I was sitting in the studio late one night playing Prelude to a Afternoon of a Faun by Debussy on piano. I wanted to take my mind off of everything, and some how it eased my mind. Everything about playing piano eased my mind. It relaxed me and made me forget about my problems for a while. That's probably why I spent so many hours on the piano back at home when I was younger. If I had my way I would have played all day and night, but of course Sasha wouldn't allow it with her work schedule. She needed as much sleep as possible for her graveyard shifts that she worked. I was glad that I was able to come a studio everyday where I could just play as much as I wanted.
The way my weekend had gone I was in desperate need of some mind easing. My mothers funeral was more hard than I thought it would be. Seeing the casket was like the confirmation of her actually being gone. I literally broke down when I saw it. I cried on Liana's shoulders while the service went on, and when all my wells were emptied I began focusing on Pastor Brown. He said something in his sermon that caught my attention. " You can't help nobody else, if you don't know yourself. You can't help your family if you're not tuned in to yourself. If you are in the dark you need someone who cares enough about you to want to help you. You need someone you who are gonna say you are worth waiting for and helping. You need someone to pull you into light and show you that you are worth something. You don't deserve to drown in your own misery." I immediately began thinking of Michael and the times he had told me that I didn't deserve to live in so much pain. It got me to wondering...did God send him to me? Was he put in my life to save me from myself? Did--
"Hey!" Michael came in carrying To-go plates in his hand distracting me from my thoughts. He sat it down on the table and smiled at me. "You're playing Debussy."
"Yeah, I know."I said as I turned to him eyeing the plates. "Where have you been?" I asked.
"No where, mother sent this for us."
A smile stretched across my face."Really? That's nice of her."Katherine always made the best food. Anytime I was at Havenhurst she would try and feed me because she said I needed meat on my bones. I never complained because she was amazing. I would've sat there and ate all day if I wanted to."I miss Mother, I need to come by and see her when I get back to Encino."
"She misses you too, she was asking about you."
"Really? What'd she say?"I asked, curious.
He shrugged his shoulders tipping his head to the side."Just wondering how you've been. She misses you too. So does Janet and Randy."
I stood up from the bench and walked up to him. "Janet has got to be at least sixteen years old now." Janet and I had became really close with our time together. We were both tom boys who loved riding horses, going swimming, feeding animals, and watching movies all day. We usually teased Michael a lot too. We would ignore him and start doing our own thing just to frustrate him especially when we knew he wanted alone time with me. We always had an instant connection like Michael and I did.
"She is, and she's been askin' about you too."
I smiled.
His face grew serious. "How are you?"
"I've been fine." I said softly.
He walked up to me and hugged me."You sure?" I knew he was asking about how I've been holding up on my mother's death. He was just being caring.
No, I wasn't "fine" anymore. I felt like I was about to erupt being in his arms. His warmth made my heart melt. I inhaled the sweet smell of his cologne,closing my eyes as it stimulated my brain. "Yeah, I'm fine." I reassured him.
"Oh well, in that case there's some guy out there looking for you."
My eyebrows frowned."Who?" I turned and walked towards the window. I pushed open the blinds to see Damon leaning on his black Cadillac. "Fuck!" I said under my breath. What the hell do this fool want now?! "I'll be back." I rushed past him and out the door. Storming around the corridor and out the door. He got off his car when he saw me coming. "So that's how you treat me?" He asked.
I ignored his question and went on to my fussing. "What the hell are you doing here? What do you want?"
His eyes widened. "Damn girl, I can't get a hey or anything?"
I rolled my eyes with frustration." What do you want? I am working."
"Yeah, I see you and Michael back togeth--"
"We are not back together, and even if we were, what's it to you?"I asked placing my hands on my hips.
"What's it to me?" He asked. His brown eyes grew with frustration. "I don't want that damn boy on--"
"Damon, stop actin' like you own me. We ain't together. We ain't never been together, just because you had sex with me once doesn't mean a goddamn thing. I told you it was a mistake." I was seriously becoming frustrated with him now and was seriously thinking about filing a restraining order. I think he was becoming obsessed with me.
"How was that a mistake?"
"I was drunk, you were drunk. I told you that the night you just..showed up on my step, and if I remember correctly you referred to me as being a crazy bitch."
"Look, Liyah I'm sorry, I was just mad." He said as he started walking up to me. "I mean you did slash my tires...
I rolled my eyes. "And?" I shrugged. "You sabotaged a very important performance to me. So, I messed up something important to you. It was only fair." This happened when Damon and I first met almost a year ago. Our relationship had always been kind of weird. He had a fresh on me and when I rejected him the first time he got mad and messed with the sound system at a club that the girls and I were performing at. That performance was important because the CEO of Epic was there and that was our chance to prove to him that we wasn't just another dysfunctional group. I wanted to prove how serious I was about working again and Damon ruined it because his ego was bruised.
It wasn't hard to figure out who had tripped the sound system. I knew it was him just by the twisted little smirk he had on plastered his face when we made it back stage. So, in a fit of rage, I borrowed a switch blade from a friend and slashed all four of his tires. The only thing about that is it backfired on me because on the last one I missed the tire all together and hit the metal part. I sliced my hand open and ended up getting stitches.
It was worth it, though.
"I ain't mean to call you crazy. I was just mad," he said again.
"Bullshit," I said as I stepped back, crossing my arms. "That's obviously how you really felt, Damon."
"Look, I want you--"
I started laughing."Okay, so you say you want me; yet, you went and got Vanessa Holiday pregnant..."
He gave me a blank stare.
"Yeah, I know about that."
"H-how'd you find out about that?"
My face fell. "You stupid as hell, she's friends with De." I said. "And the fact that you got her pregnant and you're turning around trying to get with me is pathetic. "
"Look, I still have feelings for you, why can't understand that."
"Because you're full of shit, Damon. I don't like you, I don't love you, it was a mistake, what part of that don't you understand?! I mean I bet you're still with Stacy even though you got Vanessa pregnant. What's wrong with you? You honestly think I'm gonna get with you after you get another girl pregnant?! What kind of a fool do you think I am?"
"Li--"
I closed my eyes, raising my hand stopping him. "Look, I've been through enough this past week. The last thing I need is you annoying me. I gotta get to work." I said as I turned to walk away.
He grabbed my arm roughly pulling me back "Wait, I ain't done talkin' to you!"
I slapped him. "What the hell is wrong with you, you put your hands on the wrong one, Damon!"
He grabbed my arms. "I said you--'
"Hey, get your hands off of her." I turned to see Michael running out the studio. He pulled me away from Damon's tight grip, pulling me behind him, holding his hand out in front of torso in a protective manner.
"Michael, go back inside. I don't need your help!"
He turned to me."You crazy if you think I'm gonna leave you out here when this rat just put his hands on you."
I sucked my teeth. I couldn't believe he was putting himself in my drama. "Michael..."
"Man, go, this between me and her. A'ight?" Damon said to him.
"No, how about you go. Before I call the police." He said sternly.
I sighed in frustration. "Just go, Damon." I said.
"I ain't--"
I pointed towards the streets." Go!"
He stared at the both of us for a long moment before running his tongue across his teeth. He nodded slowly. "Okay, I see how it is."
"You should've been saw how it was a year ago. Now go!" I watched as he walked off the side walk and got in his car and speed out of the parking lot.
When he was gone I turned the opposite direction the opposite direction and began speed walking down sidewalk, trying to avoid speaking to him."Liyah!" He was right on my tail. " Who was that?"
"It doesn't matter, Michael. Forget about it." We were in the studio now and was now making our way back into the room.
"Don't you tell me to forget it when I just saw him grab you like that! What the hell was that all about?"
"Don't worry about it."
He grabbed my arm stopping me.
"What Michael?!"
"Who was that?"
I stomped my foot in frustration. "Why the hell does it matter to you?"
"Do you have to ask that question, Li?"
"Do you have to keep asking me that question, Michael?" I asked.
He stepped up to me. "Aaliyah, who...was...that?" He said through his teeth. His body was so tense with anger.
"He's..." I let my sentence trail as I thought about what to call him.
My stalker? My ex? An asshole? A psycho? I didn't know which one to call him.
"He's what? You better say something, girl."
I sighed as my head fell to the floor. "He's a guy I met one night at a club." I said softly. "We got drunk and we slept together..."
I heard him gasp. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I knew he was probably hurt by what was just said. I could feel it. "You slept with him?" He asked after a moment of silence.
I only nodded.
" When were planning on telling me this?"
I met his agonizing glare. "What?"
"When were you planning on telling that you slept with someone else?"
"I don't know, Michael. We weren't together when it happened, and I don't even remembered what happened."
"But still, you could have told me."
"What? Michael you just came back into my life a month ago!"
"So?"
"So, you act like we've gotten back together or something." I said as leaned on the wall crossing my arms.
He shook his head. "And if I had my way we would be."
"What?" That had caught me completely off guard.
"I have been driving myself insane this past month working with you, trying to be just friends with you."
"And what's wrong with just being friends?"
His face dropped. " Are you really just that stupid?"
"Excuse me," I asked, offensively. "I'm not the one who's being stupid. You're the one who's too stupid to see that you can't be with a selfish bitch like me." I walked around him, heading towards the table where the food was.
There was silence then he shook his head." You're right, you are a selfish bitch."
My heart dropped to my stomach as I turned to him looking crushed and hurt.
"What? I'm agreeing with you!"
"You didn't have to call me that!" I turned to the table fighting back my tears. It hurt so much coming from him.
"What do you expect me to do, Liyah?" He asked. "All you ever did was sit down and feel sorry for yourself. Yes, you're selfish, because you act like you are the only who has been through crap in their life. You only worried about your pain and your pain only. And when it comes to other people's feelings you hurt them with your hypocritical comments--"
"Oh, so now I'm a hypocrite?" I asked without even turning to him.
"Yes, you tell people to accept things the way they are and speak the truth and you can't even accept your own past and tell the truth because you're too afraid to."
I turned to him. "Oh, yeah? Because I consider myself a very straight forward and honest person"
"If you're so straight forward and honest, tell me why you broke up with me!"
I rolled my eyes. "Michael..."
"No! I'm tired of pretending with you! I need to know. Why the hell did you break up me, Aaliyah."
I blinked away the tears I had forming in my eyes. "What are you yelling at me for!" I whined, turning my head as more tears rolled down my face.
"I'm yelling at you because I care about you, and that's what people who love each other do when the other one is acting like a brat!"
His words set me off. Abruptly, I turned to him." You wanna know why I broke up with. Well fine, I broke up with because I needed to figure out some things for myself. Yes, I did it for selfish reasons, but it was for your own good! I needed to have some damn peace with myself so that I could learn to love you the right way. I was only depending on you to take away my pain. I didn't want things to be that way! I didnt want to have to deoend on you to take away my pain. Hopin' you were there everytime i cried, or thought about relasping. I was too damn weak, and I needed to be strong with out you. I was doing everything for you and nothing for me. I had find a way to....to love myself before I could even think about loving you." I was so mad at him that it was ridiculous. Maybe it wasn't him I was mad at it. Maybe it was me. Maybe I was mad at myself. I tried to lower my voice as I spoke but I felt like I needed to yell. I needed to put all my frustrations out on the table. "I'm sorry if I broke your heart, but dammit Michael, what the hell did you expect? You think it didn't hurt me either? I cried every night...wishing you were there. Thinking that I would never see you again because I thought you hated me. It wasn't any of my intentions to hurt you, I promise you. I wanted you to understand, but things just didnt work that way. But I have no regrets None! I had to make some hard decisions and one of them was breaking up with you. But you know what Michael, I don't regret breaking up with you. I don't regret going to rehab. Because if I hadn't, I would still be that hypocritical selfish brat that you say that I was. And if you have a problem with that, well shit, deal with it!" I turned and grabbed my bag and my keys and began heading out the door. Wiping away the tears that gaf began to fall from my eyes.
"Liyah wait!"
"No! You wanted your answer, you got it. Why don't you just leave me the hell alone?!' it was raining like hell outside and I didn't have an umbrella. I walking not even thing about how my hair was probably getting wet.
"Liyah, this is ridiculous. Come back inside!"
I ignored him as I fiddled around with my keys. My hand was shaking as I tried to get it into the lock. The keys fell from my Hands and collided with a puddle I was standing in."Dammit!"
"Liyah!"
I picked up my keys and pushed into the car door, unlocking it. I threw my things and got I'm the car slamming the door behind me. When I started my car he was standing I front of the car. His hair dripping with curls. "Liyah, stop!"
I shook my head and put my car in reverse. Stepping on the glass I pulled out of lot and drove away.