This past week has been eventful. It’s been one full week since the catastrophe that happened last Friday. Word had gotten around town, including school, about what happened between Jayce and Colton. It was literally the only thing I heard about whenever I walked in a crowded classroom or even during our lunch period. Although I dreaded going to school, Cameron, mom, and surprisingly my dad forced me to go, whilst Jayce stayed at home, trying to recover from his fractured ribs, doctors orders. Colton hasn’t been around all that much either. Mom had gone over to their house to visit his mother, and she informed me that they were having a funeral for Mr. Michaels tomorrow. Our family was obligated to attend, since I was still known as Colton’s very best friend, but as of now, I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve tried coming over many times, but his mother would decline me at the door saying Colton needed his rest.
On another topic, when Jayce’s family was informed about how he got injured, his father wanted to take drastic majors and sue. But Jayce being regretful for his actions, called his father off of it, with no charges pressed at all.
Even though we both confessed our love for each other, I haven’t spoken to him since that day. Yes, he’s called and texted but I never got back to him. I do love him, I really do, but I just need to put some space between us for now to get used to the fact that he was the one that ultimately killed Colton’s father. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hold this against him, I just need time to sort out all my thoughts on this situation.
“Hey, what do you want for dinner?” Cam called out from the kitchen. He had a bunch of take out menus in his hands, and his cell phone on the counter, so I guess we were ordering out tonight.
Huh, we haven’t done that in a while.
“Why are we having take out?” I replied from the couch. I’ve been lying here on my back since we came home from school. I decided to take time for myself to really contemplate on my relationships with the people in my life. That’s exactly why I haven’t opened up my phone for about 2 hours now, I’m surprised I even lasted that long.
“Mom and dad have a dinner party tonight, they’ll be back late so dad gave us money for dinner,” He said coming into the living room.
I sat up from my position, “Dad gave us money?”
“Shocking right?” He replied.
I sighed, and plopped my feet up on a lingering pillow at the end of the couch, “I know this is weird, but have you spoken to Colton lately?”
He scrunched his eyebrows, and looked up from one of the menus, “Uh no, but mom’s been over there a lot. She told me that Colton’s trying to emotionally prepare himself for the funeral tomorrow.” He sighed, “I honestly feel bad for them, they lost Mr. Michaels, have to pay for the funeral with the limited money they have, and on top of all that, they’re losing in that lawsuit they filed.”
Yes, I had told Cameron about the whole lawsuit deal between the two families. When I took Jayce to the hospital, I called Cameron, who had just dropped off a still pissed off Colton, and told him everything, after he had calmed down of course. I mean who wouldn’t freak out when you see a person you’ve known all your life break down and want to kill another person.
“He’s getting help though. Mom told me that he’s been having a therapist come to his house every week, and he talks about what he’s done and how feels about it. I honestly would’ve never thought that Colton Michaels would seem like such a monster.”
I quickly defended him, “He’s been through a lot. So many bad things happened all at once, and I don’t blame him for breaking down like that.”
“Breaking down doesn’t include almost beating someone to death, that someone being your boyfriend Alex.”
“Don’t make him seem like the bad guy. Just because he did a few bad things, doesn’t mean he’s a bad person.” I pointed out.
He chuckled, “Since when did you get so wise?”
I ignored his snide remark, and went up to my room, letting him know that he could order whatever he wants for dinner.
I paced around my bedroom, pondering over whether or not I should get back to Jayce or try speaking to Colton. I’ll go with the second option, since Jayce wasn’t currently getting therapy sessions or locking himself in his room.
Instead of trying to speak with him the old fashion way, I’d rather do this the interesting way. By grabbing a few pieces of loose-leaf papers, I crumpled up each and every one of them into a ball. I walked over to my open window, and noticed that Colton’s window was also left unlocked.
“Colton?” I said, throwing one of the paper balls through his window.
No answer.
“Colton!” I raised my voice, throwing another paper ball through his window. Sounds of shuffling came from his room, and that was a giveaway that he was in there.
“I know you’re there, please talk to me.”
Silence.
“Colton Jeremiah Michaels, I’m trying to help you damn it!” I exclaimed, throwing another paper ball in his window.
He grunted, and finally showed himself to me, “By making my room even dirtier with these damn paper balls?!”
Colton looked so… broken. There were major bags underneath his eyes, which were red and looked kind of swollen by the way, I don’t know if that was because he’d been crying a lot or because of him smoking pot. His dark locks were all tousled, and different strands stuck up at several angles. His skin was unusually pale, and it looked like he had lost a few pounds. It was odd seeing him without his signature boy next-door smile. It was as if the color in his eyes just disappeared.
“I just wanted to talk to you,” I admitted softly.
For a moment, it seemed like his hard expression was wiped away, but he quickly covered it up, “Couldn’t you act like a normal person and knock on the damn front door?”
“I’ve tried that for a week, and your mom practically pushed me out the door, saying that you were too busy to see anyone.” I replied in frustration.
“Good, then she was doing what I told her to do. Now goodbye Alex.”
He was about to shut his window closed, when I shouted something off the top of my head, “I’ll jump!”
He scrunched his eyebrows, “What?”
“If you don’t talk to me, I’m going to jump right out of this window, and probably break a leg or an arm.”
He rolled his eyes, “And what makes you think that I’d care?”
“Because no matter how mad you are at me, or Jayce, or even at the world - you’re the type of person to care if something bad were to happen to someone you care about.”
He stared at me for a long while, never taking his eyes off of my face.
I missed having Colton around; he’s my best friend – well aside from Lillian. He was always so full of life, and would always look out for Lil or I any chance he could get. It’s like his whole personality had just vanished.
He sighed in defeat, “Go through the front door, you know where the spare key is.”
I smiled to myself, and exited my room. Climbing down the stairs, I realized that I might finally get to have my best friend back after having this conversation with him. It didn’t take me long to reach his front door, since he was literally right next door. I reached up onto the porch light attached to the wall, and grabbed the key that was sitting on top of the flat surface.
Unlocking the front door, I scanned the fairly clean room, “Colton?”
“Where else would I be Alex? You literally just saw me in my room not even 5 minutes ago,” I heard him say from upstairs.
Rolling my eyes at his attitude, I trudged up the stairs and stepped into his room. Now, from my window view, his room looked like a normal teenaged boys room, a bit messier than usual, but it looked fairly normal. But now that I actually stepped foot into his room, the sight of it made me cringed.
There were take out boxes scattered around his desk, some even lingering beneath his bed. His clothes were spewed everywhere, t-shirts all over the floor, pairs of pants that have been worn on his bookcases, and even a pair of boxers hanging off his bathroom door. Aside from his clothes, basically covering the floor, all of his junk was just – everywhere. It looked like a tornado had hit his room.
He sighed, and sat down on the edge of his non-made bed, “Now what do you want?”
“I just wanted to know how you were feeling, with everything that’s been going on and with the funeral tomorrow, I just thought that you needed a… friend.”
I don’t know if I should’ve used the word friend, since we weren’t clear on what I was to him. Even though he let me in his house, he still stared at me with a darkness in his eyes, “I don’t need you to have pity on me, I’ve had enough of that from every relative that’s called here, who we haven’t spoken to in years, acting like they care that my father died, asking how my mother and I are, when really they just want to know if they’re in his will or not.”
I sighed, “Colton, when will you stop pushing people away who are just trying to help?”
“I’ve been telling you that I don’t need anyone’s help!” He exclaimed, shooting up from his seat, running his hands through his already tousled locks, “I get enough of this bullshit from my therapist and I don’t need it from you!”
“I just want to be there for you,” I insisted. “I feel bad enough that you had to go through all those hardships by yourself, and I just want to be here for you. Through everything, all our ups and downs, you’re still my best friend. Even if you don’t see me as that anymore, you still, and always will be my best friend, and I’ll regret now being there for you for as long as I could remember.”
His stone cold expression stayed on his face for a moment, until he locked gazes with me, “Why haven’t you given up yet?”
I scrunched my brows together, “What do you mean?”
“I’m a loss cause Alex. In school I talked to everyone, I knew everyone, and they knew me. Things were fine, but then Lillian broke my heart, I got in a fight with Miles, made him look like the good guy, and I turned towards drugs. And don’t think that I don’t know what everyone was saying about me – I heard everything. From, ‘Oh, he’s throwing his life away.’ To ‘He’ll probably die from an overdose, he deserves it for what he did to Miles.’ To make things worse, I’m pretty sure everyone knows about what I did to Jayce, landing him in the hospital. I may not have been around to hear what they had to say, but it’s obvious that everyone will take golden boy’s side rather than mine.” He sat down on his desk chair, “And I’m fine with that, I don’t blame everyone for hating me now. I deserve it; I did all those things that completely turned my personality around. I had it coming, I threw all my hard work away, I ruined every one of my friendships with the best people ever, and I’m pretty sure that my health is now fucked due to all the drugs I’ve taken. Everyone is giving up on me, my mother’s close to, and my therapist is just here so she could get paid. I don’t understand why you’re still here.”
I sat down on his bed, and interlocked my fingers together, “It’s funny how you say that everyone is giving up on you, how you ruined friendships with all your friends, when you have a person, literally sitting right here in front of you, talking to you, trying to help you out, trying to be a friend, and you say that you have absolutely none of that. You say that you don’t want my pity, but you’re basically throwing yourself your own dam pity party. And to be honest, you’re acting like an asshole! You’re an asshole Colton! You act all tough and shit just thinking that this whole fake façade is something you could use to hide the fact that you’re upset! Stop holding in your feeling and just admit it to yourself, you’re sad, you’re upset, you’re fucking miserable because your dad died!” He flinched at my hostile tone, adding the fact that I had basically thrown his father’s death in his face. “I’m sorry ok? Everyone is sorry for what happened to your dad, and it’s either you accept it or deny it. The more you deny the fact that people are trying to help you and offer you their condolences, the more angry you’re going to be at the world. Stop blaming the world for your problems, because guess what Colton? You are your problem – and your solution.”
Yeah, I was being harsh on him, but hey – no matter how many times people say it, it’ll still and always be true – the truth hurts. Yet, I feared that my words might’ve affected him too much that he’d do something, throw a fit, kick me out, yell at me, etc. But all he did was stare at the carpeted floor with an emotionless expression. He had not moving a single inch from what I had said. I actually don’t regret what I told him. He had to hear it, and I’m pretty sure his therapist hasn’t said anything helpful towards him at all, because if he did, then Colton wouldn’t still be in this funk.
“I don’t know what to say,” He said in almost a whisper, plopping down next to me on his bed.
“You don’t have to say anything.” I pointed out, placing a hand on his shoulder for comfort – and surprisingly he didn’t brush it off.
He inhaled a deep breath, and scooted closer towards me, that our arms were touching, “I appreciate what you’re doing for me, you’re a good friend Alex, you really are.”
I sent him a small smile, and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him closer to me, “No problem at all.”
I felt his tense muscles relax after a little while; he then returned the embrace, squeezing me tight, “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
♔
The service for Mr. Michaels was like any other funeral you can think of. A sea of people sat in a church, with black attire on, also with sullen looks on their faces. The immediate family was up in the front, which were Colton, his mom, grandparents from both sides, and Mr. Michaels’ brother and sister, Colton’s aunt and uncle by blood. Then behind them was extended family from either side, and from that point on the pews were filled with people like my family, Jayce’s family, Lillian’s, and Miles’. Since our town was fairy small, people knew people. So half of the town was here, which I wasn’t surprised about, since Mr. Michaels was a well-known man around here. He was kind to everyone he met, he pitched in at city hall whenever help was needed, he was the type of social person who everyone talked to and loved.
The burial of his body was a different story. The burial was only for the people that Colton’s family allowed being there, and apparently I was one of those people. Also in that exclusive list of people were obviously his family, Cameron, a few of Mr. Michael’s old co-workers, and surprisingly my family. We all were each handed a rose of our choice to place on the casket, which was soon placed 6 feet underneath the ground. Cameron, my parents, and I were all stood behind the somewhat big crowd, observing everyone as they watched a man they once knew be put into the ground. I stood in-between my father and my brother, who still haven’t reconciled or spoke to each other.
“It’s sad really,” Our mother stated quietly. “A son and father separated by 6 feet worth of dirt, makes me wonder what it would take to take these two to actually speak to each other civilly before your father ends up like that.”
“That’s brutal mom,” I stated, stifling a smirk to break out onto my face. I knew what she was trying to do, and a part me pondered on whether or not it would work.
As the casket was places lower and lower, I noticed Colton standing a few inches away from the big open hole in the ground. Ever since he arrived at the service in the church, he’s had those pair of black Ray-ban’s covering his eyes and has never taken them off since. His mother was sitting down on one of the many chairs lined up a few feet away from the dug up hole, with family members and others surrounding her, offering her a shoulder to cry on or some comforting words. But all she’s been doing was sob openly, with no sign of stopping whatsoever.
I could never imagine how it feels to lose someone so important to me.
♔
“Alex, aren’t you coming?” Cameron said, shoving one of his hands in his pockets.
I glanced at him, then towards my best friend, who still hadn’t moved from his spot next to, the now covered up hole.
“You guys go ahead, I’m going to spend the day with Colton. He needs a friend right now.”
He gave me a wary expression, which I brushed off, gesturing him to go to the car with my parents. Reluctantly he walked off down the hill and jumped into the Range Rover that my parent’s owned. I silently stepped towards my best friend. His hands were practically glued inside of his pocket, and I’m pretty sure his neck would be sore from staring down at the ground for so long.
I stood next to him, leaving an appropriate amount of space between us. My mouth opened to say something, but immediately he beat me to it, “If you came here to tell me that you’re sorry, or to ask my how I’m doing, I suggest walking away because I don’t want to hear it.”
“I only came here to ask you if you wanted to hangout,” I pointed out, “We could go somewhere or do something to get your mind off of this.”
He sighed, “I don’t know, my mind has been occupied with the thought of this funeral for days, and it’s scary knowing that it’s already over. My dad is down there, in the ground, in a shockingly terrible looking suit.” Chuckling at the end of his statement, he inhaled a big breath of air, before letting it out.
I leaned my head against his shoulder, in a totally platonic way, “You laughed, now that’s a start.”
“Well I can’t mope around forever, can I?” He asked rhetorically.
I observed his facial expression, “You seem more calmer than you were yesterday.”
He shrugged, “I’ve been on meds.” Noticing my alarmed look, he chuckled once again, “They were prescribed by my therapist, don’t look so worried.”
“Do you take more than one?” I asked.
He nodded, “My therapist is really keen on me taking the anti-depressants though, I h ave others, but I’m obligated to not tell you the rest, since that is classified information.”
I laughed, and crossed my arms over my chest as we stood there together in silence. The sound of a throat clearing startled us. I whipped around to see my boyfriend, standing there with a hand shoved into his pocket. But what surprised me the most was a crutch propped up underneath his armpit, which was used to assist him in standing up. I guess I hadn’t noticed the crutch when I saw him at the service, probably because he was sitting down. I noticed that he was still dressed in the suit he wore during the service, and his hair resembled what Colton’s looked like yesterday – tousled, messy, and undone. He had a grim expression on his face, trying to lock his eyes with mine, but I avoided them at all costs, due to the fact that I felt guilty for shunning him out for days –especially after we told each other that we loved one another.
“It’s not what it looks like, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Colton said, in a serious tone.
Jayce pursed his lips, “I know, I trust my girlfriend. I just came to pay my respects.”
“That’s what the service was for,” He replied. “Everyone was allowed to walk up to the casket and give his or her condolences.”
“Yeah, but I couldn’t exactly go up there, without feeling embarrassed for what I did. There is no way that I could make up this up to you, but I’ll give you all the money you want, you can go through with the lawsuit, do anything, I’m just really sorry for your loss. There are no other words that I could say to make things better, but if you want me gone from your life, then I’m gone.” Jayce said with shame.
Colton ignored his previous statement, “How are the ribs doing?”
Jayce seemed taken back, “Uh, er they’re fine. Well n-not fine, I mean they’re broken - but this crutch is helping I guess.”
I’ve never seen Jayce look so vulnerable and down before, well besides the night he was almost beaten to death. Averting my eyes towards Colton, his expression remained emotionless. I feared for another fight to break out between the two of them. But instead of Colton getting all tense, with that dark look in his eyes, all he did was sigh, and glance at Jayce, “Forget about all this small talk, ok? Let’s cut to the chase. There is no way that you could make this up, and I’m sure that there is no way that we could get even for this, I mean there is a way, but I’d rather not do that to you. But I don’t want you apologizing to me, I know you’re sorry.” By the looks of Jayce’s face, he seemed so surprised to hear Colton speaking so softly towards him, “I am sorry, I really am, for beating you up almost everyday, and for intentionally trying to beat you to death. There’s nothing I could do or say to fix what I did to you, or even to myself. But I hope that what I’m about to say will help with what I did to you.”
This is so peculiar, seeing the two of them have a civil conversation. But I couldn’t help but feel bad for my boyfriend. He looked so broken, physically and mentally. With failed attempts at trying to lock my gaze, he finally just gave up with an irritated grunt.
“I’m dropping the lawsuit.”
His statement caused both Jayce and I to snap our heads towards his direction.
“Ar-Are you serious?” He stuttered. “You’re joking, aren’t you? My lawyers have persisted you into dropping for the longest time, and to have you just –“
“Do you want me to change me to change my mind?”
He quickly shook his head, “Definitely not.”
Colton sent him a tight-lipped smile, “Good. Just know that this is the first and last favor I’ll ever do for you. And since, you know, we can’t avoid each other forever due to the fact that my best friend happens to be in love with you, I say we call a truce.”
Was this really happening?
I could certainly tell that Jayce was thinking the same thing since his eyes balls were practically bulging out of his sockets, “If I call a truce with you, will we be – you know, good?”
My best friend nodded, “Well that is what a truce does.”
Jayce let out a breath of distress, “Man, I can’t undo what I did to your dad. And I don’t know if –“
“What’s done is done,” Colton pointed out, “I don’t want you apologizing for an accident, that you may or may have caused. As of now, I really don’t care anymore. I lost my dad Jayce,” His voice quivered, “And I don’t want you feeling bad for yourself, because the only person who deserves some sympathy right now – is my dad. But that can’t exactly happen since he’s dead, and no one could do anything about that. Not you, not Alex, not my mom, not even me, nothing and no one can change that. And I don’t hold any of this against you – not anymore at least.” He then stepped over to Jayce, “Now, I don’t know if I’m doing this because of the meds I’m on, or because my therapist says making amends is the best thing to do right now – but what I do know is that I don’t want to be a monster, I don’t want to be a burden on you guys, I don’t want people to act so feared or cautious around me, I just want everything to go back to normal. Normal for me having my two best friends by my side, with no care in the world, normal is having you, Miles, and Parker rule the halls again, with Quinn by your side, normal is having everything go back to the way it was before you and Alex started talking, but obviously I know that can’t happen. But I’m willing to try and make this normal,” He gestured between Jayce and him, “Us being civil towards each other, no more feuding between us. I’ll even try to get used to the fact that Lillian and Miles are together now, anything that’ll make you guys comfortable, because I need my friends back, and I know I caused so much shit to you guys, I know that. But this is just my way to make everything up to you guys. And the first step to doing that is by apologizing and calling a truce to you. So please,” Colton stuck his hand out in front of Jayce, “will you accept this truce?”
I glanced at Jayce’s blank face, his mouth slightly agape. My mood was slightly lifted when he balanced himself on the crutch, sticking his hand out – but was immediately crushed when he dropped it, “I can’t!”
I rolled my eyes, and threw my arms up, “For crying out loud!”
He narrowed his eyes at me, and glanced back at Colton, “I can’t forgive myself for what I did, I can’t just forget it happened. I really can’t do anything to make this up to you, and it’s –“
“Just shake my damn hand before I break another set bones in your body!” Colton said in exasperation.
This startled Jayce, and he reluctantly shook my best friends hand with a firm grip, “Alright, truce.”
“Thank God,” I thought to myself.
Colton grinned at my boyfriend, and crossed his arms across his chest, “Now, I know that forgiving you is something that’ll be difficult for me to do, but I’m willing to try - if you continuously make my best friend happy.” He glanced at me with a small smile on his face, “Since she helped me so much through the death of my father, I owe her that much.”
I may sound like some overbearing, and embarrassing parent, but I am extremely proud of Colton. I mean, from personal experience, forgiving someone who hurt you greatly has got to be the most unnatural thing to do in your life. I really believe that he is getting better, not just because of the pills, or his therapist, but because he truly wants to change for the good of everyone, and I really do admire him for that.
At that moment, the sound of shrill ringing tone sounded in the cemetery. Out of habit, I checked my purse, only to find out that it wasn’t mine.
“It’s mine. If you two don’t mind, I have to take this, it’s my grandmother, she couldn’t make it to the funeral, so she probably wants to give her condolences over the phone. I’ll be right back,” He sauntered off towards one of the big oak trees in this cemetery and leaned against it for some privacy.
No words were spoken between Jayce and I, as we stared at each other for a moment, letting the wind in the air do the talking as it blew furiously through the atmosphere.
“So… so did I do something wrong? Because last time we talked, we had told each other that we loved each other, then after that you never made contact with me. D-do you regret saying it to me?” He said with a defenseless look on his face.
“No! Of course not!” I exclaimed stepping closer to him.
“Then why have you been avoiding me?”
Was I ready to tell him the one thing that scared me the most?
Although we’ve shared many secrets with each other before, there was one last private thing that I have never told a soul. So maybe, now would be the best time to tell him.
It’s now or never.
-
Authors Note:
dude, it took me so long to write this bc honestly i didn't know how to write all these emotional dialogue and yeah sorry for the long wait
next chapter is the second to the last chapter, this story is almost over sadly :-(
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shoutout to aleeyah13 for always voting and commenting on my chapters, i appreciate it which is why this chapter is dedicated to her, thank you so much my love
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Until next time,
- queenfreakco