Chapter Thirty Eight:
The Talk:
“You’re already heading back over?” Mom asked as I headed towards the door. We had finished eating maybe ten minutes ago.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, a bit unsure.
“You’re not going to stay for a bit? I could put a movie in or we can play monopoly or something, you don’t have to go back over to the Connors’ right away,” Mom pleaded.
“Well I have-”
“Do you have homework?” Dad asked.
“No.” Garrett and I had finished our homework together earlier. I was surprised that he wasn’t procrastinating, but he said that he only wanted to get it done because it would mean that nothing could stop me from talking to him tonight, or again in the morning.
It had taken longer than usual to do my homework because Garrett kept distracting me, but we had both gotten it done eventually.
“Then there’s no reason you can’t stay!” Dad said triumphantly and with finality
“But-”
“No buts, Bridget,” Mom chastised.
“You’re our daughter and we haven’t seen you much the last couple of days! You shouldn’t be trying to get out of this!” Dad added.
“I promised Garrett that-”
“You’ll see him later when you get back,” Dad decided. “No reason you can’t spend some time with us now.”
“Um,” I glanced back at the door. Garrett had said after I get back, not after dinner, he wasn’t specific... And if I didn’t go back right now he would have no reason to get mad at me...
“Alright, I’ll just talk to him later,” I said.
“So you’re staying longer?” Alice asked, her eyes glimmering with excitement.
“I guess I am.”
I couldn’t help but hum the Circle of Life. I was quiet about as it was after ten, and I didn’t know if Maddy was a light sleeper or not. At home I had played a game of Monopoly with my family, and then we watched the Lion King.
Even after Alice fell asleep part way through it we continued to watch it. I don’t care if it was a Disney movie, so technically for kids, but it’s Hamlet! People of all ages can watch it. And besides, who doesn’t like the Lion King?
I gentle pushed open the door of the Connors’ house. I slipped the key back into my pocket and crutched in, still humming the Circle of Life. I closed the door softly behind me and slipped off my shoes. I started crutching to the stairs when a voice called out to me.
“Hey, you’re back later than I expected,” Ashley said as I passed the opening to the living room.
“Yeah my parents wanted to spend some more time with me,” I said with a shrug, pausing in the doorway. “Hi Will,” I added, noticing he was on the couch next to Ashley.
“Hi sweetheart,” he said with a smile.
“Anything exciting happen here while I was gone?” I asked.
Ashley shrugged. “Nothing exciting, really.”
“Don’t go near Garrett,” Will warned me.
“Um, why not?” I asked. They probably didn’t know that I was supposed to be upstairs talking to Garrett. I had put him off for a couple of hours (even if it wasn’t by my choice) and I wasn’t going to put him off much longer.
“After dinner he got really jumpy. He was like that for a while, then he got really grumpy. I think he’s just over tired with the basketball season starting on Friday, you know the stress?” Ashley suggested.
“Basketball starts Friday?” I asked. I hadn’t known this, Garrett never mentioned it.
“Yeah it does,” Ashley said.
“Huh.”
“So if you run into him upstairs, just be warned that he’s a bit grouchy,” Ashley said.
“Okay,” I said.
I continued crutching up the stairs and into my temporary room. I shrugged off my sweater and placed it on the bed before crossing the hall to Garrett’s room.
I knocked on the door but there was no response. When I knocked again and I was still answered with silence, I pushed open the door.
“Gare?” I asked. I noticed he was sitting on his bed, his headphones and his laptop balanced on his lap.
I crutched into the room and tapped Garrett on the shoulder. He jumped slightly before his eyes settled on me and he scowled. He slipped the headphones off and placed them on the laptop.
“Finally remember about me, eh?” Garrett sneered. He put his laptop on the nightstand so that I had his full attention.
“You wanted to talk?” I asked, not fazed by his rudeness. His parents had said he was grouchy. I moved his legs over and sat on the edge of his bed, placing my crutches on the floor so they were out of my way.
“Yeah but I meant earlier,” Garrett said with the same rudeness as before.
“You said when I got back, and I’m back now,” I said with a shrug.
“I thought you would be back a long time ago!”
“Does it matter, Gare? I’m here now,” I said. “I could leave if you wanted me to?”
“No!” Garrett said quickly and loudly. “No,” he said in a more quiet tone. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. “Sorry, I just, I- I thought that you were avoiding me for some reason. I thought that you didn’t really want to talk to me. Especially after last night...”
“Gare, my parents just wanted to spend some time with me. I swear. I’m not avoiding you or anything. I really do want to know what you want to talk about, and why would last night matter?” I said, discarding all his doubts in one speech.
Garrett moved so that he was sitting next to me with his feet touching the floor like me. He rested his elbows on his knees, and then his head in his hands.
“Ugh, I’m sorry Pigtails. I just, I really want to talk to you and I just kind of freaked out,” he said into his hands.
“It’s fine.” I said. I then rammed my shoulder playfully against his. “So what’d ya want to talk about?”
“Oh well um...” Garrett stood up suddenly and tripped over my crutches. I giggled at the panicked look on his face when he stumbled slightly. But he caught himself and kept walking towards the door.
After closing it Garrett joined me on the bed again.
“I want to...” Garrett looked down at his comforter so he wouldn’t have to look at me. “Apologize for everything last week.”
“What?” I asked. Last time I checked, I had been the one to break us up, not him. It was because of what I did that he broke up with me.
“You kept trying to apologize and I kept... I kept pushing you away, I’m sorry about that,” Garrett said, meeting my eyes. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please just hear me out?”
“Gare,” I said. I reached out and stroked his cheek just once with the pad of my thumb. I was going to pull my hand away when he closed his eyes and leaned into my hand.
My words and my thoughts were forgotten as I stared at his face. He looked sad, lost, and wounded. Right now, at this moment, he reminded me of a little boy. He didn’t look like the big basketball star. He looked like anyone else who just needed someone to be there for them; a friend.
When Garrett opened his eyes, the intensity of his stare shocked me. There was no strength or teasing in this stare like there usually was, but instead it was like he was trying to tell me a story with his eyes. I don’t know what the story was, but I could tell it was a sad one.
I pulled my hand away from Garrett, scared by the intimacy that had evolved from an innocent touch. I didn’t move away from him, but I didn’t look at him either. I could feel his stare at the side of my head, but I looked down at my hands clasped in my lap instead.
After collecting my thoughts I finally met Garrett’s eyes and said what I had been trying to before.
“Gare, I already forgave you. Those things you said, the way you acted, it didn’t really make me mad or hate you. I was just confused about it all. You don’t need to apologize since you only acted like that because of me, but I would love it if you did tell me why your moods kept changing so suddenly.”
Garrett was scowling by the end of my speech. That confused me because I thought what I said would make him feel better.
Garrett closed his eyes and took a couple of breaths. “See, Pigtails,” Garrett said when he opened his eyes again. “That’s where we disagree, that’s why I kept having mood swings.”
“What?” I asked, completely confused now.
Garrett looked around wildly as he thought of how to explain himself.
“What you did, that was an accident. I knew you didn’t mean to kiss Dustin, but I still broke up with you anyways.”
“So what if it was an accident? It still happened and we still broke up because of it,” I said with a shrug. No point in changing the past.
“I wasn’t done explaining yet,” Garrett told me.
“That long pause you took could have fooled me,” I said with a wink.
Garrett groaned. “Pigtails! I am trying to be serious!”
“For once,” I added.
“Bridget get shut up and let me explain. If I don’t do it now, I never will,” Garrett said, looking me dead in the eye.
Whoa full name. The use of it was enough to shut me up.
“Like I was trying to say,” Garrett said slowly, making me roll my eyes. “I know I shouldn’t have broken up with you, I knew that then! But I still did.” Garrett hung his head in shame. “You know I’ve regretted it every day since, right?”
“You have?” I whispered. That’s not what it seemed like most of last week.
“Of course!”
“It didn’t seem like it,” I said, not realizing I had said it out loud until the words had already escaped my lips. “Oh!” I said slapping a hand to my mouth. “Gare, I didn’t mean-”
“I know it didn’t seem like it,” Gare agreed, cutting me off. “But I’m trying to explain it now, okay?” I just nodded.
“After I saw you kiss Dustin, I wasn’t thinking properly. I thought that maybe you were really only going out with me to humour me, to make me feel better, that you didn’t really like me. I thought I would be doing you a favour if I just broke us off so you could go after Dustin like you wanted.” Garrett sighed. “It isn’t true, is it? You wouldn’t do that right?”
“Which part?” I asked. My throat felt like it was closing up on me.
“Either one,” Garrett said.
“Gare, I- I… I thought that at first the only reason I went out with you was because you had asked.” I saw Garrett’s hopeful face crumble. He opened his mouth, probably to lie to me about how he was fine with that, but I pressed on before he could get a word out. “But that wasn’t true Gare! I didn’t like the way you were at school, and I had been lying to myself about how much I liked the person you were with me. I was lying to myself because of Quinn.
“I didn’t just go out with you because I’m nice,” I assured Gare. “And I would never go out with Dustin either. So stop doubting yourself!” I chastised him.
A shy smile spread across Garrett’s face. “That’s good to hear,” he said. “But anyways, I was going to apologize for over reacting the next day, but every time I saw you, you just looked sad and it made me feel even worse. I wanted to go talk to you, but I didn’t know how to calmly say that I’m a stupid jerk that doesn’t know a good thing when it hits them on the head. I-”
“A ‘stupid jerk that doesn’t know a good thing when it hits them on the head’, did you just come up with that?” I asked giggled at the absurdity of it.
Garrett smiled sheepishly. “Well, um, actually I’ve been thinking that a lot.”
I smiled. “Okay, continue.”
“The next day, I still hadn’t figure out how to talk to you, but then you came up to me. I thought you would somehow know what I was thinking and just say you forgave me, but then you wanted to talk about our sisters. I lost it and…I don’t know why I pushed you. I would never do that! I really hope you know that. I can’t even understand how I was able to do that! I-”
“Gare, it was just a little push, don’t freak out too much about it. I know it was just something that happens in the heat of the moment.”
“But what if we argue again and it’s something worse? That’s what bothers me! I would never want to hurt you, but I have and I could do it again. The thought of that sickens me!”
I took Garrett’s hands in mine. “Gare you won’t ever hurt me physically. It was a one time, accidentally thing. You didn’t even hurt me, it was just a tap and it was my clumsiness that hurt me.”
“That’s another reason I kept getting mad! You always say that it’s your fault there’s a cast on your leg, it’s mine! You can’t say that it’s your fault because, yeah you’re right, you didn’t think to untangle your foot from the grate before you ran, but your foot wouldn’t have been caught in the first place if I hadn’t pushed you. You were trying to make me listen to you, so you weren’t in the right mindset to think about removing your foot from the grate until you moved.
“You can come up with all kinds of reasons as to why it’s your fault your leg is broken, but in reality, it will always be my fault.” Garrett’s voice had been rising as he spoke and I was scared that it would wake Maddy.
“I thought that if I said it was my fault, that maybe you wouldn’t always be so mad at me,” I admitted quietly. My voice seemed so much quieter than the volume Garrett had been speaking at.
“I wasn’t mad at you, I was-”
“What is going on in here?” Ashley hissed, throwing open the door.
“Mom, we’re just-” Garrett started.
“Do you not realize your sister is asleep just past that wall?” Ashley said pointing to the wall next to Garrett’s bed. “That’s what the two of you should be doing too; not having a screaming match at quarter to eleven at night!”
“I’m sorry Ashley,” I said bowing my head in shame. Ashley rarely ever got mad unless she had good reason. She wasn’t quite mad now, more like annoyed and frustrated with the two of us.
“No, Pigtails,” Garrett said. “Mom, I’m sorry, we’ll stay quiet I promise.”
“No the two of you will be going to bed! No more of these late night chats! I allowed it last night, but it is defiantly not happening again tonight!”
“Sorry, I’ll go,” I said. I reached down to retrieve my crutches but Garrett had his feet on top of them. “Gare, I need those,” I said.
“Mom just give us fifteen more minutes. At eleven Pigtails will be in her room and everything will be fine. Just please give us a little longer,” Garrett pleaded to his mother.
“Fine, but I am standing right outside the door watching the time. And if your voices get even the slightest bit loud, I am cutting it short, deal?” Ashley asked.
I nodded my head. Too shocked that Garrett was actually getting his way to say anything.
“Yes, thank you!” Garrett said. “Now please leave so we can continue talking.”
“What, you can’t say it with me standing here? If you can’t you shouldn’t be saying it at all,” Ashley huffed as she backed out of the room.
“Mom!” was all Garrett said in response to that.
Once the door was shut, Garrett took a deep breath before launching back into his speech.
“I was never mad at you, Pigtails,” he said. “I was always mad at myself. Mad that I had broken up with you over something so stupid; mad that I didn’t know how to just come out and apologize; and mad that you were blaming yourself for all my faults. I guess I was always scared that if I just blurted out an apology you wouldn’t believe me or that you wouldn’t accept it. I wouldn’t have been able to handle that.”
“So all-”
“Just let me finish,” Garrett said. “The day after you broke your leg, your dad still trusted me enough to help you around. I wanted to do it, I wanted to be the one to keep you safe and watch over you. But then I saw how everything was so much harder for you and how annoyed you were… It didn’t make me want to help you any less, it just made me mad at myself for doing that to you.
“Then you came to talk to me Saturday and you put all the blame for everything on yourself. I just lost it then. I wanted you to see that everything was my fault, I wanted you to get mad at me! But you just kept apologizing, and apologizing…you have nothing to be sorry for!
“The morning of the earthquake, I had finally decided what I was going to say to you. I was going to corner you and basically do the same thing you had done to me Saturday, except everything I said would be the truth. But then there was the earthquake… All through it you were the only thing I could think of. I didn’t know if you were okay or even how scared you were. If I had gotten my act together and made up with you by then, I would have been with you. But I hadn’t, so I wasn’t. I hated that.” Garrett dropped his head to his hands.
“I decided as soon as the shaking stopped that I wasn’t going to waste any more time before I apologized. I wanted- I want to be your boyfriend again, but I’ll settle for being your friend. I was going to apologize then and there for being such a jerk, but I realized maybe that was too much for one day. I decided to wait until yesterday. But then last night I kind of jumped to the end of my apology plan, so it ended up happening today.”
Garrett took a deep breath, I don’t think he had taken very many during his speech and looked at me anxiously.
“Pigtails, can you forgive me? Can we start again?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, not able to get more out since I was still digesting everything he had told me.
Garrett gave a silent cheer and swept me into a hug. He rocked me back and forth a couple of times in excitement and kept chanting, “Yes, yes, yes,” over and over in my ear.
“But Gare, can I just ask a couple of things first?” I asked, pulling out of his warm embrace.
“Yes, of course,” he said, a large smile across his face.
“You basically made me feel like you hated me for days, because you couldn’t tell me how you felt.”
Garrett flinched. “I didn’t mean to do that. And, I’m a guy! What would you except? We don’t really do the whole feelings thing well.”
“Okay, that’s understandable. But why didn’t you just tell me to stop blaming myself if it bothered you so much? Why didn’t you just tell me you needed time to sort out your thoughts? I would have understood,” I told him.
“Again, I’m a guy, I didn’t think of that,” Garrett said. “And I tried telling you not to blame yourself, but it didn’t really work, it always came out wrong.”
I nodded. I had no reason to doubt him. Everything he said made all of his actions the last week understandable. They explained everything fine, and Garrett had no reason to be lying to me. All the words he said were too filled with emotion and passion to be made up. I knew that every word that had just come from his mouth was 100% true.
“Any more questions?” Garrett asked with a shy smile.
I shook my head. “No I get everything now.”
“So what does this mean?” Garrett asked nervously.
I thought for a moment and then glanced at his alarm clock. We still had some time.
“How about,” I said, “we talk about that in the morning. Your mom is right, it’s getting late. If we make any decisions now we won’t know if it’s the sleep getting to us, or if they are real.”
Garrett nodded. “Okay, yeah. I guess I did just tell you a lot. I can wait until morning to talk more.”
I retrieved my crutches and stood up.
“Night, Gare,” I said. I leaned over and kissed his cheek before I could think about it too much.
“Good night, Pigtails,” Garrett said when I had straightened up.
I gave him a smile and then I started crutching to the door.
“Wait, Pigtails?” he called from the bed.
I glanced back at him, my hand on the doorknob. Garrett was still seated in the same position on the bed. The same place he had been in all through our talk.
“Last night…last night wasn’t the sleep talking. I had really meant that,” Garrett said.
My lips formed an ‘O’ with surprise and my brain went blank.
“O-okay,” I stuttered, not quite sure how to respond to that.
“I just thought you would like to know before we talked in the morning,” he said with a smirk. He defiantly noticed my surprise.
“Y-yeah. That’s good to know,” I agreed absentmindedly. I bobbed my head a couple of times and then looked back again at him.
“I’m uh, going,” I said.
“See you in the morning,” Garrett said with a bright smile. I nodded again and then escaped into the hallway.
“You’re out earlier than I expected,” Ashley said. “You still had another five minutes.”
“Well we talked about a lot, and I think any more would have been too much,” I answered, still a bit dazed from Garrett’s last admission.
“What did you two talk about?” Ashley asked immediately.
“Garrett apologized for last week,” I said.
“Oh! That’s good!”
I nodded. “And, um, I’m sorry that we were loud, and that we’ve been talking so late the last little bit.”
“It was Garrett who was loud, I’m upset with him, but tomorrow I am defiantly laying down rules about the whole late night chat thing.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’m going to bed. ‘Night Ashley,” I said.
“Night dear, I’ll see you in the morning,” she said. She made her way to her own room down the hall without another glance at me.
Ten minutes later I laid in bed, my brain refusing to turn off. I kept repeating one thing in my head over and over again.
Last night wasn’t a mistake, Garrett had meant it.
Last night wasn’t a mistake, Garrett had meant it.
****
Did everything Garrett said make sense? I just want to make sure.
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