A/N - This post was inspired by the song 'Desperado' by Rihanna. Warning: there are mentions of sexual and emotional abuse within this piece of writing. If this is likely to have a negative effect on you please do not read on. If anyone ever needs a helping hand, or just someone to listen, please contact me in my private messages.
The opening to the cave was enticing. The sound of laughter echoing out of it and spread across the floor of the forest. You tilted your head, creeping closer, and attempting to glance inside, but it was no use. Beyond the entrance was a steep drop, one you weren't too tempted to take. You leant back, looking around you for a moment before settling into the grass to think. The laughter would ebb and flow as you considered your choices. There was no telling who was behind the laughs, but they sounded male, and that could be dangerous for you.
"Can I help you?" a voice grunted from behind you. The sound caused you to jump and tumble onto your back, looking up at the man like a terrified little rabbit. You kept your eyes fixed on him as you shifted, twisting to get to your feet and attempting to look in any way menacing.
"What's down there?" you asked him and he raised an eyebrow at you. He wouldn't have been too threatening if he didn't have the eye patch. But there it was, black against his pale skin and standing out like a sore thumb.
"You're in no position to be asking questions," he murmured. He took another step closer to you and causing you to stumble further away. "Who are you?" he asked again.
"Not anyone important," you uttered, holding your hands up in an attempt to stop him moving towards you. He wasn't buying it, you could see it as soon as you had let the words leave you.
"Y/N," you added and you saw a smirk come to his lips.
"I only know one Y/N that'd be in these forests," he told you, his hand moving to his sword at his hip. "There's a big reward for returning you to your brother."
You felt your breath catch at the back of your throat as he spoke. When you finally let out the gulp of air from your lungs it was shaky. "I don't know what you're talking about," you muttered. "I don't have a brother."
He let out a deep chuckle. "Now," he started, coming another step closer. "We both know you're lying to me," he continued and your jaw tightened, taking another step backwards. "Why don't you tell the truth?"
Your eyes locked on him and in that moment all your anger came rushing back to you. Every thought of the abuse you had suffered at your family's hands rushed back. Angry tears pricked at your eyes. "Fine," you growled, causing him to smile. "I killed my father. I stuck his own sword through his chest and I watched him bleed out; it felt incredible."
The man chuckled at your words. "Attagirl," he muttered. Your anger was still sitting on your chest, pounding against your ribcage as you glared at him. "How about you come inside and I'll find you something to eat?"
"I don't want your food, I don't want anything from you," you spat at him. ""The way I see it is that if I come with you I will be a prisoner. If I leave I am free to go where I please," you continued and he let out a little scoff.
"You won't survive out there without food," he told you, turning his back to start towards the cave opening. It was in that moment that the rage inside of you bubbled out and you rushed towards him. You were stopped when he span and knocked you onto the ground. "Get inside or I'll drag you down there myself," he hissed at you, his body rearing over you as you lay in the grass.
You did as you he told you after that, following behind him as he made his way down into the depths of the cave. Once you had reached the bottom you felt eyes on you, and the laughter died down, leaving quiet mumbling in its wake. "Who's this then?" one man grumbled, his smile lopsided but ultimately harmless, from what you could tell.
"Y/N of house Holt," the man grumbled to the other man. "No one is to hurt the girl," he added, this time a little louder as he surveyed the men around him. You could see the way his one good eye would focus on a certain individuals in the crowd. The man came back over to you, gesturing for you to sit on a log which had been set close by a fire.
"You know my name, it's only fair that you tell me yours," you sighed, slumping down onto the log. You brushed your hands over the skirt of your dress to rid your palms of the dirt that covered them, and held it out to him.
"Beric Dondarion," he told you, sitting beside you but ignoring your outstretched hand. "This is the Brotherhood without Banners. We serve only ourselves," he continued and you let out a little chuckle.
"Which is why you want to sell me back to Aerion?" You shook your head. "You wouldn't do it if you knew them. No sane man has any loyalty to my family."
Beric quirked his eyebrow at your words. "And why would that be?" he asked, his eyes flitting back to you for a moment as you released a deep sigh.
"They're monsters," you told him, turning your gaze to the floor as you took a deep breath."You murdered your own father," he murmured. "You must see the irony in calling them the monsters."
"You don't know them," you bit at him, your tone much lower as you shook your head. "My father deserved to die. My brothers deserve the same fate," you continued, finally looking at his confused face. "I'm not going to sit here and justify myself to you, it's not like you would ever understand what I had to go through to be here."
"Try me," he grumbled, dropping his stick onto the dirt and turning his body to face your own.You opened your mouth as though you were going to answer. The words clung to your throat, refusing to leave your body. "I can't," you finally muttered to him, and he nodded before getting to his feet. You were quick to follow him, until he turned back to you.
"Stay here. I'll find you somewhere to sleep," he told you, his hand pressing your shoulder until you sat back down.
*Time Skip*
You slumped down next to Beric, letting your fingers run over the grass on the forest floor. "Are you still taking me back?" you muttered, bringing your knees up to your chest and staring straight forward. You had promised yourself that you wouldn't plead with him. You wouldn't beg for your life from a man who hardly knew you, but you could already feel the resolve slipping away.
"I don't know," he answered, his gruff voice quiet so that only you could hear him. "If you could tell me why you think they are so evil, I could make up my mind," he continued. You released a sigh from somewhere deep in your chest.
"You have to promise me that you won't change how you look at me," you told him, shifting on the spot to look him in the eye. He nodded and you closed your eyes for a moment. "I need to hear you say it," you added, watching as his eyebrows knit together.
"I promise." He gave you a small, reassuring smile with his words, and you felt your body calm at the sight.
"My father was a cruel man. He thought that he was deserving of everything he ever took," you started, taking a deep breath. "When my mother was alive she could control him, somewhat, but she passed when I was eleven, and he was still there." Your words caught in your throat, and you paused for a moment. "He would come to my chambers and he would tell me that it was normal. I heard the maids whispering about it and I knew it wasn't," you sniffled. You felt his hand come to rest on yours, a gentle gesture that left you lost.
"You can stop, I understand," he told you, his voice soft but you shook your head.
"No, you need to hear the rest." You wiped your hand across your eyes, brushing away the last of the tears. "He encouraged my brothers to do the same. He told them that I was a woman and that I should be subservient. On some nights they would join him in visiting me," you let out a strangled belt of laughter as you thought. "I was made to be an unpaid whore in my own home, and now I'm a murderer because I protected myself."
The two of you sat in silence for a long time after that, your sniffling the loudest noise out among the trees. "You can stay here as long as you want to. I won't let them hurt you."
"There it is," you murmured to yourself. "The pity and the protection that everyone swears to me." Beric looked confused for a moment. "Before I told you this you thought I was powerful. I was a murderer and someone to fear, and now, you think I'm some fragile little doll that needs your help."
"That's not what I meant," he started, but you cut him off with a scoff.
"Yes it is, and it's admirable, but I am the same woman that you used to consider a monster."
"I didn't think you were a monster," he told you softly. "I thought that you were lost and scared and that you had made a mistake," he continued. "I know that you don't want a saviour, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve basic compassion."
You watched as he pushed himself up to his feet, brushing his legs clean of the dirt that clung to his breaches. You reached out, grabbing his wrist and stopping his from moving away. "I'm sorry," you muttered, allowing your eyes to drift to his.
"I'm not mad," he told you, reaching down to pull you to your feet. "Come inside, it's getting cold out here," he added. You nodded, clinging to his hand as though he would float away on the wind if you let go.
*Time Skip*
It had been a long time that you had been with the brotherhood, sticking close to Beric wherever possible. It wasn't that living in a cave wasn't fulfilling. But it was almost impossible for you to bathe without the eyes of the men drifting to you. No matter how many times Beric had threatened to punish them for it.
"Halt," you heard Thoros yell from the entrance to the cave. Beric was on his feet and hurrying over to where his friend would be seconds later.
"Can we help you, Gentlemen?" he asked, out of your view.
You recognised the voice that followed as soon as it hit your ears. "We're looking for my sister. She went missing and we were hoping you might've seen her," Aerion told them, his words hitting you like a brick wall.
"Half of these men haven't seen a woman for months. I doubt she's been near here or I would have known," Beric told him. You could hear the venom in his voice, though he was hiding his hatred well.
"You see. We're worried about her. She has a track record of being quite violent, even with those closest to her. It's possible that being out in the woods could leave her rather feral. She could be somewhat dangerous."
You got to your feet, moving further into the cave, until you heard Beric speak again. "If you were so worried about her why didn't you go after he sooner?"
"We were busy dealing with her murderous tendencies. She took a sword to our father," your brother told him and you heard Beric scoff.
"From what I heard it was self-defence; not murder," he growled. You could almost see the scowl on his face as you closed your eyes, wishing they would leave.
"So you have seen her," Aerion muttered. "She has always been a good liar," he added. "Y/N, why don't you come out here, or, of course, we could come in. You paused for a moment before following his voice to the front of the cave and making your way outside. "There she is," he cheered with a little laugh.
"Leave," you told him, not able to lift your eyes to look at him. Beric was close to your side, his hand resting on the sword at his hip.
"Not without you, my dear sweet sister," he chuckled. "our people want justice for what you did to our poor father. Your execution would suffice."
"He doesn't deserve justice," you started. "I deserved justice for what he did to me, and I got my justice, I took it myself."
Your brother's face had turned red at your words. He moved to take a step towards you, but Beric stepped out in front, holding out a hand. "You aren't going to hurt her anymore," he grunted.
"Oh, so that's how it is, is it?" he laughed, gesturing at the two of you. "You keep her alive, and what does she give you in payment, ay?"
Beric's temper flared at that and he pulled out his sword, gripping it tightly in his hand. Your brother's men reached for their weapons, but he held up a hand to still them. "Why don't you do as Y/N says and leave?" Beric growled, watching as your brother climbed back onto his horse.
"We'll have our justice one way or another," he called down to you, spitting on the floor at your feet. He was on his horse and riding away a moment later.
Once he was gone, you turned to Beric, grabbing his arm and dragging him deeper into the cave. "I have to go after him," you murmured.
"It's alright, he's gone," he started but you shook your head.
"He'll come back, and he has an army. The majority of them want me dead. A few good men won't do anything against them," you continued. "He won't stop until I go with him, and I won't let you die for me."
"We can all go. We'll move elsewhere. It'll be okay," he told you, moving a little closer to pull you into his arms.
"Wherever we go they will follow. I'm sorry," you whispered, burying your head into his chest as you held back your tears.
Please consider supporting me for just £3 using Ko-Fi. The link is available on my profile page. If you have any questions about Ko-Fi please feel free to private message me. Thank you. L x