Finals week is here, I'm dying.
Helping eight other people study for finals and then preparing yourself on top of that is a lot. Sleep hasn't been an option since Saturday and cheer and basketball just take even more out of me. Why do I do it? Because I'm a very nice person who doesn't know how to say no and it's a problem. A big one.
But as soon as that bell rings, I'm free.
The only challenge is surviving today. Last night, I fell asleep on the phone with Ashton while finalizing our presentation details since he wasn't here to rehearse over the weekend. I didn't get a chance to set an alarm so we woke up late. Extremely late. That's how I wound up falling down the stairs while putting my cheer shoes on because on top of everything else we have a game tonight.
To say I'm stressed would be an understatement.
The car ride to school I quiz Sage on his Chemistry notes, a class he struggles with, while Sterling helps Silver. Of course, he never gets nervous over tests, his own monstrosity of a robot sitting in the back. Stupid child genius.
We drop Saffron in the Elementary car rider line before parking in the back. I run into the school regretting the decision to leave my wet hair uncovered in 20 degree weather.
If I get pneumonia I won't have to present today. Truly, I'm that desperate.
We have 10 minutes till class and then I'm off to my 2nd period exam. Shit.
The very exam I forgot about last night because I was so focused on Lang. I burst into a full out run through the halls trying to reach the table we sit at in the morning.
My friends are all in various sets of deliriousness, I'm pretty sure the reason none of us are in PJ's is because of the game. I fling my bag open and pull out my study guide, my eyes frantically scanning the page.
"What's wrong with you?" Ella asks between yawns.
"Forgot about pre cal exam. Must study. Will fail." I inform them between vocab words, who decided to put vocabulary in math to begin with? Were numbers and letters not enough? My palms start to sweat profusely, a queasy feeling settling in my stomach. It's fine, totally fine.
All to soon the bell rings, I trudge to class, prepared to meet my doom. At least we have an hour study period, still plenty of time. Right?
An hour later my nerves are even worse, the need to throw up overtaking my senses. I ignore the shaking of my hand as I grab the test from my teacher.
It takes me twice as long to finish my exam. Surprisingly, I knew all the material, my mind's just in hyper drive. None of the words process in my mind, which only freaks me out more. My leg shakes a million miles an hour and my hand sweat had smudges my writing more than once.
Why am I so worked up?
I go back through my morning. I didn't drink coffee because it makes me anxious. We were late but nothing more than usual. Granted I was testing all day but I shouldn't feel like this. What's wrong?
I groan and put my head down on the desk as a realization hits me. It doesn't matter if I drink coffee or not when I forgot to take my anxiety medicine. I am so screwed.
I sit with my head down trying to control my breathing patterns. The shaking spreads through my entire body, making me feel like I'm sitting on top of a washing machine. Eventually the bell rings dismissing us for lunch, I have an hour to calm down before my nerves get all messed up again. I should have spare medicine in the nurses room.
Looks like I'm paying nurse Molly a visit.
"Scarlett, where are you going?" Ashton calls as I walk in the opposite direction of the cafe.
I grimace, turning back around. He's wearing his basketball jersey, clearly unbothered by the cold, a Santa hat casually propped on top of his black hair in an adorable mess.
"Oh, I'm just going to the nurse." I admit, my voice higher than normal. My body vibrating from standing still, I need to move.
He closes the distance between us, resting his hand on my forehead. "You feel warm." And you look hot, here we are stating the obvious.
"Are you ok?" He leaned down to scan my face.
Not really. It takes me a moment to answer him, too distracted by his close proximity-I mean my anxiety.
"I'm fine, I just need some Advil." My voice somehow gets even higher. Damn.
He purses his lips, his very nice lips. "I'll walk you."
"No!" I blurt out, jumping back from him. I take a moment to collect my thoughts. "I mean, I'm perfectly fine. Just go on ahead and I'll meet you soon. Everyone will get worried if we both don't show up.
That or money would be exchanged in bets and I don't need them getting any ideas. Yes, my friends bet on me.
Ashton reaches for me again, "Are you sure-"
"I'm sure." I say bluntly, turning away before he could further protest. At this point I can hear my heart beating in my head.
Was I a little harsh? Probably, but I don't really do the whole help thing. When I was eleven, I broke my ankle tumbling and didn't tell anyone for an hour because I was convinced I could heal myself with ice. I couldn't but I've made it this far by myself, a little walk down to the nurse won't kill me.
Nurse Molly's office is decorated to the max for Christmas, carols are playing and candy canes hang from the ceiling in ribbons, although I'm pretty sure that's a fire code violation.
"Hello, dear, how can I help you?" She asks all too brightly, causing me to wince.
"I need my m... medicine." I say, my jaw clattering.
I watch as the kind old lady's smile fades, she hurries over to the tall metal cabinet, scanning the rows for my name. She grabs a familiar container and shakes it but instead of hearing pills clatter there's nothing.
My heart stops.
She looks at me apologetically, "There has to be some under one of the boys' name." I interject before she can tell me what I already know.
Thankfully, despite my rude tone, she looks again, no change. I lose all hope, resting my head against the wall. The slight shaking turns into body tremors.
I can control this. Just breathe in and out.
"Would you like a pass to your car?"
"No" I used the last of that container last week when I spent the night at Ella's house. Just for once I would like to have my life in order. But, of course, nothing goes the way I want.
I focus on my breathing, the noise of a freezer opening and feet shuffling distant to my ears. An ice pack is placed gently in my hands, "You can stay here until you feel comfortable."
And I could. She wouldn't let anyone else into the room until I was better. However, before I can say anything the loud speaker screeches.
"Scarlett Rhodes to Dean Michaels office."
Of course. What the hell could I have possibly done now?
Since Riverview is K through 12, each of the three divisions has a principal and vice principals but the Dean oversees everyone. To be called by him pretty much means death.
I walk to the sink, splash freezing water on my face and neck, and dry off. I square my shoulders as I look in the mirror, ignoring the mess I am, I will handle this without freaking out.
As I walk into the Dean's office I imagine my moms voice singing "My Favorite Things" from the sound of music. Then I see Sterling sitting in a chair with his head between hands and decide now is the perfect time to officially freak out.
"Miss Rhodes, please sit." The dean says tightly, confirming that this is indeed not a pleasant visit.
I sit, Sterling refuses to meet my questioning gaze. The rooms exceptionally warm for December. No one says anything for a moment, the wrinkled face of an angry old white man does very little for my nerves.
"Your brother decided it would be funny for his... engineering project to bust into expletives in the middle of his final." I think about the big hunk of metal he had been working on for the past month, a fully functioning masterpiece created by a 13 year old. It's quite impressive if I do say so myself but now's not the time for that opinion.
"It was a mistake!" Sterling cuts in, earning us a glare. I kick him underneath the table, please let me do the talking.
"Typically expulsion would be the most logical answer." My heart stops beating again, there's no way we can handle two schools, nor could the twins handle being separated. "However," he pauses, leaning back in his squeaky roller chair. "Since Mr. Rhodes is one of our top scoring students we are willing to let this encounter slide."
I relax in my chair but he holds up a finger. Why can't he just be done, it's Christmas. Not that he appears to have any holiday joy.
"He must prove that it was indeed an accident and will serve two weeks detention when he returns from the holiday break."
My eyes bulge out of my head, that's extreme for a middle schooler. Sam once got two days and that was for cheating on a paper.
"Surly that's a bit much sir, he claims it's an accident and I can assure you he will bring the proof." I try to argue but he gives me the evil eye.
I gulp as he clears his throat. "Ms. Rhodes, your family is in a very difficult situation. I did not notify your aunt of this unfortunate misbehavior nor am I removing him from any sports team." I could hear the part left unsaid, the threat that comes with our situation, do what I say or you lose. It happens every time.
As much as I hate to admit it, my blood begins to boil. How dare this man remind me of my situation when he gave us hell for missing two weeks of school to mourn. He refused to go through me for information instead of Karen and almost expelled me when I demanded the change on the paperwork. And now he wants to dangle my brothers punishment in my face when he did nothing on purpose.
"This is a small punishment compared to what could've happened, Ms. Rhodes, take what you get before I choose to be less kind. You are both dismissed."
And then the man looks at his computer, completely forgetting the fact that he has two children sitting is his office. I clench my fists, Sterling dragging me from the room before I can say anything to worsen our situation.
"Small punishment my ass." He grumbles once we're in the courtyard between buildings. Since it's freezing out I can see his breath fog up.
I ignore my jitters, focusing on the bigger problem. "What the hell happened, Sterling?"
He raises his hands, "I swear I did nothing. The robot speaks off nearby technology and it just so happened that someone nearby was tuned into the rap station."
I let out a long sigh, a laugh bubbles out of me. I've officially reached my breakdown.
Sterling scrunches his brows, "What's so funny? If anything the person listening to that station should be the one serving detention, not me."
My laugh slips into hysterics, my breathing becoming rapid and shallow as I finally stop fighting my attack.
A gentle hand is placed on my back, "Scar, I think we should head to the nurse." Sterling tries but I wave him off.
"Out of meds." I get out between awkward laughs.
I'll just sit it out. The cold helps calm me down and eventually I'll be fine. No one else is stupid enough to come outside. Besides, this is a mild episode, I've had worse.
Sterling sits with me for a while but when I start to cry he gets up, gives me a kiss in the cheek and darts off. Probably to get Sage but at this point I don't have the energy to stop him, there's nothing Sage can do to help me now.
After God knows how long a leather jacket is draped over my shoulders, the smell of mint soothing me.
Embarrassment washes over me once I fully process the fact that Sterling got Ashton instead of Sage. I raise my hands to wipe my tears but he catches them. Instantly, I'm engulfed in a well needed hug, the warmth a total shock to my body.
"I was already headed this way so don't be mad at Sterling. I kind of forced him to take me."
He knew what I was thinking. We're so easy, almost like a completed puzzle. The pieces fit so nicely.
Quicker than I thought possible, I calm down, the once thudding heartbeat now a slow rhythm. I break away from the hug and wipe my face, "You know there's no way I'm going to be able to present right?"
I'm officially drained, even though this was nothing compared to that night at the party it's still a lot on my body. A nap's definitely calling my name.
He smiles, picking up my bag. "You know, Sweetheart, I think you'll be just fine."
And just like that, I feel myself smiling back.
The walk to class is tiring within itself. We're bombarded by an over dramatic Sage who's intent on dragging me to the nurses office to sleep the rest of the day. His concern muffles out once he learned about Sterling's mishap with the radio.
"I didn't know I was close by." Sage whispers, a panicked look on his face. Oh no. "Nobody tell Sterling it was me."
He's a dead man walking because after today I think Sterling will have no problems beating him up.
The girls spend the entire time not so subtly eyeing the jacket I'm still wearing. I flip them the bird as I walk into class. They're so nosy. And in all of her Christmas joy, the lovely Ms. Miller waits for us, a frown in place. Apparently she's already failed sixty percent of her students so we're basically doomed.
My leg shakes the entire prep hour, not that anything could be changed by this point.
"Hey," Ashton whispers, grabbing hold of my leg. "don't worry about this."
Another warm feeling spreads through me as I gave him my best I'm not worried smile, apparently it doesn't pass.
"I'm not gonna let you fail, Sweetheart." He assures me with a wink.
*****
With the cruel way life works, we go last.
Most people love going last but I hate it. The sooner I can get it over with, the better. There's no one to compare me to and no bars set. I can be as suckey as I want and it'll be ok.
But last means I'm compared to everyone and that kills me.
So far, everyone's done wonderful. Stella and Ella gave a great speech, that I helped write, neither forgetting their lines. Even our grinch of a teacher seemed impressed.
I feel prepared but once it's our turn my mind goes blank. The entire walk to the podium my legs quake. I'm going to throw up, it's inevitable at this point. The best I can hope for is that I hit Ms. Miller in the process because Karma's a bitch.
Once I reach the podium, I latch onto the wooden surface for dear life. The hags beady eyes glare at me form over her glasses, waiting for me to fail. She already knows I'm a mess.
The girls send me a thumbs up but what does it matter? They have nothing to worry about. I open my mouth and instead of vomit nothing comes out. No words. Nada. I feel like a gaping fish.
I try again, "A Devil in the White sloppy... I mean City." A few kids laugh at my mistake. Someone please put me out of my misery already, those words have nothing in common.
Ashton grabs my hand, which is hidden by the podium and begins to rub small circles with his thumb. He believes in me. If I can't do this for myself I can do it for him. His grade doesn't deserve to suffer because of me.
From then on the words flow somewhat naturally. There's no panic or suffocating nerves. No overwhelming fear of failure or embarrassment.
For the first time in a long time, I feel okay speaking in front of people. We shift between parts effortlessly, hours of practice paying off. By the end of our five minutes, the hag even looks the smallest bit impressed.
The bell rings as soon as we finish, everyone getting up from their seats with impressed looks on their faces. I don't blame them, after years of watching me mumble like an idiot I'd be surprised too.
The girls don't wait for me, leaving just Ashton and I to walk through the hall. The second I'm out of the classroom I squeal, doing a little happy dance.
Ashton laughs at me and I throw my arms around him, "Thank you so much."
He stills before hugging me back, resting his head on top of mine. "Anytime, Sweetheart."
*****
Hey guys. I kinda forgot I wrote this and never published it so here it is at 12:30 am.
Please get share this story with people I would love to be at 3K soon. Also vote and comment.
You all mean the world to me
Xo-Mo