( a thor x reader chat but it's actually just loki being an eccentric and loving uncle )
...
Bruce has created a chatroom: The Club
Bruce has added Loki, Rhodey, Steve.
Bruce: Hello.
Pietro has joined the chat.
Pietro: the CLUB
Pietro: where we partying old men
Steve: Pietro... Pietro... Where is your sister? Where is Clint? He's supposed to be watching over you.
Loki: Let the boy be.
Pietro: lol i'm surprised steve is willing to go to the CLUB
Pietro: so where are we going and what time
Pietro: i require one hour notice in advance so i can gel my hair appropriately
Rhodey: You're a waste of Speed powers.
Bruce: Now, and the park.
Pietro: what now it's daytime???
Pietro: and the park??
Pietro: do you mean music festival lololololol
Pietro: anyway i'm game
Rhodey: Are we really taking him?
Bruce: Yeah, why not?
Loki: If I murder him and hide his body in the bushes, none of you are allowed to complain.
Bruce: I don't know what "murder" is.
Rhodey: Agreed.
Pietro: sksksksksk ok
Loki: Ssssss, sssss 🐍
Pietro: what
Steve: Friday, what does sksksksksk mean?
Friday: sksksksksksks
Steve: ....
Steve: Thank you for that enlightening answer, Friday.
Loki: sss ssss ssssss 🐍
Pietro: wtf stop
Loki: ssss sssss peasant 🐍
Rhodey: Guys can we please go now...
L A T E R
Bruce: Pietro, stop sulking and come back.
Steve: Yeah, I bought us lunch. Don't you want to eat your burger???
Loki: i ssspat in it 🐍
Rhodey: We didn't invite him to come with. So if he doesn't want to partake, can we move along?
Loki: I am in agreement with Rhodey.
Pietro: wtf i hate you guys why didn't you tell me the club was A BOOK CLUB
Bruce: Reading is enriching for your mind... Did I trick you? Yes. Was it for your own good? Yes.
Pietro: fk yo bOOks
Steve: PIETRO YOU SHOW BRUCE SOME RESPECT.
Loki: The Princess Bride is phenomenal, watch your tongue 🔪
Rhodey: I knew it. I knew this would happen. Someone call his babysitter to pick him up. I'm ready to get into the book discourse but he's holding us up.
Pietro: i don't need clint, i can run back home
Loki: Then stop lurking behind the trees and go.
Pietro: ...
Pietro has added Clint.
Pietro: hi can you pls pick me up from the park i'm too sad to run
Clint: Sure. Thought you were having fun at "The Club"?
Pietro: it was a LIE
Clint: Oh, which club did it turn out to be?
Pietro: what... are there more fake clubs....
Clint: Yes, Nat has her Wine Grandma Club.
Clint: Tony has his club which is a mix of like, money, intelligence and anxiety all bundled up together.
Clint: Thor has his I'm Cute, And You're Not, consisting of him and Y/C/N.
Clint: Y'know.
Pietro: NO I DON'T KNOW
Pietro: wait why isn't y/n a part of thor's club, like she's his WIFE
Clint: Bc to him, she is a BEAUTIFUL GODDESS... So he made a club just for her.
Pietro: oh ok that's about right
Pietro: how much longer do i have to wait for you
Clint: I'm getting into the car now.
Steve: Are you sure you don't want to stay, Pietro??
Bruce: Maybe you'd like some of the book recommendations we have for you...
Loki: Yes. I feel a book on grammar would do you a world of wonders.
Rhodey: BYE.
Pietro has left the chat.
Clint: I gotta drive now, guys. Keep an eye on him until I get there.
Steve: Okay, drive safely c:
Loki: DRIVE LIKE THE BOYS LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, BECAUSE IT DOES.
Loki: :]
Clint has left the chat.
L A T E R ... again.
Rhodey: Alright, good meet up today, guys. Looking forward to the next one.
Steve: Yes, I'm so excited to start reading all the new books.
Rhodey: I gotta go, take care.
Bruce: Bye, have a nice night c:
Loki: Farewell.
Rhodey has left the chat.
Steve: I have to go give Bucky his books. See y'all in the morning.
Steve has left the chat.
Thor has joined the chat.
Thor: Hello....
Thor: Brother, I need a favor of you and Bruce, but mostly you...
Loki: Depends on what the favor is.
Thor: Will you look after my sweet angel, your beloved [niece/nephew] for a week?
Thor: With the help of Bruce. But you are to be in charge. Bruunhilde will assist you during bedtimes and mornings, since that is when my child starts to become a small hurricane of cuteness.
Loki: Me???
Thor: Yes, why not?
Loki: I don't know how to parent...
Bruce: I don't know man, you're a pretty amazing uncle. I think you'll do fine.
Loki: But...
Loki: This is a grave task.... I cannot falter, not even a little.
Loki: If I am to do this I must ask you to give me a list on their meals, bedtimes, favorite toys and t.v shows, etc.
Thor: SO YOU ACCEPT?
Loki: Yes, I may lose my fun uncle status to Korg, but it's fine.
Bruce: OOF
Loki: What?
Bruce: Imagining you being all fatherly is pretty damn cute.
Loki: Thanksss 🐍
Bruce: So why are you and Y/N going away for a week, Thor?
Thor: I've planned a surprise romantic getaway for my wife.
Bruce: awwwwww need me one of those
Thor: A spouse or the vacation?
Bruce: Either, honestly.
Loki: Take Y/C/N with.
Thor: Come now, Loki. You know I can't do that.
Thor: If I did not trust you capable enough, I would not leave my child with you.
Bruce: You've got me to help, Loki.
Thor: Yes, and I've asked the sweet rabbit to drop in during the week to assist you from time to time. He will bring his team.
Loki: I'm afraid. What if something goes wrong?
Bruce: I believe in you, Loki.
Bruce: Also if you screw up I'm here to step in so it's all good.
Thor: Precisely. Now, I must go break the news to the love of my life.
Thor has left the chat.
Bruce: Loki.
Loki: Yes?
Bruce: Why was my credit card charged for a Kids Electric Car, a seemingly uncountable amount of toys, a variety of kids clothing in different shades of green and Snuffles the Teddy Bear which is 10 000 DOLLARS?????
Loki: Well I don't own a credit card.
Bruce: Y/C/N doesn't need all of that FOR ONE WEEK????
Loki: Now's my chance to really spoil them and still be a responsible uncle. What kind of uncle would I be if I didn't?
Bruce: RETURN THE TEDDY BEAR
Loki: Sssnuffles is not going anywhere 🐍
Bruce: HULK DO NOT WANT
Loki has added Tony.
Loki: Please pay Bruce back for me.
Tony: Sure. Can't believe you don't want Y/C/N to have Snuffles, Banner.
Bruce: I for one don't like being in debt over a teddy bear.
L A T E R... once more... but during the week this time.
Natasha has joined the chat.
Natasha: What the hell. Let me see Y/C/N.
Loki: No.
Natasha: Loki I'm SO close to breaking the door down.
Loki: Well... Then you'll have to explain to Y/N and Thor as to why you broke into their home and woke Y/C/N from their nap.
Natasha: Ohhhhhh
Bruce: Deep breaths.
Tony: Lmao you're still locked out?
Natasha: YES
Natasha: Y/N lets me visit the angel whenever I miss them.
Loki: Well Y/N's not here.
Natasha: LET ME IN.
Tony: Lmao just give up, Natasha.
Natasha: wait a minute
Natasha: Tony is that you???
Natasha: In the upstairs window????
Tony: lmao.... maybe
Natasha: TONY'S ALLOWED IN BUT NOT ME?
Loki: Okay, since I've not made it clear enough.
Loki: Bruce and Bruunhilde are allowed near my darling [niece/nephew] whenever because they are also entrusted in watching over them.
Loki: Tony has special access to the house because he buys Y/C/N and me expensive things, and he's a great uncle, I'll admit.
Loki: Scott and Clint are allowed to visit for they are good fathers and so I trust them.
Loki: My brother trusts the raccoon and his team. Mantis is excellent at calming Y/C/N down when they start missing Y/N and Thor.
Loki: The rest of you may kindly CHOKE.
Natasha: [a whole lotta russian swearing and threats that would make bucky pass out in fear]
Natasha: Tony... I swear if you don't back away from that window I will shoot.
Tony: Lmao...
Tony: I mean, oh no, I wasn't laughing at you.
Y/N has joined the chat.
You: HI HOW'S MY DARLING BABY DOING? I MISS THEM SO MUCH
Natasha: This snake won't let me visit them
Loki: CHOKE WENCH
Loki: Hello my dear sister-in-law. Y/C/N is currently having their nap. They are well, very happy. Although they do miss you and my brother dearly.
You: Awwww the week is almost over, I'll be back home in no time.
You: And let Natasha in???? wtf she has keys to my house how is she locked out
Loki: I changed the locks for safety reasons.
Tony: Your bed is so comfy, Y/N. What brand is it?
You: wh
You: what
You: You're in my bedroom???
Tony: It's so spacious too, I mean it would have to be since your husband is friggin Thor. He seems like he'll take up both sides.
You: Um.. get out???
Tony: Why... What are you hiding?
You: Tony do you MIND
Bruce: He's been snooping so much.
You: UGH
Natasha: I'll chase him out of the bedroom.
Tony: This is why I was Team Loki for not letting you in.
Bruce: How's the vacation, Y/N?
You: it's beautiful... amazing... full of love... i won't go into detail just yet...
Tony: That's all the detail we need ;]
You: oh shush you
You: okay okay I gotta go, my husband is being impatient, tell my baby I LOVE THEM
Bruce: Thor texted me saying he misses you, and that we should stop holding your attention.
You: I'm in his arms rn how is he like this, ugh i love him
Tony: MORE DETAILS.
You: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT
You: bye <3
Y/N has left the chat.
Natasha: Where is Bruunhilde, the only person I love and respect from all of you?
Loki: I sent her out to do some errands. I require certain ingredients to make the best dinner for Y/C/N.
Natasha: Excellent, so when she gets back she can help me kick your ass.
Natasha has left the chat.
Tony: djdjdjdjdjdj they're gonna murder you
Tony: And I'm just going to watch it happen.
Tony has left the chat.
Bruce: Y/C/N is waking up from their nap.
Loki: Great, now I must bad mouth those two so that when I die, Y/C/N will avenge me once they are old enough to hold a knife.
Loki: which is soon
Bruce: WHICH IS NOT SOON
Loki: i wielded a knife before i could walk
Bruce: How did Thor leave you in charge of his child...
So much L A T E R the author got tired of using it.
Vision has joined the chat.
Vision: How is the human child?
Loki: I'll have you know that my sweet angel carries ASGARDIAN blood in their veins and is not merely human.
Bruce: Vision... Why you gotta be so creepy man...
Loki: Have some respect for ASGARDIAN ROYALTY, you glamorised kettle.
Vision: Thank you... I've never been called glamorous before...
Vision: Wanda wants to know if you'll be bring Y/C/N over to the compound since Thor and Y/N will be returning on the jet today.
Loki: Of course, Y/C/N will be there to greet their parents from their vacation.
Vision: Wanda asks to bring Y/C/N over early so she has time to spend with them.
Loki: Wanda can CHOKE
Vision: slander the woman who holds my heart and you shall suffer a million times!!!!!
Loki: you can choke too
Bruce: he's gonna fly all the way here and phase his hand through the wall just to punch you
Vision: Tactful idea.
Loki: No violence in front of Y/C/N!
Vision: I'll cease our fight for now....
Vision has left the chat.
Bruce: I'm going to go wake Tony up and then we can head out to the compound.
Bruce has left the chat.
Loki has added Steve.
Steve: Hi!
Loki: Please ensure that the compound is safe to bring over my angel. If Vision is near them I will end him on the spot.
Steve: Of course it's safe... Vision is trying his best okay... he's just a very philosophical cousin.
Bucky has joined the chat.
Bucky: HOW'S THE SWEETEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD DOING
Loki has added Y/C/N.
Y/C/N: sss sss 🐍
Bucky: wha....
Loki: I have begun teaching them proper communication, how to use a phone, basic numeracy, and knife wielding... (with a toy of course)
Steve: THEY DON'T NEED A PHONE
Y/C/N: sssss sss sss 🐍
Bucky: I can't believe you're doing this I can't believe you're corrupting them you monster stop this just stop it
Bucky has been disconnected.
Steve: Loki you take that phone away from them RIGHT NOW they're just a toddler!!!
Y/C/N: stove CHOKE
Steve has been disconnected.
Loki has added Thanos.
Y/C/N: tannedbutt CHOKE
Thanos has been disconnected.
Loki: I'm such a good uncle...
T'Challa has joined the chat.
T'Challa: Type gibberish if I'm you're favorite uncle. Send a snake emoji if Loki is your favorite uncle.
Y/C/N: tchacha tchacha tchacha
T'Challa: LOKI CHOKE
Loki: THAT'S NOT AN ACCURATE WAY OF CHOOSING. I ONLY TAUGHT THEM A FEW THINGS TO TEXT SO OF COURSE THERE WOULD BE GIBBERISH. MY ANGEL CAN BARELY READ THIS IS RIGGED.
T'Challa: TCHACHA IS MY GIBBERISH NAME FROM THE LITTLE CUB.
T'Challa: SO you can CHOKE
Loki has been disconnected.
T'Challa: Tchacha loves you very much, little cub. 💜
T'Challa has removed Y/C/N.
T'Challa has left the chat.