~Chapter Song: Zia 'Though I Want You'~
A/N: If you watched Ruler Master of the Mask then I'm sure you'll recognise this song TT
"I said sit down" his father spoke with teeth clenched. Seung-Ho took a few steps inside the study and looked at his father, noticing how much he had aged within the time he'd moved away. His wrinkles had deepened, and his hair had gotten even more grey. He turned to look at his mother who, as usual, had her head down who had aged too and even lost weight.
"All we wanted was for you to be a bit more like your older brother, but what? This is the mess you make? Getting involved with one of your students. What a disgrace!" His father sneered throwing the photos he had of Seung-Ho and So-Hyun together. Seung-Ho watched as the pictures fell one after the other, memories of all their dates decorating the floor of his father's study.
"You think I didn't know? You fool! You tried to keep it a secret, so you took her to your Cabin in Seoraksan? You thought that I wouldn't find out? You stupid boy! Well done, you've really made the family proud."
His father was right, why wasn't he more careful, why had he been so selfish? His Hyeong was also right, there was nothing that could ever escape their father's attention, they were always being monitored. He'd been stupid to think that he was independent after moving out, his actions weren't just his own, they also reflected on his father. Seung-Ho couldn't say that he regretted ever meeting So-Hyun, becuase that would be lying to himself and to his family. Again.
Seung-Ho fell to his knees and hung his head down "Father, I'm so-"
"I don't need your apology. You shouldn't have done something that you had to be sorry for in the first place. If this was to ever get out what do you think would happen to the reputation of this family? The University? How coud you be so foolish to have fallen for your student, a real man should know when to control himself. Get out of my sight!".
Seung-Ho who was still on his knees didn't move an inch, he couldn't.
"Speak to your son! How have you raised him these past 26 years!" His anger now directed at his mother "How did this one and Ji-Sub turn out so different? Even if you're not Ji-Sub's biological mother, how could you raise them to be complete opposites!?"
"Father..."
"You don't want to leave? Then I'll leave" His father got out of his chair and walked out with his secretary, slamming the door ferociously.
This whole time, his mother was sat down in the corner of his office her head still down. She could never get a word in when her husband and Seung-Ho were speaking, so she never even tried. Looking at her son on her knees she didn't know what to do. She loves her son, but she knew that this wasn't right.
"Son" she said slowly approaching Seung-Ho, she got on her knees and embraced him in a hug.
"Mother, I'm sorry" He said breaking down in tears "I'm so, so sorry"
"Son, do you love her?" She asked, patting his back to calm him down. She had never seen his son in this state, not since he was a child, she held him tighter when he started to nod vehemently.
"Then you don't need to be sorry"
Seung-Ho looked lifted up his head to look at his mother "Mother..."
"I'm not saying you did good, but you shouldn't be sorry for loving each other. She's not underage nor did you force yourself on her. It's... Well it's just unfortunate that you had to meet as student and professor". She looked at her son with mixed emotions, but pity dominating her heart. "You know what you need to do right, son?"
"Mother, I c-can't. For once in my life, I decided on what I wanted. I promised to protect her, I can't leave her... I don't want to." Seung-Ho said determined.
"You know the implications of what you're saying right now son?" she asked.
He nodded.
"I know".
^^^^
So-Hyun had been in a state of confusion, she wanted to believe Seung-Ho's words that he would protect her, but she couldn't fully bring herself to do so. She doesn't need protecting, she knows what's happening and it wasn't far from what she had expected. When she ventured into her relationship with Professor Seung-Ho she did so knowing fully well that she would have to some day to bear the consequences for her actions, just like her mother had always taught her.
She'd never understood why the actors in movies cried and acted like their world was over when they broke up, she'd never uderstood until now. Even though the thought of losing Seung-Ho hurt, she knew that the day that she would have to take responsibility for her actions was drawing nearer. She was just thankful that no one else had found out, at least now she could end it without there being extra spillage. This way they can both focus on bandaging their wounded hearts by themselves.
So-Hyun flopped down on her bed in restless defeat, she wanted to sleep all her thoughts away, but whenever she closed her eyes all she could see was Seung-Ho.
"UGH!" She wanted to cry and she was very close, but the sound of her phone pulled her away.
Seung-Ho Bear:
>Can we have dinner tonight? I'll cook.
How can he even think to eat at a time like this?! she sighed as another message came in.
Seung-Ho Bear:
>Please? I have something to tell you.
So-Hyun continued to contemplate on what she wanted to do, and put her phone under her pillow, deciding to reply a little later. She put on her glasses and opened her laptop, decidng to use the little time she had to focus on her school work.
Knock. Knock.
"So-Hyun-ah" Her mum's voice called from behind her door
"Come in"
Her mum slightly peak through the door first only showing her head, observing the room and then bringing her body inside. She carefully made her way to where So-Hyun was in bed, with laptop resting on her knees.
"Sweetie, is everything okay?" she asked, now sitting by her feet. So-Hyun nodded and fiddled with her reading glasses, but her mother just squinted her eyes letting So-Hyun know she didn't fully believe it.
"I'm fine, why? It's just that I've been stressed with all my assignments, they keep coming and coming" she answered
"Are you sure it's not because you and your boyfriend had an argument or anything like that...?" she inquired again and continued noticing that So-Hyun was silent. "Sweetie, I told you I have motherly instinct and I know the difference between stress from school and stress from relationships..." she added carefully, pushing So-Hyun's laptop slightly closed. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"
So-Hyun didn't know where to start, there was a hell of a lot wrong, but she couldn't really say that now. Her mum was probably thinking this was a little couple's fight, but little did she know. "It's nothing, just... I don't know. He lied to me, but he did it because he cared for me and now I don't know... mum it's too complicated" she exasperated, not meeting her mother's eyes.
"Should I give you a little bit of advice? I'm not sure what it is, and I trust my daughter enough to not interrogate you but be careful. If you truly like this boy then it's important that you let him know that trust and communication is important between the two of you."
"Should I tell you a little story about your father?" So-Hyun nodded slightly, and she continued "Well I've already told you, but we met during my second year at university, I was in the nursing department and he was in the law department – totally opposite areas of the campus and different fields. We dated for a total of five years and not once did your father tell me that his parents already had some other girl lined up for him to marry when he graduated law school"
So-Hyun's eyes slightly widened at this and rested her face on knees to listen further, she'd heard different stories about her parent's love story, but this one was new.
"I was so angry and humiliated when I found out, because it wasn't like he didn't know, he just didn't tell me. You know what excuse he said when I asked him... He said that he was going to marry me anyway, so it didn't matter"
So-Hyun laughed a little and rolled her eyes "Aigoo!"
"Exactly" Her mum smiled "I'm digressing, but the fact that he lied to me, but did it because he cared for me didn't make me want to marry him, I told him that what was important wasn't that he kept it from me, but that he didn't trust my love for him enough to let me know. Back then I would have done anything to be with your father, even if it meant fighting that other girl" she laughed shyly
"Love is loyalty, understanding, sharing and forgiving. I didn't feel it at the time, but what your father was doing was being loyal to me, albeit in his own way and I forgave him, because love isn't simple. I married him, because I loved him and even though he's gone now, I don't regret 1% of it."
"Mum..." So-Hyun's s eyes were brimming with tears.
Her mother drew closer to her and wiped the tears that were now falling, "So, what I'm trying to tell you is to be smart. Don't think too much in the moment of an argument only to regret it later, be patient and forgiving with each other okay?" She smiled and gave her daughter a hug.
So-Hyun really did want to tell her mum the complete truth, but now that everything had gotten to this point she felt that it would be better to just let everything go back to normal. She agreed to go tonight, but she'd decided to go when it was darker outside. Perhaps she could use this as her chance to say goodbye properly. She was wise enough to know that you if you are truly genuine about the other person, you don't end things over the phone, she couldn't do that to him. She'll follow her mother's advice and think of hers and Seung-Ho's relationship as a special memory, and she would do so not because of anyone else, but for the sake of their love.
^^^^
So-Hyun rushed over to Seung-Ho's house dressed casually and her head down without looking left or right. She almost flew inside his house the moment he had opened it.
"How are you doing?" He asked
"If I'm honest? Not good." She said putting on house slippers and making her way into his kitchen "You?"
"If I'm honest? Me either" He gave a small smile, guiding her into her seat before taking his own. "I made curry, but not too sure how well it goes with the wine" He said, now examining the bottle.
"Seonsaengnim" she called, gaining his attention "What did you have to tell me?"
"Ah about that... You don't want to eat first?" He offered but could see her apprehensiveness. "Here" He pulled out a white envelope from his back pocket and slid it across the table to her. So-Hyun took the envelope in her hands reading the bold letters on front.
Resignation letter.
"What is this?" She asked, her body tense.
"I'm going to quit" He clarified, eyes looking hopeful "This way we can be together properly"
"Seonsaengnim did I ask you to do that? Did I ask you to leave your job because of me?"
"So-Hyun-ah"
She took a deep breath, cutting him off "Seonsaengnim, if we're being honest nothing will change if you do this, do you really think your family would even allow it? Do you think they would even accept the girl who made you leave your position? Seonsaengnim, you too are hurting like me, you too are tired like me I know, but this isn't the answer."
"Then what is? What is the answer!?" Seung-Ho now frustrated.
"I told you already to let me go. We knew this relationship was doomed from the beginning and now that it has come to this why are we fighting it? We expected this, all risks included." I just didn't think it would hurt this much.
"You..." He didn't know what to say because she was right.
Kim So-Hyun you can do this.
"If I'm honest Seonsaengnim without your title, you aren't as appealing to me anymore"
Lies.
"W-what?"
"You heard me. I have no interest in someone who gives up the things he's worked so hard for, for the sake of a woman, let alone a relationship that you don't know will last. Do you think doing this would make me happy, that it would magically solve everything?"
"That wasn't what I-''
"Seonsaengnim, I won't meet you again even if you quit, so don't you dare hand this in" she tore the resignation letter he gave her and threw it to the side. So-Hyun understood what he was trying to and she appreciated it, but she couldn't bear having to live with the guilt of making him lose everything he's worked hard for just because of her.
Seung-Ho who was deflated and unable to process what he was hearing right now stood up and took slow steps towards So-Hyun. He bent down and gently took hold of her arms.
"You still have that habit of not looking at me when you talk" He said, voice weak "You're saying this to make me feel better right? Tell me you're trying to pull reverse Psychology on me, hmm? I know you So-Hyun-ah, there's no way you would say this. Did you anyone approach you? Did you meet Go-Ara again?"
"What I would and wouldn't say, how would Seonsaengnim know?"
"Kim So-Hyun-"
So-Hyun closed her eyes at the sound of her name coming from his lips, the reality of their situation weighing on her shoulders.
"Do you want to know the truth?" She didn't care whether he wanted to know or not, she was going to tell him something he probably didn't want to hear "I never expected us to get this far"
Silence.
His eyes explored her face, remembering every intricate part of her. Breaking the silence he spoke, his voice wavering a little "It's funny... Your words are telling me that you don't care but your hands are holding me tight."
So-Hyun looked at her hands and he was right, she was holding his arms, when or how they had gotten there she couldn't recall.
"So, what you're saying is that you don't care if we never see each other again?" He asked his voice now raspy and eyes fallen.
So-Hyun nodded, hands still tight on his arms and her eyes wet with the tears she'd tried so hard to hold back.
"Are you confident enough that you won't miss me?" His gazed fixed on hers. "Are you confident that you won't miss the way I hold you? Like this" He pulled So-Hyun into his arms and held her tight. "Are you sure that you won't miss the way I kiss you..." He whispered into her neck and So-Hyun felt like she was going to crumble.
Once upon a time, being this close to him would have made her uncomfortable, but things have changed – she's changed, and she's grown accustomed to his presence. Don't do it So-Hyun-ah. No matter how hard she tried, her actions never followed what she thought and as she sat there wrapped in his arms she inhaled that all familiar scent that never failed to make her weak.
She could feel herself caving in.
Seung-Ho slowly pulled away and they were close enough that they were exchanging breaths. Seung-Ho's eyes dropped to her mouth and he bit his bottom lip, craving for a taste. He leaned in and his lips met hers. They started off slow and careful, as if it was their first time, but soon they became heated and their tongues were engaging in a passionate battle.
They were holding onto each other and soon kissing their way around his house. Seung-Ho lifted So-Hyun up and wrapped her legs around his waist so that they were pressed against each other. They continued their intense kiss on the stairs, breaking apart for a short breath to open the door to his bedroom only to continue as he swiftly kicked the door shut and made their way to his bed.
Seung-Ho lay So-Hyun down and he hovered over her, planting soft kisses all over her face, carefully making his way down her neck. So-Hyun let out a soft moan and pulled him closer to her.
Come back to your senses So-Hyun-ah!
She proceeded to pull Seung-Ho in with her legs entwined around him and crashing her lips against his with a passionate kiss. She wanted to, no she needed to stop, but her body wasn't listening, instead it was responding to and loving the weight of his body on hers. Carefully placing her hands underneath his shirt, her hand roamed around his torso and back, tracing the curve of his muscles, before lifting his shirt up and pulling it off.
'Do you think you'll ever be accepted by them? Well think again. The Yoo family won't have low class, money hungry girls like you'
The words of Go-Ara Seonsaengnim resurfaced in her mind, jarring So-Hyun back to reality and she couldn't take it anymore. She placed both her hands on Seung-Ho's bare chest and gently pushed him back, avoiding eye contact.
A very flustered Seung-Ho pulled back immediately to check if she was okay "What's wrong?" His voice soft and internally cursing himself for not controlling his body.
"Everything" she replied "Seonsaengnim, my first time will be with someone I can love. Someone I'm allowed to love" She exhaled, a small tear escaping her eye.
Seung-Ho changed positions so that they both lay their side by side, with nothing but the thundering of their heartbeats to accompany them.
"I'm sorry" He whispered
"I know"
"I love you" He added
"I know".
She'd heard that love wasn't something you find, but it was something that found you and in its own twisted way it had found So-Hyun. It came to her in the form of a cold professor called Seung-Ho.
A/N: Let me know your thoughts!