Yasir sat still, a pained expression on his face as he listened to his Akhi cry his heart out. He had broken down right from the moment they had stepped in to the room and Yasir had just let him be because he knew that his brother needed to let it all out.
He needed to cry it all out...for whatever reason he was crying for.
"Akhi?" he called out sadly the minute he felt that his brother had slightly calmed down.
"Yes little bro?"
"I am hurt."
"Where?" asked Hisham immediately, a concerned look all over his face.
"Here Akhi, it hurts right here," said Yasir as he pointed to his heart and Hisham quickly looked down at his hands, a guilty expression on his face.
"I am sorry Yasir."
"You better be Akhi. You better be because you have really really hurt me deeply. I thought we were brothers. Brothers who shared a strong bond. Brothers who shared everything with each other. Brothers who looked out for each other but then maybe, I thought wrong."
"No Yasir, its not like that. We are brothers. The best brothers..."
"Best brothers' do not hide stuff from each other Akhi."
"I...I...I am very sorry Yasir," he whispered, tears still continuously streaming down his face.
"If you really are sorry, then tell me what happened."
"You will hate me Yasir."
"I can never hate you Akhi. Even if the whole world hates you and is against you, just know that your little brother here, will always love you and will always and I mean always stand by you. Never forget that Akhi.
"Its all too complicated Yasir."
"Well then I am here to help you solve the complicated, even if it takes the whole night. Just tell me Akhi, what happened? What happened between you and Zulekha?"
"I...I...," began Hisham but then he gasped and Yasir quickly placed his hand on his brother's shoulder in a bid to comfort him.
"Let it out Akhi. Just let it all out," said Yasir his eyes too stained with tears.
He had never seen this side of his Akh ever before. As much as his brother had always been an emotional man, he had never cried like this. Never. It was almost as if he had lost someone very dear to him. Was that someone dear, Zulekha? Was he crying because of his wife? But he hadn't lost her, had he?
"Akhi, what happened between you and Zulekha?" he patiently asked once again.
"I am one horrible man Yasir. I am one disgusting hell of a man. I put our whole family name to shame. I...I..."
"You hit her."
"Yes I did," whispered Hisham guiltily.
"You shouldn't have."
"I know."
Yasir rubbed his hand over his tired face as a memory from their childhood came flooding back.
Flashback...
"Hisham! What is that in your hands?" asked Mama sternly.
"Can't you see Mama? Its a beautiful cat."
"Okay and what is it doing in my house and that too on the dining table?"
"Its hungry and so its going to eat."
"On the dining table?"
"Of course! Where else would it eat from Mama?"
"From the floor!"
Little Hisham immediately let out a gasp his face full of hurt.
"That is very mean Mama. Allah is going to be very mad at you."
"Hisham. Cat. On. The. Floor. Now."
"Then I am also eating on the floor," he said, his tiny hands crossed over his chest.
"If Akhi is eating on the floor then I am also eating on the floor, Mama," said Yasir who had been quietly listening to his mother and brother arguing.
"The only thing that will eat on the floor is that" said Yasmin pointing at the cat.
"Its not a 'thing' okay. Its a cat. In fact I am going to name it Boo Boo Bear and it is going to become my pet from now on."
"Akhi!"
"Yes Yasir?"
"You cannot name it Boo Boo Bear. Its a cat, not a Bear."
"I know bro but it will just have to be named like a bear because some peeeeeeople refused to buy me a bear to keep as a pet," said Hisham while shooting daggers at his mother.
"A bear cannot be kept as a pet Hisham," said Yasmin while rolling her eyes.
"But a cat can be a pet right? So Boo Boo Bear is here to stay. In fact the name even gets better... Boo Boo Bear Hosseini- The Hosseini family cat."
Yasmin palmed her face shaking her head due to disbelief. Hussein was for sure going to pass out once he found out that his family name had just been added to a cat's.
"Okay so whats for lunch? Boo Boo Bear is hungry."
"That stray cat is not staying here Hisham."
"Did she just call Boo Boo Bear, stray?" Hisham asked Yasir.
"She did."
"Astaghfirullah. Mama please start repenting right this minute."
"Wait i'l show you," said Yasmin as she grabbed a nearby rag and chased the stray cat out, much to Hisham's dismay.
"That was very very mean of you. How do you think Boo Boo Bear felt?" he asked with tears in his eyes.
And that had led to another series of arguments between mother and son.
Yasir sadly smiled when he remembered how Hisham had refused to eat and sleep just because Boo Boo Bear did not have food and a place to stay.
Then how could a person who had so much love and care in his heart for anything living, hit a woman? And that too his wife?
It just didn't make sense unless there was grave reason hidden behind his action.
"Akhi?"
"Yes?"
"Why did you hit her?" he asked, hoping that the reason would be so grave that it would somewhat justify his brother's action.
"We had an argument!"
"Over what?"
"Nothing important."
Yasir let out a sigh as he shook his head. His Akhi was still lying. But why?
"So you hit her over something that was not important?"
"Yes!"
"Really? Are you even sure that you hit her?"
"Yes!"
"Then why did Zulekha withdraw all the charges against you if you really did hit her?" asked Yasir and Hisham immediately snapped his head in his brother's direction.
"She did what?" he asked, a shocked expression all over his face.
"She withdrew all the charges against you!"
"She did?"asked Hisham his eyes slightly softening.
"Yes."
"Oh! I thought you guys were the ones who bailed me out."
"How could we have bailed you out with you planning to plead guilty, Akhi?" asked Yasir but Hisham was no longer listening.
He had a distant look on his face and once could easily see that he had a little hope in his eyes. Had Zulekha really withdrawn the charges? Did she really feel guilty for what she had done? Did they have a second chance as a couple? Was he willing to accept her again?
All these thoughts raced through his mind until he remembered her words...
"That pregnancy was a mistake..."
"That is why I got rid of that little brat..."
His eyes once again hardened, a stony expression on his face. She had killed his child. Zulekha Akram was a bloody murderer and he would never be able to forgive her.
Never.
"What happened between you two Akhi? You still haven't told me," Yasir asked once again.
"Nothing happened and now stop asking me about that woman."
"But why? She is your wife Akhi."
"She is not!" spat out Hisham.
His child's murderer could never be his wife.
"What do you mean by she is not your wife?"
"I divorced her!"
"What? What do you mean Akhi and how...how many times did you divorce her?" asked Yasir his voice slightly shaking.
What on earth was going on? What was this mess? Was Hisham even in his right senses? Did he even know what he was saying?
"I did it once and I can do it a million times over if given the chance."
"Akhi..."
"And can we stop talking about all this? I am tired Yasir. I am really very tired...I can't do this. I just can't. Please stop little bro. Please stop..." he said as he laid his head on Yasir's shoulder and once again broke down into tears.
"Akhi..."said Yasir but stopped when he felt his brother tears wet his shirt.
Hisham was crying like a child and there was only one thing he could deduce from all of this and that was the fact that his Akhi was hurt.
Very very hurt.
But why? Guess he would not know. At least not today. He just needed to let Hisham be. He needed to lend him his shoulder to cry on. He needed to just be there for him just the same way Hisham had always been there for him in his childhood.
They sat in silence for a while as Yasir thought of a way to cheer up his brother since there was no way they could go downstairs with Hisham crying like that. Mama's heart would not be able to handle it and he knew that his mother would for sure break down in front of everyone and he did not want that.
"Akhi?" he called out after a few more minutes of thinking.
"Hmm?"
"I have some good news for you!"
"What?"
"I am going to become a father soon."
"What? Is Yumnah..." asked Hisham, a very sad look on his face.
"Yes Akhi. Me and Yumnah are expecting our very first child," replied Yasir happily, not at all knowing that the news he thought would cheer up his brother, was actually breaking him more.
"And is Yumnah okay with you telling me about this?" asked Hisham sadly as he remembered how Zulekha always used to forbid him from telling anyone about her pregnancy and him being the idiot he was, always used to agree to whatever she said.
"Why would Yumnah have a problem? This is good news right? And good news is meant to be shared, especially with your loved ones."
Hisham slowly nodded his head, his sadness now replaced with guilt. If only he had told his family members about the pregnancy then maybe, his child would have still been alive today. His child had died because of his own cowardice.
It was all his fault...
"Mabrook bro, I am really very happy for you and do you know the gender yet?" he asked.
"Not yet Akhi. Its not even been a month yet."
"And you are already telling everyone?" asked Hisham, surprise etched all over his face since these were a few things he had not gotten to experience.
"Of course. Why wouldn't we tell anyone?"
"I...I...," began Hisham but stopped and wiped away the few tears that were streaming down his face.
He just could not believe his luck. What sort of a test was this? If his daughter had been alive, then she would just have been but a few months apart from Yasir and Yumnah's child.
They would have been cousins.
And maybe, just maybe, they would have shared a bond like his and Yasir's. But then again that was now just but wishful thinking and it was all his fault. It was his mistake.
"Yasir?"
"Yes Akhi?"
"I want you to promise me something."
"What is it Akhi?" asked Yasir confusedly.
"Promise me that you will never find out the baby's gender.
"But...but...why?"
"Just promise me Yasir."
Yasir remained silent for a while not understanding where his Akhi was coming from. Why would he not want him to find out the baby's gender and why would he go to the point of making him promise?"
"Yasir?"
"I promise!"
Hisham immediately shut his eyes as he let out a sigh of relief. Finding out the baby's gender had been one of his biggest mistakes since he had already grown accustomed to the idea that he was soon going to be the father to a girl-a princess and when he had found out that he had lost her, it had hurt like hell and he for sure did not want Yasir to experience the same.
Not that Yumnah was going to abort Yasir's child but he couldn't help but fear for his brother.
"Akhi?"
"Yes Yasir?" asked Hisham sadly.
"Can you think of how much fun we are going to have once the baby is born?"
"I....I...."
"And you know, I haven't told Yumnah this but I really wish that Allah grants me a baby girl. A girl Hosseini. How cool with that be, Akhi?"
"Very cool," choked Hisham.
"And the baby will be so lucky. He or she is going to have two very amazing uncles. I was already thinking of play dates. You know, you, me, Khaleelo and the baby..."
Hisham shut his eyes as pain surged through his heart. He was the one who had planned all this. He was the one who would have experienced all of this first, if only his baby girl had been alive.
"And you know what else Akhi?" asked Yasir not knowing that his each word, was slicing through his Akhi's heart like a sharp knife.
"Yasir, listen..."
"What is it Akhi?" asked Yasir with a large grin on his face, thinking that Hisham probably had something to say about the baby.
"I need to leave."
"What do you mean by you want to leave?"
"I...I...need break. A break from everyone and everything. A lot of things have recently happened in my life Yasir. Things which I do not want to talk about right now but hopefully one day I will tell you everything..."
"You are not going anywhere."
"Yasir please listen..."
"No!"
"For goodness sake Yasir. Just listen to me ,okay. I NEED TO LEAVE. I need to reflect upon myself as a person. Please Yasir, please...," he pleaded with his hands joined.
"I cannot do that Akhi. I cannot let you go."
"Yasir, I have never and I mean never really asked you for anything apart from those damn shares. Please Yasir, grant me one more favour. I beg of you. I can no longer stay here...
"I feel suffocated."
"Do you feel suffocated with us as well?" asked Yasir, a blank expression on his face.
"Yes I do," whispered Hisham and unfortunately for him, it was the damn truth.
There was no way he could stay back with them. Especially not now that he knew that Yumnah was expecting. Her pregnancy would tend to haunt him. The baby too would haunt him. He had a past and the last thing he wanted was for his past to haunt his loved ones.
"Then go."
"What?"
"I said you can go. If it has reached a point in your life where you feel that your family members make you feel suffocated, then go."
"Yasir I..."
"But just know that I am not happy with your decision. It hurt like hell to hear what you just said."
"I am sorry Yasir and one more thing."
"What?"
"Please don't look for me."
He then stood up, tears still streaming down his face as he waited for Yasir to answer but unfortunately for him, Yasir refused to speak. He just sat there with an expressionless face, waiting for his Akhi to leave.
"Yasir....Bye," he said afterwhich he slowly made his way out of the room only to come face to face outside with...Yumnah.
He quickly wiped away his tears and faintly smiled at her.
"Still eavesdropping on me and my brother just like in our childhood, Stupid..."he began but stopped when his wife's words once again came ringing back.
..."I am sure your stupid Yusra will be delighted to see you"...
"I mean Yumnah," he quickly corrected himself.
"But don't worry, this time I will not drag you back downstairs. My brother is all yours Yumnah. He is now all yours," he said, his voice fully laced with sadness.
"I wasn't eavesdropping Hisham. I only but came to call you both downstairs. Khaleel will be back with food anytime from now," she said, her voice slightly shaking.
"Oh!"
"Yes and also...I couldn't help but overhear the last parts of your conversation. I am sorry."
"No problem," he said, his gaze fixed to the floor.
They stood in awkward silence for a while until Yumnah called out to him.
"Hisham?"
"Yes Yumnah?"
"Please don't leave. My husband cannot live without his Akhi. He needs you Hisham."
"I am sorry Yumnah but I can't," he said looking everywhere but at her since he did not want her to see the tears that were threatening to spill out of his eyes.
"Then stay for the baby. This baby will need his or her awesome uncle Hisham. Really. Who will tell him or her Stupid Yusra stories if not you? Please Hisham, if not for Yasir, then stay back for his child."
Baby, child, baby, child...
Damn! Those two words were just like salt to his open wounds. He couldn't. He just couldn't.
"I need to get something from my old room. Excuse me," he said before he sprinted down the hall towards his old room leaving a surprised Yumnah behind.
He quickly opened the door, slammed it shut afterwhich he rushed to the room's attatched bathroom. He knelt down before the toilet seat and then he...
Threw up.
Again and again.
Beads of sweat formed on his forehead while tears refused to stop trickling down his face. His heart hurt even more when he remembered how his Mama always used to hold his hair back for him whenever he used to throw up when he was a small boy.
But today there no Mama. There was no Yasir. There was literally no one. He had pushed everyone away because he deserved to be alone.
"Ya Allah..," he whispered as he buried his face in his hands.
"Today, I have no one with me Ya Rabb. I am all alone. I have pushed all my loved ones away and You are the only One who knows as to why. Please do not abandon me my Lord."
"Please," he whispered once again, his heart burdened with a lot of things.
But then...
"With hardship comes ease."
He needed to hold on.
Just for a little bit longer.
***
Yasmin ran and engulfed her eldest son in a tight motherly hug the minute he came down the stairs.
"Hishaaaaam,"she cried out as she hugged him even tighter not at all planning to let him go and Hisham too hugged her back, his eyes full of pain.
"Hisham my son. My gem of a son. Just look at you my dear. Just look at you," she said as she lovingly caressed his cheek.
"Mamaaa," he whispered, wishing that he could once again become a small boy.
He would then just have slept in his mother's embrace. Something he always used to do as a kid whenever he was upset or scared.
"Oh Hisham. Please take heart. Your Mama here, believes in you. I know that you did none of those things she accused you of. I know you Hisham. I know that you are hurting but you have to be strong. You are a Hosseini and Hosseinis are always strong. Just hang in there," she said as she placed her hand over his heart.
"Of course Mama, now please stop crying."
"I am not crying my dear."
"Really? Then why are my beautiful Mama's eyes so swollen and why are her cheeks all wet?" he asked as he wiped away a few tears away from her face.
"Oh Hishaaam," she said as she pulled him towards a kitchen stool and made him sit.
"And I know just the thing that will help you cheer up. My famous carrot cake, the one I always used to bake for your Baba. You love it don't you? You even stole it from the fridge last time but wait, just wait. This time I will bake it specially for you and not even Hussein will be allowed to touch it. Let me start right away," she rambled and Hisham's heart sank on seeing her all hopeful.
"Mama," he called out.
"Yes my dear?"
"I wont be able to eat that cake."
Yasmin's hands immediately stilled and she quickly turned around to look at him.
"Why won't you be able to eat it my dear?"
"I am leaving."
"What do you mean by you are leaving?" asked Hussein.
He had been quietly watching the mother and son duo for the past few minutes. Well quietly, until now.
"I need to go sort out stuff,"lied Hisham.
"What stuff?"
"Just stuff.
"YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE," shouted Hussein his anger rising.
What was with this boy of his? Why was he always so complicated? Why did he always have to make things difficult for himself and for everyone around him?
"I have already made up my mind and you are not going to change it Baba. Please let me go," said Hisham and Hussein stared into his son's eyes for a while afterwhich he said...
"Go!"
"Hussein! How can you allow him to go? He is not okay Hussein. What is wrong with you?"
"Let him go Yasmin."
"No."
"Sorry Mama but I really have to go," said Hisham as he stood up to leave but then stopped to look back at both his parents. To look at the them for one last time...
His mother was shaking her head with tears streaming down her face while his father, he just stood there, a blank expression similar to Yasir's etched all over his face.
"I am sorry Mama and I am really very sorry for having dissapointed you Baba," he said.
Afterwhich,
He left...
Never to return.
****
FIRST OF ALL...
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