Yes, I am updating early because I won't be able to update at all tonight. See ya tomorrow
Millie's pov
We were all having our own conversations, listening to the music on the road, and having a good time.
My psychosis hasn't taken control in a while, and I'm happy about it. I feel normal.
I was sitting back, legs crossed, my back Austin the van, and Finn was sitting in front of me, his legs crossed, and we were having a thumb war. Cause why not.
"Sharp turn." Caleb said, and right then, Finn and I both fell back, Finn landing on his back on the seat, me landing right on top of him, my legs on both sides of him, and his hands immediately went to my legs that were on top of him. My face stopped inches away from his, and we gasped.
"Another one." He said, and this time, I went flying back into the seat, and Finn fell on top of me, but he stopped himself from falling completely on me by steadying his hands on the seat on both sides of my face. We both gasped again, and Finn quickly got off of me, and looked at Caleb.
"Those were on purpose you fucking asshole!!" Gaten yelled, and Finn flipped Caleb off.
"Wear seatbelts next time." He said, and I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, we are actually stopping." Caleb said, and I was dazed out, trying to comprehend how much physical contact I just shared with Finn, and catching my breath.
"Hey, you okay?" Finn asked me, and I felt his hand on my knee. He took it off, and I nodded.
"Uh yeah, it just knocked the wind out of me." I said, lying.
"Okay." He said, and looked over outside.
"A hotel?" Noah said, and I looked outside to it.
"Yep." Caleb said.
"My mom already said she'd pay for it, so we're good." Caleb said, and got the credit card.
We all got out and grabbed our bags and everything, and he closed the trunk.
"By the way, it's only 1 bed rooms. So figure that out. I'm looking at you Millie and Finn." Caleb said, and he walked to the hotel.
"Maybe I don't wanna share a bed with Gaten!" Noah yelled.
"Fuck you Noah." Gaten said, and we all walked inside. Caleb paid for it, and he gave Finn our key.
We were all on the sixth floor, and we got in the elevator and Gaten and Noah wouldn't shut up.
We got to our rooms, Finn and I's room was next to Gaten and Noah's, and Caleb and Sadie's was across the hall from ours.
Finn put the key in, and opened the door, and I walked in. It smelled nice. Like Caleb said, there was one bed. There was a desk, and a tv, and there was a bathroom in the front of the room.
We walked over to the bed and set our bags on it, and looked at each other.
"Do you care?" He asked.
"We've been sleeping next to each other in the van for the past couple of nights so I don't think it'd be a problem if we slept in a bed together. Right?" I asked, and he looked at me.
"Is it?" He asked, and I looked back to the bed.
"No." I said, and he nodded.
"I'm gonna shower-
I got cut off by the side door opening, making me jump, and saw Noah come out of it.
"Hey, this is the side door. Our rooms are connected!" Noah said, and I put a hand to my heart, and walked over there.
"Yeah, I'm locking this." I said, and grabbed the handle.
"Oh, I see." Noah said, smirking at both of us.
"Oh my god, shut up!" I yelled, and slammed the door, and locked it.
Finn laughed, and so did I.
I went and showered, brushed my hair and teeth, took my meds, and looked at myself in the mirror.
I was wearing a cropped T-shirt and some shorts. I just didn't feel like I was there.
I walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed, and Finn went in and showered, brushed his teeth and whatever he does.
I plugged my phone in and turned around, to see my dad at the door.
"Dad?" I asked, and he had a mad look on his face.
"Why don't you ever visit me? Why don't you come talk to me? Say hi?" He said, and I backed up, up to the wall.
"That's bad Millie. You're a bad girl." He said, and my heart started to race, and I backed up to the corner of the room.
"Please don't." I said, crying now, and just repeated those words over and over again.
"Millie!" I heard Finn yell, and I looked to see Finn right in front of me. I looked behind him and my dad wasn't there. My dad was never here.
Finn and I's fingers were intertwined, really close, and he looked at me with concern.
"I'm sorry." I apologized, and cried even more.
"It's okay Mills." He said, and I looked at him.
"No, it's really not." I said, and Finn helped me up, not letting go of my hands. We sat down on the bed, facing each other.
"Weird things happen, Finn. Like, just now. Usually I don't get hallucinations, but I just had one." I said, and he looked at me, concerned.
"It was my dad. I don't know, he was yelling at me for something. But I hate him, he's basically not even my dad. He thinks I'm a mistake because of all of these fucking symptoms and disorders I have, and he always gives me the same look whenever he sees me. It's disappointment, Finn. So why should I call him my dad when he's never around, always drunk off his ass, and doesn't treat me like a normal person? Well, he doesn't treat me like a normal person because I'm not a normal person, like Iris said, I'm basically a psycho." I said, and Finn shook his head no.
"Millie, nobody's normal. If your dad doesn't see you for the way you are, that's his fault. You're amazing, Millie. And never listen to anything Iris says, because she's wrong. You're awesome, Millie. You aren't a psycho, and you aren't a mistake." Finn said, and I met his eyes.
"I just get overwhelmed with things. The voices in my head tell me stupid things that aren't true." I said, and Finn furrowed his eyebrows.
"Voices?" He asked, and I looked at him.
"Do you even know what schizophrenia is? Psychosis?" I asked.
"I've searched them up before, but it never said anything about voices." He said.
"You can hear things and see things that aren't actually there. I can hear voices in my head. Telling me things." I said, and he nodded.
"Well, do you listen to them?" He asked, and I looked down.
"Yeah." I said, and he sighed.
"It got so bad one time there was a point where I didn't eat for 3 weeks. They told me that I wasn't skinny enough, or something." I said, and Finn looked at me.
"Millie, you're like, 100 pounds." He said, and I looked at him.
"97." I said, and he had concern all over his face.
"I didn't take my meds for three weeks either, because they told me I was better without them." I said, and Finn looked down.
"And I had a hallucination on top of the van." I said, and he looked at me.
"About what?" He asked, and I stayed silent.
"You kissed me." I said, and his eyebrows raised a little.
"That's weird." He said, and I nodded.
"Usually the hallucinations I have are kind of off of what happens in my life so I'm not surprised." I said, and he nodded.
"Do you wanna try and sleep?" He asked me, and I nodded.
We got under the blankets, and he was on one end of the bed, and I was on the other.
I didn't fall asleep right away, I was probably awake for 10 minutes before I said something.
"Finn?" I whispered, assuming he was asleep already.
I heard the blankets shift, and I turned to him.
"Yes?" He asked, and I looked anywhere but his eyes.
"Could you hold me? I can't sleep. I usually can when you do." I said softly, and he nodded.
I turned around so my back was facing him, and he put his arm around me, his chest pressed up against my back. I felt his hand on my bare stomach, because my shirt was cropped. I didn't mind, though.
I closed my eyes, but they wouldn't stay closed. I looked at the wall in front of me, and I felt the ends of Finns curls against the back of my neck.
I felt the tips of his fingers start to trace my stomach, and he started to trace shapes and letters on it, lightly.
I felt tears burning in the back of my eyes, and I blinked and let them out. I don't even know why I'm crying this time. Anxiety maybe? Anxiety that Finn actually hates me, and he's just doing this because he's stuck with me? He's probably sick of me.
But his fingers tracing shapes on my lower stomach kind of soothed me.
I didn't fall asleep till around 4, anyway.
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Hey demons, its ya boi
okay hopefully you liked this chapter and yep bye love you all