-RUHI-
-Next day-
Gyeongmin and I had decided to Skype one Sunday afternoon, well morning for me because we were now in different time zones. While I was waiting for her call, I picked up my phone to check if Namjoon had texted me back.
He hadn't.
I scrolled through all the previous messages that I had sent him since the day I returned home...
====================
22 December 2009
13:09
Me:
Hi!
I reached home rn
Text me when ur free :)
====================
25 December 2009
08:03
Me:
Merry Christmas!
====================
26 December 2009
02:46
Me:
What r u doing?
I can't fall asleep
I miss u 😢
====================
27 December 2009
14:02
Me:
Wat is ur problem?
Y can't u text me back?
Y r u ignoring me?
====================
01 January 2010
00:01
Me:
Happy New Year!
😘
====================
03 January 2010
06:03
Me:
I'm getting ready
for school.
I feel so weird wearing my old school uniform
Kekeke
====================
04 January 2010
03:19
Me:
I miss u
Plz text me!
Plz😢
I keep thinking about u
I can't sleep
====================
05 January 2010
23:56
Me:
I have school tomorrow but
I can't fall asleep...
Y do I feel like ur mad
at me?
Did I do something?
====================
07 January 2010
03:38
Me:
Today I had music class
I looked out into the
hallway
And I thought I saw u peeping in through the window, watching me sing
😂
I miss u...
====================
08 January 2010
03:46
Me:
Y r u doing this?😡
Look at the time!
It's almost 4 in the morning
& I'm staring at my phone
Because I think u'll text
back any minute
Y r u doing this to me?
Plz oppa!
Just text me back
Even if ur mad at me for whatever reason just tell me
Plz
====================
09 January 2010
22:57
Me:
Hi oppa!👋🏽
Gyeongmin and I r going to Skype 2morrow
Will u come to say hi?
I miss u so much!
Plz...
====================
I locked the phone and put it away.
I hope he's home... I hope he'll come say hi
I received the call just then.
"RUHI!" Gyeongmin cried out, waving at me excitedly. She had the biggest smile on her face.
I waved back, "Hi! How have you been?"
"I miss you so much! You know, sometimes when I wake up at night to go pee, I feel like you're sleeping right there in my room. I still haven't moved your bed away."
"You're making me sad by saying all this!"
Gyeongmin chuckled, "Mianhaeyo! So how does it feel to be back home?"
"Strange... I still miss you guys."
"Yes we miss you too! Oppa misses you, too!"
I gasped, "He does? Did you talk to him?"
"I did! And he's been... kind of sad. He always asks about you... If you're ok and if you're eating well and if you ever cry at night."
"Oh... really?"
That confused me because if he was really concerned about me then why would he not reply to my text messages? I wanted to talk to him eagerly... to hear his voice again.
"Is he home?"
"Oh! Yes. Oppa! NAMJOON OPPAAAAA! I'll go get him."
She stood up and walked towards the door. But the door swung open just then and someone walked in.
Gyeongmin turned to the screen, "oh look. He's here!"
Omg! He came? He really came to say hi!
I heaved a sigh of relief seeing him there standing in the doorway.
"What?" he asked Gyeongmin and then looked at the screen... at me.
I smiled brightly and waved hi.
But my smiled faded when he just stared at the screen and then blinked, looking away, at Gyeongmin. "I'll come back later. I'll let you guys talk."
"No but wait!" I cried out, "oppa! But I want to talk to you, too!"
I guess my voice didn't even reach him. He just left closing the door behind him.
Gyeongmin smiled at me awkwardly, "wait I'll go ask what's wrong."
......
She returned alone, "he said he's busy."
"What is he doing?"
"He said he has to study."
"Oh😐 Uh... Ok. Is he... Is he like... mad at me?"
"No! I told you he keeps asking about you!"
Then why won't he talk to me? Why won't he ask ME, instead?!
"Oh... So I... He really must be very busy then. It's ok. I'll talk to him later," I smiled at Gyeongmin and ended the call.
I picked up my phone and started typing...
====================
10 January 2010
09:05
Me:
What's wrong?
U don't want to me?
talk to me*
I really think ur mad at me.
Can u at least say yes or no?
Plz oppa
09:28
Me:
Ok yk what?
Fuck off
Don't talk to me
I don't care
I'm not going to talk to u either
10:56
Me:
I'm sorry
I didn't mean to be rude
I just miss u
I'm going crazy
Plz say something
Plz😭
====================
***
-SIMRAN-
-Next week-
It was lunch break again and with my plate in hand, I looked around the canteen for a place to sit. I saw Minha wave at me and I walked towards her.
"You can't sit with us," Hakyung announced as soon as I placed my plate on the table.
"Why?" Minha asked, "I want her to sit here."
Hakyung kept glaring at me without saying anything.
Gyeongmin laughed awkwardly, "Uh... it's been 5 days, Hakyungie! Forget everything."
Hakyung looked away.
Minha rolled her eyes, "Shimran, come sit next to me. It's ok."
"NO!" Hakyung cried out, "She cannot sit here with us. And Minha, you can sit somewhere else if you want."
"Why? I'll sit wherever I want. You're no one to tell me!"
"I hate you! Gyeongmin-ah, Why are you friends with this girl? I hate her so much!"
"You're so whiny and stupid, Hakyung!" Minha stood up, irritated.
"No, it's ok..." I asked Minha to continue eating, and I picked up my plate. "I'll go away somewhere else. I don't want you guys fighting because of me."
"Just go back home," Hakyung muttered.
I banged the plate on the table again, "Why? Why are you mad at me, Hakyung? What did I do?"
"What did you do?! You- You're trying to steal my boyfriend!"
"What?!" I cried out, laughing.
"You asked Chimmy oppa to go to watch a movie and you were flirting with him the whole time and-
"Wait. I wasn't flirting with him. That was all HIS plan. He wanted to make you jealous."
"He- he did? But... But then why did you play along, huh? Now I'm so sad again! I was trying so hard to forget him! But..." she started crying, "it's not easy for me to forget him, ok? I love him a lot!"
"Who told you to forget him? Your eomma? She's told you that before but you didn't care back then! So why-
"Shut up! You won't understand what I have to go through! So shut up!"
"Fine! I'll shut up and never talk to you again. And I'm going back home in a month, anyway."
"Yeah just go away... no one wants you."
Wow. Dump your plate on her hair. Do it.
I did it. But I dumped the plate on the table instead, and dashed out of the canteen ignoring Hakyung's screams.
I decided to go up to the rooftop. That was the only place I could find some peace of mind.
But as I turned around the corner, I ran into Yoongi.
Tsk... 🙄 not him again!
I moved aside, giving him way to go but he stood right in front of me.
"So you're back at it again, huh? Stalking me? Following me wherever I go?" he smirked, "Aahhh... I get it," he nodded, biting his lip, "I'm irresistible and all. But you don't want me. I'm a bad boy, I break hearts," he chuckled.
I just stared at him, expressionless.
"Laugh a little, Pabo! It's good for your health."
"Look who's talking!" I scoffed, "You're the grumpy old grandpa who's always exhausted and drained off of energy."
"Yeah, but I thought of being happy for a change, just to see how it feels. And it feels great. You should try being happy, too!" he laughed.
Why am I having this pointless conversation with him?!
"Move aside," I muttered irritatedly and started walking towards the broken discarded desk.
"Why are you so grumpy, Pabo?" he tugged at my hair.
I spun around, "what the fuck did you do that for?!"
He just chuckled.
"Don't pretend like everything between us is fine and that we're friends again, ok?"
"So we're not?"
"No!"
"Why what happened?"
I can't believe he's asking this.
"YOU tell me what happened?! YOU are the one who's always acting like an asshole! YOU are the one who stopped talking to me after Pepero day! YOU are the one who said you never wanted to see my face again! So YOU tell me what!"
He blinked at me wide-eyed and then muttered under his breath, "Ugh... There was just some... misunderstandings nothing ugh... Whatever."
"No! Not whatever! What?! What did I do to piss you off?!"
"Nothing. It... it was nothing. I was..." he scratched his ear, "it was my fault."
"Wait it was YOUR fault??!" I blinked at him, confused. "Then tell me what you did!"
"Ugh..." he laughed awkwardly, "let's put this behind us now. Let's forget about it."
"No! I don't want to forget about this!" I screamed, growing impatient, "And if you say this was your fault, then apologize to me! I have been the one hurting and crying for all these months because of some mistake that YOU made! At least say sorry even if that won't erase all the shit I've been through because of you!"
He just nodded.
"WHAT?!"
"Repeat all that in Korean, I don't understand English."
Oh my God! 🤦🏽
"I told you to say sorry."
He nodded.
"What?! You still don't understand? What other language do I explain that in?!"
He just stared at my face and then he turned around and walked away.
He fucking walked away.
Wow.
But at least now I know it wasn't my fault! I should stop hating myself now. But I still hate him. I fucking hate Mean Yoongi!
***
-That night-
I returned home late around 11. Hakyung was the one who opened the door and she didn't even bother asking where I had been for so long.
I smiled at her but she rolled her eyes at me and walked back to her room.
________________________
Diary entry #06
Friday
15 Jan, 2010
Dear Diary,
Hakyung is such a bitch. I don't want to hate her but she's giving me all the reasons not to not hate her! I can't help but feel all this hate for her!
Anyway, I just returned home from Jungkook's house. I don't know why but he's acting weird. He's blushing suddenly and he's all shy and flustered around me.
So, today after school...
-flashback-
I was walking down the slope alone when Jihyun called out to me. He said that Jungkook was asking about me and said he misses me a lot. Aww!
He was going to Jungkook's house to play video games, anyway so I decided to go with him.
I went to Jungkook's room and he was sleeping like that day. I sat down next to him. He looked so cute! I tapped his shoulder and he opened his eyes slowly.
"Shimmi?" he groaned.
"What?" I laughed. "Jungkook are you dreaming again?"
"Hmm?"
"Simmi noona. I'm noona. Hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face.
He opened his eyes wide and gasped, "you're really here?"
I nodded and he sat up. Then I started asking about his leg and what he does at home the whole day and he just kept looking down at his hand and smiling. Weird.
Then he said he wanted to go to the living room to play video games, so I went to help him get out of bed. And when I held his arm, he flinched and looked at me wide-eyed and then he blushed.
He said, "I don't need help, I can do everything on my own!" and he went to stand up but fell flat on his face.
"Aigoo~ you," I chuckled, "you're a silly bunny! Come here," I went to help him stand up.
But he pushed my hand away irritatedly, "Shimmi I'm strong! Don't treat me like a baby! I'm a man!"
And I laughed. Then I suddenly realized that he called me Simmi and not noona.
What. the actual. Fuck?! 😶
So Jihyun came running inside and he helped Jungkook get up and handed him the crutches. And Jungkook hopped on one leg all the way to the living room. Poor baby😞
He sat on the couch and I went and sat next to him. Jihyun sat on the floor next to Jungkook's leg. And then they started playing some video game.
And I noticed that every now and then, Jungkook kept looking at me from the corner of his eye and whenever I turned to look at him he would quickly look away and blush.
Why?! 🙄
So he kept losing the game and after a while, he threw the video game controller on the coffee table frustratedly and whined, "Yah noonaaaa~! Don't sit here. Go sit somewhere else!"
"Why? What's wrong if I sit next to you?"
"Then he can't concentrate." Jihyun laughed,
And Jungkook smacked Jihyun's head.
Weird. So so weird.
I decided to leave because it was already quite late and because Jungkook was not even talking to me. So I gathered all my things and stood up.
Jungkook wailed, "noonaaaa~! Don't go!" and he pouted cutely and whined, "aaaa~ please, noona!"
🙄And I couldn't refuse him!
Fuck. He knows I melt whenever he calls me noona. This is so unfair!
So I sat down again. And his mom returned home from work just then. She said she's so glad she finally got to meet me. I guess Jungkook has mentioned me at home once or twice? 🙈OMG. Then she asked me to stay over for dinner.
And Jungkook was really happy because I would stay with him longer. While she was fixing dinner, Jungkook and Jihyun went back to playing video games. And I just sat there yawning and I noticed Jungkook stare at me and blush. AGAIN.
When it was time for dinner, I asked Jungkook, "is it ok if I sit next to you, now?" And he laughed and patted the chair next to his.
So we all sat for dinner and his parents were asking me the usual questions about my life back home and my family. And like all mothers, Jungkook's mom kept offering me more food. She asked him to pass me the bowl of rice. And this is where something weird happened again.
So I went to take the bowl from his hand, and my fingers brushed against the back of his hand. And I didn't even notice tbh, but he flinched and dropped the bowl on the table. And he couldn't look at me, like look me in the eye after that. And then he kept smiling the whole time.
-end of flashback-
I'm seriously confused. Like what is going on with Jungkook and why is he acting like this?! He was never like this before. At least not around me.
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