Written by: Tungsten716
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"So... those tears weren't tears of happiness."
Jimin POV
January 6, 2019
I was seated on the chair beside Chaeyoung, my girlfriend. My hand was holding hers. The doctor was in front of us, his hand holding the papers which contains the results of this therapy I had been going on.
"Jimin, it didn't work. Sadly to say, your condition hadn't got any better. You have to undergo heart transplant." The doctor said as he was seated on his chair.
"What do you mean?" Chaeyoung asked as tears streamed down her face.
"Jimin needs to get a heart transplant. We already tried all that we can - therapies and everything. You need to undergo this because it's getting worse, Jimin." Dr. Hong said with authority.
"But Dr. Hong... you said it's almost impossible to find a donor." I said to the doctor as I got concerned as i recalled what he said before.
"Yes. It is, but we have to try." He said.
Chaeyoung and I got up from the chair. We faced our back towards Dr. Hong and started walking ou the door. My eyes got blurry as it formed tears. A tear rolled down my cheek.
Chaeyoung started to notice that I was crying. She made me face her and she started to wipe the tears on my cheeks.
"It's going to be okay. I'll always be there for you." Chaeng said to comfort me.
...
January 26, 2019
I was in a hospital room for the past few days. I was confined in there. My condition is being monitored by Mr. Hong as the hospital was trying to find me a heart donor.
It had been taking too much time to find a donor, but I can't lose hope. To be honest, I actually am losing hope already. I don't even know if they'll be able to find me a donor. I don't know if I'd even be able to live at all.
It feels like the odds aren't in my favor.
I grabbed a pink notebook I brought to the hospital. It was in Chaeyoung's favorite color, baby pink. I grabbed a pen from my bedside table. I opened the first blank page of the notebook and started scribbling down things I wanted to let out.
As I wrote, a tear rolled down my cheeks and dropped on the notebook's first ever page.
Rosé POV
January 26, 2019
I went to Dr. Hong's office. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to discuss things out.
"Dr. Hong... Is there any way?" I asked him.
"Well... We don't have donors. Available organs these days are very rare." Dr. Hong said.
I was losing hope. I was in despair. Feeling hopeless.
"Is there any way? Please... I'll do anything." I pleaded.
"No. Unfortunately the only way to donate an organ is if you arrive at the hospital brain dead. This is why available organs are so rare, and are usually from donors who have been in traumatic accidents. "
I ran out of the hospital and went to my car. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I drove recklessly.
I did not care if I die or whatsoever, I actually hoped I'd die.
Then...
I blacked-out.
Jimin POV
January 30, 2019
*knock* *knock* *knock*
I was lying on my bed, writing on the notebook I want to give to her in case I don't make it when I heard a person knocking on my door.
*knock* *knock* *knock*
I heard them knock once again on the door. I hid the notebook and placed it under my pillow and said "Come in!" and let them into my room.
The door opened. My mom, dad, Chaeyoung's parents and Dr. Hong entered the room. They all stood there, beside my hospital bed.
I was expecting Chaeyoung to visit me through the times I was in despair. I was kind of disappointed, but she also has a life.
"Where is Chaeng?" I decided to ask them.
"Oh... Chae---aeyoung has wo---ork." Her mom said, stuttering as she started to let her tears out.
Everyone else started bawling their eyes out. Tears rolled down their cheeks.
"Mrs. Park... Why are you crying? Don't cry." I said to Mrs. Park as I flashed a sweet smile to cheer her up.
"Oh. It's just tears of happiness." Chaeyoung's dad said as he was crying. He gave me a sincere smile.
They all kept on crying tears of happiness. I was kind of confused of why they are crying tears of joy.
"What are you being so happy about today?" I asked.
My mom walked towards my hospital bed, the bed I was laying on. She held my hands and started to cry a lot more.
"You---ou ha---ave a donor!" My mom said as she was crying heavily.
"Yes, you have one and the operation will be as soon as possible.
"Really? Does Chaeng know about this?" I asked but nobody answered immediately. An awkward silence surrounded the atmosphere.
"Does Chaeyoung know about this?" I repeated the question.
"Of course." My dad said and a smile was formed on his lips.
They kept on crying those tears they claim to be tears of happiness. They said it was tears of happiness but the aura of our parents had this thing called...
Gloom and woe. The atmosphere was filled with it.
...
February 1, 2019
This is the day. It is the day I might still be able to live my life with Chaeyoung and generally my life, and it's the day I'm getting my heart transplant.
I felt hopeful that I will be able to live. Of course, there is still a part of me who feels that the odds will not be on it's side but I'm more on the hopeful side. Anyways, I have to believe on the positive because it's partly in the mind.
I was laying down on the bed, waiting for the time I go to the operation room. My mom was beside me, holding my hand.
Then, I remembered the baby pink notebook I wrote on. I lifted the pillow and grabbed the notebook that was hid under it.
"Mom..." I said and faced my crying mom. Tears cascaded down her cheeks from her red eyes.
"Why are you crying?" I asked as I reached for my mom's cheek. I started to wipe the tears on her cheeks.
"It's nothing. I'm just happy." She said as she removed my hand and started to wipe her tears by herself.
She flashed me a smile and I smiled back at my mom.
"Oh... before I forget. Mom, can you give this to Chaeyoung if I don't make it?" I said.
"Yah! Don't speak like that!" My mom shouted at me.
"Okay... okay. But... can you give this to Chaeyoung?" I replied.
"Uhm Chaeyoung..." My mom stuttered.
"Of course!" She said cheerfully.
...
April 15, 2019
My eyes opened. I was lying in the same hospital bed. I was still in my hospital room. My parents came running towards me. I can see tears that dried on their cheeks.
"You've finally woken up!" They exclaimed.
I didn't pay any attention to them. My eyes wandered around the room, looking for her.
"Where is Chaeyoung?" Those were the first words that came out of my mouth.
The big smiles on their lips turned upside-down into a frown.
"You see..."
"She was found brain dead, and she was your donor." My mom said as more tears came out of her eyes.
"What?" I asked as a tear rolled down my cheek.
She started to tell everything, from Chaeyoung driving recklessly to the day her parents decided to let her be a donor.
"So... those tears weren't tears of happiness. Those tears from your eyes were full of sadness and grief. Why did she even do that?" I said as I cried a lot more.
"I'm sure they really were happy, but we did feel grief. I mean, who wouldn't. Still, we felt happy because you would be able to live." My mom said.
I was now bawling my eyes out. My eyes got sore and red. My heart ache as I thought about my life, thoughts I should've not wondered about.
Will I be able to live knowing that my life is there because of Chaeyoung's death?
I don't know.
Will I be able to?
Third Person POV
November 2, 2019
Mr. and Mrs. Park was in the cemetery. They planned to visit his and her tombstone. They first arrived at Chaeyoung's tomb. Mrs. Park was holding the baby pink notebook and flowers. They placed it on her tombstone and cried.
"Jimin wanted to give this to you, Chaeyoung. He wasn't able to live knowing that he was living because you died. I hope both of you are happy up there." Mrs. Park said.
Mrs. Park wiped the tears that had dried on her cheeks.