Sabrina's Point of View
One month and a half later.
I don't know why bad luck is always sticking with me whenever I go and whatever I do. Ewan ko ba. Lahat ng umampon sa akin ay namamatay. At dahil doon mas pipiliin ko na lamang na manatili rito hanggang sa dumating ang araw ng aking kamatayan.
After everything that happened, I couldn't stop myself from questioning my existence over and over and over again.
I scoffed, an eighteen year old teenager na pabalik-balik sa orphanage na ito. It seems like I was bewitched or was punished by the gods. Tila ba'y parang nakatadhana sa akin na maghihirap sa buhay. It's been a month and a half after my third parents died because of a fire accident. At hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa akin doon sa gubat.
Ang tanging naalala ko lamang ay hinahabol ako ng dalawang lalaking mapagsamantala. Nahimatay ako matapos sampalin ng lalaki. Nagising na lamang ako nang may naramdaman akong presensya. Hindi ko siya nakita dahil malabo pa ang aking paningin bago hinimatay ulit. The next thing I found out, I was lying on the bed inside of my room here in the orphanage.
Bumuntonghininga na lamang ako't alam ko namang wala na akong magagawa pa. Buhay nga naman, ano? I quickly looked outside of my room's window when I heard three birds chirping simultaneously.
A nice and calm weather greeted my eyes. How I wish ganito na lang palagi. When the silence took over, bumalik na naman sa isipan ko ang mga dumaang mga magulang ko.
Ano bang problema ng mundo at pinahihirapan ako nang ganito?
Ang unang mga magulang ko ay sina Mama Maria at Papa John. Walong taon akong nasa bisig nila at gaya ng sinabi sa akin ni Papa ay nakita nila ako sa dagat, nakalutang sakay-sakay ang kalahati ng shell ng isang itlog, habang umiiyak. Up until now, it's still a mystery how I ended up like that.
Sa kabila ng lahat ng 'yon, hindi ko pa rin maiwasang isipin na ang sama-sama ng mga totoong mga magulang ko. I wanted to ask them why they threw me just like that, as if throwing something worthless.
Ano'ng klaseng magulang ba sila?
Pagkatapos gumawa ng bata, kapag nabuntis at nanganak, itatapon na lang nila ito nang walang kahirap-hirap. Tila ba'y nakatapon sila ng sirang gamit. I don't want to say this as long as I don't hear their side. But it seems like the chances of meeting them and hearing their reasons became as cloudy as the overcast sky.
Namatay sina Mama at Papa nang biglang tumama ang malakas na kidlat sa bahay namin. I don't know how, but I managed to survive from the lightning strike. We had a bad weather at that time and the sky seemed extremely furious.
The lightnings were dancing beyond the clouds, the sky drumming a loud thunder, and sudden violent gusts of wind streaming outside of the house. Papa was fixing our nipa roof, while Mama was holding a ladder for him not to fall on the ground.
And the accident happened.
Matapos mamatay nila ay diretso kaagad ako sa orphanage. After a devastating fate of my first parents, may busilak na puso ang kumupkop sa akin. Eight years din ako namuhay sa kanila at pagkatapos ng eight years na 'yon, kinuha ulit sila mula sa akin.
Namatay sila pareho sa paglubog ng business cruise ship na sinasakyan nila papuntang Cebu. Sa limang daang pasahero, tanging labing dalawang pasahero lamang ang nakaligtas.
Sa kasamaang palad, hindi kabilang sa mga survivors ang second parents ko. Of course, the incident hardly shuddered my entire being and I started to blame myself. I think, I was the one who brings bad luck to whoever wanted to give me home and love.
As if someone bewitched me or cursed me for eternity.
Three months later, another couple who couldn't bear a child of their own adopted me. I have strong disagreement about it but Sister Isabel, the head of this orphanage, kept on telling me it was not my fault that my previous parents died. She said, it was their life fate that God set for them.
Therefore, I had no choice.
Wala naman akong problema sa pangatlong magulang ko, kaya nakasundo ko kaagad sila. Two years naman ako sa mga bisig nila. They provided me luxurious home, material things that every teenager dreamed of, and their unconditional love. One month and a half ago, where I was almost raped by those scumbags, another devastating incident happened.
Gabi ng araw na 'yon nang biglang sumiklab ang malakas na apoy sa buong bahay namin. Me and Mom had a small fight that night. The same night, fate took them away from me.
Katulad nang nangyari sa mga previous parents ko, hindi sila nakaligtas. They left me with some of their properties, but their relatives shoved me away and blamed me everything. That it's my fault why they are both dead.
They even insulted me by saying, "You bring bad luck to everyone who provides you love, you ungrateful brat!"
Of course, masakit sa damdamin. I even almost brought bad luck to myself the same night when the accident happened. Maybe, they are all right. It seems like I would live like this for eternity, suffering.
The mean orphan girls inside here are considering me as the 'queen of orphanage'. Sinabi pa nila sa akin na baka rito na ako habang buhay. Nakaiirita man pakinggan, pero tila ba'y unti-unti ko ng tinanggap ang posibilidad na 'yon. Sobrang hirap maging kalaban ang mundo.
Napahinto ako sa pagmuni-muni sa labas ng bintana nang biglang marinig ko ang pagbukas ng pintuan ng aking kuwarto.
"Sabrina."
I quickly wiped the tears running down my cheeks. And bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying again.
"Are you crying?"
Hindi ko siya sinagot. Wala akong pakialam kung madre pa siya. I turned myself wearing my usual expression, emotionless.
"Are you crying, Sabrina?" tanong niya ulit sa akin.
I looked at her in disbelief.
"What do you need? I need to spend time alone," malamig kong saad sa kaniya.
Disrespect 'yon, I know. Bakit? Kung ibabahagi ko ba ang mga problema ko sa kaniya mababawasan ba ang lahat ng 'yon? 'Di ba hindi? It will stay in my mind and my heart forever. Therefore, it's better to kept it to myself.
"Let's go, someone wanted to see you." Pagbibigay alam niya sa akin at nginitian ako nang matamis sa kabila ng tinuran ko sa kaniya.
Matapos marinig ang sinabi niya, bigla-biglang sumikdo nang mabilis ang puso ko. Tinamaan na naman ako ng takot. Natatakot ako na baka mangyari na naman ang kinatatakutan ko. Ayoko na. Pagod na pagod na ako.
"No."
Her forehead furrowed and she looked at me puzzled.
"But, why? She wanted to adopt someone like you," nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin.
"I said, no!" I was surprised when I raised my voice against her.
Napaupo na lamang ako sa pinakadulo ng kama ko at napahagulgol ng iyak. Umupo naman siya sa tabi ko at pinunasan ang aking mga luhang nagbagsakan sa aking pisngi gamit ang kaniyang mga kamay.
"It's better to cry, child," she said, tapping my shoulder.
"Ayokong maulit ang mga nangyaring masama sa tatlong nagdaang mga magulang ko. Ayoko," hagulgul kong sabi at kaagad din naman niya akong niyakap.
"Why don't you try again? Just remember, it's not your fault, okay?" Pagpapatahan niya sa akin.
Kahit ayaw ko man ay wala pa rin akong magagawa. Kahit na takot na takot ako sa posibleng mangyari, hindi na lamang ako kumibo at sumama sa kaniya palabas ng kwarto. Paglabas namin sa kwarto, dumiretso kami sa opisina at nabungaran ko ang isang babaeng nakangiti sa akin nang matamis.
I looked at her from head to toe. I couldn't stop myself, but kept on glancing at her. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang masasabi ko. It seemed like she's the epitome of perfect beauty. And I had this feeling that I somehow knows her even though I don't know where I met her or when. My heart was pounding as fast as running horses when she suddenly hugged me tightly.
Hindi ko man gustong aminin, pero ang gaan-gaan ng pakiramdam ko matapos niya akong yakapin nang ganoon.
"You are Sabrina, right?"
Hindi ako sumagot.
"Sabrina, meet Miss Katarina Sabrina Miller. Miss Miller, meet Chantara Sabrina," pagpapakilala ni Sister Isabel. When she's done introducing Miss Miller, she glanced at me. "She will be your new parent, Sabrina. Be good to her," she added.
I don't know why, but I am glad that we both had 'Sabrina' on our names.