Shawn's POV:
"God just tell me." I sigh, turning my head to look at Geoff. "Straight to the point or-" Geoff questions, chuckling but I interrupt him.
"Yes straight to the point. Did I do something so embarrassing? Is Andrew going to get mad again or what?" I ask, throwing my hands in the air.
"Okey fine. As I walked to my hotel room I saw you stumbling towards yours, so I helped you get into your bed. You had lipstick on your mouth but I didn't know how since Grace isn't here right now." Geoff says, watching as realization hit me.
"Oh" "Yeah oh." Geoff laughs, shaking his head. "So I um... from whose room did I come from?" "Roses's" "Stop kidding me right now, I swear." I say, biting my lip. "I'm not kidding you Shawn. I wouldn't lie about that."
"Well, I was drunk. Who cares?" I shrug, looking out of the window. I kissed Rose? Rose? The girl who has been annoying me for weeks now. The girl I hate... well, the girl I don't like.
"Why were you even in her room?" "If I would know I would probably also know why I f*cking kissed her!" I snap. "Woah calm down. You said it yourself you were drunk who cares?" Geoff mocks. "Seriously f*ck you." "Why are you so worked up about it? Normally you don't even care to ask the name of your hookups and now?" Geoff asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I'm not worked up about it!" "Yes you are. Stop denying your feelings." "Feelings?" I chuckle, my gaze meeting his. "Don't go too far now, Geoff." I add. "Okey let's calm down. Can I ask you a question, which you answer truthfully?"
"If you want to." "Do you love her? I mean Grace. As much as I dislike her, it's pretty cruel to play with her like that." "God Geoff, she's just with me for my money. How else should she afford her weekly shopping trips?" I say, shrugging my shoulders.
"Then why did she cry recently, as you left for the concert?" "She cried? Why would she?" I question, surprised. "Because she loves you Shawn. So do you?" "Why do you want to know?" "Why do you keep avoiding to answer my question?"
"I don't know, okey? I've never thought about us being serious since I actually thought she would dump me way sooner."
„Okey. So about Rose-" "Don't even start." I grumble. Do I actually have feelings for Rose? "Geoff?" "Yeah?" "I honestly don't know anymore. She's always on my mind." I say, sighing as I run a hand trough my hair.
.............................................................................
Remembering the talk I had with Geoff in the car yesterday, makes me question everything even more. Why did I react like that? He's right normally I don't even know the name's of the girls... then why is this girl right next to me never leaving my mind.
I set the strawberry shake down watching Rose as she sips on her chocolate milk with a straw. How can someone like chocolate milk so much? I shift on the rock we are currently sitting, watching the almost set sun dip the sky in a deep orange- redish color.
I glance over to her again, her hair literally glowing from the sun. Her two different eye colors still amaze me. How does someone get bullied for that? It's looks incredible.
I never noticed how soft her face looks when she's not angry or annoyed, which is not often the case. „Guess that song. I don't like when people stare at me like I'm a TV." Rose suddenly says, starting to tap on the rock in a beat.
I chuckle, not even embarrassed that she caught me staring. Other girls would blush like crazy and she doesn't care the slightest bit. Yeah... she's not like other girls. I start to smirk as I seem to recognize the beat. „Is that my song?" I question.
"Yeah, the one you were recording. It's not bad." Rose answers, making me smile. „I said it's not bad, not it's utterly perfect." she says, raising her eyebrow. „Yeah a ‚not bad' from you is like a ‚utterly perfect' from every producer." I say, causing her to roll her eyes.
"Why do you never take a compliment?" I ask, shaking my head. „If that was a compliment then I really recommend you to work on that." she replies. „You are mean." „You get what you deserve."
„I bought you donuts and chocolate milk." I say, nudging her elbow. „Hmm... doesn't make up for everything." Rose states, taking another sip. „Looks like I have to continue to buy you that then." I say, drawing circles, with the little sad corns on the warm surface of the rock. Why do I get this familiar feeling?
Rose's POV:
I sigh, biting my tounge, debating wether I should ask him or not. Do I even want the truth? Shawn is so nice all if a sudden. Andrew probably told him to be nice so he can tell me sometime that my brother is dead and I can go home again. It has to be that.
"Can I ask you something? You don't have to reply... I was just thinking about something." Shawn questions, playing with the ring on his finger. „Uh... go for it." I reply, furrowing my eyebrows as his gaze meets mine.
He bites his lip, quickly looking down before resting his eyes on me again. „I don't want to upset you with that but... how did it feel like?" „How did what feel like?" I ask, not getting why he's suddenly so serious. „Umm... well, how did it feel like as you were standing there. On the bridge."
Shawn questions, taking me by surprise. I open my mouth but no words come out. What should I answer to that? „Sorry Shawn but... things like that are indescribable for me. I honestly don't know.
The only thing I can tell you is that I felt tired... empty. I just couldn't picture to ever go trough loosing someone again, so jumping felt more right than trying and being disappointed in the end. Why do you want to know?" I ask shrugging, as I crave shapes in the rock with a sharp stone.
"Oh okey, I uh... just thought about it. Sorry if that was weird now." „ Now I can ask you something." I say. „Sure." „Please just tell me the truth. You are just nice to me because Andrew didn't find my brother right? Or he found him but he's d-dead? Am I right?" I ask, my voice cracking.
"What? No no. He's still searching I promise." Shawn answers. „Okey... then what suddenly happened with hating me?" „Why do you want to know so badly?" Shawn questions, sighing.
„I just want to know why a person who never met me before, hates me from the first time he saw me." I say.
„Rose... it's kinda private." „You just asked a girl who is tired of life how it felt like to want to end it." I scoff, raising my eyebrow.
Shawn clears his throat, moving his head to look at me. „Can't you just tell me what I did wrong?" I ask, rolling my eyes. „You didn't..." Shawn mumbles. „Then why? I can already guess but I'm not sure." I say. Shawn's surprised expression turned into a sad one as he exhales deeply once more.
"Fine... but just because I feel bad for letting that out on you." Shawn replies, running a hand trough his hair. „Well, the reason I asked how it felt like is because two years ago... I had a girlfriend.
It was like one of those I will love you forever relationships, the ones were your friends are so annoyed from you that they can't even hear her say her name anymore. You know what I mean?" Shawn questions, a small smile tugging on his lips.
I nod, wanting him to continue. „The thing is that she was depressed. I didn't know nor noticed a long time. How I found out was through one of these horrible nightmares you also have, when we slept at my house.
I tried to be there for her all the time but she... um... how do I say?" „Went insane?" I ask, quietly. Shawn nods. „How do you know I meant that?"
"Try to live with seeing dead persons every night or even when you are not sleeping and then talk to me about going insane again." I reply, feeling his gaze on me as I keep my head low. „What happened then?" I ask, noticing that he hasn't continued to talk.
"Well, it got so bad that her parents didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't know either. I tried to talk to her but she started to push me away. So one day I was about to go to her house, I saw an ambulance or something like that in her driveway.
They dragged her in, as she was crying. She told me I would never understand what it feels like. No one ever will. Later her parents told me that she wanted to end her life." Shawn explains and I could hear in his voice how traumatic it was for him.
"After calling the ambulance for you, I thought I would never see you again but as Andrew took you with on tour I hated you... for the fact that you remind me of her. At first every little thing of you brought me back to that day. I hated you because I was afraid to fall in love and to go trough that all over again.
But now I know that you personality is not like hers. You are definitely more stubborn and annoying but you also have a different kind of humor, you can be sweet and I know that you have a heart which is not frozen deep down somewhere." „Don't be so exaggerating." I say, rolling my eyes.
He weakly chuckles, making me look at him by putting his finger under my chin. „I'm honestly sorry for taking all that out on you. You didn't deserve that." Shawn whispers, making me smile lightly.
„It's fine I guess. If I knew... I'm so sorry for you. I know how loosing someone feels like too well." „Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry." „Did you see her since then?" I ask.
„No, I haven't and I rather don't want to see her again, I think. There wouldn't be something good about it. We had a lot of fights during that time." Shawn says, attaching his gaze back on the sunset. I nod, doing the same. We sit there for a while in silence, till light of the sun turned into darkness.
Shawn accidentally touches my finger with his, causing me to automatically move my hand but he places his on top, starting to stroke over the back with his thumb. Why do I get this familiar feeling?