My day was going better than I thought it would. I was able to hold on. I didn't have even a single breakdown all day. That was a personal record for this week.
Ever since Shay left, I'd been feeling like there was nothing in my life worth living for. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't going to do anything to myself. Skott's story was enough to tell me that wasn't the best way to get rid of my problems. I couldn't do that to the ones I loved. No, all I wanted was to stop feeling this way. To stop getting hurt, to stop being an emotional rollercoaster. I needed calm and collected Ava more than ever.
Ted took my hand in his and that was when I remembered where I was. We were seated at a table outside in the special restaurant we went to on our first date, Pita Pan.
You can imagine why we chose this restaurant. It was Holly's Dad's suggestion. Who could resist going to a restaurant with a pun like that in its name, am I right?
Pita Pan was a fine dining restaurant, and although I wasn't a huge fan of those because of how quiet and formal one had to be in them, I couldn't help but fall for this place thanks to the food. And even better, they were looking to hire classical musicians. I'd seen the notice put up the last time I'd come with Ted, but only now did it dawn on me that it might be the perfect opportunity to earn some cash as well as get some practice performing in front of crowds. Plus, it could also help me get my mind off some things and have something to look forward to every week.
"Ted, you know how I play the violin?" I asked, suddenly more ready than ever for a change in my life. I didn't know where this sudden surge of energy had come from, but I felt like I was bursting with life. Ted threw me an inquisitive glance, motioning for me to go on.
"They're looking to hire someone who can play on Friday nights,"I said excitedly. Ted chuckled. "Someone seems enthusiastic. Have you seen my girlfriend Ava, by any chance?" he joked.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "What's that supposed to mean?" I said, trying to keep my tone light, but failing miserably. He shrugged, starting to look nervous. He knew I was as fragile as glass right now and he was scared of breaking me. I wasn't doing so well at this point and he was frightened that if he said something wrong he'd tip me over the edge. He wasn't wrong to think that. Sometimes even I was scared about what I could do to myself. I'd never seen this version of myself before.
"I don't know, Av, you just overthink things a lot. It's not a bad thing, though,"he added quickly. I gave him a long look, then my lips quirked into a smile. I shot up from my chair as if there was a needle stuck upright underneath me. "Then you know what? I'm going to prove to you that I can be spontaneous when I want to be,"I said, still unsure of where this confidence was coming from. This wasn't anything like me. I was sassy and sarcastic, sure. I wasn't afraid to speak my mind, sure. But all of that took quite a lot of convincing in my head before I actually did anything. Most people thought I was the most confident and outgoing person they knew, but only Ted knew how much went on in my head. Was I really going to do this?
"Av, you don't have to prove anything to me,"Ted urged. "You know I'll love you no matter what, don't you?"
I smiled. This was why I loved him. "I do, Ted. I really do. I'm not proving anything to you. I'm doing this for myself."
I said this with the most reassuring smile I could muster, and walked up to the nearest waiter I could find. "May I please speak to your manager about your job offer for musicians?" I asked.
. . . .
Within twenty minutes I had managed to persuade the manger into letting me play in his restaurant that night, although it was a Tuesday, and in addition, every Friday for two hours. All it took was one violin solo. The funniest thing was that by the end of it, I was much more confident than I'd pretended to be earlier. I loved to play and that was all that mattered.
I ascended the little wooden stage and watched as the lights slowly dimmed and people's faces slowly started turning towards me. When it was time to begin, I took a deep breath and looked into the audience for Ted's proud smile that was bound to give me the encouragement I needed. Taking a deep breath, I began to play.
Skott's paintings were the first things to strike my memory. I remembered that face she always made when she was working. Her brows would be furrowed, she'd be biting down on her lower lip... And her eyes. I could witness all the seasons in those eyes when she painted.
Warm with passion, icy with precision, showering with ideas and bright with enjoyment. I wondered if I looked that way when I played the violin. I wondered if anyone could fall in love with something just as much as Skott had loved her paintbrush. Deep down, I hoped that's what my audience saw when I played.
Next, I started thinking about my little sister Ally. I dreamed of the girl she would become, the adventures in store for her. I thought about whether she'd be more like Mom or Dad. I even thought about how she'd react when she was faced with situations like the ones I was going through. What would her first date be like? What would be her passion? Would she love someone like I loved Ted?
And that made me think of him. The way his eyes shone when I recounted a happy memory, his cautious attitude when I was upset. I loved that he cared, but I was scared that he cared too much.
Eventually, he would come to realize how hard this was for him. He'd realize I'm too complicated for him to handle. The best part was that I was okay with it. After all, he couldn't remain in love with a girl who couldn't love herself.
By the end of my song, I'd gone breathless. The room was quiet for a few seconds, and I was suddenly overcome with nervousness. It was so silent that I felt like I could hear my blood flowing through my veins.
And then it began. The loudest applause I had ever heard. Or at least that's what it felt like. There were hoots and cheers from the audience, and as I descended from the stage, several people held out their hands for me to shake them. I could hear compliments being thrown about all around me and I'd never felt so proud in my entire life.
It wasn't what I'd performed up there that made me happy. It was the fact that I'd gone up there at all.
. . . . .
"I fall in love with a new you every day,"Ted said, and I smiled.
"And I'm not even the one with Dissociative Identity Disorder."
He laughed at that and pulled me closer towards him. It was only half past seven and we'd already finished dinner at the restaurant. Since it was a weekday and we had school the next day, we decided to go out early so that we could get home by nine. Despite having finished our dinner, plus an entire half hour's worth of a violin performance, we still had an hour and a half to spare.
"You know what's funny, Ava?"
"Not Mr. Mills jokes, that's for sure."
"Says the girl who laughs for a full five minutes every time he tells us one,"Ted retorted, and I had to crack a smile. There was no denying that. "Anyway, I was actually going to say that it's pretty funny how every single one of us changes along with Holly's splits. It's like we all discover new versions of ourselves when we're around her."
"What do you mean?"I asked, still not entirely sure where he was going with this.
"What I mean is, we all mold ourselves in order to fit each other's likes and dislikes, no matter how hard we try not to. Take Will, for instance. He's the nerdiest kid on the block when he's with Holly, but when he's with Elody he suddenly becomes this charming, sweet guy. And then when he's with Alora it's incredibly obvious how he shifts into a flirtatious bad boy. I haven't seen him around Daisy, though, so that's hard to judge. Have you noticed too or am I going crazy?"
I stayed silent for a few minutes, unsure how to respond to that. I'd never thought about it before, but he couldn't have been more right. It wasn't just Will who did that, but all of us. It was an involuntary change in character to reflect what the other person wants to see in you. When I was with Daisy, I allowed myself to have fun. I'd be a little crazy, even optimistic. She made me enthusiastic about even the smallest of things. Perhaps my confidence boost to perform was owing to a day spent in Daisy's motivating company.
All of a sudden, Ted's phone started to ring. He threw me an apologetic smile and picked up the call.
"I can't do tonight. No, you don't understand. It's an important day and I'm preoccupied with some other work. I'm sorry, but I informed you of this weeks beforehand,"he spoke, after a few minutes.
I eyed Ted with suspicion. He was speaking noticeably fast and shuffled his feet nervously.
He listened intently to the person on the other end, his face paled visibly, then he drew in a long breath of air. "Alright. I'll be there in five minutes."
He slid his phone into his pocket and eyed me wearily. "Ava, I have to go..."He said, sounding incredibly sorry and sad. I didn't understand what was happening. Why wasn't he giving me a reason? Why was he acting so suspicious? I thought we didn't keep secrets from each other!
"Go where?" I asked, challenging him. I didn't like that I was forcing him to tell me something he clearly wasn't comfortable with, and that I wasn't respecting his privacy, but this was Ted. We were supposed to trust each other.
"Look, Ava I-"he started, then took another breath. I wanted to hug him and tell him that it was okay, that he could tell me when he was ready to. But something inside of me demanded to know. I wanted to know what was more important to him than spending the evening with his girlfriend on her birthday. And I meant that in the least self-absorbed way. Kind of.
Ted always spoke really fast when he was nervous. This time was no different. "I have a job. After my dad died, my family's had some major financial issues, which is why my mom works two jobs, Thea babysits four houses a week and I work daily shifts at the bookstore two streets away from my house. I didn't tell you because I was ashamed to. No one in my house likes talking about our problems because somehow we believe that not talking about it makes it less real. I knew you wouldn't judge me, but there was always something holding me back. I was just scared of opening up, scared that somehow everyone would end up knowing and it would ruin... everything,"he finished, looking me square in the eye.
I didn't say a word. I reached out and gave him a long hug, resting my head on his shoulder. That was enough to reassure him that I understood. Sometimes we keep secrets from people because we like to have a piece of ourselves just for us. No amount of words could tell him how much I really cared and how much him telling me the truth meant to me, so instead I chose to keep silent.
The ones who have lived many sorrows see it in others as well.
By the time we reached the store, Ted had apologized at least three hundred and fifty times, explaining over and over again as to how this wasn't meant to happen and that the other employee who was to fill in this shift quit because her mother was in the hospital. I smiled at his cute antics. He really was adorable when he was nervous.
When we entered the shop, several tiny faces gaped at us with interest. I turned to Ted in surprise, and he facepalmed while muttering a string of curses under his breath.
"I forgot about story time,"he shout-whispered to me. I threw him a clueless look. "Every Tuesday we have story time where mothers can get rid of their children for an hour while we tell them a story. We're basically babysitters in a storyteller's disguise."
"And I'm assuming you're never the one to do this?" I asked, with an amused grin on my face. He sighed as if to say 'Ava, this isn't the time for you to make fun of me.'
I took pity on him and held his hand. "I'll do it."
He looked like he wanted to protest, but seeing the delighted grin on my face, he relented. "I love you,"he said, leaning in to kiss me. I moved away swiftly. "Not with the kids here!"I whispered, trying hard not to burst out laughing.
. . . . . . .
"No one knows that Snow White and the dwarfs were really just the same person. In fact, each one of them represented the different parts of her personality. When she ate the poison apple that the witch had given her, she lost her memory forever. When she woke up, she believed she was a girl named Aurora. Now, you all know that story, don't you?"
"Sleeping Beauty!" One girl shouted, and all the kids nodded their heads excitedly.
"Exactly,"I said happily. "You'll hear the rest of that story next week, okay?"
A series of 'awws' erupted in the room.
Ted chuckled. "They really love you,"he said, when the bookstore had finally cleared and all the parents had picked up their children. I blushed. "I didn't even know where that story came from."
"Well, Disney should make a movie on it. Those were some crazy conspiracies."
I laughed, pulling him in for a kiss. "Thank you for making this the most memorable birthday ever."
"So far," he corrected with a wink. I smiled, and walked out of the bookstore, waiting for him to lock up and meet me outside.
All I could think about after that was what Ted had said earlier, about how we all mold ourselves to fit the description other people want to see. The one thing I knew with certainty was that the girl I was around Ted... was my favorite one.
. . . . .
A/N That was a very long chapter. I hope that the four hours I spent writing it are worth it! Thanks for reading Mirror, Mirror. Please vote, comment and share if you like it <3
~Via