Today I feel incredibly old.
The twins are officially 13 and I don't know how to process that information. We woke them up with a truly horrendous rendition of Happy Birthday and ate whooping amounts of both chocolate chip and sprinkled pancakes.
The rule is that the birthday kid, or kids, gets to choose everything for the day from the moment they wake up to the moment they fall asleep. I have to draw the line at skipping school though, no matter how tempting the idea is. Avery's been extra obnoxious as of late, her minions around every corner, always ready to catch me off guard.
So we go in late instead.
The five of us stop by our parents grave site, a place we used to visit every week but it feels like our last visit was a lifetime ago. The last time I brought the kids was the day before I met Ashton, that's why I overslept. It doesn't seem that long but the more I think about it, that was a different life. So much has changed in the past two months.
We let the twins talk alone for a while, the three of us waiting in the distance. They needed this.
Sage nudges my arm, "How you holding up?"
I blink back the tears I'm fighting, "I'm perfectly fine, why do you ask?"
I'm engulfed in a well needed hug, "Come on, Scar, if I feel like a wreck then you must be a mess." He insists.
A mess I am, indeed. As the boys sit down, making themselves comfortable I can't help but let my mind wander back to the question I've asked myself so many times.
"Are we doing a good enough job?" I ask bluntly. I've never addressed this fear with Sage before, afraid he'd just laugh.
He sighs, "I can't take credit for anything, Sis, you've done a pretty amazing job with us."
"I try." Dammit, I promised myself I wouldn't cry but the tears start falling. The cold air causing them to sting as they trail down my face.
"Don't try so hard." Saffron tells me, sipping on her hot coco, "You're already the best."
I ruffle her hair, "You think so, Squirt?"
She nods affirmatively, I'm happy I make someone happy.
We join them on the grass with a box of cupcakes to celebrate. Today isn't for mourning, despite the fact we're in a cemetery.
Their eyes are red but they're smiling. Wordlessly, Silver crawls onto my lap, leaning his head against my chest, something he hasn't done since he was a little kid. I don't question it, allowing myself to hold on to their kid years a little longer.
We chat, catching our parents up to date with our lives. Going into detail about winning districts and state and all the grades. We glaze over Thanksgiving, why ruin a good conversation with our family problems.
There's bickering and cupcake wrapper throwing but I love every moment of it.
After about two hours it's time to go, the December chill finally setting into our bones and I don't feel like being marked truant. If we get to school before 11:45 Karen won't get a phone call.
It's a win-win situation.
"Oh, Mom and Dad, one more thing." Sterling says with a bright smile right as we're about to walk to the car.
"Scarlett has a boyfriend." Silver spits out, finishing the statement before the duo darts to the car.
"I do not!" I protest although no one's listening to me. I turn my attention to my parents stones, "I don't, I promise, you two would be the first to know."
For some reason I feel like I'm five again, assuring them I didn't punch Avery for stealing my bow. I totally did but I didn't want to get in trouble. I probably look like a nut job to any passing stranger but, even now, I don't want to let my parents down.
Everything I do is to impress them: our grades, the sports we play, keeping the house in one piece and so much more. If it wasn't for the thought of pleasing them I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed again. Life went on though, so I had to too.
Eventually.
I returned to the car pissed off because I can't even punch the twins for their comment.
*****
Ashton and I walk to my locker before lunch, my fingers fiddling with the strings of his hoodie. I may have forgotten a jacket this morning.
"Where were you this morning?" He asks, taking my backpack from me so I can grab my stuff.
I shrug, "It's the twins birthday so we came in late."
His face lights up, "That's right! I have a gift for them."
He's so adorable when he's excited, I almost forget what I'm doing. Almost. I shove the books I need into my bag before closing my locker. I go for my bag but Ashton moves it away.
I try again to no avail, the smug smirk on his face only aggravating me.
"Ashton, come on, give me the bag." I demand, jumping up for it but he holds it just out of reach. Taunting me.
He chuckles, "No can do, Sweetheart."
I try to get a running start but I miss and almost slam into a row of lockers. His arm wraps around my stomach, silencing me in the process. He takes my silence for cooperation and begins to lift me up, throwing me over his shoulder. Thank God I didn't wear a skirt today.
"I'm not disabled." I pout between attempts to break from his hold. I prefer to do things on my own, even when it's Ashton carrying me in a position where I have a perfect view of his butt.
"No, but you're cute." He offers.
That was smooth. I huff out a breath of annoyance, thankful no one else is around to view our spectacle. Of course my cousin is standing at the edge of the hallway, alone for once, with a glare in place.
We stare at each other, she motions for me to join her. Ashton sets me down after he turns back to see her. I fix my hair as I walk down the hall, Avery doesn't move from her spot at the end. Figures.
"Yes, cousin?" I ask politely, scanning the connecting corridor to make sure it not an ambush attack. Trust me, it's happened before.
Avery looks pristine in white skinny jeans and a cropped red sweater. Her lips pursed in disdain, "Sorry to interrupt your show but here-" she thrusts an envelope into my hands, "it's for the twins, tell them happy birthday."
I'm shocked. Is Avery actually being nice to me? She whips her hair in my face as she turns around to saunter down the hall.
"Thanks!" I call after her.
"Whatever." She mutters, not bothering to turn around. And just like that we're back to square one.
*****
I recount my conversation with Avery to my family on our drive home from Stella's. We have dinner with her and Ella's family for every birthday celebration, one big family.
Silver takes the envelope while Sterling pulls out an identical one, "Conner gave us one too. He was really cool today."
We never receive word from Karen or Earl and Edna so the cards were a total surprise. Sage and I eye each other curiously, perhaps our cousins have some good in the after all.
Or maybe the apocalypse was upon us, either way, it's weird.
*****
Friday night my house is infested with preteens, someone please send help.
The twins party is today and I regret giving them options, Chuck E. Cheese would've been better. They invited 20 kids over, all crammed into the basement doing God knows what.
They're middle schoolers, how bad can they truly be?
Upstairs, Sage and I are joined by Ashton, James, Ella and Stella. All offering extra supervision, one can never have too many watchful eyes. Saffron; however, is with Ronnie far away from any chaos.
"Do you guys remember our first middle school hangout?" Stella asks lazily from her spot on the couch, munching on a handful of Doritos.
Ella and I share a look before bursting into laughter. "Wasn't it at John Goodman's house?" James asks, confused as to why it was so special or funny.
Back in middle school, John Goodman was the stud, being invited to his house was like winning the lottery. We were so excited for that party we talked about it for weeks. It's funny now to look back on what used to be so important.
"Yeah, that's where Stella had her first kiss with Andrew West." I recall, remembering the cute blonde kid that our entire grade was crushing on.
My friend lets out a content sigh, "Seven minutes in heaven will always be a legendary game." She makes puckering sounds while wiggling her eyebrows.
I remember how she babbled on for days about the kiss. She was the first to be kissed and she never lets us forget. James taps his head like he's thinking about something.
"Scarlett, that was the party where you punched me."
At first I scrunch my brows, did I really punch James? He was nice in middle school too, I had no reason to hate him. Suddenly, I jump from the couch, startling Ashton and Ella. "Oh my God, I did!"
We had been chosen to play seven minutes in heaven, He went in for a kiss and I panicked. Instead of using my words I punched him square in the nose. Thirteen year old Scarlett didn't mess around.
Everyone else seems confused so I relayed the story back to them, James rubbing his nose in remembrance.
"Were you always so violent?" Ashton muses.
I shrug, "A girl does what she's gotta do."
A girl from the basement stands in the hall, watching us. She's a cute red head that I recognized to be Emma, a girl who has a slight crush on Silver.
I put on my best smile, hoping she didn't hear anything. "Need something?."
She smiles back, "Nope, just the bathroom." Before skipping back towards the stairs.
Strange.
I got back on the couch and sprawl out, putting my feet in Ella's lap and my head in Ashton's.
Sage huffs, "I didn't get to go to that party." Nope the sixth grader wasn't invited, he pouted for the entire week. Mainly, he was afraid Ella would be kissed by someone else before he had the chance.
Ashton begins to play with my hair, completely distracting me from the conversation. Not that it's important, just Ella talking about her family's Christmas party. Apparently it was a bunch of her father's big clients and family and friends, all bringing their children, so it should be filled with loads of people.
How wonderful.
I close my eyes, the sudden urge to sleep taking over. I could stay like this forever, Ashton being here simply relaxing me. I open my eyes to find him staring down at me, a small smile replacing his usual smirk. "What?"
"I'm just happy you didn't punch me."
A laugh escapes at the thought of punching Ashton, he would never see it coming. Not that I would want to hurt his pretty face or my hand in the process.
Halfway through a Criminal Minds episode we put on to distract us shouts and crashing sounds filter from down stairs. Sage lets out a collection of swears as we rush to the basement.
We discover a full out brawl between a group, my kids among others. Great
The twins and Sam are fighting three others, all of whom I recognize from various sports teams. The girls and a few boys are piled in the corner, some crying.
"Break it up!" I holler, hoping they would listen.
They don't.
Ella and Stella start ushering all the kids not near the fight upstairs, creating space. A few picture frames are shattered on the floor, right next to the group of fighting middle schoolers. This isn't gonna end well.
None of us know how to intervene, although I should add that my boys were winning, we needed to stop it. A kid rears back to punch Silver, who's closest to me, I grab his fist and pin it behind his back. "I think playtime is over kid."
Sage, Ashton, and James have the other kids separated. I look at the twins and Sam, bloody and bruised, taking a deep breath to collect myself. "You two go say goodbye and thank you to your guests then the three of you go your bathroom. Do not get blood on my carpet, James go with them."
They nod and hurry upstairs as fast as they can without dripping blood.
I turn to Sage, pointing at the other three kids. "Get them cleaned up."
I march upstairs, leaving Ashton with the assumption he would follow. It's time to do damage control.
Kids are already calling their parents, all the criers are in a corner with Ella who's trying her best to calm them down. She's the most nurturing person I've got.
The girl from earlier, Emma, is curled up in a ball with tears streaming down her face. I shuffle my way over to her, bringing a box of tissues with me.
I extend the box and she refuses, "I didn't mean for a fight to happen." She whispers between sniffles.
I crouch down, "What?".
Her face crumples, "I heard you talking about that game and I convinced everyone else to play..."
Her voice dies out, I offer her the box of tissues again and this time she accepts them. "I just wanted him to kiss me." She admits before blowing her nose.
"Who, Silver?"
Emma lets out another sob, "Yes! But he didn't then Calvin called him names and they began to fight. It's all my fault."
I pull the girl into a hug, rubbing her hair. She was blaming herself for something she had no control over. "It's not your fault, ok. That fight was on them not you." I reassure her.
She seems to calm down, so I leave her with the tissues. Now I partially know what happened.
Thirty minutes later all the kids are gone, I asked a few more what happened and got the same story. None of the parents said anything about the fight so I didn't go into detail. The three boys were in the kitchen, bandaged and ready to talk.
Before I can say a word Sterling talks, "They started it."
I study the twins, they've changed so much. Sterling, the shy one, is who I thought would refuse to kiss someone but Silver didn't seem like the type to back down. Sterling has also gotten into his second fight in his twins defense, those roles used to be reverse.
They're hiding something and it's driving me insane.
"I know how it started." I inform them, all three gulp. "What name did that kid call you?"
They share a look before coming to the consensus that Silver will talk. "He called me a bitch because I refused to kiss Emma."
Progress.
"And why did that bother you?" God, I felt like my psychologist. Someone get me a clipboard and my glasses.
All three shrug even though I was only asking one.
I eye him, my patience running thin. "Silver Sea."
He hesitates, struggling for answer. "Because... I-"
"Because I like her." Sam declares, jumping forward. "Bro code."
"Yeah, bro code." Sterling says, throwing his arm around Silver's shoulder in solidarity.
I nod my head, knowing that's all I'm gonna get from them. "Monday morning you three will apologize to everyone for the fight." They try to protest but I hold a finger up, silencing them. "Nope. No matter how wrong those kids were, and they were extremely wrong, you must be the bigger people."
Everyone begins to clean up and I search for Ashton, finding him in the basement where I left him.
"You missed all the real fun." I tease him.
He chuckles, straightening a stack of what appears to be papers before hissing in pain. Upon closer inspection, I realize he's cleaned up the glass and picked up the pictures, getting glass in his hand in the process.
"Sit down, I'll get the first aid kit." I order him, rushing over to a closet. Parental instincts kicking in.
"Don't worry, Sweetheart, I'm fine." He insists but I'm already back. There's a first aid bag on each floor, this isn't my first rodeo, trust me.
The glass is sprinkled throughout so I grab tweezers and get to work, humming softly as I go.
"Where did you learn to break up a fight?" He ponders between grunts of pain.
I look into his eyes, an easy task since he's sitting down. He looks like a statue, too handsome to be bleeding in my basement. Or even talking to me.
"We used to be babysat by a pair of siblings, our old neighbors, Emmy and Manny." I offer after a long pause, I haven't really thought of them in a while. "Whenever Emmy got the chance, he would teach me how to fight, claiming there's no better skill than self defense."
His teachings have certainly helped me more than once.
"So you and James?"
I grimace, "We were 13, thrown together in a closet and told to make out. Not exactly a scandalous series of events."
"So, after you punched him, did you kiss?" He pries.
I roll my eyes, "A bloody nose kinda ruins the mood don't you think?" And we were middle schoolers, it wouldn't matter either way in the grand scheme of things. However, I do think the whole reason Avery went after James was because of that night.
Ashton lets out a whistle, "That bad?"
"I panicked." And I was perfectly fine leaving that story in the past. Away from judgment.
After I finish bandaging up his hand I pack the supplies back up. "Thank you for cleaning up the mess and helping out with the fight. Things usually aren't that bad." I reassure him, embarrassed about what he must think about my family.
Definitely crazy but that marks the first in house fight I've experienced.
"No problem, I'm always happy to help." He assures me, shifting to help me gather things.
We bump heads and in that moment I realize how close we are. My mouth dries. Ashton smirks, using his good hand to brush a strand of hair from my face. I suck in a breath, completely frozen as he leans in.
I need to move. But I can't. Or won't. Haven't really decided yet.
"Please, for the love of God, no kissing! That's brought enough problems today already!" Sage shouts from the stairs, startling the two of us. For once, Ashton looks like he could kill my brother and I don't blame him.
Or do I? At this point I don't even know.
I go back upstairs, ignoring the look everyone gives me. Nothing happened.
*****
HEY GUYS!
I'm officially out of school for the summer and now technically a senior, which is crazy to me! I needed a brain break so I took my first week of summer off but now I'm ready to get down to business.
PLEASE COMMENT, SHARE AND VOTE IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!
Xo-Mo