Dear Diary: January 4, 2014
Happy New Year!!! It's 2014! Wow! I can't believe it; can you? Sorry it took me so long to write in here but we've had a super busy NYE. For starters we decided to do something totally different this year for that. We took a vote and decided to run/fly down to Manhattan and watch the actual ball drop! Yep, you heard correctly. We parked ourselves in the shadows on top of one of the skyscrapers in Times Square with champagne bottles and glasses ready to toast in the New Year! Boy was it a spectacle and a half. In all of our decades of living in this country we never once considered going to NYC for the ball drop. Go figure right? I mean it happens at midnight so we don't have to worry about sparkling and no one would ever see us come or go. So that's what we did! All photos are below.
I have to tell you, I've never seen that many human beings in one place in my life. Rogue, Alexander, Corin, Keith, Amy, and Peter having lived in NYC before moving to Hanover had watched quite a few of those balls drop over the years. So to them it was nothing; we meanwhile had our eyes bugging out of our heads. Even Jasper having seen the Civil War was aghast at the sheer volume of humans sardined into one relatively small area. The noise was overwhelming; we didn't speak much just watched the crowd go nuts down on the street. Then it was time to countdown as the ball lowered slowly!
10....9....8....7....6....5.....4......3.....2.....1.....HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!!
We all kissed our mates long and hard before hugging and kissing everyone else. We stayed that way for a long time. Then Alexander and I opened 2 bottles of champagne and we toasted to each other's long eternal lives and prosperity. As it was still 3 hours before NYE on the west coast we would wait before calling Charlie, Sue, and the others on La Push. Charlie and Sue are engaged! How do you like them apples? When Bella told Leah on Christmas Eve, she was so shocked she couldn't say anything for a long moment and then got up and hugged Bella for a good long time and Seth joined them in a group hug saying how they'll be related now! Everyone laughed.
No matter who wants to admit it or not, we and the wolves are getting more and more intertwined as family. And I think secretly Leah is very pleased with the fact that now she and Bella will be step-sisters. That wedding is somewhere later on along the lines of this year. They haven't even considered setting a date. I heard from Leah herself and she and Keith were giving Alice overtures that they wanted their wedding toward the end of February just NOT on Valentine's Day. Way too girlie, pink, and poofy for Leah. Rogue shuddered...turns out she's not a fan of that day either. This brings me back to the 'she hates the color pink' theory.
But I digress. So after we watched the ball drop and celebrated a bit on the roof, we returned home to NH to celebrate the rest of the night. In fact as I'm writing this entry, I'm having a glass of champagne; just splendid to be able to enjoy it. When we got back we had presents to open. You remember I mentioned in here last time that because we had all decided to donate to charity as opposed to give each other gifts. We did however say that we could give gifts to our mates and vice versa. Because of the sheer number of couples—we have 14 of them—instead of going through the whole hoopla of explaining each gift, I will just list them; most are self-explanatory anyways plus their corresponding photos are below. So here they are in no particular order:
1) Me and Esme: Precious stone from Madagascar (which was made into a pendant); a diary my father kept. (I will explain that more below)
2) Edward and Bella: A trip to Shakespeare's house in Stratford-upon-Avon, England; scrap book of both of their human lives. (Bella found old photos of Edward as a baby and such and made a scrap book of their human lives)
3) Alice and Jasper: A sword autographed by Bruce Lee; A real crystal ball owned by a shaman thousands of years ago. (Alice can actually use that to tell the future and it's become quite helpful with her visions)
4) Emmett and Rose: A full gym from Chuck Norris; A ruby ring
5) Nessie and Jacob: Karate lessons with Steven Seagal; The nativity scene made out of precious wood
6) Seth and Corin: A dream catcher that was green colored; A gift certificate to Armani Exchange for a full fashion over haul.
7) Leah and Keith: Dream catcher with sunset colors; A gold snake bracelet
8) Rogue and Alexander: A collection of books dating back to Plato's era, written by Plato himself; A real Faberge egg. (Apparently she collects those.)
9) Amy and Peter: A castle in Ireland; A massive tapestry of ancient Greece.
10) Michelle and Kim: Got each other matching necklaces with half a heart.
11) Kate and Garrett: The full set of original albums of Beatles music; Arwen's Evenstar Pendant.
12) Tanya and Marcus: Trip to Ireland; Elven sword (Both Kate and Tanya are huge LOTR fans and Marcus has never been to Ireland).
13) Carmen and Eleazer: Trip to Egypt; Trip to Brazil
14) John and Maria: Warm winter coat made out of leather and suede; A quilt with pictures of their family from both human and Watcher age.
So talk about a serious variety of gifts. You get from the crazy extravagant to the very inventive. But the best part is that each gift regardless of 'how much' fits each person it was given to, to a T. And isn't that just the most important thing? So let me explain the beyond amazing gift my beautiful wife gave me. She didn't want to give it to me in front of everyone and that was ok, some people got theirs at different times and in different locations. She asked me to come to my home office with her which I did. I followed her upstairs and when we got there, she closed the door and locked it. I knew it was something super serious then.
She had hidden the gift behind my desk on my office chair. She went to retrieve it and handed it to me without saying a word. Then she sat down on the window seat where she is usually perched when she comes to my office and waited for me to open it. She sat there looking at me with a small smile on her face. I started opening the present; I couldn't imagine what it could possibly be. As the wrapping paper tore away, I found myself holding a very old looking journal with a pencil still tied to it. The journal and the pencil looked to be from the same time period and they were bound together by a very simple suede string. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she nodded toward me to open the journal.
I must admit my hands were quivering slightly as I unbound the journal and put the pencil on my desk. I opened the journal and two papers fell out, I reached down to pick them up and when I did I gasped; there in my hands were two painted photos. One was of my mother and father on their wedding day and the other was with just my father and me when I was no more than 2 or 3 years old. I stared at both photos until I felt my vision becoming blurry. I then looked into the journal itself and saw that the first page was an entry made before I was even born, judging by the date being 1598. This was my father's journal! I blinked in astonishment as I ever so gently leafed through each page. I didn't read it, but just looked at his handwriting which I recognized as clear as day now all these centuries later. I would read this diary later.
The very last entry was written a year after I 'died'. My father spoke of how he didn't want to live anymore and how it was all his fault that he had made me do his job too. It was his fault that I was 'dead'. He knew I had always dreamed to go to medical school and now I couldn't do it. The words were filled with such sorrow that it made me crumble to my knees and dry sob into my hands as I read those words. If he only knew......if he only knew that I was 'alive' or some version of it and that I was a doctor and had been one for centuries! My poor father had lost his whole family; first his wife in child birth and then his only child to bloodthirsty monsters.
I wish I could show him the family I had now. He wouldn't accept it of course but if he did.....if he only did......just like Charlie had with Bella; wouldn't he be proud of me? I sincerely hope so. I realized that Esme had her arms around me when I was 'crying'. She had given me the most extraordinary gift; a part of my humanity back as well as my human family. One that I didn't even know existed. And that's when I realized something; an epiphany struck me like a lightning bolt. There was a huge part of me missing until now. I hadn't realized it but all my life—both human and not—I had wanted my father's approval or rather I had wanted him to be proud of me.
Obviously I had never heard him tell me as I 'died' young. But there it was at the bottom of the page, written in his very neat handwriting:
"My son, the only son, the only child I ever had and I never once told him that I loved him. Because men aren't supposed to do that, that's a woman's job. And yet, my son is dead and he never knew how I felt about him. I went to church the other day and prayed that his soul was in heaven and I prayed to God to tell my son, Carlisle, that I loved him very much and I was extremely proud of him. What kind of a father am I? I betrayed my beloved wife's dying words; she asked me to take care of Carlisle, to nurture and to love him and I couldn't even do that. What kind of a man am I? I just hope that God can forgive me for everything that I have done; especially the way I failed my own son. Instead of hunting monsters and witches, I should have raised my son and let him go to medical school. He would have been a fine doctor. Son, I'm sorry, please forgive me....."
And on those words, the last entry ends. A side note from unfamiliar handwriting said that a few days after writing that last entry, my father had suffered a heart attack and passed away in his sleep. I was shaking from head to toe as I read and reread that last portion; it was my father speaking to me from beyond the grave. His soul had joined my mother's in heaven so he must know who and what I have become. I truly hope he is still proud of me. I remember when Irina had haunted or come to Tanya after her death. It made me wonder if I will ever see my father like that myself. I truly hoped so.
And that's how we sat on the floor of my home office with Esme cradling me in her arms like a mother would a child as I dry sobbed while my mind jumped from present day to that oh so very distant past. I had visited my father's grave a few times many decades and centuries later but I never knew his feelings especially in his last days. Plus I recall from my hazy human world, that my father only kept a few pictures of my mother in the house as it brought him immense sorrow to lose her. One of his favorite ones was the one I was now holding in my hand. My mother was beautiful; I have some of her features. I didn't remember much from my human life but now both of these pictures would be ingrained into my memory for all eternity. And I'm ever so glad.
I'm even more glad to have such a caring wife like Esme to have gotten lord knows how this priceless gift for me. When I asked her how she had done it and where she had found it; she refused to tell me other than Santa brought it and then she winked and giggled a bit though I could see tears in her eyes too. My reaction to my father's journal moved her as well. I finally closed the journal and returned the photos to their original location within in. I would buy picture frames and put them on my desk here in the office. Meanwhile, the diary itself would be living in a secret safe in my office. We have vaults and safes all over the house; most of which hold money.
But this is more precious than any jewel, any piece of gold, or amount of money. So I put the journal into the safe very gently knowing full well that that night or when I wasn't going to be working at the hospital, I would be here in this office reading my father's journal. I have to say in that hour that I spent in the office with Esme it's as if my whole world was changed, for the better though. I felt like a new person as I kissed my wife and gave her a long, long, hug.
"I can't even put into words, what this present means to me. I.....I.....I" I stuttered into silence as she giggled.
"Hey you're actually speechless for once!" She said jokingly and I laughed with her. Then her face became serious and she looked very intently into my eyes as she said:
"I know what this means to you and you don't have to say anything. I was very lucky that I could even find it. Just your reaction and the look in your eyes are enough for me. I hope you find the necessary closure with your father finally, sweetheart. I know how much that means to you."
"Thank you, Esme. Thank you. I love you so very much." I said earnestly.
"I know, you're welcome, and I love you too." She said.
With that we headed back down the stairs to the remainder of our ginormous family who were waiting very patiently. With that many mind readers, it was very easy for everyone to find out what had happened. I sat silently on the couch as another bottle of champagne was opened, food was served, and we toasted each other and to happiness in the future! God Bless us everyone!
Hope your New Years was wonderful too!
~Carlisle Cullen