Dear Diary: March 27, 2014
~Stretch~ ~Yawn~ Oooh it's morning again. The light is coming through and I am on the bed of my awesome Nessie. I mean I have my own bed but eh who needs that thing. I feel much more comfy rolled into a little ball with Nessie. She is so cute when she snores. Her dad wasn't too thrilled when I first jumped onto the bed with her but sorry pops you don't have any say in the matter! My Nessie! Hehehehe.
Well it was time to wake her up so she could take me outside. I'm hardly big enough to open the door by myself. I mean I can bark and scratch but that's about it. When it comes to these human doors, I'm stuck. Nessie's mom wanted to install a doggy door but Nessie was afraid I'd run away into the woods and get lost. So we have to do it the old fashioned way. Oh well, you don't hear me complaining unless of course I have to do my biz and no one is paying attention to me. That could get a bit difficult. I mean one time they were doing whatever it is that these people do when they talk too much and I REALLY REALLY had to go....and well they weren't paying attention so I had no choice but to pee right there by the front door.
I got yelled at by Nessie's dad who stuck my nose into my own pee. Big deal, I smell myself all the time; I'm a dog, duh! But Nessie had my back; she told her dad that if he wasn't too busy discussing whatever, they would have noticed that I needed to go ASAP! She rocks! I have the best owner ever! So anyways, as I'm recounting that wonderful experience ~NOT~ Nessie has woken up and is looking around the room. Time to go do my best job; lick! She starts to screech and giggle when I lick her face. It makes her wake up faster because she has nowhere to hide. I literally dig her out from under her blankets. You'd think I was going on an archeological dig or something!
As soon as she gets up she bumbles around the room a bit looking like she had a little too much of something those people drink that's red or pink in glasses. I know she's still young and I heard her asking her dad to have a little sip of it before. She had one glass and looked so wonky. While she gets herself all dressed I'll explain a little bit about who I live with and like and don't like so much. Well for starters, I live with Nessie and her mom and dad who are pretty cool but they kiss too much. Ick! If you're going to do that, try licking! I don't get it. Even Nessie makes a face when they're all over each other. Then there's my biggest competition and his name is Jacob. He's a person but can turn into a wolf somehow; still working on figuring that one out.
He gets all jealous when Nessie spends alone time with me. Well excuse you! I'm a puppy who deserves lots and lots of attention. That's kind of in my DNA. And he's this big hulk like person who just whines a lot when Nessie goes for a walk with me unless he is allowed to tag along. Please! Makes me wonder which one of us is more mature! ~Silly man~ Nessie teases him about it and I laugh too and then he says he'll eat me! Nessie has punched him in the arm a few times for being a child. You go girl! Arf!
Anywho, then there are Nessie's grandparents and more aunts and uncles then I know what to do with. There are two wolf-people named Leah and Seth. Seth is very close to Jacob and is Leah's brother and Leah is best friends with Nessie's mom and just got married to Keith. Plus there's a group of people called the Watchers. They are led by like the coolest woman ever! And she's hot! I blush when I see her.....I mean if dogs can blush. Her name is Rogue and that's a warrior name as Nessie explained to me one night last year when I was still a youngin; she was writing an entry in her journal about her best friend Michelle (a junior Watcher) and some secret Michelle had that Nessie was worried about. That worked itself out.
So here's the not fair part; everyone in this family—and I include wolves and Watchers as part of the family because everyone else does—has a significant other as they are called. I'm the only bachelor! How does that work? Nessie said I was too young but I mean....I'm still manly! I want a girlfriend. Too bad Rogue is married and I'm a doggy otherwise Alexander would have some serious competition. Hehehehe. So I guess I have to wait. My family decided not to neuter me because I may find a hot chick to have puppies with someday. Nessie's dad's only concern is that that hot chick isn't a raccoon. Hmmmmm; not too appealing.
Ok, Nessie is ready to begin the day and not a moment too soon as I am ready to go sniff some trees and do my biz. Nessie puts on my harness and leash and off we go, I usually have a favorite spot where I pee and boy does that feel good when that's over with. I feel like 20 lbs lighter. Nessie always giggles and says I look really relieved when that's done. Hey, you try not going to the bathroom for 12 hours and I'll see what you feel and look like! As Nessie's grandpa says, but I digress. After that's over we walk around the woods for a while just as a few of the Watchers fly by. I think that is so cool! Nessie waves to them and they touch down right next to us. It is my woman Rogue and her second in command Amy.
As they exchange pleasantries with Nessie, I make little squealing sounds to get noticed; doesn't take a lot of effort as Rogue scoops me off the ground and Amy takes Nessie. All of a sudden we are a few hundred feet in the air! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! We're flying! I'm the amazing flying Sparkles! Doesn't get any better than this. I wish I had flying powers. They fly us above the clouds, careful to avoid a jetliner in the area. But we are invisible; still those things are so loud that I kind of shrink into Rogue's arms and she scratches one of my ears to soothe me.
We fly around for a bit until Nessie's stomach growls and with a laugh they fly us back home. We land on our front lawn where Nessie's mom has been waiting to make Nessie and me some food. As we land, she smiles.
"I was wondering where you two had gone off to. It doesn't take that long for Sparkles to go for a walk." She says.
"We were just wondering around and saw Rogue and Amy fly above and they took us on a little adventure." Nessie answers as our two Watchers smile.
"Would you ladies like to come in for some breakfast?" Nessie's mom offered kindly.
Before Rogue and Amy could answer, my ears pricked up and I felt uneasy just before the ground started to gently shake. We had this happen a month ago. Nessie called it an earthquake. It wasn't crazy bad but enough for people to notice and the trees around us to move. Rogue's eyes narrowed and she touched the ground. The shaking and moving lasted maybe a minute or so then all was quiet again. It's so strange to have the earth move under you. I was pressed against Nessie. I'm not a scaredy-dog but this gave me the willies. Nessie picked me up. Just then, Nessie's dad and Jacob came out of the house.
"I'm assuming everyone out here felt that." Nessie's dad said seriously.
"Yes we did and it's another non supernatural earthquake." Rogue said getting up from her crouch.
"What's going on? Two in a month and a half?" Nessie's mom looked confused and a little worried.
"I'm not sure. I've been doing research but thus far have come up with nothing. I'll make a call to a Watcher that also works for the USGS and see if they know what's doing." Rogue said thoughtfully then.
After that, the Watchers left to fly home to do some research. The rest of us trooped into the house; Nessie sensed I was still a little shook up by the tremor so she kept holding me until I saw my bowl of food then I squirmed to be let go and she put me down as I all but scrambled to my bowl. Yum! Nessie sat down with Jacob to have breakfast. I just chewed as loudly as I could to drown out the convo about the earthquake as that's all anyone spoke about and then Nessie remembered something.
"OMG I totally forgot, Aunt Alice is supposed to give Sparkles a haircut today!" She did what these teenagers call a 'face palm'.
"Well let's let him finish eating, he looks very hungry and then we'll take him to the main house where Alice can do her magic." Nessie's mom smiled.
I just kept munching away. I really like Aunt Alice she's very nice to me. Her husband is cool around me too. The one that annoys me is Uncle Emmett; he's like a giant man in diapers. I guess that's why he and Jacob get along so well. They're both so childish. He is huge on whining too. Aunt Rose is a very interesting character. Like she's trying really hard to be normal. Nessie's mom and Aunt Alice give her a lot of credit. When I shy away from her, she gets sad. Nessie explained that she had a hard life long ago so I just try to let her not intimidate me too much. Besides she has her hands full with Uncle Emmett as that's her husband. They're def a match made in heaven.
As soon as I finished eating, I sat obediently waiting to be taken to the main house for my haircut. Boy did I need one. I looked like Cousin It from the Adam's Family! All shaggy and furry. Too much, no thanks! So Nessie and Jacob took me to Aunt Alice in the main house. She had everything ready and when I got there she nuzzled me and I licked her as she giggled. For the next 2 hours, I stood as still as I could as she washed me, shaved me until I only had like an inch of fur left and trimmed and buffed and polished me. She buffed my nails; it's like a French manicure for doggies. The part I hate the most is the ripping the hair out of my ears. I mean it helps with hearing but OUCH!!!! She knows me well enough by now to do that first to get it over with. So then when she was done, she put a tie on me and presented me to Nessie who squealed with joy.
"OMG, he's soooooooooooooooooooooooooo adorable! Thanks so much Aunt Alice!" She and Aunt Alice hugged.
"You're welcome kiddo. He's very patient." Just then Uncle Emmett walked by just as Nessie set me down on the floor. He took one look at me and said:
"Hey mutt, you look too skinny. Alice I think you took too much off."
Did he just call me a skinny mutt? I was angry in a second and before anyone could react, I calmly walked over to him, lifted my leg, and peed all over his fancy shmancy shoes. Uncle Emmett shrieked and jumped back as I growled. Everyone else looked very amused and even Aunt Rose smiled:
"That's what you get for being rude to the puppy. You're lucky he isn't a golden retriever!" Everyone save for Uncle Emmett laughed including me.
He walked away in a huff. As Aunt Rose stooped down to pet me, I let her. Then with a bit of hesitation I licked her nose; she scrunched it up but laughed as her eyes lit up. She looked me deep into my eyes and I could tell she was happy. Maybe she's not that bad after all. I got closer and licked her more and more and more until I was on top of her and she was shrieking with laughter but she didn't stop me. Everyone was laughing. Now I was happy and pretty darn good looking too.
The rest of the day was spent, playing in the main house as it started raining outside and nobody wanted me to get all yucky after my royal grooming. The Watchers came to visit again and Aunt Alice spent the whole time bugging Kim and Michelle about their wedding which was coming up in the beginning of April. Alice's birthday is April 1st on April fool's Day. She isn't staying here though; Jasper is taking her away on some surprise trip. We'll know more later; for now we were waiting for the rain to let up. I spent the whole time in the main house just wandering around. Uncle Emmett stayed as far away from me as possible. From what I heard, his freshly peed on shoes were going to be taken to the dry cleaners. Serves him right! Arf!
It only stopped raining after dark and I had eaten at the main house. Grandma Esme snuck me some of her yummy human food. Delicious! She should really write a cook book. But now I was yawning and couldn't stop. Time for bed, it was after 11pm. We headed back to our home after saying goodnight to everyone. I did my biz before bedtime one more time and then curled on Nessie's bed as she got ready as well. I looked out the window as I had the perfect vantage point from my perch. The stars were heavenly in the sky. Time to sleep.
And that folks is a day in the life of a puppy like me; a supernatural life that is. But even with the little tremor and Uncle Emmett's shenanigans, it was still really normal compared to a lot of my days. I do have the best life as a doggy with the most loving family ever. Goodnight.
Lots of licks,
***Sparkles***
~Carlisle Cullen