I stood there contemplating on whether I should stay or just leave. I wanted to stay but he clearly doesn't want me here. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him crying his heart out.
That's it! I couldn't take it. It was breaking my heart to see him this way. I rushed back to him and dropped on my knees, holding him close. He refused to face me at first but after a few minutes he finally gave in and hugged me tightly, crying into my chest.
I could tell he was holding everything in for a long time. This breakdown was long overdue. I sat with him on the floor, not uttering a word. I didn't want him to tell me to leave again, it was better if I just kept quiet and comforted him.
"I don't deserve you, Kaia. I don't" He sobbed, wiping his tears away.
"Hush. I'll always be here for you Ash, no matter what" I replied, meaning every word I said.
It took a while for him to calm down. He eventually stopped crying and just sat there, staring at the mess he made. I tried to clean it up but he didn't want me near any of it.
"You know, I looked up to Axel. Even though he was an asshole, he was still my big brother" Ash said, staring at the mess on the floor.
"Okay. ..and now you don't look up to him anymore? Or what are you trying to say Ash?" I said, moving damp strands of hair away from his face. I knew he always liked his hair all in one place, not one strand astray.
"Now I fucking hate him! I hate him and my bitch of a father! Then there's mummy dearest who's a fucking snake!" Ash spat.
Okay. Someone definitely pissed him off. I wonder whether it was his mom again or Axel?
"Who did this to you?" I asked softly, not even sure if he would tell me. I ran my hand up and down his arm and he flinched but didn't move away from me. That's a start.
"I got into a fight, Kaia. With Axel. If you think this is bad, you should see what that skinny fuck looks like after a did a number on him. Fucking asshole! He deserves all the damn pain he's in right now. Wherever the fuck he is!".
Why is he cursing so much? This is so unlike him. I'm beginning to think I didn't quite know him at all.
"You should probably stay away. I'll only put you in danger" He said, getting up off the floor. He touched his stomach as he stood up. Looked like it was causing him alot of pain. I tried to help him but he raised his hand up, stopping me.
"I'm sorry but I can't keep up this act anymore. You deserve better and I can't give you better, not even close. My life is fucked up Kaia and I'll only drag you down with me if you stick around. I don't wanna do that to you, you deserve the very best".
"What act, As--"
"This! Me! Talking to you right now, it's not me. I'm a drunk and getting into fights on a regular is what I do for fun. I'm not the good boy you think I am, Kaia. I'm the fucking opposite. I'm messed up, my family is messed up. I just can't play good anymore Kaia!" Ash said, looking down at the ground.
"You don't have to Ash. I will accept you, regardless. You don't have to put up an act!" I said, trying to reassure him I'll still be here.
"Yes I do. You wouldn't talk to me if I didn't act nice around you. I'm a jerk, Kaia. The kind you should steer clear from" He said, heading for the entrance.
"Brother!" Someone called out as Ash was leaving.
I turned and saw Axel, who looked even worse than Ash did. Oh my gosh. Just looking at the two of them hurts.
"Don't you dare call me that!" Ash growled. I stood beside him, trying to calm him down but it obviously didn't work.
"Look, I'm not here to pick a fight. I actually came to apologize" Axel said, raising his hands up and moving to sit on the curved seat.
"Not needed, now fuck off!" Ash spat, not giving Axel a chance to speak.
"Delilah" Axel said, looking at Ash.
I was just as confused as Ash. What was he on about?
"What the fuck?" Ash said, looking at Axel like he was a psycho.
"Her name's Delilah. She has dark, curly hair and green eyes, just like yours" Axel said, smiling.
Ash stood there not saying a single word. He slowly moved to the seat and sat down, tilting his head back. I sat beside him, making sure he was alright. He clearly was in pain, I was shocked to see how he could take it, even after days.
"She's quite a little chatterbox. Always talking about one thing or the other, just like you when you were young" Axel said, smiling at the ground.
I instantly smiled at the thought of a young Ash, running around talking non-stop, missing tooth and everything.
"I don't wanna hear about it, Axel. You had years to fill me in and you fucking didn't! You didn't even try to. How do you think I feel, huh? Always being kept in the dark while you lot made decisions for me. I'm not a fucking kid! I can handle the truth" Ash spat. He had grown even more angrier at the mention of Delilah.
"Oh really? So you're telling me that at 16 you could handle your mother being a drug lord? Your father being her accomplice? Or maybe you could handle never knowing whether your baby sister would live to see tomorrow. Mum could end her if dad screwed up! That's why he's trying not to! Could you have handled all that Ashy boy? Because I was 19 and I fucking couldn't" Axel spat furiously. He glared at Ash, trying to get through to him.
"We could've gotten through it together, Axel! I could've been there for you. You were my favorite. I hated mum and dad, especially dad".
"You were too young. You wouldn't have understood why dad did what he did! That's why we kept it from you but don't think I never wanted to tell you. I stayed away for ages because I knew that I would just blurt it out if you ever asked! That's how much I didn't wanna keep it from you" Axel said, running his fingers through his hair.
"I was the last to know, as usual. I just realised that I'm nothing. I'm fucking nothing to this family" Ash said, and I almost cried because of the pain he went through. My heart ached for him.
"You mean everything to mum and dad, especially dad, mate. All he wanted to do was keep you safe. All these years" Axel said, moving closer to us.
"He disowned me! Kicked me out! And where were you, yeah? Kicking it with mum, not a care in the world" Ash said.
"I was also looking out for Delilah, mate. She was caught in the middle, the poor girl has no idea about anything. She's too young, Ash. She needs to be protected, she didn't ask to be born. That's why I stayed away. It's true, I hated mum for doing this to our family, but dad asked me to keep an eye on things from there and in exchange he would watch out for you from here. That's all I wanted, for someone to look out for you when I was gone" Axel said, frowning.
"Well he didn't do a good job now, did he?" Ash spat.
"Why do you think he's trying to make amends, Ash? Don't you think he feels bad for everything he's done?" Axel said, standing up.
"Well it's too late! I don't fucking need him in my life. I'm perfectly fine on my own. Tell him to shove it!" Ash said, staggering out of the room.
I stood there looking at Axel apologetically. I felt bad for both of them, having to grow up in such a bad way- full of deceit and lies.
"I'm sorry, I tried" Axel said, sitting down again. He had the same look Ash had a while ago. Lost.
"It's okay. I'll go after him" I replied, leaving the room to see where Ash had disappeared to.
As I exited the private room section, I spotted Dani rushing towards me, looking flustered.
"Dani, what is it? Have you seen Ash?" I asked, grabbing hold of her arms.
She nodded and tried to catch her breath.
"He's trashing the place, Kaia. You have to stop him, he's gonna get arrested".
I ran all the way to the other end of the club, there I spotted Ash, downing a bottle of vodka by the bar.
"Ashton!" I called out to him but he didn't answer or look at me.
"Ash! Put the bottle down" I said, slowly moving towards him.
He looked at me and smirked. He looked like he didn't care anymore.
"Fine" He said, and in a split second the bottle slipped out of his hand and landed on the ground, smashing into a million little pieces.
I gasped as he stood there, unaffected by anything. He didn't even flinch at the sound of the bottle shattering. This was worse than I thought. I wasn't so sure if I could help him anymore. This was just too much.
"You've just given me a great idea, Kaia. How about one bottle for every person that's hurt me" Ash said with a smile.
"Please! Stop it. You're gonna get us all in trouble, Ash" I cried, trying to get him to stop.
"Nah, let me finish what I started" He said, picking up a bottle of whiskey.
"This one's for dad!" He said before throwing the unopened bottle against the wall, smashing it.
I stood there, crying. For the first time I didn't know how to help. I felt hopeless, like I had let Ash down.
"Next up. Ah! Mum" He said cheerfully, picking up another bottle and throwing it at the same wall.
Todd came rushing to my side, pulling me away from the scene.
"We have to leave, Kaia. The cops are on their way. We have to go, now!".
"But. ..I have to help Ash, I can't just leave him here" I said to Todd, gesturing at Ash who was scavenging around the bar for something.
"Listen to your friend, Kaia. Leave!" Ash said, slowly walking backwards towards the wall. His face had little cuts from the broken glass. I couldn't just go. He looked so lost. I looked down and let the tears rush down, I was so mad at myself. I'm useless.
I looked up at Ash and gasped as I saw what he held in his hand.
"Ashton, put it down. Right now. Please!" I pleaded, but he didn't listen.
Todd moved closer to him, attempting to grab the lighter out of his hand. He treaded carefully on the broken glass, just to get to Ash.
"Put it down, mate. I won't let you do this to Kaia. I won't let you hurt her. Not this time" Todd said, moving closer.
"No!!!" Ash shouted, giving me a fright.
"No one can save me. Not even you!" He shouted, pointing at me.
I can't let Todd get hurt. I looked around for Shawn or James but they were nowhere to be seen. Dani was at the other end, pacing. I could see that she was scared. I can't believe I brought my friends here. Now I've put them in danger. What's wrong with you Kaia?
"Leave" Ash said once more, threatening to drop the lighter.
I rushed to Todd and yanked him by the arm, pulling him out and away from Ash. I knew I couldn't risk anyone else getting hurt. Dani came towards Todd with James, Shawn and Axel. Great, when I needed them most they weren't here. Thanks boys!
Ash stared at me blankly as I walked towards him. My eyes never left his as I moved closer. I knew he couldn't drop that lighter when I was here, whatever crap he's said today, I knew I meant something to him.
We were now only inches apart and I looked at him, pleading. He looked weak, his eyes were red and there were dark rings under his eyes. I knew he hadn't slept in days. I reached out my shaky hand and touched his face, he closed his eyes and let the tears run down. I wiped them away gently and moved closer, leaning my forehead against his.
With my left hand I trailed up his arm, gently caressing his skin, he kept his eyes closed and slumped his shoulders at my touch. I held onto the lighter and quickly pulled it out of his hand, hugging him as his hand dropped to his side. As I released him from my hug, I looked at him and smiled. Finally he had calmed down.
"Why did you take it away, Kaia? I've given up on life. It's no use" He said in a low tone, looking into my eyes. The jade eyes that I love were now dark, buried under years of pain.
"Give up on everyone else, Ash. ..but don't give up on me" I said, holding his hands in mine.
"Kaia, plea---"
"I would never give up on you and I'll never leave you, even if everyone else does. Believe me, Ash".
"No, I can---"
"I love you, Ashton" I blurted out. That was a huge weight off my tiny chest. Now I only hope he feels the same.
Ash's eyes went wide with shock and so did everyone else's. He didn't speak for a moment, just looked at me -- analyzing me. Then he lifted his hand and touched my cheek, caressing it. I leaned on his hand, missing how he felt so bad.
"I love you too angel, so much. You don't know what you mean to me" He said, wrapping me up in a hug. I immediately fell into his arms and exhaled. I didn't realise I was holding my breath.
Suddenly Ash pulled away from our hug and crashed his lips against mine. I responded immediately, wrapping my arms around his neck. He pulled me closer and deepened the kiss, making me melt into him.
"Um guys. ..I hate to interrupt this incredible moment but the cops are a few blocks away, if we have any chance of getting away- now would be the time" James said, telling us to get out.
I helped Ash get out of there and into his Dad's car. He needed medical attention so Axel promised to get him to the nearest hospital to be treated. Shawn was the last to leave, locking up the door and rushing to his bike.
× × ×
"What a day!" Dani exclaimed as Todd drove us back to campus.
"Tell me about it!" I replied, relieved things were over.
I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw that I had a message from Ash so I quickly opened it.
i'll see you once im out of this hell hole. Ax is by my side as if im dying. I love you angel xx
♡