A/N - This imagine is based on the song 'Miss You' by Gabrielle Aplin. She is an incredible singer and the song is super catchy, so I love it. I hope you all enjoy it.
The Red Keep had been quiet whilst the royal family were on their trip to Winterfell, filled with no one but the waiting staff who would be supplied on the journey. You were conflicted on whether you should be upset about not being allowed to travel with the family. On one hand, you had never left the Capital before and were intrigued by the idea of going so far away, even if it were for only a short while. On the other hand, Sandor would be with them, travelling with Prince Joffrey and looking totally unfazed by all you had been through.
You had loved Sandor, you were certain of it, but he never seemed to fully commit to sharing the same feelings with you. You would often share your bed with him and when you would wake the next morning he would be gone without so much as a whispered goodbye. You had hoped that he would eventually recognise that he loved you, that it would come to him one night whilst he rested beside you and he would stay rather than disappearing before you could wake. But there was no such luck. You hated to admit it, but if he were to even say a single word to you, you would have fallen apart, and so once he had stopped coming to your bed of a night you began to avoid him in all aspects of life.
All you could do whilst the royal family were gone was small jobs, cleaning here and there and finishing some darning on some clothing that you had been putting off for what seemed like a millennia. You would sit with some of the other chambermaids, each of you with a dress, or tunic, or breeches, and you would listen to them gossiping whilst you worked.
"Y/N, I haven't seen the Hound hanging around you so much recently," one of the girls, Clara, spoke, causing you to jolt and lift your head to look at her with an eyebrow raised. "Did you finally tell him to leave you be?" she asked, her hands stopping there work as she waited for your answer.
"He's a brute; you should have told someone as soon as he started bothering you," one of the other girls, June, muttered. "And his face, as if any sane woman could love him," she huffed, not looking up from the hem of the dress on her lap.
"Don't talk about him like that," you uttered, unable to hold back the words as they fell from your lips.
"He's not here to hear us, Y/N, he's all the way North," Clara murmured, watching you with concern. "It's not like he'll ever know."
"But it's so cruel. Can you imagine knowing that everyone is thinking that way about you?" you trailed off, shaking your head slightly before returning to your work.
"He deserves all he gets if you ask me," June told you, finally glancing up from her work as she set it aside and took a sip from her drink.
"I'm not asking you though, am I?" you hummed, not allowing yourself to raise your head but hearing the other girls giggle as June huffed out a surprised breath and glanced around the room.
"Why do you defend him? He's no better than a savage," she hissed at you, shoving your shoulder slightly so that you would look at her. "People will get the wrong idea about you if you keep on the way you are."
"I defend him because I don't think it's fair to speak about someone when they aren't there to defend themselves," you told her with a shrug. "And honestly, I couldn't give two shits if someone got the wrong idea about me," you added, causing the other girls to burst into another fit of giggles. "Now, I think I will find somewhere else to finish my work." You gathered your things before marching quickly from the room with your arms full. You weren't sure really where you were going but you couldn't sit and listen to them speaking ill of him any longer without going half-mad.
*Time Skip*
You were elated when the King returned to the Red Keep with his family and, of course, his new hand. You had been reassigned to work with the Stark girls and would be their main source of help within the Capital. But Sandor had also returned, trailing behind the young Prince with a scowl permanently painted on his face. You felt bad for him sometimes; Joffrey could be an insufferable child, but it was hard to pity him when he had hurt you so badly.
You hurried through the corridors, your hands clutching at the two jugs you were to take to the girls, who seemed to be much more tense than you had been expecting. Something had happened on the road, but neither of them were willing to talk about it with you yet, and you weren't going to push them if they didn't feel like talking. You were rounding the final corner when you saw Sandor standing outside Lady Sansa's chambers, facing the door but staying still and silent. You paused for a moment, considering turning back and leaving him there, but you were overcome with a curiosity that usually wasn't there.
"Can I help you?" you asked, moving closer to him slowly, like you were scared you would scare him away if you went too quickly. He looked up at you, going to answer but just letting out a huff of breath instead.
"Can we talk?" he answered you, his gruff voice softer than usual. You glanced up at him, he didn't look right, though you weren't sure what had changed.
You gave him a short nod before turning to the door and giving a sharp knock. "Give me a few moments and I should be free for a while," you told him as Sansa opened the door, flinching away when she saw Sandor behind you. "I've got your fresh water for you, M'Lady," you smiled sweetly at her as she kept glancing over your shoulder at the large man. "Can I come in? Sandor will wait outside for me." She nodded as she stepped out of your way, allowing you to pass her and shutting the door behind you.
"Why is he here?" she asked, following you over to the table as you situated the jugs on the table.
"He wants to speak with me," you uttered quietly, still busying yourself at her table, moving things around and lining them up on the surface.
"Why?"
"Because we used to be very close, and it's likely he wants something from me," you answered her softly, finally turning to look at her. "Don't worry yourself over it Sansa, he won't bother you, I'll make sure of it." She smiled at you when you had finished talking and you quickly rested your hands on your hips. "Now," you started. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, you're excused," she told you and you answered with a quick nod before squeezing through the door and smiling up at Sandor.
"How can I help you?" you asked him softly watching as he shrugged slightly. "Please, don't waste my time Sandor, it's not good for either of us," you added, your smile fading as you continued to watch him.
"How've you been doing?" he finally spoke, causing you to force the smile back onto your lips.
"I've been good, it's nice to have my bed to myself again," you answered softly, the words sounding false to your own ears as you let out a quiet sigh. "What about you?" you asked quickly, hoping to hide your deceit with a new distraction.
He let out a light scoff at your question and you shrugged slightly. "Yeah, about the same," he uttered and you almost felt bad for him. "I miss you," he murmured softly, and you blinked for a moment, the words not fully registering as you stared at him.
"Gods," you muttered, raising your eyebrows as you thought of what to say. "I miss you too," you started, pausing for a moment. "I thought I was fine but it all seemed to build up and then you looked so-" you paused again, not able to think of how to finish your sentence. Happy, no he hadn't looked happy. Content, hardly. "So fine with everything, it was like it had never even happened for you. And I felt like I was falling apart."
He continued to watch you as you rambled out your words, hoping that he would stop you, but he never did. "I'm sorry, I should've tried to explain but I couldn't bring myself to do it." You scoffed slightly at his words, though he was right, he should have explained what was going on, why he didn't want you anymore. "And if it makes you feel any better, I wasn't fine," he told you, rubbing his hand over his beard roughly as you glanced at the floor.
"I wish it didn't have to end like it did," you muttered to him, wringing your hands together as you spoke and hoping he wouldn't see how uncomfortable you had grown. You didn't want to admit it, but you still loved him, as much as you had tried to stop, the feeling had never really gone away. "I'm still in the dark, Sandor, and it kills me having to sleep alone each night and not knowing why you aren't beside me."
His hands reached out, grabbing yours to stop their movements. "Joffrey was starting to recognise that I'd been leaving my chambers of an evening; he told me that if he found out who I was with he would arrange a marriage. I couldn't force you to stay with me when you deserved so much more." Tears sprung to your eyes as you shook your head at him.
"You should have spoken with me," you started softly, attempting to pull your hands from his. "I would've been proud to be your wife, whether it was at a King's order or not." Sandor sighed lightly, reaching forward to pull you against him.
"I'm sorry," he muttered again, his fingers running gentle pattern over your spine as he held you close to his chest. "Could we ever go back to how we were before?"
"I don't know," you answered. "I wish I could tell you that I could forgive you, but I just don't know."
"I understand," he breathed out, releasing his grip slightly so that you could take a few steps away from him. "I hope I'll get to see you again soon," he added before giving you a short nod and hurrying away down the corridor, allowing you to find your way back to your own small room with tears in your eyes.
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