Will Moore & Cira Castello
Will Moore
In the darkness, I can still see where the world ends.
The careless crash of waves send vibrations down my spine, and the constant echo soothes my mind in a way only the ocean has ever been able to do. It's as if the salty air holds a remedy to all my problems, a drug that makes my worries disappear.
I'm staring so deeply into the horizon I don't notice footsteps behind me, soft pats in the dense sand under my feet.
"Hey."
My eyes reluctantly tear away from the ocean and land on Maria, whose face looks worried and unsure. She bites her lips as she walks closer. She stops next to me but says nothing more. We stay quiet for a moment.
"Maria-"
"Yes?" Her eyes widen, and she brushes a lock of curly hair off her face.
I clear my throat and stare down at my hands. "I- we need to break up."
I don't know what I'm expecting. Maybe some shouting, tears, maybe Maria leaving without a word, but she just stays and grabs my arm with her gentle fingers, and rests her head on my shoulder.
"I know."
I hear a rumble of thunder, as the dark sky above us grows to a deeper shade of blue.
"You love her." She says, her voice clear of anger. "Cira."
I don't say anything, too ashamed. Maria had been perfect, but I had spent months searching for something from her. Maria tried to be enough- I tried to make her enough- but she would never be Cira.
Cira didn't fix me. Her kiss didn't mend my broken body, didn't heal my eating disorder. But knowing she loved me when I didn't love myself gave me hope. She was the calm in my storm. My life was a raging hurricane, but she held on so tightly. She was there until my storms passed. She was there when they started again.
I needed her.
...
Cira Castello
I'm boarding my backpack into Henry's car. We're driving back home together, and my stomach cannot stop clenching with nerves. I feel like I'm gonna be sick. It's been a day since I kissed Will, and I haven't stopped feeling so sick. So horrible.
God, I cheated on my boyfriend. And I'm so guilty but I don't regret it.
But Will, it's like I'll never be able to understand him. I try- I truly do, but he's like a puzzle with a million pieces and every time I come close to finishing something breaks the puzzle into more pieces, a billion more.
I pull my hair up into a bun, the rising sun beating onto my back. It's Monday morning and all traces of teenagers partying has been erased from our rental house. Last night I spent hours with Anna and Lyla throwing away sticky cups from beer residue, greasy boxes of pizza, moldy containers of Whole Food salads, and an insane amount of napkins.
"Need any help?" Henry says loading his luggage into the trunk. His grey shirt is damp from sweat, and his curly hair lays freshly washed across his eyes, dripping wet.
"You're a mess." I sigh, barely suppressing a laugh.
"Hey- you're not so perfect either."
I laugh until my heart feels heavy again, and I remember my lips on Will's. My mouth clamps shut.
I say goodbye to my friends before making my way into Henry's car.
It hits me that this is probably the last time this group will ever hang out together. I remember last year when it formed- I was just becoming comfortable in my own skin.
And now I'm here.
"Ready?" Henry says as he slides into his seat, slamming his door shut.
"Mhmm."
We drive in silence for the first hour, I can't bring myself to even look at Henry, how can I speak to him?
"So." He says with a clipped tone. "You and Will."
My heart stops.
"You seriously can't tell me nothing going on." He sounds cold, angry. But I understand.
"What do you mean."
"The fact that you've been having eye sex this whole weekend. I mean seriously Cira. Why would you want to get back together with him? He's a problem."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I say, standing up straighter.
"What do you think? Cira, you deserve better than a guy who can't even take care of himself."
"Seriously?" I say with a cold chuckle. "Are you fucking kidding me- it's not any of your goddamn business who I deserve or not."
Henry's jaw clenches, and he pulls aside, parking his car.
"What are you doing?" I ask confused. "We're on a highway you know."
Henry turns around in his seat. "You cheated on me."
His words hit me like a slap on the face.
"Yes." I breathe.
I've never seen Henry look so hurt. He blinks his eyes, his hands tightening around his steering wheel.
"I'm sorry."
"Really," Henry says. "That's all you can say? I'm sorry. Oh god, I knew this would happen. My friends warned me. What is it? Do you like being with a guy with problems? You like feeling needed?"
My throat tightens. "It's not like that."
"Than what it is it? Because I gave you everything, everything- and I never asked for any shit back!" Henry's shouting now, and I feel so stuck. There's nowhere to go. I'm stuck in a car that's starting to feel like a cage. "You told me you loved me."
"I'm sorry Henry." I cry, "I never loved you, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry I was selfish-"
"No- I'm sorry that I wasn't enough. That I wasn't worth it."
He puts his car back to drive and we move through traffic. I want to desperately cry. But it's not fair. Because I'm the one who hurt him, not vice versa. We sit in quiet for a while, my heart hammering inside my chest.
"You know I'm trying to be mad at you, but my brain keeps trying to excuse what you did," Henry says after a while.
"Don't. Don't excuse what I did."
He leans back into his seat, hesitating before driving into a guest stop.
"Wanna get Panera?"
My eyes fill with tears. "Sure."
"You have to pay for my meal you know."
I tentatively laugh, rubbing the tears out of my eye. "Yeah, I know."
...
~Graduation~
Will Moore
"You look so handsome!" My mom says as I walk down the stairs. She covers her mouth with her hands in awe as she starts to sniffle.
"He's graduating, not dying." My dad laughs giving my mom a hug.
"But he looks so grown up."
My graduation gown is very, very annoying. It's long and white, and extremely hot, and the long sleeves kind off remind me of wings.
"Haha, you look so weird." Becca giggles, I pretend to put her into a headlock and she squeals with laughter.
"You're messing up your gown." My mom frowns, exasperated. She readjusts the collar and pats it down so it lays flat. I look fine, but my mom has this nervous tendency to worry about the smallest details.
"Grandma and grandpa are meeting us at school, so we might as well get going now. " My dad says staring down at his watch.
My mom and sister enter the car first, but my dad holds me back. "I'm really proud off you Will." He says, his cold eyes boring into mine.
"Thanks, dad," I say with a small smile.
"Now let's get that diploma you've worked your goddamn off for."
...
Andrew Bells steps up on the stage, I can tell he's nervous by the way his wide eyes can the crowd, the way he tugs on his tie.
I give him a thumbs up, which I notice makes him relax, his shoulders shrugging down. I mean who wouldn't be nervous. He's giving the valedictorian speech- which is pretty insane.
Andrew clears his throat, his shaky head adjusting before he smiles. He's got this.
"It's kind of crazy, standing in front of all my classmates today, knowing that this is probably the last time we'll all be here together. Next semester we'll be college, majoring in things like biology, psychology, agriculture, and business, when years ago we wanted to be firemen, rock stars, cowboys, and astronauts."
The crowd chuckles and a few people even sniffle.
"It's crazy because we all grew up together. We went through our awkward, emo, and plain weird phases together. We got our drivers licenses, flunked classes, and had reality hit us really hard. We lost friends, made friends, and found our families. We discovered growing up can be really hard, but we discovered it together."
"Today we say goodbye to our childhood. We say goodbye to everything we thought we knew because we'll be discovering things alone now. We'll re-pick our majors a million times until we find out what we love, we'll struggle with life basics like laundry and cooking."
The crowd of us laughs again, and the reality that I'll be saying goodbye to everyone suddenly floods me with emotion.
"The point is we're going to make a lot of mistakes, but that's okay- because our mistakes will lead us to happiness. Because that's more important than anything else life can give us. More important than how much money we make in the future, what jobs we have, and even the cars we own. These past few years taught me that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Staying true to yourself is the happiest you'll ever be. So I encourage you to make mistakes, learn new things, and figure out where your journey will take you. As Bo Bennet once said, 'Success is not in what you have, but who you are.' I want to thank my dad who has pushed me to be my best, Coach Wallace who has supported me from day one, my teachers and all the administrators who helped me navigate my way through high school, but most importantly to my best friend Will, who taught me that you have to fight through some of worst days to earn your best days in life, and no matter how hard the past is you can always begin again,"
Mathew whose sitting behind pats me on the back, as my classmates around me cheer my name, applause filling the football field until it echoes on and on.
"To Fenwick Highschool, and all my classmates, thank you."
Our principle pulls Andrew into a hug, and we give him a standing ovation along with loud hoots and cheers.
Our principle gives us all a small smile before leaning into the mike. "Congratulations class of 2018, you have officially graduated."
My hand throws my cap up into the air until finally it's raining white caps. People are sobbing and laughing, and it's a whirlwind of emotion and all I want to do is find Cira, so I do.
She's standing there pulling away from an embrace with Anna and Lyla when she sees me. She looks beautiful, in white, with her lips parted in confusion, and her dark brown hair cascading down her shoulders. In a second I've crossed the field and she's in my arms, caps fall around us as our lips meet, and for a moment the world freezes over and it's just me and Cira. She pulls away first with a laugh of pure bliss.
"I love you, Cira," I say, breathless.
"And I love you Will."
...