Suddenly Paul raced after her, following her downstairs into the kitchen. Lucy scowled angrily at him.
"What do you want now?"
"Dot love, can you just give me and Lucy some privacy please?"
Dot discretely left the room.
"Lucy, I'm not leaving." He held Lucy's gaze, "This is my house. We'll just have to work through this!"
"FINE!" She snapped once more, "I'll pack me and the kids up then. We'll go to dad's! Fuck you and this house!" She turned from the room.
"LUCY! STOP!" shouted Paul, following her into the hallway. His expression now changed and he spoke calmly and quietly. "Don't uproot the kids. OK. I'll go."
Lucy stopped and looked at him. "Now?"
He shook his head. "No love. Look. I understand why you're hurt and angry, I do but I think we can work through this. I love you Lucy. Only you." He paused. "I'm going back to Hamburg tomorrow for Klaus's wedding. I'm guessing you and the kids aren't coming with me now?"
Lucy shook her head.
He nodded. "OK. I'll be back in two days. Please Lucy, whilst I'm away, think about you and me...our family. Please?"
"Like you did when you went with a prostitute you mean?" Lucy glared at him. "Whatever!" she turned from him and began to walk off. Suddenly she stopped and turned back to him. "You're not welcome in my bed tonight."
That night Lucy lay alone in bed trying to make sense of her feelings towards Paul...but she couldn't. Sighing deeply, she turned on her side and waited for sleep. It never came. In the spare room, Paul lay in the narrow single bed. Lucy hadn't said a word to him all day and she'd taken the children away from him to minute he touched one of them, despite his assurances that he'd been to see the doctor that very afternoon and was now being treated. He'd missed the cuddles at bedtime story with the boys and Mary. They too had been puzzled why daddy hadn't given them good night kisses. Sighing deeply and thinking of Lucy, he waited for sleep. It never came.
The following morning Paul was already up and dressed when Lucy and the children appeared for breakfast. Dot wasn't around yet.
"Morning love. Hello kids!" He smiled at his family.
"Want daddy!" Mary shouted, fighting against Lucy.
Lucy maintained her tight grip on her daughter despite this and the shouting turned into angry frustrated tears. Paul came to Lucy.
"Give her to me Lucy love."
Lucy turned from him. "NO!"
Mary continued to cry and reach out for her daddy.
"Mary!" Lucy scolded the little girl, "No! You're staying with me!"
Mary began to sob as James and Daniel watched their parents fearfully.
"Lucy?..." Paul began.
"GO AWAY!" she yelled, startling all the children now. Mary's cries became hysterical and James and Daniel began to cry too.
Paul reached over and put his hands on Mary. "Lucy, give her to me!"
"No! I told you yesterday!"
"For Gods sake Lucy, being angry with me is one thing!" he hissed, "But you're terrifying the kids. Look at them!"
Lucy looked to the boys, both who were crying. She looked back at Mary, as if seeing for the first time how distraught her daughter was. Suddenly she let Paul take Mary from her and watched as she snuggled into her daddy, still sobbing. She turned to the boys and went to them.
"Hey, don't cry boys," she said softly, "Come and have a mummy hug!"
"Want my daddy," muttered Daniel.
"Mummy shouted." said James. "Want daddy!"
Lucy watched, tears rolling down her face, as both boys ran to their father. Paul crouched down to them and including them in the same hug as Mary. Over the children's heads he looked at Lucy.
"Join us." He mouthed. "Please."
Her anger at him seemingly forgotten, she went to him and let him put his arms around her too.
"Mummy needed a hug too kids," he said softly, "She didn't mean to shout at you. Daddy made her cross."
James looked from Paul to Lucy. "Has daddy been naughty mummy?"
She nodded to her son, forcing a smile for him. "Yes James. I'm sorry I scared you all. Daddy did make me very cross."
"Are you still cross mummy?" asked Daniel.
She smiled at him. "No sweetheart. Not anymore." She hugged her children once more. "There'll be no more shouting. I promise!"
The kitchen door opened. It was Dot. The expression on her face told Lucy that she knew the couple had been arguing.
"Would you like me to do breakfast for the children Lucy? Give you and Paul some space?"
"I think that would be a good idea." said Paul softly, "Lucy?"
She nodded.
"Thanks Dot." Paul then turned to the children, "Dot is going to make you all some breakfast kids? Mummy and daddy are just going to have a little talk. We won't be long. OK?"
"Yes daddy." The children looked from Paul to Lucy who gave them a soft smile.
"Just a few minutes OK?" she repeated.
Seeing the children still looking unsure, Dot intervened. "Come on then children! Who wants pancakes for breakfast today?"
At the sound of their favourite breakfast, the boys went to Dot. Mary still clung to Paul.
"Are you coming Mary sweetheart?" said Dot, holding her arms to the little girl, "You can help me mix if you want?"
Mary shook her head and still clung to Paul.
"Mary listen," said Paul gently, "How about you go with Dot and make daddy some pancakes for his breakfast too. Will you do that?"
"For daddy and Mary?" said the little girl between sniffs.
"And mummy!" said Paul smiling, "Make some for mummy too?"
Mary eyed Lucy warily, the sad expression on her daughter's face tearing her apart. Lucy smiled at Mary.
"I love you Mary. I'm sorry I was cross." She told her.
Mary looked at her mummy. Suddenly she leaned over and grabbed her. "Want a mummy hug too!"
Lucy hugged her daughter tightly before she began squirming to go down. Lucy reluctantly put her on the floor. Mary waved to her parents.
"Make pancakes now." She said to Dot, "Pancakes for mummy and daddy."
"Come on then." said Dot, taking the little girl by the hand. "Do you want to wear my pink pinny today?"
With Mary's excited chatter about pink pinnies still ringing in her ears, Lucy slipped from the kitchen and went in the living room. Paul followed her a few moments, later bringing them both a cup of tea.
"Lucy?" She was sat on the sofa with her head in her hands, crying, "Lucy love, don't!" He put the cups down and sat beside her and placed his arms around her. She continued to sob as if her heart was breaking. "Please Lucy, don't cry. I'm so sorry!"
Lucy moved away from him suddenly, and although her eyes were red and her face tear stained, she was angry.
"You just don't get it do?" she said in a quiet anger, "You just don't understand how I feel?"
"I know I've hurt me but..."
"Hurt me? You've done more than that Paul!" she told him, tears now rolling down her face once more, "Look at me! I can't think straight! The kids think I'm a monster now! When did I ever shout at them? NEVER! It's all because of you!"
Paul tried to take her hands in his but she pulled away. "Don't touch me!"
"Lucy love, look, I'll ring Klaus. Tell him I can't come. I need to be here with you and the kids. We'll talk then."
Lucy stood up. "No Paul, don't do that! You can't let him down the day before his wedding!" She paused, "Apart from that, I think it would be better if you left anyway."
"But Lucy...."
"Paul. Stop." He stopped. She placed her hand on his arm. "At this moment in time Paul, all I feel when I see you is intense anger. I feel nothing but disgust and anger towards you!"
"Lucy..."
Tears pouring down her face, she carried on, "Just listen! It's not the fact that you had sex with another woman, you know that? It's the fact that you did that without thinking of the risks. Then you brought VD into our bed. I feel dirty....filthy dirty. I keep showering because my skin crawls at the thought of you with her...some dirty whore! Go to Hamburg Paul. I need some space to calm down and think. Then when you come back I might be calm enough to talk. But right now, I can't. Right now you disgust me and I hate you for making me feel the way I do!" She looked at his shocked face. "Yet I still love you! God knows why!" She sighed deeply and wiped her face. "Right, I'm going to pretend that you and I are fine and let the kids have a happy family breakfast before you go to the airport. I think you need to do the same, don't you?"
Paul nodded. "I love you Lucy and I am so sorry."
"Just drop Paul!" She sighed wearily, "I don't want to talk about it anymore!"
"Dot!" called Lucy as she came into the kitchen, "Dot, where are you?"
"I'm here! In the garden." Dot replied.
Lucy walked through to the back steps and found Dot enjoying the last of the sun.
"Hi!" Dot smiled at Lucy, "Everything OK Lucy?"
Lucy nodded. "Yes...the three are sound asleep at last." She glanced at her watch, "Dot, would you mind keeping an ear out for the kids whilst I pop out please? I need a walk to clear my head."
Dot looked at the younger woman. "You look tired love."
Lucy gave her a sad smile. "I am but I've got a lot on my mind. I'm hoping a walk in the park might help. I won't be long."
"Take your time Lucy love," said Dot kindly, "The children will be fine."
"I know they will Dot! You're fantastic with them." Lucy gave the surprised woman a sudden hug. "See you later."
"Bye." Lucy headed towards to gates, "Oh Lucy, what if Paul calls from Germany?"
Lucy turned. "Oh just tell him I'm out. Nothing else."
Dot nodded. Clearly the issues between the couple were still unresolved.
It was still warm despite it being almost 8pm and the park was still quite busy. Lucy wandered along, deep in thought and oblivious to people who recognized who she was. She sat on a bench overlooking the boating lake, watching the ducks and geese squabbling over food. A solitary duck waddled over to her in hope she'd brought bread or something with her.
"Sorry Mr Duck. I haven't got anything today!" said Lucy quietly. The duck stared at her. "Where's your friends today? Are your family?" He stared at her for a long time as if reading her thoughts. Lucy stared back, looking at the colours on his feathers and thinking how handsome he was. Suddenly a dog ran by the lake, barking loudly and scaring the birds back into the water. Lucy sighed now that the much needed quiet was shattered. She got up and carried on walking until she found herself outside her dad's church. Her eyes filled with tears once more and she desperately wanted her mum to talk to. She headed up the very familiar drive way of her father's house and knocked on the door.
"Lucy!" It was Rose. She saw the younger woman in tears, "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
"Is dad here? I need to talk to him!" said Lucy.
"He's in his study."
"On is own?"
"Yes."
Lucy walked through to her father's study. She knocked twice on the door then walked in. Her father looked up in surprise.
"Lucy!"
"Oh dad!" She burst into tears and ran to her father and hugged him just as she had when she had been a little girl who needed comforting.