Nikki's POV
Next morning I wake up,by the wake up bells,at 7 am.I go straight to the bathroom and wait for Emma to get out.For a second I'm thinking about going to the shared showers but no,there is no way I'm going there.Emma finally gets out,perfectly dressed up and with a smile on her face.While I go through some of the texts Natalie sent me last night,informing about Lillian's upcoming visit.
"Good morning." she smiles and I force my best smile in response.
"Good morning,Emma." I get in the bathroom and shut the door behind me.
What can I say,I'm not a morning person and Emma would have agreed if I proposed her to go on skydiving right now.
"Hey,Nikki,I'm taking our clothes to the laundry room.Don't go,I'll be right back." she says from the other side of the door.
Okay maybe it's alright that she's a morning person,I had completely forgot about doing my laundry.
The water is turned on,hitting my bare body with force and silence makes the stinging on my chest grow.I should have been happy.No,I should have been beyond happy...I mean Alex came,my Alex,my first...my everything.I was,literally,dreaming about seeing him after these couple years.There were going to be sparks and fast heart beating and clicking.
Yes.
Clicking.
I should have kissed him.
And he was going to kiss me back.And it was going to be a hell of kiss.A kiss that would make me forget everything and everyone.It was going to be such an amazing kiss.Yeah.Better than Harry's.
Right? Right.
The shower is quick or maybe I got lost in my thoughts again and didn't realize time passing.I dry myself quickly and dress up in my uniform.
As I'm out,I face an irritated Emma.
"What's wrong?" I ask in husky tone.Blame the sleep.
"We're late Nikki,that's what's wrong." she puts her hands on her hips."C'mon on,take your books so we can leave." still sleepy I'm caught off guard so I comply to her orders and after I gather my books we leave the room.
At 7.30 we're already in the dining hall waiting in the lunch line.Maybe this is a right moment to start asking questions.Sure,we talked about me helping her and Liam,but I'm full of questions.
"Emma?"
"Let's have a seat firstly." she doesn't bother to look at me,her eyes fixed on the lady behind the counter.
She looks suspiciously zoned out.
After we're served we take our trays and Emma motions me to follow her,as she's going to take a seat to the table where all her friends sit.I stiil myself.
Okay this is getting weird.
"Emma,what's going on?"
"What do you mean?" she turns her body to me.
"I'm not going to sit there,apparently." I humorlessly chuckle.
"Why not?" she looks hurt and I'm at a loss of words.I look around and witness Zayn sitting on a table alone.
Thank you.
"I'll go sit with Zayn.You can come if you want to..." I suggest and a small laugh escapes her lips.
"Zayn can't stand me,Nikki." she whispers."Please,come and sit with us." she pleads.Her eyes move from the table,where her friends sit,to me.I take a glance over there and witness an confused Amanda,the blonde stands and looks at me and Emma.
"Why? I mean since when do we have breakfast together?" I arch an eyebrow and she looks down."Look,if you feel obligated to invite me because I'm doing you and Liam that favor you don't have to." I step closer so no one can hear us.
I bet that it is.I don't mind it's kinda sweet of her but I prefer to sit with Zayn rather Amanda.
"No.It's not that.It's just- "
"Emma." Amanda cuts her off,as she calls out loudly from their table.I see Emma's face features harden as she turns to face her best friend.She completely ignores the girl and turns back to me.
"Let's go sit with Zayn?" she asks me hesitately.
Something must happened between them.Anyway,Amanda's expression is like someone shit on her face.That's the highlight of my day so far.
"Emma.." Amanda repeats now standing in front of us.
The look on the blonde's face is hurt,she barely can bring her eye level to Emma's,whose body seems tensed.
Emma sighs."What do you want,Amanda?"
"I-I just-" her voice low.
Wow.I actually feel sorry for Amanda right now.Something tells me that the two friends aren't on their best terms right now.
"If you can excuse us right now,we'd like to have our breakfast." Emma walks forward,passing the confused blonde.
Amanda,quickly grabs Emma's elbow."You're sitting with her?"
"Yes,I am sitting with Nikki." Emma bitterly remarks.
Amanda sighs."Can we please talk?" her tone softened.
"I'll think about it." Emma frees her elbow from the blondes grip.
Before Amanda can answer back,I pass them and make my way towards Zayn,Emma follows leaving a stilled Amanda behind her.We walk and take a seat opposite Zayn.As he's aware of our presence,he looks up and his gaze turns from me to Emma but he's not saying anything.He has an emotionless face and that makes me a little nervous.My eyes scan the dinning hall searching for the guy with the bandana but he's no where.The guilt for not texting him kinda eats me out.
"Wow.Not even a mean comment Zayn,I'm surprised." Emma teases Zayn and a small smile cracks his lips.
"It's still early.Don't worry,you'll get your daily dose." he chuckles.I'm glad he didn't make a scene for Emma sitting here.
After that we all turn to our meals,a couple minutes later Niall joins us.
"Hey guys.." he says a little bit confused,his eyes on Emma.Immediately,he sits next to Zayn and whispers something to him.When Zayn replies to him the blonde tenses up a little.For a reason I suspect Harry is the subject of their talk.
Niall always asks where Harry is.
Zayn frustrated rubs his forehead and my eyes fall on his red knuckles."What happened to your hand?" I ask without proceeding my thoughts.It's just this heaviness I have on my chest right now.I really need to know if Harry's okay.
How ridiculous of me? I promised,I'll text and I didn't and now I'm guilty as fuck.I mean,why didn't I text him?
Zayn shifts uncomfortably,his and Nialls eyes land on the redness of his knuckles.And his face becomes pale.I look at Emma next to me who has the same confused look as me.“It's nothing." he mumbles avoiding to look at me.
“Is Harry alright?" I ask without thinking,my tone icy I really can't deal with Zayn's secrecy.Niall gulps and I see a glimp of sweat on his temple.
“What happened,Zayn?" Emma whispers harshly.I can tell she lost he patience.
“He's alright." he folds his arms and his eyes flatter he looks away.
Oh fuck me,he's lying.
“Bullshit." I mutter."Where is he?"
Emma shots me a 'I knew there was something between you two' look."Yeah,Zayn,where is he?" she,gladly for me,turns to him.But the familiarity and the easiness Emma has with them while talking about Harry,makes me nauseous.
"Since when do you both care?" Zayn turns the tables.
"Don't go there,Zayn.." she warns him.
"Oh I'm definitely going there." he smirks.
What the fuck is he trying to do?
"You know,I care about him."
"Really?" he challenges her.
"Really." Emma archs an eyebrow.
He's trying to gain time.He's fucking trying to gain time! But for what?
"I don't think so." he snaps.
I guess I won't stay around to find out.I gently push my tray and stand up.Zayn's eyes shot on me,he knows exactly where I'm going.
“No,Nikki.Don't go." Zayn warns me and stands up as well.But it's too late for that.
I exit the dinning hall,without second thoughts.I've no idea where this worry for Harry comes from but I don't have time to overthink it,as he would say.
I climb the stairs,to the boys section,really fast.A dozen of things cross my mind right now.What if I understood wrong and Harry is alright? What if he's with a girl in his room now? When the thoughts come to an end I'm already standing out of his dorm.I knock before I regret it but nothing.I knock again grabbing the handle.I twist it and the door opens.I push it open without thinking anymore and a sound of smashed glasses fills my ears,I look down and see a broken bottle of vodka on the floor,pieces of glasses all over.My heart sinks.I look up and see empty beds.Worry fills me and I walk to the bathroom pushing the door to open quickly.
“What the-?" Harry pops in front of me with furrowed eyebrows.
I jump on him and wrap my arms around his neck taking him by surprise.I pull him close burying my face in his neck.I missed his cinnamon scent for sure.Harry on the other hand stays still probably still in shock.
But I feel it.I feel the clicking,like I can trust all of me on this guy.
Slowly pulling back,I surprisingly feel arms wrap around me preventing me from moving.
Harry holds me close to his body.Fuck,I feel like crying again,every time I'm with him all the feelings I try to push back come out.
I know him for less than a week but for the first time,just like that his opinion became important to me.Just like that he became missable.Just like that he became needed.
Feeling my shirt dampen I realize he's shirtless,only in his uniform's blue dress pants.Water drops fall on my hands from his wet,pulled back hair.I look up to his face,I just want to make sure everything is alright but Harry turns his head to the side escaping my gaze.He pulls back and rubs his collarbone.He's overwhelmed.
“Look at me." I planned to sound serious but the worry is obvious in my tone.He sighs and passes me walking out of the bathroom,to the wardrobe.
“Why do you have to be so difficult?" I say letting out a breath.
“I'm not difficult." he quietly says as he turns over.That's when I see the bruise on his eye and my eyes stick on that.When he realizes it he hides his face again by turning to the wardrobe."Had fun yesterday?" I hear him mutter.
The guilt starts consuming me.
"Um yeah." I shortly reply.
"I'm glad."
"Did you have a nice day?" I internally high five my face for that.
"Are you going to tell me why you need an inhaler?"
Great.Back to our old games.
We're still not talking about me not texting him.I bet he's doing it on purpose,just to drive me insane.Or maybe he doesn't care.
"I used to have asthma when I was younger and now,I guess,it came back." I quietly reply.
"How?"
"I don't know,doctor said I had a panic attack."
His eyes widen."A panic attack?" he takes a moment to think."Did you have a panic attack on the roof?" his voice small.
"I think so.."
The atmosfere changes,Harry seems painfully tensed.He rests his back against the wardrobe,eyes glued on the floor.
"I..I'm sorry." he says a couple seconds later.
Did he just apologized?
"It wasn't your fau-"
"It was." he snaps."I shouldn't have pressured you."
I stay silent.
He always takes the blame for everything.
"And then I did it again..." he humorlessly chuckles to himself.He then looks down to the broken glasses."Can you leave me alone?"
Because that's what he thinks he deserves.
I shake my head.I walk up to him and cup his face with my hands,pulling him down to my level."It was not your fault." I strongly say.
"It was.You would have been fine if- "
"Believe me,Harry."
In order to make him believe me,I choose to share a part of my feelings with him.He deserves to know.Looking straight into the big green orbs,I begin.
"All you do so far is help me,I don't know why or how but in your own twisted way,you keep standing by my side." my eyes water up again."And you've no idea how grateful I am for that,Harry." his pupils moving back in forth,showing his struggle to believe my words.
"I mean it."
"I'm sor- "
I stand on my toes and quickly lean in,capturing his lips in a soft kiss.
Oh,Lord I missed that.
He kisses back breathing in in the kiss and stealing a moan from my mouth.We slowly pull back and I look up to him and run a my thumbs over his furrows eyebrows.I feel his body finally relax.He slowly opens his eyes.
"I just don't want you to go through,the same things I have been."
"What do you mean?" I run my fingers through his hair.
"The denial,the anger,the numbness...I lost everyone because of these things."
I suddenly feel a slight pain on my chest.
"I don't have anyone to lose..." I mutter and pull back.
"You do." I look up to him."You have him."
Alex.
"No." I state.
"I was there,I saw the way he was looki- "
"No.Me and him we're...complicated." I sigh."Like...you and I."
"No." he quickly says."We are not complicated,we are not easy either but definitely not complicated." I furrow my eyebrows,in complete confusion.
"You and I,not complicated?" I ask in disbelief.
"We know each other less than a week but dispite that we shared things that we wouldn't dare to admit to our own selfs."
"I don't know..." I'm just being stubborn right now.
"A few minutes ago you kissed me and you knew you didn't have to explain yourlsef,because we don't have complications.Maybe we're not easy but we're easy around each other."
That's true.
"But,why? Why is it so easy?" I admit.
He leans in and brushes his lips softy on mine and I gasp."It scares me,Harry." I breathe out and then press our mouths together in a short but meaningful kiss.He caresses my jawline lighlty with his thumb pulling me back and locks our gazes.
"It scares me too.."
"Maybe we can try to be friends..." I trail off,secretly hoping he'll decline my offer.
He chuckles."It would be pointless."
"Why's that?"
"Can't you see? All we do is circles.None of us is ever going to make a step back.We're not selfless."
"I refuse to believe that."
"See? You doing it again.You're the epitome of denial.You're so selfish to even consider my opinion." he chuckles and I roll my eyes at his remark.He goes into the bathroom passing over the broken glasses.
“Anyway,what happened to your face?" I walk up to him without caring about the broken pieces of glass on the floor.
“Don't." he warns me as he puts on his white button up shirt and comes out of the bathroom.I disobey and make another step,stepping on the pieces.“For fuck's sake." he sighs loudly and obviously mad.I stop and look down.He starts buttoning up his white shirt and looks down on the floor.He pushes away from my feet the broken pieces with his foot.
“Harry..." I mutter,I don't know if he heard me.
“Did you step on the glasses?" he asks worried almost guilty.
“No.I'm fine." I assure him and he nods.“Are you?" I find the confidence to ask.
"Uh huh." he starts collecting his books from hi desk.
"Harry.." I plead and he finally turns to face me.
He just shakes his head.He always avoids words,he usually uses body language or actions to show how he feels.
“Would you like to talk about it?" I try to make a step closer to him but he shoots me a warning look.
“I would not." he pulls a straight face.Well,he almost convinced me but he's putting so much effort,to prove he's right,that I don't believe him.
“Okay then."
"Okay then? What's that supposed to mean?" he furrows his brow.
"That I don't care.I'm dropping it." I coldly reply earning an even more confused look from him.
"Good." he smiles.
Images of punching him right now flashing in my mind.I make a step forward and his smile disappears.
"I told you stay right there.I don't want you to step on the glasses,Nikki." he raises his tone once again looking frustrated.
The warmth in my chest is undeniable and causes me to forget why I'm here in the first place.He goes from a distant jerk to a such sweet guy."Harry.." I heave out.
"We already late for the first period." he replies quietly with a straight face.
"No,we're not." I shake my head,my voice rough.The room starts to feel hotter and the need to get closer to him bigger.
He walks up and stands a few steps apart from me.His eyes are no more green,they turned dark,his breathing and my heart's beating are the only sounds i can focus on."Come,to me." he huskily says.
I make a small step.Harry doesn't make any move.“Are you nervous?" he asks with a straight face his eyes never leaving mine.
This guy knows exactly how to make me uncomfortable.
"Did you drink?" I change the subject in order to avoid his question,all he does is chuckle.Then brings his hand close to my face and starts lightly dragging his thumb along my jawline.
My body is on fire.
"No." he smiles and pull my chin up.
"Then why is there a broken vodka bottle on the floor?" I pull a serious face to hide any kind of nervousness sign on my face.
"Zayn smashed it." he simply replies and I nod but before he can ask me again I cut him off.
"Why?" I quickly ask."Did he do this to you?" I refer to his bruised eye but he just half smiles.I'm trying to focus on something since he's insanely close to me.
"Zayn would never lay hands on a friend.Let's just say,the vodka bottle was a bad gift." he leans in,now I breathe his breath.
"And why Zayn smashed it?" I watch as his lips rest on my cheek and at the feeling I close my eyes.
"He got mad..." he kisses me.
I gulp."At whom?"
"At Louis.." his lips move close to my ear,arm wraps around my waist pulling me against his body.
"Louis was here?" I quietly ask.He probably came with Liam.
"Yeah,he brought it." he kisses the shell of my ear bringing goosebumps all over my arms.I rest my hands on his shoulders and lean my chest on his.
"Louis punched you?"
"No,Zayn did." he huskily replies and begins placing kisses the spot behind my ear.
"You said Za- " he holds my face close to his mouth as I try to pull back and continues kissing the same spot.
"I lied."
"Harry,you're not helping..." my voice cracking.
"You're not helping either,Nicole." he kisses down to my neck.
"One more question.." I breathe out."...why did he punch you?"
"I don't know,hormones I guess.." I feel his teeth sink in my skin.Such a bad time to joke Harry."I got mad and smashed the vodka bottl- "
"Har- " this time I pull back.
"Yeah,I lied again.Anyway,I'm not mad at him."
"Why Louis c-?"
"You really need to learn when to shut up Nicole." his voice seductive and full of husk,his hands find their way on my hips and I internally curse to myself for the lack of my words and the shiver he gave me.
I drag my gaze from his eyes and glue them on his lips.
I need them on me again.
He rests his forehead on mine and I think lost my ability to move and soon to breathe.
"Don't.." I gulp loudly and as hard as I tried to sound strong my voice came out weak.
"Don't,what?" he huskily asks and I inhale deeply.The feeling i used to have one my chest takes over my body and rests at the pit of my stomach.
"Don't...talk to me like that." I manage to say but my voice betrays me once again and my eyes half shut.
"Okay." he softly replies,lightly furrowing his frows but not in confusion.He leans in until his nose tip touches mine and his chest touches my front.
If he doesn't do anything in the upcoming 2 seconds I think I'll pass out.
"I want to kiss you."
I've know idea who said it.
My eyes shut completely and the next thing I feel is a pair of soft lips on mine.He captures my bottom lip between his and my lips immediately part.
I breathe his hot breath which makes me weaker every time it hits my skin.Unable to control my body,I threw my arms around his neck and my fingers run hard and slowly through his hair,tugging,as i return the kiss right away.He tugs harder my hips as we both inhale each others breaths deely in the kiss.It's like we are getting the relief we were craving for.
We both start moving our lips together and the kiss begins softly between deep breathing.Harry pulls my body against his and I moan at the touch of his exposed skin since he didn't button up fully his shirt.My hands slid from the back of his neck down to his strong chest resting on his firm abs.
He deepens the kiss and at the feeling of his tongue on his bottom lip I open my mouth allowing him to slid it.Our tongues move together and he titls his head .When I feel the bulge in his pants against my stomach and proudly smile.
I push him back,without breaking the kiss,until his legs hit the bed and he sits down on it.Pulling me onto him,I straddle his legs tugging his shirt and start unbuttoning it.He pulls away from the kiss to look at my hands but I capture his lips with mine once again.I start kissing him passionately,his tongue finds its way back into my mouth massaging mine.I push the shirt off him and he fastly pulls it down his arms throwing it back.I grab his hands and immediately guide them on my back.He complies and genlty runs them under my shirt pulling my body down hard on his creating friction between us.Enjoying the feeling of his bulge between my legs I start grinding on him earning his groan in the kiss.
I don't know if I should be glad about the skirts we're forced to wear.Harry on the other hand seems thankful of that since he grips my ass hard,over the skirt,guiding my movements.My hands fall over his pants,his breathing gets heavier as I palm him over the soft fabric of the pants and i kiss him harder in order to let him relax.He kisses me back hungrily in return and i palm him faster.
"Fuck.." he hisses and pulls back landing his eyes on my hands.I don't stop but I think I teased him enough.Second thoughts cross my mind but I really need the distraction he's giving me,I also feel guilty for not texting.These combined lead me to go further and unzip his pants.Harry collides his lips with mine softly but I kiss back roughly.My hand slids in his pants and I cup his cock.I stop the kiss at the touch of his semi hard member.
I was expecting him to be big but not that much.All the cockiness and confidence kinda make sense now.I can already picture him smirking.
I immediately start kissing him again.I palm his dick faster and as I tug the waistband of his boxer briefs he pushes my hands back slowly.What the fuck?
He breaks the kiss and pushes me slowly off his lap but I refuse to move.
“What happened?" I ask annoyed.
“Get off me." he replies quietly.I search for his eyes but he turns his head to the side.
“No.Not before you tell me why." I snap angrily.
He sighs heavily.“You're doing this for all the wrong reasons."
“You're kidding,right?" I lightly laugh.
I'm taken back by his words.What's his problem? Why does he care? Well he obviously doesn't.He just prefers his whores.
"Look,I know you're probably mad now but if we continued you were going to regret it."
Furiously I pull away and get off him letting out a sarcastic chuckle.
“You're really impossible Harry." I shake my head frustrated.He doesn't answer,he grabs and puts on his shirt,buttoning up quickly.After he collects his books and walks to the door.
“Are you coming?" he asks serious.
“Why? You can't wait to go to your little whore?" I fire and rush to the door determined not to stay another second around him.
“What?" he grabs my wrist before I can open the door.
“Let go of my hand." I demand wiggling,unsuccessfullyl,my wrist to free my hand.
“Explain first." he says loudly.
“No." I snap.
“Now Nikki." he orders gripping harder but not hurting me.
If I explain he would think I'm some jealous bitch.So I turn my head to the side copying his previous movements.
He furrows his eyebrows.“You think I stopped you because of that girl?" he asks and embarrassment fills me up.“I asked you something." his tone is warning.His features harden,it kinda scares me though I feel like he wouldn't ever hurt me physically.“Fine.I don't give a damn.Go to your preppy boyfriend." he abruptly lets go of my wrist when he realizes I won't reply.
Preppy? Boyfriend?
Before I can't show my confusion he opens the door and waits for me to leave.
"Okay fine..." I sigh."I think she's the reason." I admit,ashamed.
"Well,she's not." he snaps."You are the reason.You're definetely going to regret it and then you're going to hate yourself for that."
I stare at him with widen eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"I thought you were better than this...You have to learn how to control your emotions and not suppress them."
"Says the guy who smashed the a vodka bottle cause he was mad." I remark.
"Sarcasm isn't going to make my words less true."
I sigh.
"C'mon,let's go." he opens the door.I exit the room and after he grab his tie he follows me."What class do you have?"
"Economics." I reply.
"Since when? I mean you said something about Med School,in the class,the other day." he hands me his books,to adjust his tie.
"Yeah..I changed my mind.I want to study Business Management." he walk down the hallway.
"What did your parents did,for a living?" he fixes his tie and takes his books back
"They were doctors." I reply with a smile.I like talking about them.And I like that he cares to ask.
"So what are you doing after you get your degree?"
"Grandma owns big company at the Wall Street.."
He looks at me in disbelief.
"Really? Who's your grandma?"
The coversation starts to annoy me.
"Lillian Convicton." he stops walking,his eyebrows furrowed as always."The company is Convicton Global." I explain.
"I know.I just think I've recently heard this name before." he rubs his collarbone.
"Yeah it's a pretty known company.Have you lived in New York?"
"Um yeah." we start walking again."My father is a lawyer and we use to live there."
"Well that's probably why you've heard the name before.."
"Yeah,probaly." he still looks confused."But it's a kinda a rushed decision,Nicole."
"I-I know but that's I'm supposed to do."
"Is that what you want to spend your life doing?"
"No."
"Is Medicine?"
"N-No."
"Then what-?" he cuts himself."You just have so many things to figure out,don't make rushed decisions."
The rest of the walk to class is silent,we're both in our thoughts.
I reach the classroom and notice I'm already late.The teacher,who seems like he's a hundred years old, looks pissed but motions me to take a sit.
I walk and sit to my usual spot though we're in a different room.Zayn's at a desk next to me
He coughs and when I turn to him he gives me a pointed look.
“What?" I mutter with my eyes on Mr.Cooper.
“Did you talk to him?" I hear him whisper.I know exactly what he's talking about but I'm not going to get into details so I whisper back a simple yes.Zayn tries to continue the conversation but I make pretty clear to him,by taking notes and putting all my attention on the class,that i'm not willing to talk.
The class is over faster than I expected.By the time bell rings I disappear in the hallway in order to avoid an annoying Zayn.I reach my second period class successfully avoiding him.That's pretty much how the rest of the day goes.Gladly we don't share other classes.At lunch none of the boys attend the dining hall.So Emma takes the chance to inform me about how I'm gonna get Harry and Liam to talk.
I see Emma's mouth moving she's probably talking to me and I'm pretty sure I hear her words but my mind it's just not here.
A/N: Such a late update.Unfortunately that's how it's going to be from on due to school.But I'm happy to say I'm a few chapters ahead.
I'm going to need your help mates.Vote,and review whatever you think it's going to help me.I'll reply to absolutely everything.
Take care.