notice moms car isn't here, doesn't shock me. Shawn plows out of the car and onto the porch, before I can even put the car in park. I turn around and grab Shawn's bag from the backseat, he always forgets it. I sling it over my shoulder and hear a scream. I bolt out of the car and see a man on our porch holding a knife.
And he is holding...
Shawn.
I stop in my tracks, afraid of making any sudden movements. My heart beats at an unbearable pace and my breath comes in quick pants. I hold my hands out and look the man in the eye.
"Don't do this."
"Shut up!"
He shakes Shawn making him cry out louder than before. I hear neighbors doors open and multiple gasps. People run into there house protecting their children, and for our sake calling the police.
"Look give me my brother and then-" I take a slow step forward.
"No! Stay back or he dies!"
The lump in my throat grows larger. I can't lose my brother too. I won't lose him. I would die for Shawn and that's a promise.
"Take me and leave him!" The man eyes Shawn and then glances back to me. He runs his eyes up and down me, thinking about my proposal. He throws Shawn down the porch steps.
It's as if I am watching my brother in slow motion. His head hits each step harder than the last. He finally lands on the concrete sidewalk and I hear a sicken crack and pop. I gasp and run over to my unconscious brother, cradling his head. Blood pores from his head and I feel tears run down my face. Four words run through my head on repeat.
I can't lose him.
I hear sirens in the distance. Someone jerks me away from Shawn, dragging me away. I don't fight as I watch my brother grow farther away. I notice police shoot around the corner and jump out of their cars. They pull out their guns pointing them at me and the man holding me. I feel something cold get pushed against my throat. I feel numb inside, and I can't take my eyes off Shawn. He lays lifeless and so pale, like a skeleton.
An ambulance pulls up and rushes over to him. They cradle him in their arms and work on him, while keeping and eye on the scene in front of them. They are preparing to safe my life as well.
The man pushes the blade closer to my neck. And yells something I don't comprehend. I just watch as the doctors work on my brother. I close my eyes and feel a tear run down my cheek. I know I won't make it out of this mess alive.
Warm goo runs down my throat, yet I don't feel the pain. I can't lose Shawn.
"Give us the girl and we will get you anything you need!"
I hear a ear splitting scream. My eyes fly open and I see mom being held back by a police.
"That's my son! My daughter!"
She thrashes in the police mans arms, and I look her in the eyes. She goes limp in his arms, looking me in my eyes as well. I'm thrown to the ground and hear fast retreating footsteps. The police man shouts orders and they chase after the man with the knife.
A doctors rush over to me and examine my cut neck. My mom runs over to me, but I manage to shake my head pointing to Shawn, I wince as pain shoots through my neck. She nods and runs over to Shawn and doctors have to hold her back. Cold gloved hands press on my neck and an unbearable pain courses through my neck and into my head. I gasp from the pain and feel my mind slipping into the black abyss that waits patiently for me. I gladly let my body go limp into someone's arms and fall into the never ending abyss with welcoming arms.
**
I wake to sobbing. Cries echo through the house and thunder rumbles outside. Rain pores down and I open my watery eyes. My neck throbs and I touch it, instead of blood on my hands they come in contact with a patch on my neck. It covers the fresh wound.
I glance outside and notice it is dark. The wailing that comes from my mom guides me off my bed. I walk into the hallway and hear her sobs in Shawn's room grows softer.
That's when I remember everything. The man with the knife, him holding Shawn, the police, Shawn falling down multiple stairs. His lifeless body plays on repeat in my mind. His door is cracked and I catch a glimpse. Mom lays over his unmoving body. I open the door, the floor creaking under my weight. Mom spins around from Shawn's bed and looks at me, her eyes are red and tears run freely down her face.
"Mom?"
I can't bare to bring myself to ask the question.
She nods and I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I walk over to Shawn and notice his skin is now back to its natural creamy tanned color. I kiss his forehead and turn back to mom. She doesn't look me in the eyes, but stares at the patch around my neck.
"I should have been there."
"Mom don't blame-"
"No!" She snaps at me with a fierce gaze. Her eyes soften when she notices my shocked reaction. "I quit my job."
"What!"
She doesn't tell me why, she looks at her feet guiltily. I see something in her gaze, but can't put my finger on it.
"I told your dad."
The room seems to spin. She did what!? How could she after everything he put this family through. He abused us all then left when Val died not being the comforting father his family needed to help with the grief.
"How dare you! He abused us on a daily basis! He never cared about us! So what makes you think he will now!" I'm in my moms face, but she doesn't put up a fight. She hangs her head lower and sobs silently.
Anger courses through me like a unbreakable tidal wave that never dies down. She doesn't have that right and now what!? He is going to become the caring father he never was? No. I won't let him.
"I'm sorry Val."
My anger dies. She just called me... Val. I stare at her shocked and watch as realization flickers on her face. She just called me Val. She just called my deceased sisters name.
"V I'm so sorry. It slipped-"
I hold my hand up to silence her. She shuts up and looks at me with pity and hurt. I shake my head disappointingly and walk out of the room.
"Your father will be here in a week."
I sprint out of the house and run. I run for minutes, hours, days? I don't know, but I stop. I sit on a bench that sits under the yellow dim light. The night sky has one star that burns brighter than the moon.
I look at it and feel like Val is sitting with me. That she is that star.
"Val? What should I do? Our brother is laying in bed with a busted head and mom thinks I'm you."
I listen for the cheery voice of Val. I wait for her to pop around the corner, waving her hand. With a wide grin lighting up the night. But she never comes. Because she is gone. I lay on the bench and look up at that one star. Clouds cover the moon, but not the star. It's as if the clouds part just for that one little star, that little star is Val. My eyes close, but I can still see the star. I fall asleep to the sounding of a car coming and the star shining bright, to the feeling of Val laying beside me on the bench.
If only it were true.
**