-SIMRAN-
It had been two weeks and Hakyung and I were still not talking. During the lunch break, I walked down the slope and went to sit on the bench outside the convenience store, because this was the only quiet place I could find around here where I wouldn't bump into Yoongi.
I just sat there staring at the trees and I suddenly started crying. Just like that. I quickly opened my diary and decided to write something to keep myself distracted...
________________________
Diary entry #09
Friday,
22 Jan, 2010
Dear Diary,
공허감 [gongheogam]
Emptiness (n.)
A feeling of being alone, empty, or not worthwhile
This word describes my life perfectly well. These days, everything feels like nothing.
I used to be so excited to wake up every morning and come to school. Because there was Jungkook. And there were all my other friends.
Now I have no one. No one wants me. Everyone just ends up hating me for some reason.
I just want to go back home now. Not my home here. That doesn't even feel like home anymore, ever since Hakyung and I fought. She's stopped talking to me completely. She's so stupid to think that I'm stealing her Chinmy oppa. Eeww no!
I just want to go back to my mom and dad. And to my old friends, and to Ruhi. I miss her so much. Wonder how she's doing. I haven't spoken to her since December. It's been almost two weeks.
Shit... Why am I crying again? I don't want anyone to see me like this.
I have three more weeks of hell. Three weeks... That's too much... How am I going to survive all this on my own? I seriously feel like I'm the only one surviving human stuck in a zombie apocalypse. And I have three more weeks to prove myself. Will I survive or will
What am I even writing?! I'm so tired and sleep deprived that I can't even think properly. Great, I'm crying again. What should-
× × × × × × × × × ×
Just then, someone stood by the bench and sat beside me. I looked up with blurry eyes, and-
😑No fucking way...
"Missing home?" Yoongi whispered.
I jerked my head the other way, and wiped my tears, ignoring his question, ignoring his entire existence. "Now who's stalking me, huh?" I mumbled under my breath.
"I was walking out of the convenience store and saw you crying so I-
"I'm not crying!"
"You... Your," he pointed at my eyes, "your eyes are leaking. What's that called?"
"Fuck off."
He chuckled and that frustrated me even more. I was so tired of holding back my tears that I finally broke down, face hidden in my palms. I scolded myself for crying in front of him, for showing him my vulnerable side, but I couldn't stop myself. After a while, I didn't give a fuck.
Then suddenly I felt his hand patting my head lightly. I looked up at him with teary eyes, "What?!"
He chortled "you look so ugly when you cry..."
"If you don't like my face then just leave," I screamed.
He dropped his handkerchief, then bent and picked it up, "Here, take this. It was lying here anyway."
"No... it's yours. I saw you drop it."
"It's not mine. Just take it and wipe your face."
"It's dirty. I don't want it."
He sighed, "seriously... you're so hard to please."
"If you hate me so much then just go!"
He looked away, "I'm not... leaving you like the others," he mumbled loud enough for me to hear.
Why did he say that? Just why?
I bent to my side and placed my head on his shoulder and cried some more. I don't even know why I did that. I knew I was mad at him.
But I also knew that in a whole other country where I was completely left out, all alone, feeling unwanted and miserable and hopeless, he was the only one who cared. At least it looked like he cared. Why else would he be so nice to me? Why was he being so nice to me!?
He suddenly moved his shoulder away.
"What...? Oh... Right, sorry grandpa. Sorry for touching you," I rolled my eyes.
"No... It's not that."
"Then what?"
"We... We should not sit like this. Because there are students and teachers here... Everywhere..."
"So?!"
"I... I don't want them to make you leave," he looked down at his feet, "I don't want you to go away, like Ruhi. I... I want you to stay till the end... end of the semester."
Awww! Why is he being so sweet now?! WHY?!
I wanted to cry again, but I controlled myself this time. And I yelled at him instead, "Why are you so complicated?! What exactly do you want from me?! Can you decide if you want to be nice to me or not? So I can decide if I should like you or hate you. I'm so tired of this shit, ok? These games you're playing!"
He opened his mouth to say something but he pulled out a packet of sweet and sour candy from his bag and offered it to me.
I pushed his hand away, "I don't want that! I want an explanation! I want you to answer!"
I heard him gulp nervously, "I... I just want us to be friends again." Then he turned to look at me and gave me a cheeky smile.
And that made me forget everything else. Damn, I'm so weak for his smile. 🙈😭 Fuck.
"Ok... FINE!" I cried out, wiping the tears away. "I hope we won't fight anymore!"
"You're the one who starts the fights."
"What?! I do not!"
He chuckled, "Ok now smile, you look less ugly when you smile!"
"Shut up!" I hit his arm, laughing. "By the way, you still haven't apologized to me for being an asshole."
"Forget it. It's over now and I forgive you."
"Wait. What do you mean YOU forgive me?! I didn't do anything wrong! What are you forgiving me for?" I chuckled.
He just scratched his ear and smiled sheepishly.
"Say sorry to me!"
He offered the packet of sweet and sour candy again.
I rolled my eyes, "That's not sorry, Min Yoongi. Say it!"
"Aish..." he stood up, groaning irritatedly.
"Do you want me to teach you how to say it?" I giggled. "Ok repeat after me... Mi... an... hae... yo! Mianha- Oww!" I cried out rubbing my forehead, "why did you throw the candy at me like that?!"
"Because you wouldn't shut up. Eat this now. And shut up."
I pouted, "You're so mean Yoongi."
"And you're so stupid Pabo," he chuckled, scrunching his nose, "open your mouth."
"What...? Why? Are you going to feed me? Haha!"
"No, just open it. Wide."
"What the fuck!? No. I don't trust you enough."
Yoongi rolled his eyes, "don't overreact, ok?"
"Ok... I trust you... Aaaaaaaaa😮"
He threw one candy at my eye.
"Oww! Seriously are you blind?!"
"Aahhh... One more time."
"No!" I turned to pick up my bag, "You'll hit my other eye."
"Yah Pabo, please. Last try, promise!"
Wow. Why is he so happy and full of life suddenly?!
I nodded, "ok. I'm ready," and I opened my mouth.
He almost threw the candy at my other eye, but I moved my head to the side and caught it this time.
"I'm so good, right?" he shrugged with a self-satisfied smirk.
"You didn't do anything. I was the one who caught it. You suck, Min Yoongi!"
"Jealous. You're so jealous of my skills," he chuckled.
Ugh. He-
He suddenly smiled at me, his gummy smile, "You're just jealous, right?"
Oh my God... He's... His smile is so fucking hot! Ugh! And I can't even look away now. Great!
"Yah!" he yelled, "Why are you staring at me like that, huh? Pervert!"
I quickly looked away, picking up my things. "I'm not! Why are you smiling at me like that? Fuck off." I stood up and started walking away.
And he followed, "Wait. Like what? I smile at you like what, huh? Pabo! Tell me!"
I started walking faster and he literally ran after me to catch up, "tell me. Pabo! Pabo! Pabo!"
I ignored him and kept walking away.
Suddenly he tugged at my hair and screeched, "Pabo-yaaah~!"
I stopped and turned around, "oh my God! What is wrong with you, Min Yoongi?!"
He raised his eyebrows, smiling cheekily, "Tell me like what, hmm?"
Do not blush. Do. Not. Smile. You hate him. You hate him.
He grinned at me again.
Fuck I can't hate him.
"Like nothing, ok?" I screamed, trying to keep a straight face, "Leave me alone," and I shoved my middle finger at his face.
He laughed, sticking his tongue out at me.
Fuck he's like such a bad boy. Why are bad boys always so fucking attractive?! Oh my God 🙈 What am I even thinking?! Fuck!!
***
Diary entry continued...
Today, I finally talked to Min Yoongi, in two months. And we're finally friends again.
Thanks to him, everything feels like something once again.
Thanks to him, I don't feel so lonely anymore.
× × × × × × × × × ×
I shut my diary and stuffed it inside my bag, smiling to myself. The school bell rang just then. I walked back to my class. As I walked closer to my desk, I saw there were chocolates and boxes and candies scattered all over the desk next to mine. That was Hakyung's desk.
Wow what the fuck?! Is it her birthday today? Who gave her all these gifts?!
Hakyung walked in after a while. "OH MY GOD WHY?! Ottoke?!" she wailed, sitting down. She stared at her desk and then groaned throwing her head back, "I'm tired of this!" she complained.
Is she talking to me? Or to herself?
"Why does he have to do this?! Why?! I don't want these gifts. I don't want any of this!" she cried out.
Is she talking about Jimin...?
"Then give it to me," girl #1, sitting in front announced, turning around.
Girl #2: "Yeah, Jiminie oppa bought all this for you and you're being such a bitch."
Girl #3: "Maybe I'll ask him out now that Hakyung doesn't want him."
And the three girls laughed.
"SHUT UP!" Hakyung screamed and started stuffing all the gifts in her bag.
"This is mine! All this is for me and he's mine! Chimmy oppa is mine!"
Oh wow. She needs to chill and decide if she wants him or not.
"Then why did you break up with him?" girl #1 asked.
"That's none of your business! Leave me alone!" and she put her head down on the desk.
She's probably crying. Like I care...🙄
I pulled out my textbook and started revising whatever was already taught. Just then I heard those girls sniggering and I looked up from my book to see what they were doing.
Girl #2 and 3 were kneeling down next to Hakyung's desk. I saw them open her bag and remove the gifts from it while girl #1 made sure no one was looking.
"Hey stop it!" I screamed at them.
Hakyung lifted her head to see what was going on. When she realized they were stealing her gifts, she stood up at lightning speed, and snatched her bag out of their hands.
"Why did you touch these gifts?! They're mine!" she screamed, "They're my Chimmy oppa's gifts!"
Girl #1: "you don't even deserve those gifts, you filthy whore!"
Girl #3: "You're with Jiminie oppa because he buys you nice gifts! You're just using him!"
Girl #2: "Yeah he buys you nice gifts and you give him what he wants. He's using you. You're a slut!"
"WHAT?!" Hakyung screamed so loud that everyone turned around to look at her.
She was so furious, she was literally shaking. She threw her bag to the floor and then charged on girl#3 and started beating her violently.
Holy Fuck.
Hakyung pulled girl #3's hair, "How dare you say he's using me?! Don't say anything about my Chimmy oppa! I love him!"
"No you don't!" Girl #2 yelled, stepping on Hakyung's toe.
And girl #1 joined in, "you only love all the gifts he buys for you!" and she started pulling Hakyung's hair.
The entire class gathered around to watch. They were cheering on instead of stopping them.
Should I do something?! Oh my God...
I knew if Hakyung didn't stop in time and if the teacher saw her, she would be in serious trouble. That's when I decided to step in.
I pushed girl #1's hand away, "leave her alone! Stop it!"
But she scratched my face with her nails.
What the fuck!?
"Hakyung stop!" I tried pulling her away, "leave them! Don't listen to them!"
Thankfully one of the boys stepped in and helped me pull them apart.
"Catch me outside," girl #3 sneered, "and I'll beat you to a pulp, Hakyung!"
"Just leave her alone!" I screamed at the girl and turned to Hakyung. I noticed she had scratch marks on her right cheek. She looked exhausted and worn out.
I don't know why but that upset me, seeing her like this.
I made her sit down and pulled out the bottle of water from her bag and placed it on her desk.
"You've already gotten into enough trouble with eomma. You know if the teacher had seen you fight like this, you would get into more trouble?"
"I know."
"Then don't do something stupid like this again."
"But they said-
"Just don't give a fuck. Ignore them."
The teacher walked in just then. I went and sat in my chair and then I turned to look at Hakyung.
She was just sitting there staring at the water bottle.
She needs to get her shit together. Like seriously, what is she doing with her life?!
To be continued...