Castiel strips off his shirt, a few splatters of blood dried on the bottom of it. He tries not to pay any attention to it, just taking off the rest of his clothes and stepping into the warm shower water. He watches the water turn a light red as it falls from his hand, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get rid of all the blood. Though, he supposed he didn't try too hard. He wasn't really thinking at the time.
He tries not to think about how this is someone's blood going down his drain. Someone's internal fluids followed him from Louisiana to Massachusetts, while the person to whom the blood belongs probably can't even leave the hospital — if they were fortunate enough to not go straight to the morgue.
"Stop it," Castiel mutters, soft enough that no one else can hear him. "Happy thoughts. Happy — kittens. Puppies. Mark the guinea pig. Baby Alex. Happy stuff." He lets out a long sigh, leaning against the side of the shower. How is he supposed to be happy right now?
There's a loud knocking on the door and Castiel jumps, sucking in a loud breath. He presses his palms against the wall as if steadying himself and closes his eyes. God, what is wrong with him?
"Hey, Cas," Dean calls from the other side of the door. "It occurs to me that you don't actually have any clean clothes, so I got you some of mine. I'm just gonna leave them on the sink counter thingy, okay?" When he doesn't get an answer, he adds, "That was my way of asking if I can open the door. I kinda need an answer. Can I come in for, like, five seconds?"
Castiel takes a deep breath, his voice coming out mostly steady when he says, "Yeah."
"'Kay." Dean rattles the doorknob, then says, "Wait, never mind. You locked the door."
"Hold on." Castiel slips out of the shower, water dripping on the floor. He stands behind the door when he cracks it open and holds his hand out.
"You know, we're about to get married," Dean reminds him as he hands over the clothes. "Usually, there's this little free pass where your spouse can see you naked."
Castiel just closes the door between them. He drops his clothes on the counter, and is about to hop back in the shower when he hears Dean's voice again.
"And, for future reference, the mirror is completely visible from outside the bathroom. That door isn't going to help you very much."
Castiel doesn't respond to that, but he can't help but smile to himself. It may feel like the world turned upside down, but at least Dean is still the same horny boy he's always been.
~~
It doesn't take long for Castiel to find Dean once he gets out of the shower. The boy is on his phone, sounding exhausted. Castiel doesn't turn the corner, staying out of sight to eavesdrop because he's bored.
"— alive, so it could be worse. He's not okay, but I don't think anyone's expecting him to be okay right now." There's a pause as the person on the other end of the line speaks, then, "He's just... not. I don't know. You'd have to be here to understand — I know he hasn't answered the phone. Believe it or not, you're not always everyone's top priority — When he comes out, I'll tell him you called, but I don't know if he wants to talk to anyone right now, even you."
Castiel can tell what they're talking about — him, obviously — but he's curious about who's on the other end of the line. He steps into the room to find Dean lying down on the couch, his cell phone up to his ear. He sits up when he sees his fiancé, a small smile on his face, and gestures for the boy to come sit down.
"Who are you talking to?" Castiel asks.
"Lucifer," Dean replies. "He says 'hi.' You're welcome to steal my phone and talk to him yourself if you want."
Castiel shakes his head. He takes a seat on the couch next to his fiancé, and Dean puts an arm around his shoulders as he talks to Lucifer — a master at multitasking.
"Sorry, Cas is busy unpacking," Dean says into the phone, not hesitating for a second with his lie. "I'm sure he'll text you later." There's a pause, and Dean rolls his eyes. "Okay, I'm sure he'll call you later."
"Do you still have my phone?" Castiel asks him.
Dean silently hands Castiel's cell phone over, still listening to Lucifer talk.
Castiel decides to check his messages, just to tell people that he's still alive. It's been well over twenty-four hours. His friends and family are probably worried sick.
He expects his most recent message to be from Lucifer. He is the most hyperactive, and he seems to be the most interested, seeing as he's on the phone with Dean right now. But, surprisingly, Lucifer's only his second most recent text, the first coming from... Anna?
When he opens their "conversation," his total messages drop by over seven hundred. She really texted him over seven hundred times, didn't she? That's insane — especially from Anna, whom he hadn't received a text from for months before then, if not years. He scrolls up a little bit, but gives up before he reaches the top and just reads from there.
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: It's been over 12 hours
Anna: Where are you?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Are you okay?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Lucifer said that Dean went to pick you up. Did he make it?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: It's been 15 hours. Are you okay?
Anna: Where are you?
Anna: Castiel, answer me!
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Castiel, please just answer me!
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Castiel, answer me! Or answer someone else, I don't even care at this point! We need to know if you're alive.
Anna: It's been over 20 hours. Castiel, I'm really worried about you. Just tell me you're okay.
Anna: It's official been one day. Just tell me you're okay.
Anna: Now it's been, like, 30 hours. You haven't texted me all night. Where are you?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: Castiel?
Anna: It's been ages and you haven't looked at your phone at all?
Anna: No one can get ahold of you or Dean and I'm really worried and I just want to know you're okay.
Anna: Please be okay.
Anna: You just tweeted so you have to be on your phone, right?
Anna: It's been ten minutes since you were on Twitter and you haven't texted any of us. What's going on, Castiel?
Anna: Was it even you that posted it? Do you have your phone? Are you even still alive?
Anna: Castiel, answer me!
Anna: Castiel?
Castiel feels tears welling up in his eyes. He hasn't seen Anna like this in ages. She's the last person he would have expected to be this worried about him. Now he can't help but feel like shit, not calling or texting anyone for so long when, for all everyone knew, he could have been dead.
He was just going to text everyone that asked and tell them that he's okay, but seven hundred messages deserve more than a halfhearted "I'm fine," so he hesitantly decides to call her.
Anna picks up the phone almost instantly. "Castiel?" She asks it like she doesn't know if she should expect to hear his voice, as if this could be the phone call to tell her that he didn't make it.
Castiel takes a deep breath. "Hi, Anna."
"Oh, thank god," she breathes. "You're alive? You're okay? You're not in the hospital with a missing leg or anything?"
"No, I'm still in one piece."
"Oh, thank god," she says again, relieved. Her tone completely changes then, and she yells, "Where the hell have you been? You just disappear for, like, two days? Can't even be bothered to pick up the phone? You could have been dead! Or worse! What the hell, Castiel? What gives?"
Castiel flinches at the volume, but he doesn't try to tell her to calm down. She has every reason to be upset right now. Even though it hasn't actually been two days yet, it's been long enough that she definitely has the right to freak out.
"I know, I'm sorry," Castiel says. "I should have called. I just..."
"You just what?" Anna asks. "What possible explanation do you have for letting us go this long without knowing if you were even alive?"
Castiel doesn't answer at first. Why didn't he call? The thought had barely even crossed his mind. Why was that?
Finally, he just says, "I don't know."
Anna must hear the sad, defeated tone of his voice, because she suddenly sounds like a normal sister — and not a Novak-style sibling, because there's always someone fighting with each other, but a normal, caring, worried sister.
"You know what? It doesn't matter," she says, not in a passive-aggressive way that shows that it really does matter, but instead she sounds understanding, which is weird because even Castiel isn't quite sure he understands himself right now. "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? Are you going to come home?"
"Yes, no, and kind of," Castiel replies. "I'm staying in Massachusetts with Dean for a while."
"Why?" Anna asks. "Doesn't football start in some small number of weeks? 'Cause then he's going to be gone all day — I think? I don't know how football works — and you're going to be home alone, and you shouldn't have to be alone all day. Come back to Sioux Falls. You won't have to worry about being alone because there are too many of us here."
Castiel smiles slightly to himself at that. "I'd rather stay here with Dean, but thank you."
"Are you sure?" she asks. "Because we'd love to have you back, and Lucifer's guinea pig won't stop squeaking and he's convinced that it's because the thing misses you — which I don't know how accurate that is but we'll never know until you come back."
"I think I'll survive without the guinea pig," Castiel replies.
"What about Alex?" Anna tries again. "You're going to miss her first steps and her first words and her first sentences —"
"I don't think I'll be gone that long," Castiel says. "I think I'm going to go. I still have a lot of people to text back."
"Okay," Anna says, though she seems hesitant to let him leave. "Thanks for calling. I'm glad you're okay."
"Bye," Castiel says, mostly because he's not sure how else to respond to that.
Just as he's about to hang up, he hears Anna say, "I love you, Castiel. I'm sorry I haven't said it in so long, but I love you, and I'm so glad you're my brother."
Castiel smiles slightly to himself. "I love you, too."