~Chapter Song: The Rose 'Like We Used To'~
The next few weeks leading up to the final semester were hard for So-Hyun. She barely had any energy to leave the house, but she couldn't give up on her future or her money. Realistically, the amount of money she was spending just to attend University was something she couldn't afford to miss out on just because she was broken hearted.
She was saddened to find out that neither of the places that she applied for an internship had contacted her, but she put it down to the fact that there were a lot of applicants with better specs than she had. There's always second year for all of that.
Luckily, or unluckily for her she didn't have any reason to run into Professor Seung-Ho because she didn't have him this semester, so she never saw him unless she went out of her way to go and look for him, which she never did. She did however, from time to time look out her window at night to check if his lights were on and interestingly enough they were. They were always on as if he was trying to let her know that he was home.
Stop it she chastised herself for thinking about him again.
Whilst she was avoiding one man, she was in search of another. She hadn't seen Jin-Goo for the whole of semester, he wouldn't reply to any of her texts and whenever she tried to go to the English department hoping to see him she never did. She didn't want to believe the thoughts her twisted psyche wanted her to believe. The thoughts that were telling her that he'd left her and that he wasn't going to come back, just like she'd expected. They were whispering to her how much of a fool she was for believing in him, but she couldn't succumb to her thoughts. She wants to trust Jin-Goo, he promised her.
So-Hyun stepped out of her final exam, despite answering the questions to the best of her ability she had the feeling that she had barely passed, and on a normal day it would have stressed her out, but she just didn't have the energy.
"So-Hyunnie" Ga-Young called, placing her hand over So-Hyun's shoulder
"Oh, Unnie"
"I'm not even going to ask how that exam was, look at everyone's faces, I almost broke down in tears!"
So-Hyun gave a small laugh "Agreed."
"Should we have lunch first before going or do you want to eat at mine?"
"I thought you said you didn't want to eat before we go to the ball tonight?" So-Hyun asked giving her friend a knowing look. Not only was Ga-Young addicted to talking, but she was also a complete foodie.
"Ha! After that exam? Screw that, I'm feasting and so are you! Let's go!" She joked, and So-Hyun shook her head as she followed Ga-Young's steps. After persistently talking to Ga-Young they had managed to get a little closer... or so she thinks, she's not too sure how the friendship thing works anymore. They mainly spend time studying or having lunch, sometimes with Ga-Young's boyfriend Ji-Soo, which So-Hyun didn't mind but she always had the feeling like she was a third wheel. Not the usual happy to butt in third wheel, but the kind of rusty wheel that people pity. Even if Ga-Young assured her that wasn't the case, So-Hyun knew what Ji-Soo was thinking.
Doing the things, she used to do with Jin-Goo made So-Hyun feel funny inside, and there were days where she wished she could just stand on top of Seoul where she could see everything and just scream his name so that she could find him. Kind of like where's Wally, but Jin-Goo style... and he would be wearing his favorite grey hoodie and not stripes.
"Did you bring your dress with you?" Ga-Young asked as they slid into her convertible.
"Ah yes, and... no. I left it in my locker... give me five minutes okay?"
"Sure"
So-Hyun jogged her way back into the University building and towards her locker. She unlocked it, taking out the bag with her dress inside and was about to close the door when a piece of paper fell on the floor. So-Hyun looked around suspiciously but there was no one around. She carefully picked It up and read what was on it
So-Hyun-ah.
I hope you're okay.
I'm sorry, I know I've been a bad friend, but I'm making up for it.
You trust this Oppa right? I'm always with you even If you can't see me.
Fighting!
"Jin-Goo Oppa?" So-Hyun muttered under her breath and looked around once more to see if she could find any traces of him, but there was nothing, not one spec. What did this note even mean? Why couldn't he text or call her like he used to? She had so many questions to ask him, but more importantly she just wanted to know that he was okay.
Locking her door, she turned around slowly in attempt to get back to Ga-Young's car when she bumped into someone.
"Ah, I'm sorry-" She gave bow, but stopped midway. I know this scent. So-Hyun slowly lifted her head, first noticing a tie and then very familiar lips, and finally a very familiar dimple and then she met the eyes of the person.
Hiccup.
"Seonsaengnim..."
"So-Hyun haksaeng" He spoke, his voice was cold, but his eyes were a warmth that she had gotten used to.
"I'm sorry" she apologised again, completing her bow this time.
"Next time watch where you're going So-Hyun haksaeng" He said, before swiftly making his way around her and off to God knows where.
So-Hyun let out a big sigh and stood there for a moment because her legs felt like jelly and she knew that if she tried to move an inch she would probably fall. That wasn't how she expected to see him after everything, but then again, she didn't really have any expectations. He seemed normal, like the same cold professor she met all those months ago.
Normal is good, normal is great she thought. Normal was exactly what she wanted, right?
"Unnie, do we really have to go tonight?" She asked approaching the car. I've suddenly lost the desire to go.
"Ahhh, So-Hyun-ah! We're going, we've paid already so let's at least eat our money's worth of food... I'll make you look pretty okay!"
So-Hyun nodded reluctantly and as they set off, she had the feeling that it was going to be a long night.
^^^^
They had been at Ga-Young's house for the last 6 hours, 2 of which she spent eating and speaking to her boyfriend. So-Hyun didn't mind, but she just wanted tonight to be over and done with already.
So-Hyun was wearing a white halter-neck gown that had diamantes lightly decorating the neck area. It was floor length so that her silver heels were covered, which was good because she did not have the time to paint her nails. Her hair was bone straight and she decided to go for her signature bangs swept to the side. Ga-Young had helped with her makeup and So-Hyun had to give it to her, it was a skill that she could not possess even with practice because the difference could be seen.
So-Hyun watched as Ga-Young stepped out of the bathroom, clad in a short black puff dress that no one but Ga-Young could probably pull of these days. Her legs were on full blast and So-Hyun wondered what Ji-Soo would say if he was here right now, he had the habit of getting a little jealous when guys looked at Ga-Young and So-Hyun was sure that many eyes would be on her Unnie tonight.
"So-Hyunnie, let's go! Ah don't forget the masks"
So-Hyun nodded and held up the masks they had bought for the ball before setting off. Even though So-Hyun didn't understand why it was a masked event, she decided to go along with it anyway. When they got to the venue, they were greeted with valet service and a long red carpet awaited them.
"I'm pretty sure this was Psych society and not the entertainment awards" Ga-Young laughed.
"Tell me about it" So-Hyun agreed suddenly feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"Well, I guess you get what you pay for! Here" She gave So-Hyun her mask to put on whilst carefully putting on her own. "Shall we go your highness?" Ga-Young asked, holding out her arm for So-Hyun to hold, which she nervously, yet gladly took.
"We shall, your highness" They laughed at their silliness before walking down the red carpet and into the building. So-Hyun had to give it to them, the hall was well decorated, crystal chandeliers dimly lit the hall and the music was light to start with setting the ambiance. People were talking and standing with their friends, but as soon as they both stepped in it felt like the crowd had stopped whatever they were doing and just stared at them.
So-Hyun coughed under the unexpected attention and held tighter onto Ga-Young who seemed to be enjoying it.
"So-Hyun-ah... they can't see your face, it's okay, you can be a little bit more confident" She gave her a small smile. So-Hyun looked up again and everyone went back to doing their own thing and she let out a small breath.
"Champagne?" A server asked them and they both took a glass, moving closer to the dance floor.
"Ugh this music is not my style" Ga-Young whined, gulping her glass of champagne and swiftly taking another one as a different server walked by. So-Hyun could only laugh in response, that was until she was suddenly pulled to the dance floor by Ga-Young.
"Unnie!" One thing So-Hyun did not do was dance - publicly, only the four corners of her room were allowed to witness that embarassment.
"Let's liven up this ball a little, shall we?" She winked and proceeded to raise her voice and her hands and dance to what So-Hyun could only make out to be an attempt at a twerk. To borrow the words from Aladdin, this was a whole new world to So-Hyun, one that she wouldn't be able to forget.
"Aish, Unnie! Stop it, you're embarrassing us"
"Yah, Kim So-Hyun are you embarrassed because of this unnie?" She laughed pulling So-Hyun closer "Lighten up! This is like a sign that the DJ needs to step it up a bit, just watch, he'll turn on something better soon". So-Hyun sighed, but widened her eyes when there was a sudden change in music.
"Bang! Bang! Bang!" So-Hyun slightly jumped as everyone sang the BigBang song all together. Daebak.
Ga-Young continued to dance and had this face that was just screaming I told you so. So-Hyun stood there with slightly awkward movements watching Ga-Young dance, but after a while she decided to loosen up and dance a little. Her movements started off small and built up to full on hip rolls and arms waves. She was so lost in the feeling of the music that she hadn't realised when Ga-Young had left to get drinks. She opened her eyes and scanned the hall but couldn't see her. Just when she was about to step out of the dance floor, she felt someone gently touch her hand she turned around and saw a man with a golden mask on. His lips were moving, but she couldn't hear him over the sound of the music and continued to squint her eyes until she could read what he was saying
May. I. Have. This. Dance? So-Hyun looked up into this man's eyes and a sense of familiarity overwhelmed her and it was like she couldn't control herself, because she had managed to nod in agreement. Like magic the upbeat music swiftly turned into a slow ballad and the man quickly yet gracefully pulled So-Hyun closer towards him and that was when it hit her.
The scent that had driven crazy for the past few months, the source of that musky fragrance was right here in front of her.
Seonsaengnim.
He placed one hand on her waist and held her hand in the other and waited as So-Hyun rested her hand on his shoulder to begin. He led their dance, each of their steps short and rhythmic. In the sea of people dancing they were in the centre or that's at least what it felt like for So-Hyun, she felt like she'd just become the lead in a princess story. This was another risk, just because they were wearing masks didn't mean they were safe and she knew that, but she just for tonight – no just for this moment, she didn't want to know what she knew. She just wanted to be in his embrace like this.
He spun her around and then pulled her back in, bringing her closer than earlier.
"I've missed you" he whispered.
Me too.
"How much?" She asked, her breath brushing his neck, before he spun her again.
"Words aren't enough to express how much. Whenever I closed my eyes all I saw was you and whenever I opened them all I wanted to see was you." His every word, although whispered was heard very clearly by So-Hyun and she responded by holding him tighter.
Me too.
"This isn't safe" she reminded him.
"Are you pretending to be fine or do you really not miss me?" He asked, now placing both her hands around his neck as they sway to the music.
I do, I really do.
"I-" she started but couldn't finish her sentence.
"I know that deep down you're hurting like me too, you don't need to say it for me to know." His brown eyes gazing into her own as if she was an open book and he was reading her. "I won't do anything you don't want to, but... Can I ask you one thing? Do you think you can wait for me? Wait for us?" He asked.
"Wait until when?" she asked
"I... Until you graduate?"
"Seons- "She stopped herself from calling his name, just in case the people around them could hear "I've done a lot of thinking since we last met. I thought about you, me, us and I came to the realisation that we aren't the problem." She couldn't see his eyebrows, but she guessed they were furrowed in confusion, so she continued,
"I can wait, if it means I can be with you then I can wait however long, but... But if it's your family then I don't think I'm confident enough for that. I know how powerful they are and I know what they already think of me..." Her eyes now averted, avoiding his own.
"Hey, look at me" He carefully guided her chin so that she faced him, and he leaned whispering in a tone that only she would be able to hear "I think I remember very clearly, telling you that I would protect you. If we can wait until we're no longer student and professor, then I can do all the work. I promise my family won't be a problem" He didn't pull back, instead he pulled So-Hyun closer so that her head was now resting on his chest. They were probably the only couple on the dance floor that were this close.
"Can you trust me?" He asked
In that moment So-Hyun just wanted to believe him, and whether it was the dancing or the champagne that she had earlier that made him sound convincing, but she believed him. If it meant that they could get another chance then she'd believe anything that came out of his mouth, at least for tonight. She slowly nodded her head, so that it slowly rubbed against his chest and So-Hyun even in the midst of the noise could hear his heartbeat. Was it beating for her?
"I'll trust you" she whispered. If that's what it'll take to be with you.
^^^^
So-Hyun shuffled through the dance floor and into the next hall to look for Ga-Young only to find her at the buffet, carefully choosing the dishes for her second round "Unnie, do you ever stop eat-" she stopped herself, reminding her of her mum and brother who always scold her for eating too much. "Never mind, eat all you want" she smiled in response as Ga-Young continued to lick her fingers.
"Looks like you were having fun earlier, I didn't want to disturb you" Ga-Young pointed, eyes still scanning the dessert table. Turning her eyes to So-Hyun who was now blushing, she nudged her "Miss popular over here, well you are gorgeous and your body looks great in that dress. I was wondering why he was staring at us earlier, it must've been you" she winked.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"That guy in the gold mask right? He was looking at us while we were dancing, once I left he must've taken his chance"
"Ah..."
"How was it? Come to think of it, I haven't seen you with a guy before, well besides that rough looking guy that used to come pick you up from lectures"
"Ah well, you know... Unnie, I'm just going to get some fresh air okay? It's a bit stuffy in here, I'll be back" So-Hyun avoided getting into that conversation with her. Stepping outside, she walked around the hall grounds enjoying the way the breeze blew in her face, sending her hair backwards. Her heart was still beating after dancing with professor Seung-Ho and she let the fresh air help her gather her thoughts. She couldn't help but smile, will things really turn out okay like he had promised?
During her walk, her overthinking had made her lose track and she reached a dead end, realising so she turned around to make her way back to the hall, when at the corner of her eye she saw something move. She paused and then turned to see the figure of a person wearing what she made out to be a cap and dressed in all black.
I'm so not ready to die tonight she thought.
The street light across the road started to flicker and So-Hyun gulped deciding to embrace death, seeing as it was the only way for her to get back to the hall. She slowly walked forward and when she got closer she saw the shoes of the person standing there. She paused.
I know those shoes.
"O... Oppa? Jin-Goo Oppa is it really you?" So-Hyun took a small step forward, but the figure took a small step backward and she saw a hint of the black hair she had always used to see. "Oppa!" She shouted running towards him, only to watch him run from her.
"Yah! Oppa!"
She didn't think her weekend runs would come in handy whilst wearing heels and even though she was in pain, it was bearable as long as she could follow him. She was managing to catch up to him, and when they reached a main road she slowed down. Cars were going by so fast that he wouldn't be able to cross, and she watched as he hesitated on the right time to cross, his body rocking back and forth.
"Oppa!" She was getting closer and his eyes met hers. She paused and stared at his eyes filled with desperation, fear and worry. It was only about a second, but it felt like in that short amount of time his eyes were sending her a message, telling her to not come any closer. She didn't listen however, she continued to approach him until bright lights cascaded her vision and she held up her hands in protection -
BAM!
Her vision became blurry and she fell to her knees "O... Oppa!" She didn't want to believe what she had just heard. Her trembling body was protesting, but she had managed to stand up, throwing off her heels she ran towards the middle of the road where Jin-Goo... should have been laying.
"Oppa?!" She screamed, her eyes searching the area."Excuse me!? The person you just hit, where is he? Where did he go!?" Her shock now directed towards the driver.
"Agassi, do you know that person? He ran off limping in that direction" He said pointing to an alley across the road "If you know him can you give him my details, I'm willing to settle this in court. He looked really hurt and I'm pretty sure I heard something crack. I don't want to hear a different story next time okay?" He said handing her his card.
So-Hyun lost track of what he was saying, she could only see his lips moving and as she looked to his car she could see the dent on the bumper and the slight crack on the window. Her eyes traced the line down to the ground where blood was. Jin-Goo's blood.
She knelt down, the jewels on her dress digging into her knees, and saw that underneath the front of the car was Jin-Goo's shoe. They were the same old pair that he had always worn, but now they were newly decorated with his blood. With shaky hands she took his shoe, stood up from the middle of the road where a queue of cars had built up and limped her way back to where her own shoes were. Sliding her feet into her heels, she fixed her dress, brushed her loose strands of hair and made her way back to the hall.
I knew this was going to be a long night she thought, mindlessly wiping the tears that were rolling down her face.
This wasn't how she wanted to end today, heck this isn't how she wanted to end any of her days. Now she's going to have to walk into that hall and muster up the courage to pretend like nothing happened, because according to Jin-Goo who had just disappeared, nothing did. As she makes her way back, she thinks about the next two years of her University life and wonders how she's going to ever graduate.
Will the day where she and professor Seung-Ho be together be possible? Will she ever see Jin-Goo again? Will everything ever go back to normal?
Find out in part 2 of My Psychology Professor.