Congrats you made it this far!
(P.S. Watch out for Endlessly)
"Why are you looking at those photographs again?" I suddenly felt my brother's presence right beside me. Parehas ko ay nakadungaw din siya sa mga picture frames na nakalatag sa kwadradong mesa.
"Just missing the good old days, I guess." I took a long deep sigh. Nakatingin pa rin ako sa litrato niya, memorizing every part of her five-year-old face and taking it all in – the way she suppressed a smile, the way she held me protectively – it always made my heart melt.
Hindi dapat ako nasasaktan ngayon. I was the one who broke our promise, I was the one to blame. In our purple jeepney, ako ang nagpapasok ng iba, I let my dreams in and I chose to push her away. Hinayaan kong diktahan ako ng ibang tao sa bawat desisyon ko. Sinunod ko ang gusto nila and that was the stupidest thing a person would do.
Pero siya, she never let anyone or anything in because I was her priority. She could literally dropped her dreams for me. But everything that we once were, is now shattered because of what I did. Kaya ngayon, unti-unti kong binubuo ang mga nagkawatak-watak na piraso.
Hindi ko siya masisisi kung hirap na siyang magtiwala sa akin. Hindi ko siya masisi kung nakahanap man siya ng iba. But I don't want to accept that we were never meant to be.
"It's never too late you know, I mean how many chances in life should one person get?" Mos told me in a silent whisper as he slightly tapped my shoulder.
"Just do it sis." Iyon na ang huling salita niya bago umalis.
Kahit hindi man niya sabihin, I will still do it, whatever it takes, because I never wanted anything but the person I'm madly in love with. Now it's my time to show her how worthy of love she is. Ako naman ngayon. At kahit anong mangyari, siya at siya lagi ang pipiliin ko.
I took my phone out and typed a message,
"Baby where are you?"
I know I cannot undo what I have done. Kahit ang sarili ko'y hindi ko rin mapatawad. But I will prove to her that I am worthy of the second chance she gave me.
Naalala ko tuloy ang araw kung kailan ginawa ko ang lahat para lang makuha ko siya ulit. When it was time for me to make a move and to win her back again, we both went through heaven and hell for that.
This is what I did.
She's already in the Philippines that time and that was one of the reasons why I decided to make a public confession. Malakas ang kutob kong napanood niya iyon and that was part of my plan. Gusto kong maging handa siya sa mga susunod ko pang gagawin para lang bumalik siya sa akin.
The next day, Myrtle called early in the morning telling me that Elise wanted to go back to New York as soon as possible. Siya ang tumulong sa akin sa pag-update tungkol sa mga nangyayari kay Elise.
"Fuck I'm not yet done with you baby, aalis ka kaagad?" Na-alerto ako doon but at the same time, it made me smile a bit. Ganyan siya pag natatakot. She's afraid of what I'm about to do next. Mas lalong na-boost ang determinasyon kong makuha siya ulit. Mas mapapadali pa dahil nasa syudad na siya ngayon.
Ako:
Take her to my apartment.
Pagkatapos kong maligo at magbihis ay nagtipa ako ng mensahe kay Myrtle. I can't call her right now because the last time I did, my baby caught us. She just sent me pictures of her habang nasa yate sila.
Myrtle:
Pano ko siya madadala diyan, she's still mad at me.
Ako:
Just make some excuses, sabihin mo papasama ka sa mall or anything. Take your friends with you para ma-convince siya.
I'm so desperate right now. Bawat segundo ay sobrang halaga sa akin. I've been very patient for the past three years so no baby, I won't take any excuses from you again.
Hindi na nag-reply si Myrtle so I assumed she's already making her ways for it to happen. I'm pretty sure the apartment that I have rented was familiar to Elise. Dahil ito mismo ang tinirhan nila bago pa siya kunin ni Miss Monique.
How I missed the good old days. My mind was creating another set of flashback when my phone rang.
Myrtle:
Malapit na kami.
Halos maisuka ko na ang puso ko sa tindi ng kalabog nito. My baby is coming. Nagmadali ako papuntang silid, ito rin ang naging kwarto niya nung dito pa siya nakatira. I put a little make-up on and fixed my mermaid curls.
When the doorbell rang napasinghap agad ako.
This is it. Wala nang atrasan 'to. I took a deep breath as I open the door.
"Where are we exactly?"
I almost fainted when I saw and heard her voice. Tumindig ang balahibo ko kasabay noon ang abot-abot na pagtahip na aking puso. Even if she couldn't see me dahil nilagyan siya ng blindfold, nakakalasing pa rin ang kanyang presensya.
The pictures that Myrtle sent me didn't do any justice. Mas gumanda siya, tumangkad pa ng kaunti, and God those muscles!
"Where are we?" My baby asked again, she's being impatient.
Hindi nakapagsalita sina Jonas at Emme, nanatiling naka-awang ang bibig nila habang nakatingin sa akin. They have no idea that I planned all of this.
"Take a few steps first." Sinunod niya naman ang sinabi ni Myrtle.
When she's completely inside the apartment, I mouthed the word 'thank you' to them. Si Myrtle na ang nagsara habang nanatiling nakatayo si Elise sa harap ko. Siniguro ko munang hindi siya makakalabas ng pinto.
"Myrtle? Nasan na tayo?"
I stopped myself from molesting her with hugs and kisses, kahit pa gustung-gusto ko nang gawin iyon. I slowly took her right hand para igiya pa siya papasok. Naramdaman ko ang pagkatuod niya nung nagdampi ang kamay ko sa kanya. I felt it too. Para akong kinukuryente kahit sa simpleng pagdampi lang.
She might've sensed the silence between us so Elise quickly remove the blindfold. I heard her loud gasped. Para siyang nakakita ng multo nung dumiretso ang mga mata niya sa akin.
"Baby..." May namumuo nang luha sa aking mga mata. Hindi ko na kaya. I've been waiting for this moment for three damn years. I was about to give her a hug pero umatras siya mula sa akin.
"Anong –" Luminga-linga siya. "N-Nasan na sila?" Pagkatapos ay tumungo siya sa pinto ngunit hindi niya iyon mabuksan.
She's panicking.
Lumapit ako sa kanya. "Umalis na sila." She keeps on unlocking the door pero lagi siyang bigo.
"Baby look at me." Utos ko.
"Fuck" It was just a whisper pero narinig ko pa rin siya. Kahit ano namang gawin niya sa pinto hindi niya ito mabubuksan.
"Baby –"
"Don't call me that!" Bulyaw niya habang nanatiling nakatalikod sa akin. She's now slamming the door repeatedly.
Matagal ko nang tinanggap ang matinding galit at pagkamuhi ni Elise sa akin and I completely understand. Pero kahit pa anong mangyari, hindi ko siya susukuan.
I held her arm ngunit marahas niyang binawi ang braso dala ng iritasyon. Doon lang siya napaharap sa akin. My heart broke when I saw her bloodshot eyes.
"Buksan mo na ang pinto." Matigas ang kanyang boses.
It hurts me seeing her in pain but I'm not going to give up that easily.
"No." I answered with finality. Napansin ko ang pag-igting ng kanyang panga.
Don't worry baby, I already prepared my heart for this, sasaluhin ko lahat ng galit mo.
"Okay then..." Mahinahon niyang sagot kasabay ng paghakbang patungong silid. Sumunod lang ako sa kanya. Namutla ako nung nakitang binuksan niya ang bintana doon.
"What the hell are you doing?!"
Please don't tell me you're going to jump out of the window? We're on the third floor! Hindi niya ako sinagot sa halip ay gagawin niya nga ang namuong konklusyon sa isip ko.
"Baby don't!" I nearly shouted as I took her arms on mine.
"I said don't fuckin' call me that!" Determinado talaga siyang makaalis. She pushed my arm away as she hanged on to the pipe making her climb down.
"Elise!" I'm panicking too! I took the keys hidden in the closet and quickly open the door. I run down the stairs as fast as I could. Paglabas ko ay naabutan ko pa siyang nakakapit ng mahigpit. Even if she's already on the second floor, mataas pa rin yon lalo pa't alanganin ang tayo niya.
"Oh my God ELISE!" Napatakip ako ng bibig lalo na't dumulas ang paa niya sa semento making her fall down. She landed on some shrubs beside the building.
Tinakbo ko agad ang distansya naming dalawa at nanlumo ako nung nakita ko siyang namumulupot sa sakit. Napaupo siya while trying to move her ankle but every time she does, mas lalo siyang nasasaktan.
Napaluhod ako. "Dadalhin kita sa ospital" Nanginginig na ang boses ko dahil sa pagka-taranta. Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa bulsa and I texted my brother to come here and pick us up.
Sinubukan ni Elise tumayo kaya mas lalo akong na-alerto. Bumigay ang kanang paa niya at buti nalang nahawakan ko ang braso bago pa siya matumba. Babawiin niya sana pero hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak.
"You can't put any weight on your ankle, let me help you." May diin sa boses ko.
"I don't need your help." Bulyaw niya sa akin pero hindi ako nakinig. Pinulupot ko ang aking braso sa kanyang bewang at ang isa naman ay ginamit ko para alalayan siya.
"I said I don't –"
"Magmamatigas ka pa ba?" Nagagalit na ako sa inaasta niya. She's in pain for goodness sake! Pwedeng kahit ngayon lang timeout muna kami sa personal issues namin?
"I'll bring you to the hospital." Pinigilan ko nalang ang sarili ko dahil walang kahihinatnan kung makikipagtalo pa ako sa kanya.
Thank God my brother is already here. Elise was about to speak again but I didn't let her. I took her in my arms as we walk where the car is.
"What happened?" Inalalayan na rin siya ni kuya. See? She didn't want me to touch her pero hinayaan niya si Mos na tulungan siya. Matindi nga ang galit niya sa'kin.
"She tried to escape through the window." I answered bitterly while we're already inside the car. Tumabi na ako kay Elise dahil baka mamaya tumalon din siya mula sa kotse.
Mabilis ang pagmamaneho ni kuya kaya mabilis din kaming nakarating sa pinakamalapit na ospital. May nurse nang nakaantabay sa Emergency Room. Elise was taken using a wheelchair kaya naghintay nalang kami ni kuya. May mga taong napapatingin sa akin pero hindi ko nalang sila pinansin. I already did my public confession so there's no need to hide anymore.
After half an hour, the doctor went out and called for us.
"She has a sprained ankle. May pinainom ako sa kanya na pain reliever and it's going to make her a little sleepy. Hindi naman siya napuruhan so it's safe for her to go home. Basta huwag niyo muna siyang paglakarin, put ice to keep down the swelling."
I stayed with Elise while my brother payed for the hospital bill. She's sleeping like an angel and I can't help but smile. Naabutan pa ako ni kuya habang hinahawi ko ang buhok niya.
"We should take her home." Komento nito sa naging resulta ng pagiging desperada ko.
Napailing ako. "Babalik lang siya ng New York."
"Sis just face it, she clearly doesn't want to talk to you."
"I know, but this is the only way kuya. I'm not doing this just to ask for her forgiveness dahil alam kong imposible iyon sa sitwasyon namin ngayon. Gusto ko lang ipaliwanag sa kanya ang lahat."
My brother helped me take Elise back inside the apartment. Wala siyang kamalay-malay dahil sobrang himbing ng kanyang tulog. I should thank the pain killer for this. Kung pwede nga lang sana sa pag-inom niya non matanggal din ang sakit na idinulot ko sa kanya. But that's too much for a miracle.
That night, I gave her a sponge bath and somehow managed to change her clothes. Sinisigaw ng utak ko na wala namang malisya coz I already saw her naked before. Pero hindi ko kayang lokohin ang sarili ko. I admit that taking her clothes off and seeing her laying there with her birthday suit turns me on. I took a cold shower after that.
I knew she's going to wake up anytime soon so I made a quick call to Myrtle. Sinabi nito na alam na ng mommy ni Elise na naririto siya sa akin and she's okay with it. She just gave me a reminder that I should take Elise back before her flight which is 2 days from now. For me that wasn't enough, I need more time and I need to act fast.
Nagising siya habang nilalapatan ko ng ice bag ang namamagang parte. Medyo mamula-mula ang kanyang mga mata dala ng mahimbing na tulog.
Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa oras na lumapat ang tingin niya sa akin. "Y-You're awake, uhm, may hinanda akong dinner para sa'tin."
Hindi siya kumibo. She rested her back on the headboard at pinipilit ang sarili na tumayo.
"Baby don't move, mas lalo ka lang masasaktan –"
"Sa tingin mo ba hindi ako nasasaktan sa ginagawa mo ngayon?" Nabigla ako sa biglaang pagbulyaw niya. Her eyes started to form some tears.
Tila isang gantilyo iyon sa akin at kusa na ring nagsisilabasan ang mga luha ko.
"I'm sorry..."
"Sorry?!" She laugh sarcastically as tears run down her cheeks. "I don't need your fuckin' sorry! Bakit mo pa ako dinala dito ha? Ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi na lumayo ako sayo! So what the hell are you doing now?"
Pinunasan niya ang kanyang mga luha, sinubukang kalmahin ang sarili sa pamamagitan ng pagpakawala ng buntong hininga.
"Oo nga pala..." It sting my soul the way she stares at me. "Ngayong natupad na ang pangarap mo, 'tsaka ka babalik, just like my mother."
"No Elise that's not –"
"Please stop making me believe that I meant anything to you! I'm just an option, I get it. You all left me hanging like I'm a piece of junk! At alam mo ang pinakamasakit? Yung maramdaman na kaya kang bitawan ng mga taong mahalaga sayo ng ganun-ganun lang! You made it so easy to let go. Kasi kung ako yan? You will always be my priority Paige. Kaya kong talikuran ang lahat para sayo. And it freakin' hurts knowing that you can't do that for me."
Napapikit ako sa lahat ng sinabi niya. My eyes are starting to get sore dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak. Ganun din siya. Our hearts still continue to leave scars. Mas dumoble pa ang sakit dahil ganito pala ang nararamdaman niya. She thought that she was nothing to me when in fact she is my world.
I guess this is it. Kailangan ko nang ilahad ang lahat sa kanya.
"Baby listen to me okay?" I hold her to me tightly, making sure that she'll listen to every word.
Sinariwang muli ng utak ko ang mga nangyari simula nung ipinalandakan ko sa buong mundo ang pangungulila ko sa kanya, right after my public confession.
Inilahad ko lahat ng iyon sa kanya, mula sa simula.
Isang lagapak ng kamay ang naramdaman ko sa aking pisngi.
"What have you done Paige?!" Sa mga titig ni mommy sa akin ay halos kasuklaman niya ang buo kong pagkatao.
Hinintay niya pang makauwi kami pagkatapos ng interview. Kung hindi lang nakatutok ang camera kanina ay siguradong hindi niya na pinatagal ang pagsampal sa akin.
"Michelle tama na 'yan!" Pumagitna sa amin si daddy.
Hindi na ako makaiyak dahil ubos na ang mga luha ko. Damang dama ko na ang matinding kapaguran pagkatapos ng tatlong taon na pagdurusa.
"I'm sorry mom, hindi ko na po talaga kaya..."
"Fuck that reason! Hindi ka lesbiyana Paige! We both worked hard for this, we put our lives on hold para matupad ang mga pinangarap mo simula pagkabata, pero sisirain mo lang ang lahat ng 'yon para sa kanya?!" Napansin kong lumalabas na ang ugat niya dala ng sobrang galit.
This was the reason why I chose to hurt her, why I chose to push her away. Nalaman ng mga magulang ko na may relasyon kami ni Elise higit pa sa pagkakaibigan. May isang article na lumabas kung saan nakuhanan nila kami ng litrato habang naghahalikan. The photo was taken when Elise and I were at the beach at midnight. It was the time when we became official. Nasa Ramontes kami noon and that was our first kiss.
"Kung alam ko lang na may relasyon kayo, matagal ko nang pinagbawalan ang babaeng 'yan sa pamamahay ko! My God I befriended her aunt! I treated Elise like my own child!"
I was terrified and very scared of my mom's wrath. Binayaran ni mommy ang nagsulat noon at siniguradong hindi na kumalat ang mga litrato. Pinagbawalan niya akong lumabas, she even took my phone away to make sure na wala kaming komunikasyon.
Wala akong magawa at iyak lang ako ng iyak. Tinanggap niya ang offer ng management sa akin even without my permission. Nalaman ko nalang na naroon na si Lance at naka-schedule na ang mga eksenang kailangan naming gawin.
Sinubukan akong tulungan ni kuya Mostyn pero nalaman agad iyon ni mommy. Kahit siya ay pinag-higpitan and it was all my fault. I felt hopeless. When we went back to the Philippines, bantay-sarado pa rin ako. Pinadagdagan pa ni mommy ang security. Sinigurado niya talaga na hindi ako makakatakas sa paningin niya.
I became depress and the darkness almost took me over. Pero bago pa man ako tuluyang makagawa ng makakasama sa akin, my dad talked to me that night and explained his side.
"I am just as surprised as your mom. But don't worry princess, tanggap ko kung ano ka. Hindi man madali, but you are my daughter and I love you more than anything. Just give your mom some time to accept things. Balang araw, naniniwala ako na matatanggap din niya."
Nagdaan ang mga araw sinunod ko lahat ng gusto nila. I shut the world out. Nagpaka-alipin ako sa trabaho. Tila isang robot na de-numero ang bawat galaw. I smile if it's needed. I laugh if they want me to. I followed orders like someone was pointing a gun on my head.
But my mom is not yet contented. She knew I was faking everything, she knew I'm still in love with Elise and it fueled up her anger.
"Kung gusto mong maayos pa ang relasyon natin anak, hiwalayan mo ang babaeng 'yan! I want you to pursue your dreams. Patunayan mo sa akin na tama ang pagpapalaki ko sayo, because now, I'm very, very disappointed of you."
Wala pa akong napapatunayan sa kanya, lalo na sa aking sarili. At sa sinabi niyang 'yon, alam ko na ang gusto niyang mangyari. My mom is a high-achiever, she always push us beyond what's expected of us. And at this point in my life, I am still nothing to her.
Paulit-ulit 'yan sa isip ko, it keeps on repeating and repeating until eventually, I hurt the person I love the most. Wala ako sa tamang wisyo nung nakipag-hiwalay ako sa kanya, and nothing hurts more than seeing her walk away.
"Kung 'yan ang gusto mo, hindi na ako magpapakita... basta wag mo lang sukuan ang pangarap mo Paige. I hope this is worthy enough to pursue your dreams, dahil hindi madali ang gagawin ko."
Sa pagtalikod niya palang sa akin ay gusto ko na agad bawiin lahat ng mga nasabi ko. And that moment, a flash of recognition suddenly came in – her mother left her when she was still a baby to pursue her career, and now I'm doing the same way. What does that make me? Fuck!
"Elise!" She had no idea that I ran after her. Patuloy sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko na parang gripo na iniwang nakabukas. If my manager wasn't there to stop me, nagpalaboy-laboy na ako sa kalsada para lang mapuntahan siya.
I watched helplessly as day after day, mas lalo siyang lumalayo sa akin hanggang sa ni-anino niya ay hindi ko na nakita. She went out of the country and left me completely. Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang sakit at pangungulila simula nung iniwan niya na talaga ako.
Kinapalan ko ang aking mukha para lang kumbinsihin si Myrtle sa gusto kong mangyari. Pinagmumura niya ako pero wala na iyong epekto sa akin. Sirang sira na ako sa kanya. I already know that but I really need her help. Mababaliw ako sa kakaisip kay Elise. I was left with no choice so I confided everything to her. She was hesitant to help me pero bumigay din siya pagkatapos.
I knew Elise and I were still too young to settle for a serious relationship but the hell I care! Sa maikling panahon ng relasyon namin, kahit kailan hindi ko kwinestyon ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I love her ever since we were little, alam ito ng kapatid ko, I love her more than my own life.
Ginawa ko noon ang lahat para lang mapansin niya ako. She was my favorite target at school and yet she never once played tricks on me just to get even. I was so jealous of Via kahit na wala namang namamagitan sa kanila.
Mas lalo ko pang ikinagalit ang kaisipang naging estranghero ako sa mga mata niya. Damn! I am her bestfriend! Ganun-ganun nalang ba kalimutan ang lahat ng mga pinagsamahan namin? Damn her!
Sa sobrang galit ko'y hindi ko namamalayang sobra ko na siyang nasasaktan. I became a monster. She saved me when I was bullied but now I made her feel something I went through as well. Mas lalo kong kinamuhian ang sarili ko.
Sa pagdaan ng mga araw, sinubukan kong bumawi sa kanya. Especially when Stella took my place. Oh no, she made the biggest mistake of her life. Ako lang ang may karapatang gawin iyon kay Elise, hindi siya, hindi kahit sino, ako lang.
So when I saw what she did backstage during our rehearsal for the stage play, I slapped her so hard that she couldn't even speak the entire day. Serves her right, dahil sinaktan niya ang pinaka-importanteng tao sa buhay ko – ang taong gumawa ng paraan para hindi ako matakot sa pagharap sa maraming tao.
She even sang in front of them just to give me enough time to prepare for the play. Only a person who could totally understand me can do that. Only a person who cares a lot, and that's her, my Elise.
Mas lalong tumindi ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya, especially when she wrote me a piece of poem. Who would've thought that she was the one who would answer my sorrows and pain? Para sa kanya ang ginawa kong tula, at siya rin ang sumagot. Now I'm starting to believe that faith was making its magic para magkaayos kaming dalawa.
I took this once in a lifetime opportunity by inviting her at my dad's birthday party. Iyon ang unang beses na binigyan niya ako ng mga bulaklak. I kept the flowers hidden inside my closet kasama ng mga pictures namin when we were little.
That was also the time when we started making memories together again. Simula noon, naging makahulugan na sa akin ang bawat kantang pinapakinggan namin sa walkman niya. I recorded some videos during their band rehearsals and every night, pinapanood ko ang mga 'yon.
I was so thankful with the consequences we both made kasi nagkaroon ako ng chance na pasunurin siya sa lahat ng whims ko and at the same time, I became her super strict tutor. Sa aming dalawa, I must say that I gained a lot more because that was the closest I could get para ma-kumpirma na higit pa sa pagkakaibigan ang meron kami.
And I was right, after all this time we both have 'weird feelings' for each other. I have loved her even before we say the four-letter word. Kaya bakit ko ba hinayaang pakawalan ang taong pinakamamahal ko? It hurts like hell to let her go.
"Ang tanga diba?" I cried after telling her everything. She's also crying. Hawak-hawak ko pa rin ang kamay niya. She's still on the bed dahil sa pamamaga ng kanyang paa.
"You see, I have loved you for a very long time. I know deep inside that being a celebrity wasn't really my biggest dream. It's you all along. Ikaw lang ang sagot sa lahat. You're the answer to all of my doubts. Pinahirapan ko pa ang sarili ko. Sinaktan pa natin ang isa't isa, only to realize that in the end, even if you walk away, I'm still madly in love with you."
Hindi na siya nagsalita. Hinayaan niya nalang akong hawakan siya. I wipe away her tears using my thumb. I cupped her cheeks and kiss her forehead, down to her nose, slowly, until my lips reached hers.
It's just a simple peck but the electricity it brought me was too intense. I felt too much – my brain went fuzzy again after three long years of not feeling her against mine, my heart almost explode with the intense love rushing into it.
Inilayo niya ang mukha sa akin na tila natauhan sa ginawa ko. I understand, hindi madali ang magpatawad. I have to gain her trust again. After what I did to her – my God it was already painful to remember and I don't want to think about it again coz I'll just keep on blaming myself over and over again.
Nanatiling tikom ang bibig niya pagkatapos ng mahaba kong eksplanasyon. I didn't let her walk kaya dinala ko nalang ang dinner sa kanya. Masaya na ako na tinanggap niya iyon at pinagsaluhan namin ang chicken curry na gawa ko.
"Is it okay if I sleep beside you?" I asked hesitantly.
She didn't make an eye to eye contact as she moved a little to make space for me. Kinagat ko ang aking labi para pigilan ang unti-unting sumisilay na ngiti. Sobrang saya ko coz she's slowly letting her guards down.
Hindi ako makatulog ng gabing iyon dahil nakapako lang ang mga mata ko sa kanya. She's really a sight to behold even during asleep. I want to be near her but I'm afraid that I might bumped into her sprained ankle.
"Good night baby, I love you." I whispered on her ear and that was the only magic words I needed to make me sleep.
Early in the morning I received a call from Myrtle saying that Miss Monique found out about what happened yesterday and she's worried sick. May balak siyang sunduin na si Elise dito. Even if it's against my will, wala akong magagawa, she's her mother.
But the good news about all of this was, Elise suddenly became responsive. Hinayaan niya akong tulungan siyang magpalit ng damit. Kapag may tinatanong ako sinasagot naman niya.
Ang laki ng panghihinayang ko sa mga taon na lumipas. Her life unfolds while I'm still stuck. I should've been studying Fine Arts as well pero mas inuna ko pa ang karerang gusto ng iba.
"M-May naging ka-close ka ba during your stay there?" Bigla akong napatanong habang kumakain kami ng agahan sa dining area. Nakakapaglakad na siya pero kailangan lang alalayan dahil baka mamaga ulit ang paa niya.
Nilunok niya muna ang nginunguya bago sumagot. "Nahirapan na akong makihalubilo sa tao simula nung..." Kahit hindi niya naituloy ay alam ko na ang tinutukoy niya.
She became distant to people kaya mas lalo akong mahihirapan na kunin muli ang tiwala niya. She's been hurt twice by two of the most important people in her life. She's starting to lose hope in almost everything but I will not let that happen.
"Elise anak!" Pagdating ni Miss Monique ay agad niyang niyakap ang anak. Nahihiya ako. It's my fault why she had a twisted ankle now.
"Tita, sorry po." Napayuko ako. Ramdam ko ang paninitig niya sa akin. I didn't hear any response, I just felt her hands resting on my shoulder kaya napatingala ako sa kanya.
"You've been very brave Paige, to face people like that? I don't know how you do it. I'm really proud of you." Pagtukoy niya sa naging confession ko sa harap ng publiko.
I was a bit teary-eyed with what she just said. Kung sana ay ganito rin si mommy, mas lalo akong magiging masaya. "Thank you po tita." Ngumiti siya sa akin.
Nabasag lang ang katahimikan namin nang magsalita si Elise.
"Gusto ko na pong umuwi."
'Yung ngiti na pinanghahawakan ko ay agad ring napawi. Para akong pinipiga sa paraan ng pagkakasambit niya. It's like she doesn't want to give me another chance. Her mother helped her walk. Sa bawat hakbang niya papalabas, dumadagdag ang sakit. Hindi niya man lang ako kinausap. I thought we're okay? She didn't even take a glance at me. I guess I was wrong.
When Elise flew out of the country, hindi ko man lang siya napuntahan. Natunton ako ng press kaya hindi ako makalabas. I've also read about the articles that I was in. Sa kabila ng mga insultong natamo, para akong batong hindi natatablan. This is not my concern right now.
I already made up my mind, susundan ko siya sa New York. My brother helped me about my plan and he was really supportive. Sinabi niya rin ito kina mommy at daddy and of course, my mom didn't like the idea. Malamig pa rin ang pakikitungo niya sa akin.
One month after the preparation, sumunod ako sa kanya. She's studying at New York Art Studio kaya kumuha ako ng apartment malapit doon. It definitely cost me but that was the reason why I worked too hard these past few years. Alam ko nang maghahabol ako at magagastusan ng ganito kalaki.
When everything is settled, naging tambayan ko na ang coffee shop malapit doon. Wala akong contact sa kanya so I'm just relying on my faith. Lumipas ang dalawang linggo hindi ko pa rin siya nakikita pero hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa.
I knew one day where going to see each other again. And if that happens, susundan ko siya lagi and I'm going to take her out on a date.
"Let me guess, double non-fat latte and a slice of blueberry cheesecake?" Tanong sa akin ng babaeng barista. I don't know if she's Asian or what. Napatawa ako ng mahina.
"Damn, I'm getting predictable." Biro ko dahil halos mag-iisang buwan na ito lagi ang order ko.
Napatawa din siya. "Is it okay if I ask?" Aniya habang naghahalo ng kape.
"Sure go ahead."
"You seemed really familiar, are you an actress or something?"
Napangiti ako. "Used to be, but not anymore."
"No way! Ikaw nga si Paige!" Medyo napalakas ang boses niya and that made me laugh. Nakakatuwa dahil kilala niya ako.
"I am, pinay ka rin pala?" I asked and she nodded instantly.
"I'm Jess." She reached for my hand and I gladly accepted her handshake.
"Three years na ako dito nagtatrabaho with my husband. What brought you here by the way? Sorry napansin ko kasing araw-araw kang tumatambay dito."
Wow she's really talkative and it was overwhelming. She doesn't seem like a stranger to me.
"Uh, I'm just waiting for someone." Matipid kong sagot.
"For almost a month?" Ngumisi ito.
Hindi ko alam kung paano i-explain. Nagkibit-balikat nalang ako.
"It's complicated."
"Tell me who the person is, baka makatulong ako." Inilapag na niya ang inorder ko.
"Her name is Elise, she's studying there." sabay turo ko sa studio.
"Oh, may picture ka ba? Kasi ang mga estudyante dyan madalas ding tumambay dito."
I took my phone out and searched for her photos on my gallery. Pinakita ko sa kanya yung picture na halos mawala ang mata niya sa lapad ng ngiti. God I miss my baby.
"Ay siya nga, I saw her at the pizza parlor the other day."
Bumilis bigla ang pintig ng puso ko. "You did?"
"Yes, she was the one who helped me kasi ang dami ng dala ko. I just came from the grocery store and she helped me carry stuff. Such a nice young lady."
Uminit ang pisngi ko sa kwento niya. I feel like a proud girlfriend. She told me where the place she last saw her kaya pagkatapos kong kainin ang inorder ko, I decided to go there.
Sakto namang pauwi ang mga estudyante kaya malakas ang kutob ko na makikita ko siya doon. I just ordered a cup of tea dahil busog pa naman ako. I waited for almost one hour, hanggang sa biglang pumasok ang iilang mga babae, kasama na doon ang pinakamamahal ko.
As my eyes landed on her, unti-unti rin akong nawawalan ng hininga. My heart quickly reacted, kulang nalang ay lumabas ito sa dibdib ko at puntahan ang totoong nagmamay-ari sa kanya.
She's wearing a purple sweater and a black tight pants. Nakangiti siya sa kung ano man ang sinasabi ng katabing babae. Para akong tinutusok. So she likes French girls now. Akala ko ba wala siyang ka-close, ano 'tong nakikita ko ngayon?
Tumabi pa ito sa kanya. Apat sila pero parang may sariling mundo ang dalawa. Kung ganito lang ang maaabutan ko pagkatapos ng halos isang buwan na pag-aabang, sana'y hindi ko na siya hinayaang makaalis ng Pilipinas. This is quite unexpected. Naka- move on na ba siya?
Hindi ko na matiis. I've been waiting for too long, I have to do something. I took a deep breath and inhaled some extra confidence. I walked to where she is, towering over the French girl sitting beside her.
"There you are..."
Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa akin. "P-Paige"
"I've been looking all over for you baby." Matatalim ang titig ko sa babae.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" May gana pa siyang tanungin ako, the guts of this woman.
Napatayo na si Elise. "Anong ginagawa mo dito?" She looks really confused.
Pero hindi ko siya pinagtuunan ng pansin. Nanatili pa rin ang tingin ko sa kasama niya.
"Oh, Elise didn't tell you?" I faked a smile. "I'm her wife."
"What the –" Magsasalita pa sana si Elise pero pinutol ko agad.
"We should go home now babe, our daughter is waiting for us."
They're all shocked after what I've told them. Lalo na si Elise. I couldn't believe what I just said either, bigla lang namutawi sa bibig ko. Nagseselos talaga ako. Tama nga sila, when you see a person you love, happy with someone else, you realize how much special they are to you.
"I'm so sorry we didn't know, I'm Veronica by the way." Now she's apologizing. "You should go now Elise, you don't want to keep your daughter waiting."
Hindi ko na siya hinayaang makapag-paalam sa kanila, hinila ko na siya palabas.
"What the hell was that?!" Bulyaw niya habang naglalakad kami.
Nakahalukipkip lang ang mga braso ko. I keep my serious face intact.
"Baka isipin nila na asawa nga kita and hell kailan pa tayo nagkaron ng anak?! Damn it Paige!" Inis na inis siya pero panay naman ang sunod sa akin. Hinayaan ko nalang. Makakarating kami hanggang sa apartment ko at doon kami mag-uusap.
"Kung ayaw mong isipin nila, magpakasal tayo bukas! Ilang anak ba ang gusto mo? Ibibigay ko rin sayo bukas na bukas din!"
"What the f --"
"Yan ba ang ipang-bubungad mo sa'kin pagkatapos kong dumayo dito para lang makita ka?!" I cut her off.
"Hindi ko naman sinabi sayo na pumunta ka dito!" She looks frustrated as she keeps on following me.
"Buti nga pumunta ako e! Para malaman kong nakikipag-landian ka lang pala!"
"Hindi ako nakikipaglandian!"
I laugh sarcastically. "Apat kayo do'n pero kung makadikit siya sayo parang linta, nakakahiya naman sa date niyo sana hindi niyo nalang sinama ang dalawa!"
"It's not a date okay! She invited me the last time but I declined. Bumawi lang ako sa kanya ngayon!"
Sa sobrang inis niya hindi na niya namalayan na sumusunod siya sa akin hanggang papasok sa apartment.
"Wow what a lucky woman! Samantalang ako three years tayong hindi nagkita pero ayaw mo man lang ako bigyan ng chance! I want to earn your trust again Elise! Gusto kong bumawi sa lahat-lahat but you keep on running!"
Hindi ko alam kung ba't pinagdadamot niya pa rin ang parteng iyon sa kanya.
"Hindi lang ako – I'm just – fuck I'm outta here" Doon niya lang na-realize na nasa loob na siya ng tinitirhan ko.
"At san ka naman pupunta?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay habang nakasandal sa pintuan.
"Not again Paige..." She sighed as she keeps on reaching for the doorknob, pero hindi niya maabot dahil nakaharang ang katawan ko.
"No you're not going anywhere..." I unconsciously bit my lower lip. I hope she's also aware of how close our bodies are.
"P-Paige..." Napalunok siya ng ilang beses nung pinilit pang hawakan ang doorknob but her hand landed unto my stomach.
Napasinghap ako sa ginawa niya and all of a sudden I became so sensitive. Heat instantly ran on my bloodstream. Napatingin ako sa mapupula niyang labi. When she saw what I was staring at, she also looked down at my lips as well. Fuck it's turning me on.
Hindi ko na nakayanan ang tensyon sa aming dalawa. Napahawak ako sa batok niya as I claimed her lips hungrily. Tila uhaw na uhaw sa bawat halik. Mas lalo akong nang-init when she responded to my kiss. When she rested her hands on my hips, nawala na ako sa aking sarili.
I want more. Fuck I want more. It's like she knew what I was thinking because she immediately grant my wish. Napahawak siya sa pang-upo ko habang nagpapalitan kami ng maiinit na halik. I miss those lips, I miss her touch, I miss how we made love.
Naitulak ko siya papuntang silid. As soon as her back landed on the soft mattress, I went on top of her. Hinubad ko ang aking damit at ganun din siya. Her hands found my breast and I moaned with her soft touch. Pinulupot ko ang aking braso sa kanyang leeg. She kissed my jaw, my neck, and then back to my lips.
We went on and on until we found ourselves completely naked under the sheets. We're staring intensely at each other's eyes while our hands made its magic with every touch.
"I love you..." I whispered on her ear.
Her hands gently parted my wet folds, mas lalo akong napaungol. Sobrang bilis ng paghinga ko. I did the same to her but unlike me, she doesn't make any sound. Nakikita ko nalang ang epekto nito sa kanyang mukha. Her lips are slightly parted.
"Baby..." Sobrang pula ko na dahil sa abot-abot na pagkasabik ng aking katawan sa bawat galaw niya. Tila ninanamnam ng kanyang daliri ang bawat haplos sa pang-ibaba ko. It was all too much. Maliit na mura ang pinakawalan niya nang ipasok ko ang akin sa kanya. She did the same to me and we both have the same rhythm.
Our movements came faster and faster until we finally reached our peak. I reached for her lips and kissed her gently. Tumatagaktak na ang pawis naming dalawa. After what we did, Elise rested her head on my chest. Dinampian ko ng halik ang noo niya habang hinihimas ang kanyang buhok.
"I love you too." Bulong niya na nagpaiyak sa akin.
Hindi ko alam na sa kabila ng matinding kasiyahan, nararamdaman ko pa rin ang kaunting sakit. I don't know what hurts more, yung malaman na sinaktan ko ang taong pinakamamahal ko, o yung malaman na hanggang ngayon ay mahal niya pa rin ako kahit na nasaktan ko pa siya?
I promise baby, now that you let your defenses down, I will never disappoint you again. I don't want you to feel the same pain ever again. I understand your recovery is almost impossible because breaking your heart twice was too painful to even bear by a selfless girl like you. You didn't deserve any of it. So let me do whatever it takes to get back with you.
Because in our own little ride, there's only the two of us. Just us. And anything else is only a cruel distraction.
Nanatili pa rin akong nakatayo sa harap ng mga nakahilerang picture frames habang naghihintay ng reply niya. What's taking her so long?
Tumipa muli ako ng mensahe.
"Where are you?"
I thought I'm going to wait for another half an hour while reminiscing some painful yet wonderful memories I wish I could go back to, but my phone suddenly rang and I know it was her.
Elise:
Look behind you.
Napangiti ako habang dahan-dahang umikot para harapin siya. She's holding a bouquet of red roses on her hand.
"Akala mo nakalimutan ko?" Her smile is making me blushed some more. "Happy first anniversary babe."
I took the flowers as I gave her a massive hug. Yes it's been a year and I keep on falling even harder every single day.
"Baby, don't cry..." Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko.
"I still have a surprise for you."
"No babe, I have a surprise for you." Pagkaklaro ko. Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin niya. I took her out of my apartment and we went down the stairs. Malawak ang bakuran sa likod ng building kaya doon ko naisipang i-setup ang surprise ko sa kanya.
"Close your eyes first." She looked confuse pero ginawa niya pa rin ang utos ko.
I kissed her cheek habang inaalalayan siya papalabas.
Naroon ang mga kaibigan namin naghihintay – sina Myrtle, Jonas, Emme, at Trisha. Ginawan ko pa ng paraan para lang mabuong muli ang Thanos Band. But not only that, kinausap ko ang landowner para mai-setup ang mumunting playground at ang purple jeepney na hindi lang gawa sa karton, kundi totoo na ngayon. I already have our itinerary this coming weekend and the purple jeepney will take us there.
Tinulungan ako nina Myrtle para lang maisakatuparan ang plano kong 'to. May mga lanterns na nakasabit at sa isang mahabang mesa nakalatag ang mga paborito niyang pagkain.
"I smell barbecue babe..." Aniya habang patuloy sa paglalakad. Nag-iihaw si Jonas kaya malamang maaamoy niya. Napahagikhik ako.
"Ready?" I asked excitedly.
"Ready..." She seemed nervous and excited at the same time.
Kasabay ng pagmulat ng mga mata niya ay ang pag-awang din ng kanyang bibig.
"Surprise!" Tili ng mga kaibigan namin sabay lapit sa kanya para sa group hug.
Nanatili lang akong nakatingin sa kanya habang binabati siya ng barkada. I'd like to keep those smile on her lips forever, kasi alam kong iyon din ang magpapasaya sa akin.
The band started to play the song Daylight and our friends started to cheer. Elise went to where I was standing.
"Thank you for this baby..." She's teary eyed now. Pinunasan ko agad iyon bago niya ako dampian ng halik sa labi.
"You should pack your things later, coz we're going on a little trip." Bilin ko sa kanya habang nanatili kaming magkayakap.
"Just the two of us?" She asked.
"Yes, just the two of us."
The band plays all the song that are memorable to us. Abala na kaming lahat sa pagkain habang nagkakatuwaan. Sina Jonas at Myrtle ay panay ang laro sa seesaw and it brought me back to those days where Elise and I used to play with that thing too.
"How about my surprise babe?" She pouted on which I find really adorable.
"What about your surprise?" Napakunot noo ako.
Napangisi lang ito bago tumingin sa bandang likod ko. I got curious so I turned around, only to see my family watching us from afar.
Napatingin ako kay mommy, kumaway siya sa akin. Dahil sa sobrang galak na naririto sila ngayon ay tinakbo ko agad ang distansya naming dalawa.
Sinalubong ako ni mommy ng mahigpit na yakap.
"Anak..."
Humahagulhol na ako kasi ito ang unang beses na nagkita kami pagkatapos ng mga nangyari.
"Elise already told me everything." Umiiyak na rin si mommy."I love you Paige...I love you regardless of what relationship you're in. Miss na miss na kita anak, sobra."
This is indeed the happiest day of my life. Kompleto na ako. Lalo pa nung dumating sina tita Sheryl at tita Monique. They also brought food for our get together. Sabay-sabay namin itong pinagsaluhan at nakiki-indak pa sa saliw ng kantang itinutugtog ng banda.
I felt really blessed, wala na akong hihilingin pa. Love should be celebrated not only with the person you shared it with, but with the people who are also important in our lives.
My baby hugged me from behind as we watched them enjoy the presence of one another. Napapikit ako habang inaalala ang araw kung kailan nabago niya ang buhay ko. And once I did, I turned around to face her as my eyes started to form another set of happy tears again.
"I'm so glad that you were the one who took me out of that dark room."
She took both my hands in hers and kissed them wholeheartedly.
"I'm glad I did."