Dear Diary: July 18, 2013
It has been almost 2 weeks since Esme left. For me they have been the most miserable I can remember. I've been walking around like a zombie. My whole family has been feeling the void. It's not that they haven't been able to do things for themselves that Esme used to do for them, but all of them said they have missed her warm presence. Today, Esme is finally returning home and she is being flown in by Rogue.
In lieu of formal gifts, what the family has decided to do is write down their thoughts and what Esme meant to them. They figured that true honesty and words from the heart would be a lot more meaningful then a bunch of gifts. Amazingly, this was Jacob's idea. He missed Esme a lot. Sometimes I think more than anyone else—except me, of course.
As we waited anxiously for Rogue to bring Esme back, we knew this was a very nerve racking welcome home; probably for everyone involved, Esme not excluded. As we stood in our living room like statues, we didn't even know what we were expecting. It's not like she was going to look different, but we had no idea what conclusions and epiphanies she'd had on her journey.
We heard them approaching. There was more than one gulp heard in the room. Then they landed and walked up the stairs. It was now or never. The door opened and first Rogue walked in, and Esme followed her slowly into the house. Rogue left us alone after giving a reassuring squeeze to Esme's hand. Esme took a deep breath and then faced us. Even though physically she hadn't changed at all, I could tell there was a huge difference in her face and her eyes. It wasn't that they were hard, but there was a new determination in them that I had never seen before.
We realized we were standing around awkwardly so everyone kind of started breathing and even giggled a bit to let the stress and tension empty out of the room. I also felt Jasper try to regulate the room a bit.
I walked up to my wife first, looked deep into her eyes, kissed her, hugged her and said, "I have missed you so much. It hasn't been easy for me. When I first found out you were gone, I nearly had a heart attack. I felt it was entirely my fault that you left, especially after Rogue read us the letter. I hope it never has to come to such extremes again."
She looked at me and touched my face; how I'd missed that touch. I felt like I was going to melt. I knew the whole family had a lot to say, but before we could begin, it was Esme who spoke after producing some papers from her pocket.
"Before any of you say anything, I want you to read what I did on my journey and understand my realizations. I think it'll make what you have to say make more sense. So please read this."
She handed the papers to me and everyone crowded around me to read what they said; they were basically the last entry in here, my dear diary. As we read, we were amazed by the sheer volume of it all. There were some giggles regarding the hay bale incident, and I won't deny that I gasped when I read about the volcano-hopping journey. I looked over at my wife, who was sitting on a chair very content with herself. She'd been inside a volcano! I'm glad I'm not human; I would have passed out at that point. After reading all of it, it was Jacob who volunteered to speak up first. He was going to speak on behalf of himself and the wolves.
"Welcome home Esme." He hugged her. He had a paper out which he was reading from, and you could tell his hands were shaking. He continued, "I wanted to start off by saying that, since I have met you, you have replaced that nurturing figure in my life. And not just because your cooking rocks. Though Seth and Leah are still lucky to have their mother, I am not as fortunate. But I have you. You have become sorta like an adoptive mom to me. You make me feel wanted and warm. The other two also appreciate everything you have done for them. Leah being the last to finally wake up to how much you mean to us. We want to thank you for being you. I wanted to thank you for being a mother to me . . . my mother to me."
By the time he finished, he was crying. Nessie and the wolves had tears rolling down their faces as well. Esme was so touched that she stood up, walked up to him, and put her arms around him as he continued to sob into her shoulder. None of us really realized that, other than myself and Alice, everyone in that room had a mother when they were turned into a vampire. Jacob was the only human in the room who did not have a mother. The sobs finally abated and it took a while. It seemed like he had been holding that within him for a long time.
Seth gave Esme a long hug as well. Leah didn't really know what to do with herself. She kind of looked over at Bella for help. Bella smiled encouragingly at her. To make matters easier, Esme extended her hand for Leah to shake. She wanted to make it as easy as possible for Leah, who gratefully took it and shook it. Leah looked Esme directly in the eyes for the first time and smiled a genuine smile at her. After that she went to stand near Bella again. The wolves were done.
Edward stepped up to the plate next. "Esme, I've known you as long as Carlisle has. You've always been an amazing woman and I sincerely apologize for taking you for granted. I never, for a moment, thought of you as a weak woman, knowing everything you've been through. When reading about your adventures, even though the volcano thing definitely was unexpected in one way, I wasn't completely surprised. I've learned after being with Bella that women are a lot braver than men. And it doesn't matter which species. It was Bella, actually, who first noticed your absence. And just the other day, she chided both Nessie and me for not saying thank you to you; so we are saying it now. You are an amazing woman and mother to me, to all of us as well. Thank you for everything you do."
Edward stepped forward to hug Esme who hugged him tightly. Bella and Nessie stepped forward, Esme tried to wave them away but they still wanted to be there. Rather Nessie had something to say and was so nervous she had asked her mother to stand with her. Esme winked at Bella who smiled back. Bella was the only one, other than Jacob, who never took Esme for granted, so she was off the hook; in fact she tried to help her as much possible.
"Um. Hi, Grandma . . . w-welcome home," Nessie began with a stutter, looking at Bella, who smiled with reassurance, urging her to read what she had written.
Renesmee continued. "So, when you left, I felt so bad . . . like I was a very bad person. I never meant to ignore you or make you feel like I was taking advantage of you or what you did in any way. If I did, I'm very, very sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I have the most amazing family in the world and I love every single one of you, even if sometimes I can act like a brat." There were giggles at that. "I am a teenager, though, so you will have to help me. And Grandma, I want you to help me be a teenager, too. I love you very much."
Nessie glanced up and a smiling Esme hugged her. Nessie was quite adorable when she was contrite. 4 left to go: Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett; the latter of which shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The four of them walked forward together and each had written a little spiel, which they wanted to read. They went in the order written above. Alice smiled at Esme, gave her a hug first before even opening her mouth.
"Esme, I was very upset when you left us and even more upset that you had Rogue mask your thoughts so we wouldn't find you. I do feel bad if you felt neglected, because that's not at all how we feel about you. I personally think you are an amazing woman, mother, and apparently you should take some karate so you don't decapitate anyone with any more farming props." Everyone laughed and Alice continued. "I always miss you when you're gone because I feel like we connect on a special level. Just like Jacob, you are the only mother I've ever known, or remember, rather. So I love you very much and always will. Next time you plan to run away, take me with you, okay?" Everyone laughed except for Jasper, who furrowed his brow only to have Alice stick her tongue out at him. Leave it to Alice to lighten up the mood.
Jasper spoke next after clearing his throat. "Esme, I am not the emotional type and you know that. I can control other people's emotions, which sometimes can leave me devoid of any of my own. That doesn't mean that I disregard you and all you do for this family. I simply have no idea how you do what you do. I will always be grateful for how you took both Alice and I into your home in the beginning with open arms, no questions asked. You always treated me like I was your son and that feels mighty nice. Do apologize if it doesn't always come across." Jasper finished his speech sounding more like pure Texas than ever, making everyone smile. He hugged Esme quickly and then let Rosalie step up.
Rose smiled a small smile before beginning. "I have been considered the coldest member of the family because I never wanted this; I never wanted eternity. I wanted happiness; what I failed to realize at the time was exactly what happiness means. As a human I went about it wrongfully, and even didn't do so hot as an immortal. If it wasn't for Emmett, Bella, Nessie, and most importantly, you, Esme, I think I'd still be that block of ice you knew and didn't love all that much. You were very persistent in showing me what the true meaning of love and family is; I must admit I fought against it for a long time. But once I gave in, I realized what an absolute fool I'd been for having resisted it for so long. You were so right: Love and happiness are what you make them, and not some cookie cutter shaped something. For that I thank you and I do love you even when I don't show it." Rose's honesty stunned everyone. She went beyond everything and really dug deep to find what she wanted to say; we were really proud of her. Esme was shocked and got up and hugged her so tightly, I thought Rose may get squished.
Emmett cleared his throat. Last but not least. "Me, me, me, me, me. . . . Oh yeah sorry, I'm not singing. Yes, I know I have issues." Everyone rolled their eyes. "Anyway," Emmett continued, "we aren't here to talk about me, though a fun topic that would be. I wanted to say that if Jasper has or feels no emotions then I suppose I'm just a block of granite. I guess it's because of how I was raised to believe that men didn't show emotions but were always there to protect and serve, so to speak. I always had a sense of humor but you, Esme, make me feel like I can be a goof ball and still be loved for it. You told me once that I was one of a kind and unique; at first I thought you were trying to butter me up or were trying to tell me in a nice way what a screw up I was. In reality, you loved me for me. You took me as I am and still cared enough to be a mother to me. Yes, I do admit that I do act like a giant child sometimes, but I can't help it. Please forgive me if my appreciation hasn't been shown properly." He bent like a gentleman, looked at her and winked. He reached out his hand, but Esme pulled him in and hugged him tightly. "See? She can't stay mad at me forever," he proclaimed to more eye rolling.
At last, everyone had finally said everything they had to say. It was Esme's turn to tell everyone her thoughts about what she had heard.
"That was definitely a very wide range of apologies, but one thing is for sure: each showed your true selves in them. I do accept your apologies and they mean a lot to me. I love every single one of you with all of my heart, whether it beats or not. All I ask is that you respect me the same way I respect you. There will be times when we disagree and/or you forget to say thank you—that's understandable. But please don't just assume something will get done for you. I think I may take Alice up on her offer to learn karate though. . . . Sounds like fun!"
Everyone laughed at once.
At that point we had a group hug and decided that if we ever felt under-appreciated or overwhelmed, we would immediately speak with whomever we feel safest with, and that's not always our mates. Prior to her leaving, Esme had felt that she didn't have a "best friend," so to speak, but afterward it seems her and Rogue have connected in a special and unique way. Then again, who cannot connect with Rogue?
"Did I hear my name being thought of?" Rogue suddenly appeared next to Esme making all of us jump. She really had to stop doing that. She winked at me.
"Lord. Stop doing that! You're going to give us a heart attack one of these days!" Jacob complained for all of us.
"Nah, you'll live," she said with a smile.
With that, all of the Watchers. and I mean all of them—Peter included—appeared in our living room. It got crowded really fast. Everyone was happy everything had been worked out. Alexander gathered all of our attention and when we all looked at him, he said, "Now that all of you are happy, I would like to cordially invite you for an extended vacation on Rogue's Isle! All of us are going, Kim included, and we would love for you to join us. The island is massive and has more than enough room to fit everyone with extra room to spare. What do you say?"
"We would love to, thank you so much for thinking of us," I spoke on behalf of everyone.
"When would we leave?" Nessie asked excitedly.
"Probably either next Wednesday or Thursday. We'll fly you guys over there, luggage and all. We'll have to make two flights, as usual. Who's staying behind for flight number two?" Amy asked, and Esme and I raised our hands simultaneously. No brainer there.
"Oh my goodness, that means we have to go swimsuit shopping!" Alice squealed to a whole lot of groans in the room.
At that point Esme and I left everyone in the living room to discuss our upcoming trip. We had our arms around each other and walked upstairs to our master suite. Now I could have my lavender bath and feel whole. I had my wife back and life couldn't be sweeter.
~Carlisle Cullen